Separate names with a comma.
So today, after a lot of mental/emotional stress, I can't even remember how it happened now, but I somehow lost control of my right arm.
I didn't think it was possible before now, but it's like all of the stress and anger and pain ended up in that one arm, and it behaved on it's own, spazing around for about an hour. It felt like it could have been Sordis, but he's always been pretty hazy and fluid, so it wouldn't surprise me if it was.
Talking to them (or who ever was controlling my arm) resulted in getting slapped and kinda.. threatened? If you can imagine a hand coming at your face very fast and then stopping a short distance away and then vibrating and extending one's fingers as wide as you can. Like that, essentially. They were quite expressive really it was kinda funny.
Talking to my partner at the time she asked if I was scared, having lost the ability of one of my arms, but no. No not really. It'd calmed me down a lot having all of the pain shoved into that one space I was disconnected to, so if anything it'd helped me.
Plus I'm honestly used to this kind of stuff happening now and then. I have no idea if it's just me or what but my system experiences always seem to be rather weird. Heh.
I tried to get my arm back after a while, but not without a fight. Had to hold the arm down using all my force as my left arm isn't as strong as my right arm, but in time they kinda calmed down and just flopped around on my desk a little.
Upon regaining the ability to move my arm.. it was the weirdest feeling. Not very pleasant actually. It was like my arm was full of lava or some other burning liquid that I was having to push out to be able to control my arm again. The liquid basically felt like Sorids. All those negative painful emotions that's usually felt elsewhere in the body, within my arm instead. It was a very unusual sensation, and though fascinating, like I said, wasn't that pleasant.
But that's about it. Just wanted to write down this unusual experience in more detail so I could remember it.
This blog post will be media heavy.
I probably make way too many word intensive blogs, so here's something more light hearted. Music is an amazing medium to me due to it's ability to create emotions and tell stories. I'm very sensitive to sound, and good music can often effect my emotional and mental state in more ways than one. But, aside from that, it's fun to think about what music would suit yourself if you were in a film or a game, it's fun and light, so I'm going to link a few. I may also come back later and edit this post with more and more music as time goes on.
Such music relates to my Kintype and experiences with both that and being a system.
Ah, there could be an endless stream of videos here, but I'll limit it to three.
Most aggressive music tends to be Sordis' area of things.
It was actually very hard to find any music for Taru because they're not very
talkitive and not one that would connect easily to music. However, I have a few.
Who are Taru and Sordis?
Taru and Sordis are my Median system fragments. They are elements of myself split upon a point of trauma in my life, and they now function as separate entities with their own personalities and styles of presenting themselves.
When were they created?
Taru, I was born with. However, they weren't separate from me originally.
Do you have a conscience? That voice that tells you when you ought to have done something, but didn't. That voice that tells you what you should be doing, because it's the right thing, and you know you should listen to it. That voice. That voice for me, is Taru. Originally they were just that, they were my conscience. However when I fractured they became their own entity, and now function as a fragment.
Sordis however was created at the point I fractured. They weren't around before then, and made themselves known very quickly. They are the result of trauma, and are rather unsettled likely because of this.
Why are they the way they are?
Taru is very calm, quiet and rarely speaks unless to guide me. They act pretty much as they would have originally as that voice that tells you to do the right thing. Because they talk so little it's very hard to learn any more about them. They tend to believe the less I concern myself with them, the better off I will be; thus they stay quiet. They won't ever actively stop me doing anything they know is wrong, merely make it known to me and allow me to make my own choice.
Taru has however become surprisingly vocal when I'm drawing them, perhaps the only time they tend to speak much at all. If I try and give them an aesthetic they don't agree with, they'll be very stubborn in correcting me. Being very particular in the shade of blue I used on their clothes for example. This is something I'm not sure where it came from. It's not something they would have needed to have before; it doesn't aid me in anyway, and seems like their only selfish direction.
However; it could be seen as an extension of guidance. Since guiding is their 'thing', when it comes to something only they can answer for, they will guide with complete accuracy. This is only a guess however.
Sordis is the result of a lot of mental and emotional pain forcing my mind to fracture in a way to protect it's self. They're a segment that separated from myself and thus removes all ties of responsibilities, morals, guilt and consequences. Because of this, they tend to not be very sensitive to others. They're often rather brash, rude, insulting and casual. They say exactly what I tend to be feeling, when I myself would never say such things. They're me, but with the restraints lifted.
