(Oh, look! I finally found the blog feature!)
I think I might be a polymorph.
I've been mulling it over in my head for about a week-and-a-half, but all I can do right now is think logically about it. My current living situation doesn't allow me to meditate due to the noise and lack of personal privacy.
So, until move-out day in a month or so, I'm going to continue to examine it from all other possible angles.
Here's said logic behind my little hunch:
To my audience, however large or small, do what you will with this information. I'm not fishing for opinions. I'm simply trying to put my experience into words. My mind doesn't know how to handle this information on its own.
- I experience involuntary "cameo shifts" extremely often and, most of the time, as vividly as I would my lioness. With this knowledge, I've started playing around with the idea of voluntary shifts. So far, voluntary shifts are possible but feel notably weaker compared to my involuntary shifts. I also have to allow a few minutes to pass between each change of form, as shifting too quickly makes my mind feel scrambled. Involuntary shifts happen when I'm in the vicinity of another animal, even while watching documentaries. (A "survival" strategy, perhaps?)
- Going off that, I'm beginning to wonder if my lioness is actually a -type, or if she just represents my comfort zone? I'm a Leo and wear my sign proudly. Part of me is convinced that I'm a lion given past experience, but another part of me thinks I'm clinging to my Zodiac. As a child, I lived life as a wide variety of animals, but in high school I met and befriended a girl who's super into astrology and piqued my interest. I feel as if, since then, I've been too "in tune" with my lioness, if that's possible.
- Every now and again, I feel like I'm not...really...anything? It's hard to explain, but basically, when I don't feel like any one (nonhuman) animal, I feel like an entity floating through space rather than a human body--like my human body is partially numb to itself, if that makes sense. I referenced the Library for this bit and came across the term "energy being" to describe polymorphs. I suppose this is what I mean.
- I've mentioned this elsewhere within the forum, but I feel like my animal magnetism is...uncanny. I don't mean this in a conceited way. When I observe or interact with another animal, I feel as if my understanding of it is merely another set of instincts kicking in. I've considered attributing this to my study of zoology, but this has happened with species I've never (or very rarely) studied and with individual animals with social problems. I don't know about this one. I think this one could very possibly mean nothing.
- Whatever I might be, I know I'm not human. I've felt this way ever since I could walk, talk, and otherwise consciously interact with the world. With where I am now, it's simply a matter of, "Well, if I'm not human, then what the hell am I?"
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