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How else can I start this? Am I Evil?
In reflection from certain topics I have noticed a rather scary trend emerging from my words and thoughts. I do not feel balanced, less and less I feel a shifting, not in the therian sense but more in a moral sense and what I sense is good more and more see it as evil. I have tried so hard to keep myself balanced in every aspect but as more and more people insist that I am human the less and less I want to believe it and the skew feels like it is tearing me up. How can one accept something they feel is wrong.
This body, its muscles, bones, skin even the senses feel all wrong and yet I am still human? So what? I have to accept it? Like accepting an itch for the rest of my life?
As such the same question remains, am I evil? Does my hatred the race in general mean I should not exist as well or does my identity mean I am therefore immune? I once wanted the entire race to be wiped out and I was called evil, I then suggested culling, again I was called evil. Even when I went as far s to suggest sterilization I was called a monster and beast so I have to ask myself am I evil because of them and if so what do I do about it?
I am starting to think I am just a reaction to the lack of critical thinking in the world where humanity (despite all of its failings) gets a free pass with the excuses like 'who are you to judge' or 'humanity has done some good as well' .
In the film 'When the Earth stood still' starring Keanu Reeves I understood everything up until the ending as to why Klaatu was sent to purge the planet of human life and even up to the point with John Cleese's character when they explained how change takes place and yet for all the bluster and talk about such things they fail to reflect and look upon this reality and still do something about it.
It is like a sheep saying 'I can see' right up to the point they walk over the edge of a cliff to their death. the problem here is that humanity's downfall has two possibilities, alone or taking the planet with it. Personally a limited population is fine and helps the planet. I never wanted genocide but since no option is accepted as reasonable I think yes I AM evil and I don't care about it anymore. I'd rather be lucifer (in the eyes of others) and do the right thing than be seen as an angel and let this world burn
I know I should write here more often.
In a way typing on a keyboard provides some comfort, a stimulus that allows me to vent while still keeping the medium calm. Well life is a scary movie sometimes when you look at it.
Firstly work, a role in which you have to be someone else and not do when comes naturally to you just to earn the money to live naturally (barely)
Secondly Youtube, now yes I know there are some fun videos and some cute videos as well of young animals, personally I enjoy the puppies, kittens and little monkey (I forget the name) but a lot of videos are like blogs where people vent and some of the things that are vented would make Hilter or Stalin blush.
Finally humans, since time immemorial nudity has been taboo, ones primal nature is taboo and yet words are given more power than the claw (or fist in this regard). A word can trigger a person and get you fired, a word can have you attacked and beaten up and yet the moment you introduce fist in defense you are vilified for the rest of your life and words will be used against you, recorded and stored for all time.
There are three main aspects to ones entirety
Mind, Body and Spirit.
To one master any one is an achievement but to balance all three and still progress all three in that fashion is extraordinary, this is the key to a powerful life, balance.
However today was one where this warrior was defeated by the oldest and darkest trick in the book an attack at the heart (Soul). there are so many people in the world have not earnt nor are worthy of being with someone and yet those who tried are alone. I lost my family once and it tore me apart and yet I have never been given another chance. Instead I live the sad tale of many dragons through history, doomed to be alone in the cave living our lives and emerging from our caves but still having to retreat back to them alone.
Maybe my strength comes from not caring at all, by being truly myself, a void of any emotionn so temptation has no sway for revenge.
There are so few female dragons left and they don't want me or they have mates in their life and now I find the last hope is again denied me because there are no otherkin left either. Maybe I am amongst those that are never meant to find that chance and if so you people out there that have someone you had better not take it for granted because you have NO idea what it is like to be truly alone
This is me, either saturating the blog space or letting things out, I can't decide.
It was nice to get my walking in, headphones on so I can enjoy my music and self in peace and after a tiring stretch at work getting a project completed. Well with that out of the way I was able to visit some regulars on my route, oh no not any humans since that uis who I am avoiding but rather the bird life that exist around a nearby pond. I go to feed them, interact with them and they give me a company that feels better for me than human presence does. There is a duckling amongst them as well as a hatchling moorhen (I don't know the true name) so I try to feed them a much as I can.