Every person has dark wishes. That person who laughs at you every time they see you you wish you could punch. That dog that keeps barking at you on your walk back home you wish you could muzzle. That person who sent you a message online telling you they don't like you you wish you could just as equally insult back, but you know you can't to any of these things, because you'd be giving in to temptation. You'd be doing what you know is wrong.
Sordis is that element of knowing what's wrong, removed.
They were created as a way to give my body a break from containing everything. To keeping all of my anger and sadness hidden away so it wouldn't hurt the people around me I care about. They can be quite dangerous as a result, and I've often had to become their own voice of conscience to stop them doing things I'd have to deal with when I fronted again.
So, do they help the host?
Yes. Both of them do in their own way. They've always tried in their own ways to look after my body in ways I don't know, or am not willing to do. The reason my mind fractured was to protect it's self, and they're the beings protecting it. They are me, as well as in a way my guardians. Yet, I feel as protective of them as they are to me. We're all the same person when we're together, it's only on our own that we think as separate beings.
You've drawn them, yet say they don't have visual forms?
They are both just voices. They're literary just my mind working separately from my own thoughts. The visuals that I get from trying to visualise them are my subconscious thoughts and images 'filling in the gaps'. If you hear a voice that is always telling you good things, what do you think of without even trying? It's different for everyone, but whatever you just thought of, that's the first image they'd take on. They're that instant thought you can't control manifested and worn like clothing for these voices.
This is why Taru visually looks very bright white, has soft clothing and looks to me how I imagine a calm person to be like. It's also why they've looked like Kaworu from Evangelion many times before, because that's a character I think of being very similar to them.
The same for Sordis who is very violent to come out looking like how I see demons. Sordis isn't actually a demon, but because that's what I tend to think of in response to their words, that's how they end up looking a lot of the time.
Sordis in particular can end up playing with these uncontrollable impulse thoughts I have, warping them how they see fit. For example, imagine a song you were listening to that day suddenly pops back up in your head. You didn't intend to remember it, but there it is, playing for just a line before you make the concious decision to stop hearing it. That split second is all it takes for Sordis to become warped by it. They might start sounding like the singer of that song now, or move in beat to the music, or change the lyrics in a way they like better.
They are both psychologically made. However in regards to Taru, and my otherkininity, there are a few things I've yet to talk about. But I'll leave that for another blog post. Thank you for reading, and hope this could have been an interesting analysis of myself for you to read.
(This is a repost since the site went down, some things may be outdated)
My last blog entry was a rather jumbled confused mess about 'hearing voices', as I so crudely put it, but now I'm back to the topic quite a bit more understanding of myself, and would like to go into it a bit to write it all down. (And to save the poor chatroom from me rather dominating the chat, heh.)
So, last time I figured out that the voices I'd been hearing were both myself and not myself. Aka, being a median system. For people who aren't systems, this is likely terribly confusing to hear, and I honestly don't blame you. This is confusing, very confusing; hence my rather panicked state before. To start with, I'll go a little into what being a median system means to me, and then further detail what the members are of my median system and their relations to myself.
Bit of History
To me, being a median system is the result of myself 'fracturing' at likely a point of trauma in my life. This would also place me under the classification of a 'trauma based system', as I was not born with these voices. (For the most part, but I'll get to that in a bit.) On the whole they spiked after a long period of termoil in my life, and finally triggered by an event of physical abuse within my family towards me. I won't get into detail about such, as I consider these events rather personal, but I'm almost certain around this time was when it really started to become noticeable. It was also after these events I became a gateway system, but that's for another blog entry.
For a long time people have said to me "You seem like two different people." Now, this isn't an uncommon saying, and I'm not placing that much weight on it, as I certainly didn't think much of it at the time. For the most part, they were talking about the fact that when I'm comfortable around people I'm very loud, confident, casual and fun, and when I'm not comfortable I'm very anxious, quiet, shy and formal. However, it wasn't just in response to these situations.
