I know I said that my next Kintype Ponders would be my Himalayan Vulture, but somethings have happened in my life that has caused me to question my identity as a Dragon, this started around March and has started to become clearer now. I feel my draconic identity has turned over a new stone and a new idea of who I am is here: Whiteout from Wings of Fire.
“Fictionkin? WHAT? Lance I thought you have already said you left all that behind after you got off Tumblr?” Yes while it is true I had left MANY Fictotypes when I got off of Tumblr, I started to realize that this path as an Otherkin will be a long one that I can’t control, and even though it is a Fictional character it still needs to be looked at from all angles and examined piece by piece. And that is what this is!
I will be going through two processes: the 32 Self-Grilling Questions by @Charias and the steps shown in the article “Some advice for Newly Discovered and Questioning Fictionkin.”
So let’s start out with the questions!
What is your kintype? (Just include the one you're focusing on.)
Whiteout from Wings of Fire
Do you identify for spiritual or psychological reasons?
Spiritual, through reincarnation
When was your awakening (if you had one)?
My awakening started when I was in third grade and developed from there, starting off as a dragon, to an ice dragon, to a darkness-ice dragon, to now.
If you had one, do you believe something specific triggered your awakening?
My original awakening as a dragon was triggered after I read a book, and now that I, ironically, read another book that triggered to my identity now as Whiteout.
If you had one, how long did your awakening last? Was it a sudden realization, or did it take time?
This took time! Years actually, it started in 2011 when I read the book, it was slow from there until 2015 when I discovered the Otherkin community and started to piece together everything. Then earlier this year or late last year I discovered the Wings of Fire series, which lead me to a conclusion of Whiteout.
If you had one, what did you feel during your awakening?
Slow and steady, but exhausting at some points.
Did you experience shifts and/or feelings of being non-human prior to your awakening?
I frequently felt wings and horns, however I never knew they were shifts when I was a kid. I also sometimes feel into the mindset of, well, something not human.
Did you know about Otherkin/therians prior to your awakening? If yes, do you think learning about Otherkin/therians played a part in triggering your awakening?
No I didn’t know!
If you didn't know about Otherkin/therians prior to your awakening, how did you come across the community?
I was on YouTube one day, watching Furry videos when I came across a video called “Furries vs Therians.” It just went uphill from there!
Did you automatically know your species/race when you awakened?
I knew I was a dragon or a large reptile with wings, I didn’t know specifics though!
If yes, did you make any attempts to verify this identification? If no, how did you discover your species/race (if you have)?
Yes I did, but meditating and working off of shifts I have had.
Have you ever misidentified your species/race? If so, what did you mistake yourself for, and why do you think this was?
I misidentified myself a few times, but they were all draconic in origin.
Do you experience involuntary mental shifts? If so, what are they like? How often do you have them? Are they triggered by anything in particular?
Yes I have, and it is always a melting pot of my own consciousness and the mind I am shifting into. The only times I do have full mental shifts I am too shocked to do anything about it, I just sit there looking at the world around in awe. Nothing really triggers them that I have seen, however I do have a hunch that whenever I read Wings of Fire it sort of triggers it.
Do you experience voluntary mental shifts? If so, what are they like, and how do you control them?
No not really!
Do you experience involuntary phantom shifts? If so, what are they like? How often do you have them? Are they triggered by anything in particular?
Yes I do, but it isn’t anything too extreme. It is more along the lines of “Oh I have wings/horns now. Okay.”
Do you experience voluntary phantom shifts? If so, what are they like, and how do you control them?
I do but it is only when I am able to concentrate on it, again it is something like “Ok there are my wings/horns.” My limbs move in reaction to what my body does, like if I turn my head my horns come with me, or if I try to dodge something my wings try to make me fly. If I sit down and concentrate though I am able to control them a little bit, but it’s more along the lines of just up and down.
