It's been waiting for this, but I haven't had the chance to write/post anything till now. I've only mentioned it to one close friend (and you know who you are).
So, please bear with me. I very rarely speak of it, so I can't speak eloquently about it, but I want to do my best since this is the first place I've found that will happily let me say anything at all (and that it feels somewhat comfortable with).
For all my life (or, at least, for as long as I can remember), I've been followed by this very protective, sort of mentor-like entity. I call it my guardian because I simply don't know what else to call it; that's exactly what it's done for me, so I found it fitting (not to mention my guardian likes it). I've never seen it, never met it directly, but I feel it on a deep level, kind of like a conscience...except it's definitely not. It has its own personality, a different thought process from my own, and I still have my own gut feelings whether my guardian seems close to or distant from me at any given moment. And no, it is not a tulpa.
When I say I feel it, I mean that we communicate using a combination of energy, emotion, and something similar to karma. I think of it fondly as our own little language, but I feel like this is partly why I haven't yet been able to see it. I feel like we're a little too comfortable interacting this way. It's quiet, private, and very refined--perfect for communicating among ourselves but very difficult to translate into words for others to understand. (Maybe it's meant to be that way? I don't entirely know, not yet.)
I don't really know where else to go from there. This was meant to be an introduction, I guess. There's just so much to say about it, about us, but I have to be careful not to overstep my boundaries for my guardian's sake. It wants me to get the details right. There will definitely be more over the next few days/weeks, though. c:
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