Separate names with a comma.
Alright, so I suppose I feel ready to openly admit to having a possible third kintype. I have been questioning this identity for a year now, since awakening to it last December, so not very long to my concept of time. Of course, I am still in the questioning stage and not ready to call this a definite identity as of yet(not that any of my identities are definite, on a semantic note), however I am confident enough to begin speaking about it with others, and start taking it a bit more seriously than my original thought of it being a very strong cameo.
I'm incredibly analytical of it, as it would be another fictional kintype.. and as such I am taking my time to discern whether or not I am simply strongly relating to the character or if I am in fact this character. I’m constantly doubling back over memories and the like to be sure I am not mistaking anything for confirmation bias, letting it settle in the back of my mind and waiting on it. I know that characters are designed for us to relate to and sympathize with, etc. However, I know that I have not felt something like I am feeling right now with any other characters or the like besides with Starscream, who I have strongly identified as for years now.
In comparison to my existing kintypes, this one is nearly as strong, and one I have felt the presence of since before awakening to it fully, which does show promise of myself going in the right direction of discovery. With my draconity as well as my Cybertronian past life, I felt both in early childhood, the same with this one. So I must state, that this is not entirely new to me, not at all actually. This is an identity from a universe I’ve always felt attached to, though never really put much thought into why, as I cast it off as a strong fascination from childhood; particularly from not feeling any attachment to the perspective I had seen of it in the older films I grew up with.
I suppose before I say what I am questioning, I'll start with when I awakened to it. I've never been one to awaken to a kintype from a movie, but this is where it happened for me. It was last year during my trip to Canada, when I was still living in NJ at the time. I had gone to theatres with my girlfriend to see the new addition to Star Wars, The Force Awakens. As I said, I grew up with the original films, and was ecstatic about seeing this new one, though also a bit morose on whether it would ruin the story.. (Yes, I was rather anxious about it being a terrible film to be honest)
I was not disappointed.
I've been a Star Wars fan since as long as I can remember, growing up on the original trilogy, and probably having watched those films hundreds of times by now. Seeing the new film brought that feeling back a hundred fold and then some. I was always drawn to the Galactic Empire, the Imperial military and all its glory.. especially the Destroyers.. the sight of an Imperial Star Destroyer hits home to me as much as seeing Cybertron; which is more to me than my home here in the present.
For the longest time, there was a always a certain homesickness for this universe, a feeling pulling me in that I belonged there. I felt that feeling resurface as watched this one, felt it pull and tug at my core like I was seeing a piece of my old self again. This was someone who I was and supposed to be. Previously I never felt a connection or anything like this to the characters in the original trilogy.. but this, this was eye opening. I felt the raw energy I once did from that time surging back to me in a fleet of emotion, shaking my core and leaving me near speechless after leaving the theatre.
I’ve never had an awakening like that before, never had something hit me all at once like that. My other kintypes were not as sudden. With my draconity, it was always there, I was pretty much born aware of it; and with Starscream, it was more gradual, a slow and steady awakening. When I awoke to this one, to the possibility that I am Armitage Hux, I felt like the wind was knocked out of me.
It all made so much sense to me in that moment, and from then on it has not faded in feeling that way to me. I will take everything from then with criticism as usual, but there is something here that I cannot ignore.