My partner, whom is very close to me, and has been for just over 5 years has watched my personality very closely, and can tell often quite quickly when I'm not myself. She was with me before the final trigger for my fragmentation, and experienced first hand the result of it afterwards. She was very confused, and often noticed before even I did how I sometimes acted differently on occasion; not in response to any situation or emotion, just me being 'different' on occasion.
Completely unrelated to her noticing this, as I never said anything to her till a while after she'd already noticed it a few times, I started to realise on my own. Some things I was doing was not like me at all, and I didn't understand why. I'd talk differently, I'd present myself differently. If a month was 100%, then I'd happen maybe 10-20% of the time during a month. It wasn't that common, and some months it wouldn't even happen at all. Sometimes it'd be very subtle, and other times it'd be very noticeable.
Along side this, I'd been having the occasional gateway walk-in, which was far more noticeable, and what I'd been holding most of my attention on. Thus when I joined this site I thought for the most part I was just a gatway system.
Understanding my Median System
However, fast forward to present day. I've now managed to acctualy figure out these incredibly fluid parts of myself that I'll call fragments rather than facets, as I was using the word fragment way way before I knew that was acctualy a word that systems use. A median system, in my exsperiance is having one's self split into parts. These parts all act like seperate people, they can talk independantly, think and react in different ways to yourself and have free will. The only thing making them not a multiple system's headmates is the fact that;
1. They're not separate 'people'. They have no visual image of themselves, they have no memories, they have no name. Names and images must be given.
2. They are very fluid. They can change their voice, their behaviour and their actions to things that can be out of character for them. If you give them an image, they might end up changing it.
3. They have an attachment to the 'core', or the 'original' that is much stronger and closer than that of headmates as they 'are' the core as well. If you insult one of them, you're not just insulting them, you're insulting all of them.
I don't know if it's like this for all median systems, but that's what they're like for me. Often times I thought there were more than two because they would change very often. They'd wear different clothes, different masks. They can be distorted or confused, they can behave in strange ways that my walk-ins wouldn't ever. It'd be like trying to talk to a shapeshifter while on LCD sometimes, while other times they can be solid and not change at all.
But the one thing that's important to remember is that they are 'me'.
For people who haven't thought about what makes your sense of self real, these thoughts can be rather confusing and even scary to think about. Because a brain is a very complex organ, and it's perfectly capable of processing what every system experiences. One's brain is not limited to just having one voice. The brain is an organ, a very complex organ that will do anything it can to ensure it's survival. We are bound to the brain's rules, rather than us ruling the brain.
One's product of 'self' can not exceed the tool that forms it. By that definition, your brain will always be more complex than you are. As most people know, we only use a very small portion of our brains, and while I'm not claiming that this is related to that, it's certainly something to keep in mind.
What I'm trying to get at is that I know a lot of people likely can't wrap their minds around what systems are, and might even doubt they're real through disbelief. Though I'd say that's mostly created through misunderstanding, or lack of information. If you doubt a particular system, just ask them a bit about it, and most fakes will end up tripping up somewhere along the lines, but if you want to genuinly understand real ones, it's worth taking your time learning.
Detailing My System
Okay, now the bit I've been waiting to talk about, haha. My median system consists of two fragments, Taru and Sordis.
Taru is what would essentially be a pure version of my godshard self, and if they completely front, it'd be equivalent to a mental shift that otherkin experience. They've actually always been with me, since I was incredibly young, I just didn't realise it.
Sordis is the one created from trauma. They are what we'd call a 'corrupted godshard'. They're the result of what happens when you combine a traumatized human with a godshard. It's as ugly as it sounds. Originally I actually thought I was demonkin because of Sordis.
Taru, as I've now mentioned twice I've actually had since I was born. They've guided me, and told me information that has always been correct whenever I followed it, and whenever I didn't I would end up regretting it. They're the one who actually told me I was a godshard as well. Their personality 'usually' is very formal, polite, informative and quiet. They only speak when they need to, and are reluctant to otherwise. They've ended up forming a visual connection to Kaworu from Evangelion due to the fact they share a lot of similar traits, and Evangelion in general I have a strong connection to, but they can also look like a slender tall glowing white humanoid being with an oval for a face and wearing a very oversized loose jumper. (sweater, for the Americans)
However, they often don't have a form at all, but whatever it is is very 'light' or bright. They've resisted the idea of having angel wings before because they are not an angel and have stated such to me multiple times. Taru has only fronted very rarely, sometimes to take care of me after an emotional break down, but not always.
