started with making a sanctuary for the tulpa "egg" the tulpa starts of as an orb of light which I talk to
some difficulty with concetrating in the morning due to being tired, did another monlogue, it kinda is relazxing to talk to somthing even though it isnt talking back
after that I went for a walk with music and as usual I went into my fantasy mode so I visited the tulpa again made the music stream through my head to the tulpa and gave through the sensations of the outside world.
tried medatating in my chair, didnt really work my mind jumped all over the place
in the night more monologue
in the night gave it my fire of hope which cause a massive reaction, a giant surge of headaches went through my head.
morning another mononlogue (nothing special)
close to the night made preperations for the transformation from an orb to a body errected walls and called upon the forest to protect the center and summoned a castle in its place. This because a treat was made against my tulpa.
in the night after calming my nerves (because of the treat thingy) I eventually made a body (looked like a blood elf from wow) completely naked like it was recommended. I also gave him acces to magic and some emotions where infused aswell (kindness, courage)
in the morning talked with the body and tried to work with smell and touch aswell.
walked a bit and wanted to see how the tulpa was doing, the ears where changed from upward to backward, not sure if it was me or his choice
during work (walking postage) talked some more started to feel some resistance to the body and started to see it as female, I first resisted this change but I remebered this could be the tulpa's choice so its now a she. Also during walking I was concerned again about the treat and in my head I sat down and I am sure she was sitting suddenly aswell and hugged me. But was it her own choice or me.
talked in the morning while sitting in the castle
during my morning walk I noticed I couldm't see her that well, concetrating on that and also a session without clothes so I fee llike pervert now, included scenes with her doing stufff
Italked a bit in the night but fell asleep quickly (30 mins)
Morning my head was a total mess so not much done (20 mins max)
During delivering mail interacted a lot with her again (3-4 hours)
Went to shower and talked to her again, brought up the subject of name again and the name Mira went through my ment for a second time but this time it was said 3 times and interrupted my own thinking, was this.. her? (20 mins)
Talked abit more in the evening but sleep cam quick (30 mins)
Talked some more with her and I Was rambling on again about random questions when suddenly an answer/ remark came that sounded like my voice but a bit more feminine/distorted, I think she was talking to me
Did another walk after that with music, we went outside the castle and the forest is now further away, there is a garden infront of the castle we sat on a bench and I streamed music, sung with her and all those kinds of things.
In the night tried to talk a bit more with her but fell asleep quickly
Talked a bit more in the morning when said something odd she said: “I miss my family” while looking at a locket around her neck that I have never seen before
During walking tried to gain a bit more info and even though answers where heard it was in my own voice again so not sure if it was her but if it was then the possibility of her being a spirit who inhabited the tulpa spark and took its please is very real.
Tried to talk with her a bit more but she is standing still like a statue now
In the morning another monologue still statue
In the afternoon walk nothing changed… Is she still there, I don’t know I am concerned
I was reassured that everything was fine just I did another talk session
Talked with her during postal walks
Talked during walking
In the afternoon tried to stream the outside world to her, hoping upon a response but didn’t happen.
Found a way to communicate through saying left arm tingling was no and right one was yes, Dark Lord says I have to quiet my mind in order to make me hear her because I am blocking her out due to me not knowing what she sound like. Make my mind quiet and try to separate her voice, focus on it.
Meri is her name. Wants to talk to me
Talked with her a bit in the night; Discovered, doesn’t really like the female pronounce (so from now I will refer to Meri as him), became angry at those who bullied me (she seems to be wanting to protect me) she wants to know me so we can become friends.
Morning: him didn’t want to talk in the early morning
During mail walk sang with him, couldn’t understand too much of what he was saying though still have to practice that.
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