Re-Update: This is outdated and only covers my demonkin. I will be revamping and making a new Re-introduction when I feel I am ready. I will be keeping this but marking it as outdated now.
Hi everyone! I'm re-doing my introduction because my original one has been bothering me. I can't actually replace my original introduction so I'm posting it here. This is going to be huge and I apologize before hand I do not want to leave anything out. Also keep in mind some of these things are literally just re-posts so since my gender thing is newer. I hope this doesn't cause confusion. Lately I've been seeing it as a male. I wonder if my physical body was actually affecting what gender I thought I was spiritually.
Before I go to much farther I do want to address this really quick. I have some kind of communication disorder. I believe it might actually be due to my kintype now. I have a tenancy to come off the wrong way and very strongly at that. I will do my best to prevent misunderstands so I am sorry for this ahead of time. I hope I won't have to many issues on this site.
I am going by Asuma now, I just have not gotten around to affording a username change on the site. If you with to call me Maggie still that is ok. Female pronouns are fine, you can use male pronouns too. I am still questioning myself, I believe I might be transgender, Female to male or non-binary. This has come up multiple times over the years and I have been running from it. This is the 6th time this has come up. I am not planning on running this time. I just turned 23 last month (May 14th) and I live in the united states. I do not like it here for the record. My wife also joined shortly after I did under the username NightGryph. I know religion was not one of the questions here but I think the information may help people understand me better. I am agnostic. I believe that many gods and goddess exist. I also believe they are not all powerful beings like they are depicted however they are still very strong. I do not worship any of them. I do believe in the spirit, past lives and reincarnation. Along with the paranormal and sub/super natural.
Now more about my actual self. I have a few hobbies but not many. I am a huge otaku, I love watching anime and I don't mean the stuff mainstream here in the united states. I have been called a walking anime encyclopedia times so I've just adopted it. To list a few of my favorite anime is: Higurashi series, DenMachi, Ghost in the shell (given), Fairy Tail, Gakusen Toshi Asterisk. Some of the newer ones I've taken a huge liking too are: Hundred, Mayoiga, Haifuri, Kukomukuro, and I could go from there. I also like to draw & write on occation, not as much as I used too. Some people ruined that for me. I like techno, hardstyle, gabber, speedcore along with rock and metal.
Now moving onto the otherkin topic. I am a spiritual otherkin, in basis however. I feel that the spirit also affects the mind and body. However the base of it all is the spirit.
My origin of my soul is a demon, which is what I am fully identifying as now. I used to "cloak" myself with my shape shifting ability. Why I am not sure. My shape shifting abilities also made finding out what I really was very hard. I've been hearing this is the same with many other demonkin. I originally called myself a desire demon because I mainly feed off of desires. However I don't think that is what defines what I am. I am not exactly sure what kind of demon I am now. I do however know I am a demon.
I will answer somethings I was asked so people don't have questions.
"How did you discover your kintype." -Asked by Grey
Honestly there where many clues over the years even before I knew what otherkin was. I honestly knew I was always different even before I knew what otherkin was. I just didn't know how or why. I didn't put all that much thought into it before. I finally asked someone I saw as a Sensei why I was different. I now hate this person I do not want to talk about them. Over the years I had drawn many demonic figures. I also felt a great resonance to any demonic creature with purple skin. I remember seeing one in torchlight that really struck a cord. At first I thought I was honestly some kind of lust demon from christian mythology. However over time I knew something was off. I could feed off of more then just lust and my skin was purple. I could not find any recordings of lusts having purple skin in any mythology. There are also some other things that where off but I can't place them.
As for the drawings: Some of these I didn't even plan to draw they just came out. I'm sure other artists out there have had this happen. Here are a few pictures and some I found on my phone later so these are new.
Dropbox - SophmoreDemonDrawing.jpg
Dropbox - DemonOne.jpg
Dropbox - DemonTwo.jpg
Then it got to the point where I even made a custom avatar of it on secondlife. This was more recent, within the last year.
Dropbox - desiredemon_001.jpg
When I first wandered into the community I found an article posted by someone else who claimed to be demonkin. I related to what he said pretty heavily. Feeling odd in a physical body. How activies such as: Eating, Drinking, Sleeping, Being physical with another person and so on just felt alien. All of my senses honestly disoriented me. I do not understand non-otherkin behavior well. I also have a hard time properly showing my own emotions. I tend to just come off as angry no matter how I feel. I no longer agree with being temperamental however. The definition of temperamental does not describe me. I believe the term is being used incorrectly. My moods can swing a lot and I guess you could call me unpredictable.