- Kaworu from Neon Genesis Evangelion.
Sordis came along later on, yet I realised their existence before Taru's. In other words, Sordis was more out there when they manifested so I realised them a lot quicker than Taru who's always been very quiet. Sordis is rather in stark contrast, being quite rude, aggressive, violent, malevolent and manipulative. Sordis was actually the first 'voice' that was ever named, so called the simplistic name of 'Mr Sadistic', which carries a weird form of nostalgia now for some reason. They have caused havoc in my relations with people, often intentionally going out and trying to ruin my ties with friends.
Unlike Taru, Sordis only fronts when I'm at a point of extreme emotional or mental stress as a form of my body trying to protect it's self. If someone is hurting me through an accidental means, I wouldn't respond to them, but Sordis would, likely excessively. I also know this is a common thing for a lot of systems, that other members front to take care of the body when one is hurt too much, but this is still quite rare for me, and when they're fronting I'm usually trying to wrestle control from them or stop them doing anything seriously wrong.
Sordis has no fixed visual as they're very chaotic in comparison to Taru. Their image of themselves changes a lot, as well as their voice. However it is often fairly 'dark' and often similar to demons, despite not being a demon themselves.
Sordis has often fronted in response to certain music as well, which I will link below as I can't provide a visual image of them.
Well that's probably about all I can talk about in this blog post. Hope it wasn't too massive a read (though it probably was, haha) and thank you to anyone who actually managed to get through the whole thing. But a thank you to anyone who just skimmed it as well, anything is appreciated.
Thanks for reading,
(This is a repost since the site went down. Some things may be outdated)
The following is disorganised and a bit chaotic as this isn't aimed to be a professional documentation, but a personal vent pad. Please keep this in mind while reading. Thank you.
'Voices'. A rather brash term for what some people call alters, headmates, but if they don't stick around, are they just personalities, or even real at all? This blog entry is going to be around my recent experiences, mostly because I can tend to forget a lot of things I experience, and I'd like to keep a record for myself. However I'll keep it public because it may be of use to someone somewhere.
I do not hear voices regularly, but for this writing I'm going to address them as 'others', since I'm not sure what they are.
Lately, my perception of reality has been rather.. unstable, I suppose would be the best way to describe it. For the reasoning behind this I'll have to go into a bit of history as to why.
I'm very lonely. Chronically lonely.
For years I've been plagued with a lack of social contact. The contacts I always do make tend to fade away after time, intentionally leave me with no regard for my well being, declare they hate me and run away, or any other number of events where I'm left to wonder what on Earth I did wrong. None of these people tell me, they simply run away. Or if they do tell me, it's reasoning I argue against, yet they then can't respond to that. I'm not going to go into detail because the amount of times I've told that story is likely over the hundreds. Point is, people leave me a lot and I'm lonely because of it.
My life is also devoid of contact in general. I rarely leave the house and have nothing to attend out of the house. I can't attend a job or education due to medical reasons, so I am not only lonely, but also alone. Being alone for years on end is not healthy for anyone, and after long periods of isolation it's known people will start to hear voices at some point. I'm very aware of this, and I'm pretty sure this is why I started to.
Originally my experiences with others has been very rare. I'd maybe get a switch once every three months or so, and hear voices even less. Because I'm a sceptical person, despite the fact I'd completely lose control of my body, I could still vaguely remember what happened usually after an other was in control, and this lead me to doubt everything and on occasion, become rather distressed. Was I making it all up? Could I have controlled my body if I tried harder? These questions haunted me, and always over shadowed the events. They were a mystery, an unknown that I didn't know how to deal with.
Later on, after finding the otherkin community here and finding out about multiples, I finally started to relax. It was possible to experience these things and NOT be diagnosed with DID. It was a relief, though having lifted one burden, another came down. I didn't seem to fit into any particular 'system', and have ended up calling myself a mixed system but with being a gateway system the most common.
I ended up going through a whole thought process trying to figure out what these others were. There were so many things they could be. Spirits and demons are what they usually claimed to be, but I haven't seen anyone else who's similar to myself, which causes even more doubt and uncertainty. Alters, headmates, tulpas? My attempts to figure out if, who I now call Taru, but is basically my godkin self, was a tulpa proved unfruitful. Everything I tried on them to see if they were separate or not failed because they ARE a part of me. They aren't a normal headmate, and they aren't a tulpa.
