Crying is something that doesn't normally happen with me. I don't know. I think I've lost the ability to cry (easily, anyways) going through depression. But there are certain moments where it almost happens. For example, this!
This song nails me in the heart, like a stake to a stereotypical vampire. Everything about it speaks to me, spiritually or otherwise. I just really need to get this off my chest. You get to listen to a good song and listen to me whine about my feelings!
"Brought here by courage or delusion, I won't stop but I feel ripping mad."
Sometimes I can't help thinking that I am a delusion. Or am I really just facing what's been hiding all my life? It's hard to know. But I'm not stopping. I've come this far. But it makes me mad. Like I just want to rip everything to pieces. I'm ripping mad! But what am I mad with? Joy, or fear? I honestly think it's a mixture of both.
"So I am crying words that don't make sense to me or them"
This one's a little hard to explain, but I'm trying my best. It has something to do with analysis. Like, trying to understand the things that happen. It seems like the things I experience (or think I do, at least) don't make any sense. I don't even think I understand. Everyone else seems so comfortable and I'm just a complete mess, spewing things that aren't rational. That might be a little exaggerated.
"You find with time you build more than sow,
You build a house,
You build what you know,
I wonder if that's home."
I think what this means to me is that when you're trying to figure out what you are, who you are, you often come up with things you didn't originally discover. Like, you find a few pieces of the puzzle but the rest full themselves in, you know what I mean? And also, maybe home isn't something you build. Maybe I can only be at home If I'm comfortable on the inside, not just on the outside. Like, to be truly in a safe place, I need to find myself, not just a shelter.
"It's time for letting wounds and breaking through these pretty patterned knots I twist around"
I need to untie the knots that are binding me in place with fear and worriedness. I need to let the past be the past and move forward.
I might continue this later, but I'm lazy and I haven't really analyzed the rest of the lyrics too deeply yet.
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