Do you experience dream shifts? If so, how often? Are there any recurring themes? Are your dream shift settings/experiences the same as in normal dreams, or are there notable differences?
Yes, every so often so nothing too frequent. They are more just glimpses at things I remember. Yes they are only I take on the form of Whiteout.
Do you experience any other kind of shift? If so, elaborate.
No I don’t.
What experiences and feelings led you to identify as your kintype rather than with it?
This goes back to 3rd grade when I started to identify as a Dragon. I didn’t know why other than it felt right. As time went on the Dragon self I took on turned into an Ice dragon, then into a Darkness-Ice dragon. From there I was settled with what type of dragon I was and went onto what I looked like. I looked on google for images and I always sided with the dragons that had the icicle like horns going down the back of the neck, long but muscular body, and had a contrast of black and white. I first thought I had a majority of white scales with black wings, however that soon changed to gray scales with icy-blue glitter-like scales.
Before I read Wings of Fire I started to get memories that seemed to be adapting to my mind at the time, which mainly revolved around me and my brother getting separated and turning evil (this I will get back on later.)
As I read Wings of Fire I started to remember things, just small things like: Glory should be able to get out of this because of a power (which her venomous spit was not mentioned at the time), then I started to get confused to why the Nightwings were so mean in the first book when they should be noble (like how I remembered them). Then the 7th book came around and I started to become very perplexed at the character Pyrite, why she was so odd, why she just didn’t fit into the story, why she shouldn’t be there. Something was wrong with her but I didn’t know why. Then she took off her necklace and turned into Hailstorm, and it clicked. The necklace she wore was enchanted with the scroll my brother made with his animus magic. Then as I read the book Darkstalker I started to piece together the memories as a kid of my dragon brother turning evil.
I hope that summed up good!
To what extent do you see yourself as (non-physically) nonhuman? Do you identify as human as well as your kintype?
I see myself as someone that has traveled life to life, and each time I identified as both my present species and the life before it. My Kintype is my identity, like being physically human is my identity. So yes, on a non-physical level, I identify as a human as well as Whiteout.
What led you to believe that your identity is spiritual or psychological in nature? Have you ever believed the other was true, or seriously considered that it may be?
I would say both, spiritually as in how I came to become Whiteout (through reincarnation) and psychologically because my mind works much like Whiteout’s. So yes, I have believed the other was true and seriously considered both as a possibility.
Do you have any past life memories (if your beliefs are spiritual) or artificial memories/flashbacks (if your beliefs are psychological)? If so, describe them.
I think I answered that one pretty well in a previous question!
Do you ever feel homesick for the location your kintype lives/lived in? If so, how do you deal with those feelings?
I wouldn’t say I feel homesick, but yes, it would be nice to see it again. I deal with the feelings by go back and rereading the book and drawing out the landscape, and meditating and going there in my mind.
Are there any locations that make you feel closer to your kintype? Any locations that make you feel disconnected from it?
The night time and mountain ranges make me feel closer to Whiteout, along with large kingdoms that look like the Night Kingdom. I would say more sandy areas and the day time make me feel less connected, but not by much.
Do you experience species dysphoria? If so, how often? To what extent? Do you have any methods of coping with it?
Nothing outside of the “oh that’s right I don’t have wings.”
Do you have any behaviors or quirks that you attribute to your kintype?
I think in colors a lot, which can be contributed to Whiteout and to something called Synesthesia (which I believe to have now and as Whiteout (if I were to put a name to it)). Other than that I do speak in more of a perplexing way when given the chance.
Do you have any nonstandard thought processes or instinctual reactions that you attribute to your kintype?
Synesthesia, like I stated above.
Do you have any personality traits that you attribute to your kintype?
I like to reside in myself like I did when I was Whiteout, and I find it odd when I think “normally.” I think because I was more of an ambivert as Whiteout I am like that now, however I am not as “weird” as I was before with it.
Do you have any nonstandard beliefs, ethics or morals that you attribute to your kintype?