Lately, I've been lacking any form of clear cut between voices that are mine, and someone else's. I'm so desperate for others because I'm lonely, I'm scared I'm making it all up. I know I've been trying to force these events more often. I've been trying to switch, I've been trying to hear others. I'm so desperate for anyone I know I'm trying to force it. Though the other reason I suppose is that I'm trying to see if I really am making it up myself.
Others will almost always have different sounding voices to my own, they'll behave in different ways, but often bounce back my own thoughts. When I'm doing something, a common question would be to ask what I'm doing. I tell them, and they might ask why, or what it is. It's like an echo I'm not in control of. The doubt comes from the fact I can block them out quite often. They can be very quiet or very loud depending on my mental state.
I don't know what to do. I feel like I've just fragmented, a feeling I've had a few years back when hearing different voices all started. Different elements of myself all interacting freely. They're separate yet still.. me. Maybe this is why I'm so confused. Trying to prove them as being separate or myself isn't working because they're neither and both at the same time.
Typing this out helped me organise my thoughts and help me realise what I should have been realising all along. They are me, and I am them. We're all me. Taru isn't a headmate or a tulpa, they're just me. Guess I shouldn't call them a name like that if they're me, but I need some way to organise the me's I suppose.
Trying to fit myself into labels resulted in panicking and distressing me. I don't like the idea of trusting voices, but for now, that seems like the only thing that's going to keep me from being in a state of constant denial and paranoia.
Am I a multiple if I have multiple versions of myself? Median system?
Ah, I really don't know any more, but at least I should have some calm for a little while.
(This is a repost since the site went down, some things may be outdated now.)
This unfortunately isn't going to be as detailed as most others I've seen around being described, maybe because I experienced it in a fully conscious state.
What lead me to this was the fact that lately, I've been getting signals further towards the reason why I picked 'godkin' as opposed to another term. I'm starting to think an accurate phrase might be 'Aliengodkin', but we'll see about that one. Essentially I've been feeling.. I suppose 'pushes' towards looking at things that correspond to experiences I went through when I was far younger. When I was younger I played a game called Black & White, which is a god game. How I came to acquire this game is still somewhat an act of fate, as if I had not found that game, I believe I likely wouldn't have awoken at all.
Anyway, essentially when I was younger I'd hover over where the worshippers were, and just watch them for ages without me doing anything else. It just felt really nice and natural. I was still aware it was a game though obviously, so I'd go back to whatever I was doing after a little while. As a whole, I loved that game, and to this day it's still my favourite. It still stirs a lot of strange emotions with me, however, this blog post is not about this.
Lately I've felt urges to actually do some research into real tribes, communities, religions etc that would have worshipped in a similar way, so that's exactly what I did. Somehow, instinctively I knew it was somewhere in Russia, though it's still a possibility to be northern Europe. Maybe some blur between them, as I searched up any information I could gather. The time period felt very early, quite likely at a period of time where no record remains of the tribe I believe I saw or interacted with.
While searching up very ancient Russian tribes I became overwhelmed with an intense feeling of knowing. An urge, a drive, a pure sensation of heat rushing over me as every fibre of my being was reacting to this. This experience isn't like anything I've felt before. It wasn't just a hunch, nor was it just a feeling of dija vu or even a calm voice saying, "Yes this is what you experienced.", No. This was like fire. Like I'd discovered the meaning of life, like I'd unlocked something amazing.
I don't have any details of a specific memory, I just know now at one point I was watching these people. Above them, somewhere in the sky watching silently the human race go about it's business. I believe it would have been incredibly early in human development, not long after humans would have evolved into the genus we are today.
They weren't worshipping me, if just to clarify. I'm still very solid about my scientific basis for my kintype, but I believe I might have witnessed humans worshipping gods, spirits etc before, understood that their concept of such was similar to myself and possibly interacted with them. Likely furthering their belief.
These are marks that some Slovakian people used to protect their homes from their thunder God's wrath.
Out of all of the symbols it could have been, it was a geometric pattern.
