It never fails to surprise me the depths of human depravity. What humans have done and continue to do to themselves and to the world around them is such a sad and shameful testament to just how far they have fallen from nature. My apologies for starting from a somewhat depressing perspective, but it is a view I have held for some time, and a story I have read this morning in the news only sparks those thoughts even further. I will not elaborate on the story, as I do not feel the need to, we have all seen the worst of humanity, one need only open a history book to encounter a plethora or the abhorrent behaviours to which I am referring.
Since I was a small child I have disassociated myself from reality and the world around me, and retreated into my own mind and my own thoughts. Really this is where my journey of self discovery began. In part a loathing for the world around me, and for the people that occupied it. Indeed my human family began to and still to this day feel less and less my kin. I would like to claim that this was entirely their fault, and certainly my human mothers addictions and my human fathers violence and tendency to come home drunk on a nightly basis served only to reinforce the feel of disassociation. They had long since divorced by the time I begun to become more aware of my of dislocation and disassociation with the world around me, and even the sense of “safety” and “security” provided after that did little to make the here and now feel like home or that I belonged in this reality, or in this form. It would be years before I fully understood what it meant, for years I struggled through my life day after day until I turned 15, it was around this time that I dropped out of school, and left home that my self discovery truly begun.
There is no further lesson to be learned for today, only to offer a sense of greater detail and understanding. It seems I have not fully shifted back since waking up this morning which usually occurs over about 15-30 minutes upon rising in the morning, indeed the feeling of pins and needles accompanied by the slow shedding of phantom limbs from the night before appears to have subsided and my phantom limbs remain for the now. Today, it seems I have only partially shifted back, I suppose its a good day to explore and understand more, so this may not be a bad thing.
I do not intend to add to this every day, but at least once or twice a week. However I do find it odd that the more I research and understand it the more powerful these feelings have become. Of course I have maintained full control - but for today, it seems I can not put my tail and snout and ears away, and I have a slight craving for raw meet almost like its time to hunt. Its such a strange and curious feeling.
Ormr Void likes this.
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