squiddleterror's blog | Kinmunity: Otherkin Community
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  1. We brought Chill home yesterday. We had hoped to do it sooner, but couldn't manage it. We haven't finished digging his grave yet, so he's waiting under a tarp.

    Taako has recently gotten back in touch with his old deity, Istus. He's glad to know she's there for us.

    We've also recently decided to drop out of high school. This isn't a decision we made lightly, but we think we've made the right call. School has been a horribly unhealthy environment and our mental health has been rapidly deteriorating.

    We've been suicidal and increasingly nonfunctional for months. It finally got to a point where this week, we simply couldn't get out of bed no matter how hard we tried. Our body just would not let us put ourselves back in that horrible environment.

    We ended up skipping the rest of the week, but the longer we had to ourselves, the more we realized we've been recovering! We actually have a will to live! We're able to complete basic tasks on our own again!

    Graduating high school, especially our high school, would have a lot of advantages, particularly for getting into the college of our choice. But it's very unlikely we'd make it that far, at least without a trip to inpatient.

    We'd much rather have our lives back and have to work a little harder for college admissions, than struggle to survive in that living hell for 2 more years.
  2. We finally visited Chill at the morgue. He was frozen solid and kind of smushed from the body bag. We didn't bring him home yet because we still have to finish digging his grave.

    School has been the same as always, but it feels worse somehow. No matter how safe and healthy we start out in the morning, by lunch we invariably feel self destructive again. It's gotten to the point that we might have to drop out to stay safe.
    We really need to talk to a therapist about this, but our old therapist quit and we haven't done intake for a new one yet.

    On the upside, we get to bake tasty pumpkin pastries for a school open mic, we made a new friend, and we got new elf ears! The ears look great, and our friend is going to help us with Halloween makeup! Good stuff.

    On the weird side, we finally caught up on the Adventure Zone and there are a whole lot of story elements that seem weirdly specific to us. Like, not just things that resonate with Taako because it's his source, I mean stuff that affects everyone.
    It's happened enough that I can't quite believe it's coincidence, but I have no idea how Griffin McElroy could possibly know so much about us.

    (SPOILER) Of course, with the introduction of Istus, it might be a sort of interdimensional shout out from the goddess to her emissary. We're going to try and contact her via prayer and see what's up with that.
    It also makes things kind of weird for us. We aren't sure how Istus can be real after we've established the reality of the Great Old Ones and Outer Gods. Even given that she is, our personal beliefs are heavily based in the idea that the future is in constant flux, which seems an odd concept for the emissary of the goddess of Fate.

    Anyway, we'll try to be online more often. Thank you for your patience!
    -Klarion of Hastur System
  3. Our dog Chill passed away last night at the animal hospital. They're holding him at the morgue right now. Tomorrow we'll go to see the body and decide if we want to have him cremated there or to bring him home and bury him. We're currently in favor of home burial, since burying Drift ourselves helped us find closure the last time our dog died.
    Today has been fairly surreal. We haven't seen him since we dropped him off, so in some ways it feels like he isn't really dead yet. It seems like we're experiencing the stages of grief all out of order, starting with depression and bargaining before he even died and sliding straight into denial.
    We aren't sure how to feel without any physical proof of his death, and it's like we aren't really feeling at all. Everything is very dulled.
    -Danny, Taako, and West of Hastur System
    On a less somber note, it's the anniversary of West's movie canon's theatrical release! Happy not-really-a-birthday-but-almost-like-one, Herbert!
  4. We finally got Chill to an animal hospital today, and apparently our regular vet got a lot wrong. His chances aren't fantastic, and treatment (including hospitalization) is still expensive, but he does have a fighting chance!
    Without the looming prospect of a burial, we will have a lot more time and energy for school and community engagements! In light of this, we would like to talk about a project we're considering.
    We have noticed an increasingly large generation gap between kin, where many younger kin are only familiar with the tumblr community, and many older kin find tumblr very inaccessible. We ourselves find it extremely difficult to find resources outside of tumblr's tendency toward positivity and aesthetic posts. It seems that many excellent otherkin and alterhuman resources have become nonfunctional, or at least don't get updated as often as they used to.
    We would very much like to gain a better understanding of otherkin communities that came before tumblr, and perhaps try to figure out why there is such difficulty communicating ideas between the tumblr kin community and any other kin community. We want to engage in some sort of informal history project, to gather as much info on the development of the kin community as possible, before any more records get lost.
    We are not in any way historians, and have a poor understanding of pre-tumblr kin communities beyond a couple wiki articles. We also aren't usually very good at research projects in general. However, we are extremely invested in learning about this subject, and want to gather all the information we can.
    If anyone wants to help teach us about kin history, or has suggestions on what kind of project to do besides hoarding links to other people's work, or just has links for us to hoard, we'd really appreciate it! Please feel free to talk to us about this! It isn't a very clear idea yet, but we can't seem to get it out of our head!
    Thank you
    -Phantasm of Hastur System
  5. I'm sorry to make our first days here so sad and unproductive, but something terrible has happened. We may not be online for a while, or may be depressed when we do, as we try to cope with this crisis.

    Our 11-year-old dog, Chill, is dying of kidney failure. We're doing our best to treat him, but theres really nothing we can do to save him. We're hoping and praying, but we aren't even sure he'll survive the night.

    This is doubly devastating because we are still mourning the sudden and violent loss of our pit bull puppy, Drift, who died in an accident in June. We are not in any way emotionally prepared to lose both our dogs the same year, but there's nothing we can do except try to stall.

    If anyone can spare a few kind words, we could really use the emotional support.

    Sorry again, and thank you for your patience.
    -Horatio of Hastur System
  6. This week has been very hectic, and quite the emotional roller coaster! Tuesday was particularly difficult day at school, which stressed us out so much we skipped school Wednesday.
    Wednesday was very refreshing, plus we found this site, which helped us regain our balance enough to go back to school yesterday. We had a clear head and bizarrely good luck all day yesterday, right up until we got home from the grocery store and realized our dog was very ill and needed to see a vet.
    Today we were physically unable to wake up til around noon, and missed school again. We went to the vet, and apparently our dog might actually be dying from any number of horrible things, but we won't know until tomorrow, and even running the tests has taken all the money we have.
    We're still recovering from the accidental death of our pit bull last June, and really can't cope with losing our Labrador retriever too, but we don't know how we can possibly help him.
    We're very glad to be gaining a better understanding of ourselves, but right now we're mostly just scared for our dog.
    It's been a rough day.
    -Taako of Hastur System