Some possible references:
Perun - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
(Repost since the site went down, since this is an older post some things may be outdated now.)
I follow science and logic as closely as I can, it's the only thing that keeps me grounded in a world that's rather confusing and daunting to try and navigate. However I wasn't raised on science, I grew up in a household that didn't impose any beliefs on me, leaving me to discover the world however I wished. As a child, I didn't know about religion until a few friends would bring up things such as 'hell' and 'heaven'. Confused and interested I asked them what it was, and the answer I got sounded exactly like the story books I read before going to bed, so I dismissed it and just carried on letting them believe whatever they wished. Heck, at the time I believed in dragons, though it turned out to be more of a desperate plea rather than something I could continue to believe in in a seance that they walked among us. (Though ironically if Dragonkin are to be counted, maybe I wasn't wrong.)
However, Otherkin for the most part seems to almost repel science theories and speculation. There's a number of very valid reasons for this, one being that it's simply an impossible thing to test or think about scientifically since it's beyond our abilities at present. Yet a lot of people's beliefs seem to be spiritual, in fact I'd say about 85% of the community from what I've seen tend to have at least 'some' spiritual beliefs. I myself can't bring myself to believe in such things, there's just nothing clear cut observable or able to be tested that can prove or disprove it, so I have to say I can't bring such a thing into my own beliefs.
The few who say their Otherkin is physiological still interest me, as I'm not 100% what is meant by this. On the whole it seems to share a portion of the structure that some trans* persons go through. A person is trans when their brain structure is saying one thing that does not coincide with their physical body, though unlike otherkin, there are tests and a fair amount of linkage to how this occurs during development.
I am trans myself, but for me, I would not put my otherkin experiences and beliefs alongside my trans experiences.
When I found out I was what society calls 'trans', my experiences were very 'core'. I knew 100% that I was not the gender label I had been given at birth, any attempts at trying to reassociate to it would just be met with a very loud 'no' internally. Being addressed as such would cause great depression, anger, outbursts and more. My gender however is somewhat fluid, so I had moments of doubting I was trans simply because now and then it would change to become more feminine, but not female. These experiences resonate with me incredibly strongly, there is no debate, no question, it's as fact as it is that I have hair on my head.
In comparison, when I found out about Otherkin I was incredibly sceptical. It's not possible for animal DNA to get forced into developing babies; humans do not carry the gene structure to be able to mess up and program the child's brain to be like that of an entire other species, it's impossible. It was also not a clear cut 'Yes this is what I am' like with my trans experience. It was something a lot more gradual, like I was becoming aware of something that was hidden from me. My experiences defy every rule I've had about following science to a T, it's broken me from a thought structure I never thought I'd leave.
There is however one similarity between them.
I discovered I was trans when I hit puberty, which is what brought the concept of gender to the forefront of my mind. Also how I discovered my otherkin-ness was the result of my mind going through a lot of changes due to mental stress, which brought it to my attention.
In this way, it's actually very similar, if not identical. I became aware of things related to the changes I was going through.
What I Know
This segment is mostly on the information I received about my connection to my kintype. As previously mentioned in previous posts, I essentially broke a wall to this information, it was created in a time of great mental stress, however what I was going through does not lineup to any mental illness, which is enough to allow me to lend an ear to what I was told. Essentially, I became aware of a voice, who always had the answers. Everything they've said has always been correct, and they were the one who told me my kintype. At the moment I'm starting to doubt them, but I haven't heard from them for a while, so I suppose that's natural.
Basically, I am being used as a vessel of information gathering. When I die however, I'm no longer sure of the result. I will either A. Be absorbed in my entirety back into the full conciousness, however this will in essence still erase who I am now as I will have a whole other mentality again and thus behave as I once did, just with more information or B. Have them essentially 'read' the information off of me and then discard the human element of me back into the void of death. A rather more bleak result, but understandable. Then of course there's C. I'm not connected at all and I'm crazy and just die like everyone else. Which to me actually sounds nicer than B, as B would essentially mean I am being overlooked, but not cared for, as I hold no value to them.
I must apologise though, I keep using 'them'. You see I am essentially split into many different parts, I say this with unyielding certainty. The main one is overlooking and communicating to 'me', my human mind. It's quite possible they're also learning through many other humans other than me, but I've had no information about such. They also have influenced my interactions and events happening around me. In other words, I am controlling myself and my own surroundings. The things that happen around me are decided by myself, however my reactions here on Earth to them is generally human, as that's how I am physically made up.
