It sure is troublesome at times
Y'know, I would love an opt-out-of-being-otherkin button. It's not fun, it has never been, and really it's just been getting very problematic for me.
Dysphoria is a pain. Today's been a day of feeling depressed over every organic function of my vessel. On top of gender dysphoria, nothing about my vessel feels right by any means. It's an issue, to say the least - and downright unbearable, to say the most. I can't enjoy eating or drinking, those simple things remind me I'm an organic being, and that is always depressing.
Not to forget the memories. Nothing like making jokes about your own death just to prevent it from driving you insane. The memories have been bleeding in to my shifts, and they've turned... grotesque. I've been feeling the gash in my side, from when an angry human cut in to me, starting the chain of events that left me dead. I can feel the gash sparking and coolant dripping out from it. It doesn't hurt, but it's unnerving as hell and I keep instinctively trying to clean up the coolant I can feel spilling down my side. What does hurt, however, are the mangled wings. I can't fold them away, the metal is twisted, and it feels like they're hanging by a few wires at most. Worst of all is the feeling of overheating, and the feeling of the fluids bubbling and boiling away in my throat, smoke puffing from my mouth, and the hot liquid dribbling out of the corners of my mouth to melt the synthetic skin away under its trails.
And through all of it I feel empty. It's like my processing chip has lost grip on emotions and all I can do is analyze the situation and see that it's downright awful.
Sometimes, I have to admit, I truly hate my identity.
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