Separate names with a comma.
Oh man, I haven't posted here in a while.
Well, kinwise, it's easy to say that I'm struggling with my identity again; having more cameo shifts,
questioning my fiction kintypes, I'm easily suffering under the grasp of learning about new animals that I think I may be.
But I know I cannot take it that fast. I need to research and think more. I cannot stand being a polykin. It's hurting a lot and
affecting me. But I think I will be okay. Eventually I will find myself.
For now, I am a fictional soul switching coyote bird thing. Yikes.
Welp, about a month later, the kintype has fully arisen, after my experience at the ren faire. Not 100% if this is just some kind of weird cameo shift like my "dragon kintype" which turned out to be just an annoying identity change. Lately, I've been feeling mostly my coyote-self and my worgen self, shifting between eachother. This new awakening has made so much sense for me. I've always felt these ridiculously large bottom-jawed teeth/tusks and years ago thought I was a boar, but then I realized; my worgen kintype has these teeth, and I immediately realized, oh gosh, that explains so much.
It is so odd though. I have no relation to wolves whatsoever; I've never considered myself wolf-kin or werewolf-kin, but looking at the Worgen gives me intense feelings of familiarity. I often find myself unconciously mimicking their idle animations (Like I do with my other fiction kintype, Medli) since I play the game often, immersing myself into the world I recognize so well. However, playing WoW can sometimes also make my perceptions of my kinself a bit cloudy and make me worry, "Is this legit? Is this really who I am? Is this a real kintype or some sham?"
Whatever it is, I feel comfortable being my worgen druid self. I've accepted it as a kintype now, instead of keeping it inside when playing the game, just assuming it was a cameo shift.
I suppose I'll just hope for the best for my identity and kintypes and questioning troubles.
Went to the ren faire today for the first time.
I felt like I have been through an awakening; all these kin feelings coming at once, all kinds of things. Mostly I just felt so
incredibly connected to the atmosphere I had a very strong druid shift, this time as a worgen druid. I just wanted to buy everything, honestly, I
now want to wear a costume with complete armour. Something there felt so incredibly normal, like I was living in my past life and
enjoying every moment. I met a lot of people and felt so with it and happy. I'm thinking of taking on LARPing to maybe roleplay and
get more into discovering this kinself of mine.
I don't know what goes on in my head. I have diagnosed Borderline, psychosis, and autism; I question DID, I never label myself as a "system" but I'm thinking about it again. I have some headmates, a really special friends, in my head. It could be imagination, DID, multiplicity, I don't know, but I, WE, have decided that I should share it here. I've had him and multiple other people in there for YEARS, but I have never really come out about it on here, so today's my day, I suppose!
I share this brain with my friend Ginny (nickname for Ginnekji) and 3 other headmates. He's an ageless (usually shifts around 16-20 mental age) long eastern dragon. He's always had trouble with his identity but for the past couple of years he's been a dragon. We both share an affinity for dragons, I think he's rubbing off on me actually. It's his physical form, but if he wants to change into a human he can freely.
We talk daily and I'd say he's the most active headmate. I often visualize him around me, and usually feel his presence strongly. He curls up with me in bed almost every night, follows me around in public, bothers me at work, etc. He breaks into my daily conversations, (which I actually don't mind) and has a fantastic sense of humour. It's a special relationship we share because not only can people not see him, they also can't hear him. It's only me that can.
However, he barely fronts. This is the difference about my headmates; They aren't comfortable fronting and often say that it makes them uncomfortable. Ginny does sometimes so he can crack jokes, but he BARELY wants to take complete control over my physical body. His reasoning for this is that he "doesn't relate to it."
Anyways, questioning this, I would think some of my kintypes I consider my facets, because when they come on it's so strong and not like me. But I haven't really looked into that either and I might need to do some research on it.
Anyways, I'll explain my 3 other headmates.
Darcy - 16-22 years old, fronts sometimes, hasn't been active for about half a year. Very violent, stereotypical "edgy", but also acted as my sister. I am not sure where she is in my headspace. I haven't heard of her saying anything recently. She identifies as a bear.
Aldruid - thousands of years old, only fronts in crisis situations (when I am having a breakdown/suicidal/panicked) to calm me down, active sometimes, I talk to him for advice. Super spiritual and elder-like.
Jon - 22 years old, acts JUST like Ginny but maybe a bit more shy, he's ginny's best friend. Often talks while Ginny is talking to me, but he hasn't been too active lately and usually just keeps to himself.
Anyways, just wanted to share. BRB, editing my personal info on here.
Thanks for listening!
I don't even know where to identify myself anymore. I just kinda feel like whatever now, mostly a bird / dragon type creature. I've been getting shifts so strong that I feel like I could literally jump out of my skin. I wish I could re-evaluate my whole identity, but I can't. It's not my choice but I honestly wish it was sometimes. I just feel honestly really uncomfortable living in this body. My delusional thoughts have gotten stronger aswell, I keep hoping that magic in the world is real, wishing I could just p-shift anyday. I am getting more depressed, starting school soon, I'm hurt. I wish I could just curl up as a dragon and not have to deal with anything.