A System, Confused and Frustrated
So, a while ago I came to terms with being a spiritual gateway system after yet another walk-in. It wasn't hard to accept, and I am okay with it, though I do need to put up barriers and be a bit more picky with who I let in.All in all, this was an easy identity to accept; just another spiritually-based identity (based around outside spirits entering my headspace and such) to add to the little list.
However, I'm still coming to terms with being a system of a different type, and different origin entirely. I've talked to others about it and I don't think I can try to deny it anymore, as much as I would like to. I was not prepared for a system identity, let alone a psychologically-based one, but it seems my mental health has royally screwed me over on this.
One of the symptoms I experience is the need to fabricate personalities for myself to try and appeal to certain people. Inevitably, these false personalities would be forgotten as I'd move on to someone else. Needless to say, I have done that often and I feel that they stuck. I usually get multiple different urges about reacting to situations, widely contradictory to each other. I find myself explaining a lot of my experiences with "this side of me" and "that side of me". I feel like these are all different shards of me, and none of them really have names.
I really do feel like each of these shards has their own thought processes, separate from my own until they decide to share their thoughts with me, often in response to certain situations. They frequently contradict each other and give me ideas and urges that are anywhere from helpful to downright frightening, and they've only become a problem for me.
I was thrown off a bit by the psychological factors causing this phenomenon for me. This is the first psychologically-based identity for me that I discovered within this community, barring those few copinglinks I don't like to talk about, of course.
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