I also have been reported to show up in other peoples dreams. During theses events generally sexual things would happen. My dreams when this happens will be completely black and I wake up feeling happy and refreshed not to mention my energy levels are higher. This is a very similar thing as to what has been depicted in lore on lust demons. I personally call these events "dream walking". I have also had people dream walk to me. I can normally tell it's not just a creation of my imagination because of the heavy presence their "avatar" gives off in my dreams. Their "avatar" is almost overwhelming honestly.
"Be very wary of dreams. They are highly symbolic-" - Seraphyna
Thank you. I only brought up dreaming due to the fact the trait of "dream walking" is heavily known amongst lust and desire demons. When I "dream walk" I do not have any actual dreams. It's just black. So using dreams as a form of soul searching would be impossible for me. (I do not believe dreams are a viable form of soul searching anyways, at least not for myself.) If I did I'd probably think I was a shade or shadow by now. My dreams when I do have them are heavily chaotic. They have no sense of normal to them. Seeing even one human being in my dreams is extremely rare. My normal dreams could easily be considered nightmares to other people. They used to scare me, however they barely have any effect on me now. Thankfully. Makes you wonder what my nightmares are like doesn't it?
Of course there was also extensive meditations but I struggled with mediation for a very long time. However things did take a change after this event.
I was out for dinner with my wife and brought up that I was struggling with meditations. I was frustrated with them, lately things had been extremely stressful and I couldn't relax at all. The restaurant we where out at was actually surprisingly quiet at the time. So after we ordered food my wife helped guide me through a mediation. Spoken guide type of relaxation meditation, nothing visual too it. It was done in a way I also had never tried before. This is where everything took a turn for the final stage, I guess you could say.
I was able to fully relax before I was hit in the face with a vision of something that closely resembled something I had doodled a few months earlier. I saw another demonic figure that was elegant and beautiful. The only difference from the first drawing I showed you was it had cloven hoved digigrade legs with and pointed ears. I told her about it and started meditating more. I kept getting flashes of this same figure but it gently morphed over time.
An example of the morphing is the horns I originally saw where like this: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipe..._ibex_–_03.jpg/400px-Capra_ibex_ibex_–_03.jpg
The horns then transformed slowly to this shape: http://img14.deviantart.net/68bc/i/2011/299/5/b/ram_horn_psd_by_avahlon_stock-d4e0a5v.jpg
Along with other things that stood out to me. The skin gently darkened into a mellow tone. The face matured but nothing past what looks like a women in her 20's who takes care of her skin. The white hair went from just white to looking like it was made out of pearls. It's really hard to imagine, but include the yellow-ish shine of a pearl in the sun, along with the purples and any other colors. Then transform that into a lock hair. She became more beautiful as she aged, it was really quite something to observe over time. I'm not going to lie. It's very possible I was seeing what my spirit looked like over the years. How she aged, this is what I honestly believe. After a good while she stopped aging and it became consistent. I did the healthy thing and questioned all my visions many times over, I even questioned my sanity quite a few times. I mean who doesn't question theirs? (Just for the record I know I'm not sane but I'm not bat loco. Then again who is truly sane? It's just an illusion created by the mind like perfection.) Every time I have seen her in a vision, or like right now as I'm making myself a display icon. (Is completed) I feel like I'm staring into a mirror. Staring at my real self, I'm sure many of you have felt this before yourselves.
I have known about otherkin for about 6 or 7 years now. I was "raised" on the older traditions of the community by an elder community member (my wife). I have been meditating and pondering what I was for a long time. I have to admit, it was hard finding what I was. I went through many, many stages. Not to mention desire demons have the ability to change shape like lust demons from Christian lore. So that made everything all the more confusing! On top of that dealing with my shape being altered by others peoples and my own desires. Seriously was a pain in the ***!
I am a hybrid vampyre but I'm not really looking for support or to really talk about it. I guess also needing to feed off of desires is a form of vampyrism in and of itself.
If you have any questions for me feel free to ask. I'll post the updates here after I answer you personally.
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