No not really to be honest.
Why do you believe the above behaviors/traits/etc. are related to your kintype?
To be honest I have no other answer for this than just the feeling of a doll’s leg being “snapped” into place. It just fits.
Do you feel that having a nonhuman identity has been a positive, negative or neutral experience? Have you ever tried to deny your nonhuman identity?
It started off a neutral to positive experience during 3rd grade through 4th, then I tried to deny it because my father started to strangle me into his religious ideas, then when he abandoned me I found the Otherkin community and it has been positive from then on!
Do you ever wish you could change your kintype? If so, what would you rather be?
Do you think this is enough questions for now? I sure hope so!
Yes that was plenty!
And now onto the process stated in the article! For this I took each paragraph and condensed it into questions, this will go in order.
Have you done research into what Fictionkin is?
Yes I have, I spent a couple of days before writing this blog post looking at websites like Fictionkin Dot Com » A fictionkin, fictive and soulbonding community. and From Fiction
Have you thoroughly weeded out the possibility of just connecting to the character?
I have been weeding it out for months. When I started to read the Wings of Fire series I felt a sense of belonging (as cheesy as that sound!) But at the time I just identified as a Dragon, but it just didn’t fit. I had a name, I had a story, but I didn’t piece together the idea of me being Fictionkin. It wasn’t until the 7th book when the first major “click” happened. It just went on from there!
Are you sure you identify as the character then the mythical inspiration behind them?
After years of identifying as the mythical inspiration of Whiteout, aka the dragon, it seemed like something new was set down for me to continue on when I found out about Whiteout and her story, and how it matched my own backstory I had for my Draconic kintype so well. So yes, I am sure I identify as the character than the mythical inspiration behind her (even though Whiteout is a dragon...so I will be identifying as well with the mythical inspiration- oh you get what I mean!)
Have you analyzed your source? Have you looked at the character and match it to any shifts?
Let’s go down the list to see!
(M)ental Shift – I have never been able to do a full mental shift, but whenever I do shift mentally I never really talk, I just think, and every word I think is a color- if that makes sense. When I walk my body tries its best to cope with my human-shaped body, mainly by shaping my legs into a digitigrade style.
(Se)nsory Shift – My sensory shifting is more along the lines of putting more emphasis on it, and mainly it is my ears and eyes.
(A)ura Shift – I am unable to aura shift.
(D)ream Shifting – Quick glimpses of my past like seeing the three moons and walking down corridors in the Night Kingdom palace. I also dream that I take on the body of Whiteout but I go through a normal dream, like I would if my dream body took on the form of a human.
(C)ameo Shifting – There have been too many shifts for this to just to a cameo shift.
(As)tral Shifting – I am unable to astral shift.
(Ph)antom Shifting – A little while back I decided to draw what I thought my Kintypes looked like (here is the image: Kintypes) and while looking back on it and my phantom shifts I can see how it correlates closely to the Nightwing and Icewing dragons in Wings of Fire (which Whiteout is a hybrid of). Outside of how close the Nightwing body and the body I had drawn is, the horns on the head match those of a Nightwing. Along with the image I have felt icicle like horns going down my neck and back like that of an Icewing. Along with that I also feel wings and a tail that seems to closely correlate with Whiteout
(Bi)location shifting – I am unable to do this.
(P)hysical Shifting – I wish.
To add to this when analyzing your source – have you found things that may prove you wrong?
Lack of memories, mainly.
How long have you taken to think this through?
About seven months.
Have you/are you going to allow others to question you about this?
I will be doing this once I post this blog post!
- Finally as a last bit of advice, you're going to have to accept that a fair number of Otherkin are very skeptical of Fictionkin.
Yeah, I can imagine!
I would think this just about covers it! Like stated I will be making a Thread in the Advice Circle for questions about this Kintype, and hopefully some help on all of this. Thanks for reading!
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