Questioning fictionkin | Kinmunity: Otherkin Community

Questioning fictionkin

Published by Mirath in the blog Mirath's blog. Views: 153

In addition to what I wrote about in Charias's group (Some strange experiences), I did some thinking.

Now, this may just turn out to be one big list, so here goes

- Where do I even start... When I first played Legendary, I got heavily into it and could very easily refer to myself and respond as him, but my parents kinda... Forced me to bury it deep down because they thought I was going crazy. But for those few weeks/months, it felt so familiar, so natural (to the point where I have responded to the name of Deckard being yelled in my direction at times). I know I was interested in mythology and electronics back then, still am now, but don't know if that's much giveaway.

- As stated an earlier blog entry, for some reason, I've always hated my arm hairs, more so the ones covering my left arm, and sometimes out of nowhere I'd pull them out with my teeth. So not only was it uneven, I couldn't always get every one. I do it with my right arm as well, but not so much. So today I thought of this being enough, and just completely shaved my lower forearm. Like, halfway down my forearm, no higher, for some odd reason. And it feels so nice. I have done this before, years ago, and my parents told me it looked weird, so I never did it again until now, easier than gnawing at them constantly.

- In regards to memories, I do have a few but from this nature I'm unsure if they can even be regarded as such, more like quick flashes that have barely anything to do with the events in-game. Not saying that all of them are centred around Vivian, but... Otherwise they are before the game, or at some point within it, just incredibly short flashes.

- Rare mental and phantom shifts, even though the majority right now have happened since these three years have passed, I am aware they can quite easily be dismissed. One that seemed to hit harder than most was when I was just sat there bare armed and as calm as anything, to sudden sheer panic and pulling on my jacket as to wait for any other alarm to go up.

- I could easily ramble on and on about Vivian. Like... Pages worth if I squeezed out everything I felt and thought. But I don't have time for pages here. Even before the game, I had some kind of draw to the name, and in my head I'd kinda already had some kind of image in my head to associate with a name, since I'm better with faces than I am with names. Although now when I think about it, upon seeing Vivian for the first time I did recognise her, which was nice. To the point where at the first instance I heard her voice over the headset, I went 'I know that voice'. Then the moments come now where I miss her deeply, where I want nothing more than her company, whether this was just company or whether my own thoughts that something was going to, or had already, happened between us in some form. Heh, see what I mean about it being so natural from my own perspective? It's odd. Anyway, during those moments I feel such a sense of loneliness that can't be lifted even with other people physically around me, to the point where I've almost been in tears over the sheer feeling.

- With my hatred of Lexington, he just kinda... Confirmed my dislike of him when he first opened his mouth in-game. He was the kind of guy who set your guard up instantly, had a holier-than-thou attitude, that he deserved to be treated so much better than those around him. He used people to his advantage, whether this was members of the Council or even Vivian herself. Which you can imagine is part of the reason I would want nothing more than to see his demise. It explains the first-ever reaction of 'dear god I hate you'. And then my disappointment when he wasn't killed at some point. Dear god that guy makes my blood boil... To the point I have wanted the Black Order to wipe him and the rest of the Council out completely... Even though that goes against the game, I can still hope...

- To this day, since I was 15/16 I've always had an aversion/sense of disgust towards the city of London, specifically the Houses of Parliament, despite not having any political interest to take much notice. I have never been there, nor had I heard of anything to make me think so negatively about the place, so I really don't have any explanation when people ask 'why don't you like London?'. Like I've been asked why I don't like London. I haven't a clue why when I was asked, I just felt like it was a terrible place that couldn't go up in my estimation. Now, I found out that in the game, the Council of '98 had their base below the Houses of Parliament - I first got Legendary when I was 16/17, so this had been going on for at least six months before I first ever played.

- I remember once I came across a Legendary fanfiction... All my reaction to reading the short description was 'nope, that's not even possible', and closed out. Because it revolved around an essential part of the storyline, of Deckard himself, I struggled to wrap my head around what the hell this person was thinking of. It just seemed wrong on all aspects of what I believed, how I believed it worked, and what they wrote just made me laugh, then criticise in my sheer disbelief.

You want to ask questions? Fire away, let's see what's in my head.
  • amberguara
  • Mirath
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