Analysing the Psychology behind Taru and Sordis
Who are Taru and Sordis?
Taru and Sordis are my Median system fragments. They are elements of myself split upon a point of trauma in my life, and they now function as separate entities with their own personalities and styles of presenting themselves.
When were they created?
Taru, I was born with. However, they weren't separate from me originally.
Do you have a conscience? That voice that tells you when you ought to have done something, but didn't. That voice that tells you what you should be doing, because it's the right thing, and you know you should listen to it. That voice. That voice for me, is Taru. Originally they were just that, they were my conscience. However when I fractured they became their own entity, and now function as a fragment.
Sordis however was created at the point I fractured. They weren't around before then, and made themselves known very quickly. They are the result of trauma, and are rather unsettled likely because of this.
Why are they the way they are?
Taru is very calm, quiet and rarely speaks unless to guide me. They act pretty much as they would have originally as that voice that tells you to do the right thing. Because they talk so little it's very hard to learn any more about them. They tend to believe the less I concern myself with them, the better off I will be; thus they stay quiet. They won't ever actively stop me doing anything they know is wrong, merely make it known to me and allow me to make my own choice.
Taru has however become surprisingly vocal when I'm drawing them, perhaps the only time they tend to speak much at all. If I try and give them an aesthetic they don't agree with, they'll be very stubborn in correcting me. Being very particular in the shade of blue I used on their clothes for example. This is something I'm not sure where it came from. It's not something they would have needed to have before; it doesn't aid me in anyway, and seems like their only selfish direction.
However; it could be seen as an extension of guidance. Since guiding is their 'thing', when it comes to something only they can answer for, they will guide with complete accuracy. This is only a guess however.
Sordis is the result of a lot of mental and emotional pain forcing my mind to fracture in a way to protect it's self. They're a segment that separated from myself and thus removes all ties of responsibilities, morals, guilt and consequences. Because of this, they tend to not be very sensitive to others. They're often rather brash, rude, insulting and casual. They say exactly what I tend to be feeling, when I myself would never say such things. They're me, but with the restraints lifted.
Every person has dark wishes. That person who laughs at you every time they see you you wish you could punch. That dog that keeps barking at you on your walk back home you wish you could muzzle. That person who sent you a message online telling you they don't like you you wish you could just as equally insult back, but you know you can't to any of these things, because you'd be giving in to temptation. You'd be doing what you know is wrong.
Sordis is that element of knowing what's wrong, removed.
They were created as a way to give my body a break from containing everything. To keeping all of my anger and sadness hidden away so it wouldn't hurt the people around me I care about. They can be quite dangerous as a result, and I've often had to become their own voice of conscience to stop them doing things I'd have to deal with when I fronted again.
So, do they help the host?
Yes. Both of them do in their own way. They've always tried in their own ways to look after my body in ways I don't know, or am not willing to do. The reason my mind fractured was to protect it's self, and they're the beings protecting it. They are me, as well as in a way my guardians. Yet, I feel as protective of them as they are to me. We're all the same person when we're together, it's only on our own that we think as separate beings.
You've drawn them, yet say they don't have visual forms?
They are both just voices. They're literary just my mind working separately from my own thoughts. The visuals that I get from trying to visualise them are my subconscious thoughts and images 'filling in the gaps'. If you hear a voice that is always telling you good things, what do you think of without even trying? It's different for everyone, but whatever you just thought of, that's the first image they'd take on. They're that instant thought you can't control manifested and worn like clothing for these voices.
This is why Taru visually looks very bright white, has soft clothing and looks to me how I imagine a calm person to be like. It's also why they've looked like Kaworu from Evangelion many times before, because that's a character I think of being very similar to them.
The same for Sordis who is very violent to come out looking like how I see demons. Sordis isn't actually a demon, but because that's what I tend to think of in response to their words, that's how they end up looking a lot of the time.
Sordis in particular can end up playing with these uncontrollable impulse thoughts I have, warping them how they see fit. For example, imagine a song you were listening to that day suddenly pops back up in your head. You didn't intend to remember it, but there it is, playing for just a line before you make the concious decision to stop hearing it. That split second is all it takes for Sordis to become warped by it. They might start sounding like the singer of that song now, or move in beat to the music, or change the lyrics in a way they like better.
They are both psychologically made. However in regards to Taru, and my otherkininity, there are a few things I've yet to talk about. But I'll leave that for another blog post. Thank you for reading, and hope this could have been an interesting analysis of myself for you to read.
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