Here's an example. Imagine you're walking down a street and you see a penny on the ground, you're now presented with the choice to either pick it up, or leave it alone. This is what in essence the 'me' still in their original form is giving me to see how I will react to specific events. Of course this doesn't apply to every event, but most of the major ones are structured by them. Another example is if you're playing the sims and set their house on fire and then sit back and watch them respond. You may not care about the sim, even if to them you have a very strong valuable connection to their own life, being able to effect it so much, but you are using them to gather information about how they act. This is a sensation I've had for a very long time, way way before I even became aware of Otherkin and started questioning myself.
Now, if there are those who don't know much about my kintype I'd direct you to my other posts I've already made about such, here and here as well as reading over my profile.
Unlike most other kintypes, mine does lean quite heavily on scientific theories and information about the universe around us, which I shall now get into. A quick message before I do though; I am not claiming that these are 'proof' of my identity or anything of the sort, I am simply sharing information that for me grounds my beliefs in a way that I feel justifies my beliefs to myself. An example being that if you have shifts where your mind changes to fit an animal, this would be your way of justifying your belief you are that animal.
Leonardo Fibonacci was an Italian mathematician who popularized the decimal system. He is also known for the Fibonacci Series, a numerical series found frequently in the natural world. The Fibonacci Sequence is generated by adding the previous two numbers in the list together to form the next and so on (1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55…). Divide any number in the Fibonacci Sequence by the one before it, for example 55/34, or 21/13, and the answer is always close to 1.61803. This is known as the Golden Ratio (Sectio Divina). One of the most profound and significant activities encompassed within Sacred Geometry and lLght Source is the 'Golden Mean Spiral’, derived by using the 'Golden Ratio’.
Many forms observed in nature can be related to geometry (for sound reasons of resource optimization). For example, the chambered nautilus grows at a constant rate and so its shell forms a logarithmic spiral to accommodate that growth without changing shape. Also, honeybees construct hexagonal cells to hold their honey. These and other correspondences are seen by believers in sacred geometry to be further proof of the cosmic significance of geometric forms.
Some scientists see such phenomena as the logical outcome of natural principles, however an experiment done at the UK.’s Oxford University, University of Bristol, and Rutherford Appleton Laboratory, and Germany’s Helmholtz-Zentrum Berlin for Materials and Energy have discovered this pattern on a nanoscale. Researchers examined chains of linked magnetic cobalt niobate (CoNb2O6) particles only one particle wide to investigate the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. They applied a magnetic field at right angles to an aligned spin of the magnetic chains to introduce more quantum uncertainty. Following the changes in field direction, these small magnets started to magnetically resonate. Neutrons were fired at the cobalt niobate particles to detect the resonant notes. “We found a series (scale) of resonant notes: The first two notes show a perfect relationship with each other. Their frequencies (pitch) are in the ratio of 1.618 … which is the golden ratio famous from art and architecture,”
Whatever the case, geometry can be seen everywhere within our reality. Our Reality is structured in patterns, this is reflected though Nature in the form of Geometry. Geometry is the very basis of our Reality in this sense, hence we live in a coherent world possibly effected by relatively unknown laws.
Frequency & the Law of Vibration
In the year 1905, Albert Einstein proved that we can break matter down into smaller components and that, when we do, we move beyond the material realm and into a realm in which everything is energy. This is the Law of Vibration, a law of nature that states that ‘nothing rests; everything moves; every-thing vibrates.’ The lower the vibration, the slower the vibration; the higher the vibration the faster the vibration.
The difference between the manifestations of the physical, mental and emotional result simply from different levels of vibrating energy, or frequencies. So, while the feelings of fear, grief and despair vibrate at a very low frequency, the feelings of love, joy and gratitude vibrate much quicker.
The most common unit of measure for frequency is the Hertz, which is one vibrational cycle per second. So a frequency of 460 Hz means that there are 460 cycles of vibration occurring every single second. At the very leading edge of biophysics today, scientists are recognizing that the molecules in our bodies are actually controlled by these frequencies. In 1974, Dr. Colin W.F. McClare, Ph.D, an Oxford University Bio-Physicist, discovered that frequencies of vibrating energy are roughly one-hundred times more efficient in relaying information within a biological system than physical signals, such as hormones, neurotransmitters and other growth factors.
