Good vs Evil and the Fae
I've been considering fae as a potential explanation for my feelings, but the more I see people talk about the darker aspects of the fae the less certain I am. I don't really identify with the desire to hurt people and break things that are beautiful. I have on a few occasions felt angry enough to want to hurt people, but I'd never act on it and I don't see it as a good thing or as something worth being proud of, like I've seen people say the fae do.
I've gotten the impression that I'm not supposed to apply concepts like good and evil to kintypes, but I don't really think I agree, at least as far as it concerns myself. What other people do isn't my business as long as it doesn't directly cause harm to me or others. But personally, I do feel like some things are good, and some things are evil. I don't want to back down from that.
And the feelings I have when I think about my kintype aren't malicious or cruel. They aren't really super light and fluffy either, but they seem more inclined to help than to harm. I feel neutral and like I just want to be with my forests and my storms and my (maybe?) mountains, and let people do their own thing. I don't want to be a poisoned flower or a knife in the dark. I don't want to be cruel. I don't want to be bad or hurtful or anything like that. I know the argument is that it's not evil if you didn't know better, but it still feels wrong to me and then I feel wrong for disagreeing with what everyone else believes.
I like the idea of helping people. I want people to be protected and happy. I don't feel like my kintype does nothing but help people, but I don't feel like I hurt people for my own amusement either. I just feel like I did my own thing and maybe like I protected some piece of land or something, because there is occasionally a sense of watching over 'my domain', like a forest or something, and protecting it and keeping it safe. But I don't feel like I was necessarily tied to that land either, because there is certainly a strong sense of being free also.
I don't know. Everything is confusing and my perception of this whole good vs evil thing is probably wrong anyway. I really don't want to be hurting people and if this post does seem rude or hurtful or anything I am open to the idea of changing or deleting it.
(As a side note, the strong tendency to subordination and shrinking away is a human thing caused by anxiety, not kin-related)
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