I don't want to be | Kinmunity: Otherkin Community

I don't want to be

Published by Gryff in the blog Gryff's blog. Views: 115

First of all, apologies for my relatively little time on the site lately; a lot of the time I would normally use for it has been taken up by Pokémon Go and extra work recently.

So, I've been thinking about The Unstoppable Feeling. Thinking about it, not feeling it, thank goodness. And something occurs to me. It's something I've thought of before, but dismissed it either because I didn't find it important or because I was worried about the implications. But I think it's time to discuss exactly what the core of TUF is. I call it species dysphoria, but that's not exactly it. The core is a deep and overwhelming desire to not be in a human body

The important thing is, it isn't a deep and overwhelming desire to be in a fauntaur body, it's to not be in a human body. Don't worry, I'm not doubting myself being kin again, but I think it's important to unpack this and figure out what it means. At the surface level it means that being in another non-fauntaur body wouldn't be this bad. It's a human body specifically that causes problems. And that does make sense to me, as a human lacks some of the most prominent aspects of a fauntaur body: hooves and horns. The legs are the wrong shape (and maybe the wrong number) too. Beyond that, humans are just too civilized. And ironically, human me is often excessively polite and orderly, which my non-human side does not like.

I can't help but wonder, though, whether there's something else to this, beneath the surface. I can only theorize about this, of course, but I'm interested in seeing what I can find out. Maybe I hated humans in a past life; that would be about as ironic as it gets. Or perhaps I prided myself on being different from humans? But even those things wouldn't override my desire to be in the specific correct sort of body, I would think. So I can't help but go back to one of my “fanciful theories,” the one that I bring up the least. That's the theory that I was transformed into a human in a past life. I usually tend to think it's the other way around (to explain my intense reactions to stories of forced transformation) but who knows?

I can't help but wonder, is it the same for anyone else? Without getting into generalizations about humanity (I need that conversation like I need a third hole in the head), is there anyone else who specifically desperately hates being in a human body? I'm not going to ask this on the forum to avoid the aforementioned conversation, but I'm curious.

On a mostly unrelated note, GenCon is coming up again, so I have to be particularly wary of TUF. A primer for those who don't know: GenCon is a massive tabletop gaming convention in Indianapolis. Two years ago, at GenCon, a role playing game gave me my biggest and worst ever case of TUF. Last year I prepared myself, and while it didn't give me TUF, it was the first instance of a minor version I now call The Annoying Feeling. But I am looking forward to the convention, of course. It's always a ton of fun. Last year I played in a Werewolf LARP and a Doctor Who RPG, along with a number of very strange but fun indie RPGs. Overall I'm very excited, but I'm also just a tiny bit concerned.
  • Lee RuralWolf
  • Charias
  • Gryff
You need to be logged in to comment