I get more satisfaction feeding and caring for animals than humans since it almost feels like I am repaying old debts and getting weights off my shoulders, I have taken so much in the life from nature and animals so it feels good to help them rather than ourselves
For me I have always felt some kinship with the rain, misunderstood, hated and yet so vital.to the world around it. If I get the chance I walk out in to as though saying thank you to the rain for blessing me. You'd think people would be a lot more understanding but no yet again they prove their stupidity by worshiping the sun through tanning and sunbathing despite the damage the sun does but hey its normal to the majority so why shouldn't we all kill ourselves slowly in the sun and hate the rain.
Those same people love all the cute little bunnies but scream and kill the innocent spider despite the spider being alone and scared. A spider isn't a human it won't bite for no reason and yet phobias about them are common. The same goes for sharks, more people are killed by cows than sharks but hey let us all freak over sharks but stroll past cows without a care in the world. Sometimes I see the world as being blind and sometimes I wish I could join them so I don't have to watch the stupidity of it all
Another day in clothes, I mean seriously what is it with clothes. I am used to feeling the wind on my scales and now I have a wardrobe full of varying clothes for reasons I cannot fathom. Clothing to keep one warm? Nah since a lot of the clothing is to look good. So the only reason I can see is to act the peacock, to stand out to display personality. If clothing was to cover up ones dignity (shows how fragile humans are if they cannot accept their form being looked at by others) then why so much diversity and why so much risktaking (yes I am talking to the short skirts and low cut tops for females).
Anyway, after clothes it is the routines, I can't stand it sometimes. There is no variety without risk, everyday is the same thing, get up, go to work, come home, cook, sleep. Deviate from that and you risk losing something important.
When you add it up it seems more and more of ones life is being dedicated to anything but oneself. There is hardly any time for self reflection without it being needed for others, your boss, your family, even random strangers..
I need some time to myself without some nutter telling me I am wrong again
How to start this one?
The teeth, well come on people which species in nature has to brush their teeth to keep them? I mean seriously this is a joke, either the human body is frail or they are making all the wrong things and no-one is willing to do anything about it.
Next Muscles? Ever wondered how is it so easy to gain fat and so difficult to lose it and gain muscle instead, I mean seriously it is as if the human body rewards neglect and greed instead of hard work and dedication.
The human form is vulnerable to about half a dozen ways to die and yet seems hell bent on devolving and relying solely on artificiality to survive and grow. It scares me to have offspring in this world where no-one tries to achieve the best they can with their bodies. I was just the same, sucked into the human failing and I am trying my HARDEST to dig myself out but during such times I look around and see that natural health and optimiztion are made harder and harder whilst gluttony and sloth are prized.
How I worry for this species
How can one define a day off from work? Since work is anything you don't want to do (honestly) then if one has a day off and has stuff to do they don't want to then it is work.
Well another day has gone by and I haven't felt relaxed, rested or enjoyed. I worked on my body so that is it not so weak and fragile, I had to work on my flat which I moved into that it is livable whilst working to help and guide others, sometimes I think I will never get to rest properly and yet for all my bluster I find teaching and guiding others to be the best thing I am at.
You see others think I am some weird dragon and yet it is that weirdness that gives me an edge in helping those that ask for it, training them to be better, teaching them so that they experience a better life and in a way, even though I feel my own life slipping from me it is a ray of hope that those that listen and because they have flourish makes this old dragon very happy.
In a way they are my children, my legacy
Okay this is a no-holds barred rant so if anyone is reading this, be it on your own head if you dislike what I am about to say.
I don't trust anyone!
There I have said it, ever since all this new age philosophy rubbish I have noticed people can just claim to be something and everyone has to take their word for it, people claiming to be dragons but as close to be dragons as I am becoming emperor of the world.
It breeds enormous amounts of distrust when people claim to be something without understanding what it is. Like claiming to be a soldier but having none of the training or mental skills for it.
People can just come in claiming anything and we add their experiences to the list of 'how ones is a....' whatever.
The world couldn't survive if ever species claimed to be a wolf or a human without any reason to justify then that conformed to known checks.
Again this was just a rant so if anyone is thinking of picking a fight then by all means I am more than welcoming to it.
Well considering I have never written a 'blog' before this might actually prove to be quite useful.
How should I start?
Well at the beginning with the thought of what does it mean to be human or dragon? When I look around me at this human world with human routines and human expectations I can't help but feel like that humanity is the great contradiction. They speak of individuality yet chastise uniqueness. They condemn vocally yet commit condemning acts with their own actions.
When asked what it means to be human they will see only the positive aspects of what they as a species achieve and yet deny their worst aspect by calling them inhumane or monsters.
How can just a hypocritical species be allowed to police its own?