My stupid phantom tail is driving me insane. I notice that I phantom shift when scared, nervous, around other therians or in large crowds of people. Well first off I hardly ever shift into Aena, more Hedley. Hedley also seems to be constantly wanting to escape, which is very sad. I don't know how to explain it. In all the memories I have with him or whenever I allow him to mentally shift into me he always freaks out and tried to run and dig and cry. I think Hedley just doesn't understand what's going on. It seems like I've become distant from my theriotypes recently due to stress and school. I feel like I have to respect Aena and Hedley as much as possible, I try to prevent holding back phantom shifts and when I can I let them mentally shift into me. It's hard for me as well as it is hard for them. For me I know what is going on but Aena and Hedley are animals. They don't know what's happening. They cannot think logically in a situation like this, all they know is that they have been put in the wrong body and that they are lost now.
Anyway, back to the phantom tail. I went to a concert on Wednesday (Melanie Martinez, it was very good) and the crowd was very overwhelming. I kept on being tempted to bark (which sounds stupid I know) and I did accidentally growl at someone. They didn't hear me luckily over the music but it was still embarrassing. I keep getting the temptation to run on all fours, I think I might schedule another pack meeting so we can all run around in the territory again. I don't think of our pack as an actually pack due to the fact that no pack would be a bat, domestic fox, heron, cheetah, deer, jaguar and seagull... it's more of just a support group where we can all talk about similar experiences and be weird together.
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