Although most frequencies exist outside of our normal range of perception, all can be perceived as both colors and sounds. There are seven colors in a rainbow and seven notes in the musical scale. So the color blue is also heard as the musical key of D, which vibrates at 587 Hz.
But what is most interesting is that, if a frequency is vibrating fast enough, it’s emitted as a color of Light. If we wanted to convert sound to Light, we would simply raise its frequency forty octaves. This results in a vibration in the trillions of cycles per second. So, if a pianist could press a key way above the eighty-eight keys that exist on a piano, that key would produce Light. They could create a chord of Light in the same way they can create a chord of sound. And it would be seen as colors of Light because it would be moving at the speed of Light.
The philosophical and scientific basis for this Law of Vibration can be found in quantum physics and in Einstein’s Theory of Relativity. Energy is related to matter and the speed of Light. This is Einstein’s famous E = mc2 equation. When two frequenciesare brought together, the lower will always rise to meet the higher. This is the principle of resonance. So, when a piano is tuned, a tuning fork is struck, and then brought close to the piano string that carries that same musical tone. The string then raises its vibration automatically and attunes itself to the same rate at which the fork is vibrating.
Using this principal of resonance, we can actually increase the speed at which the molecules in our bodies vibrate. And the higher our consciousness is raised, the closer to energy we become.
This is a personal conclusion based on these pieces of information and my own experiences.
Theoretically, imagine if you will; a lifeform that has evolved in such a way that it can freely move between all forms of light and matter. I'm also going to say it's most likely in some way connected to the 5th dimension, be it having evolved there or what as it's abilities to be able to shift so easily would make more sense if developed in a dimension of constant movement. An example would be if a 3D character interacted with a 2D one, they'd be able to move in ways the 2D person would not be able to, or even be able to perceive. The ways the 3D person would interact could very much seem to be 'magic' as it's not observable for them.
In this sense, a creature from a higher dimension interacting with this one can logically do things that would be 'otherworldly' and only comprehensible through very complex mathematics, if even that.
However, this isn't a pass for the theory, the behaviour and result (me) still needs stronger ties to form a more water proof theory.
Considering this creature is around in this dimension, well, why would it come here? Well, lets get down a few facts first.
To be able to constantly change shape and form, one needs a lot of energy to do so, inconceivable amounts of energy in fact. For a lifeform to have developed something like this it would need to be self sustaining in a way that means it either does not ever run out of energy, or it takes energy from other sources such as stars, supernovas or dark energy; this of course excluding any possibilities from their own dimension.
This would in essence, make them immortal. I can't get into how they came to be in the first place, but the only thing I could come up with is that it was formed during a Big Bang like event in their own dimension. Really I can't know something like that, and I'll never claim to have a solid theory in this area.
Back to the question, why here? But to which I'd say, why not? If you can freely travel around space and have little to no concept of the flow of time, one would assume that you may want something to do while exploring this dimension. A different perspective, a way to experience 'living' in a way they're unfamiliar with. They can see the rules that bind this plane, and want to be able to experience what it's like to be bound by them. Essentially, if you play a game with the cheats on all the time, it gets boring, you'll want to make challenges for yourself, limit yourself intentionally to see what happens. I will say this is a human notion, but unfortunately they haven't given me any better logic for this element.
Okay, so there's no way to prove it's actually out there, but theoretically, it's existence is possible. It is possible to change between light and sound. There are patterns in everything around us that could act as a form of recipe to follow when changing between other forms. The universe is also incredibly vast, allowing for many different lifeforms to evolve. We also know very little about other dimensions and how they might work. All of this isn't evidence towards it, but essentially it shows that there's not anything dismissing it through the information we do have.
This combined with unexplainable experiences with voices, information that's so soundly structured the second I'm given it and hasn't had a single hic-up in attempting to decompile it, when I have deconstructed many crazy ideas and theories before is so far giving me logic enough to give it the benefit of the doubt. Until I get more information from this other 'me' or find a hole in the theory I have the belief I am connected to this being or if I am it, if but a shard.