I've got to admit, I really like the idea to have a blog section on this website, so I'm definitely going to try and make use of it. Right now, I'm just using it to brainstorm and try to figure out a bit more about my mysterious second kintype - if anyone decides to read this and has any input, I'd really appreciate it.
I feel like I know quite a lot about this kintype, but at the same time, everything I know about it is vague and might change as I learn more about it. I don't have tend to have shifts with this 'type, and don't have any substantial memories either; everything I know about it is based on "feelings" - I can look at something, or read something, and I'll know whether what I'm looking at relates to myself or not. It's hard to explain, but I've basically been playing a very long game of twenty questions with myself for the last two years, and this is what I've learnt.
For ease of explanation, I'm going to refer to this kintype as an 'it' rather than talking about it as myself. It is myself, but it'll be much easier for me to write about it like this.
. . . . .
My kintype, in many ways, resembles some kind of energy or shadow being - it has no solid form, and I assume that most of the time it appears simply as a cloud of darkness, if it is visible at all. It's an insubstantial thing but I believe it can interact with the world in some way, which is why I tend to say it is "semi-corporeal". The consciousness (the 'me' part) exists in what is basically the head, except that it's not positioned in a certain place, and it's no more corporeal than any other part, and it doesn't look any different from the rest of it. In this form, it has no defining features - so no eyes, no ears, no mouth, no limbs.
However, I tend to think of it as something that can take on other forms (usually animals) - but its perception spreads further than the boundaries of its "body" in a kind of aura that remains the same size as when there is no form taken.
A lot of the feelings and emotions associated with it seem to contradict themselves - it seems both old and young, both wise and innocent, sometimes seeming peaceful and other times seeming like some grim and merciless embodiment of death. The hardest part of trying to understand it is that all these different traits exist simultaneously.
From what I can tell, it is quite an old thing, but its level of curiosity towards literally everything makes it seem young. It's mindset seems more close to that of an animal than a human, but it also seems to possess some considerable degree of intelligence. It has a similarly contradictory emotional range, seeming to be both completely apathetic yet deeply empathic at the same time. It has an intrinsic connection with nature and the Earth as a whole. It's hard to describe exactly what that connection is, but it's an integral part of my kintype (and myself, of course).
Doesn't sound very demonic, does it? I think the main reason I was drawn to demons as a kintype is because of the "chaotic" part (well, that and the 2spoopy4u appearance) - my kintype is intrinsically connected to every aspect of nature, and nature is chaotic. It wouldn't feel sorrow at watching a beautiful forest burn, or seeing a village swallowed by volcanic ash. It is as connected with the dark, brutal and destructive aspects of nature as it is with the peaceful and serene parts, if not more so.
There's a few traits it has that have been pretty clear to me since I first awakened. The main one being that it is a 'watcher' - it observes, but doesn't tend to intervene (there are exceptions to this, but as a general rule it doesn't). I've also always viewed it as a 'protector' of sorts, though I'm not entirely sure where those protective feelings are directed. It is usually quite a passive and peaceful entity, seeming content to just watch the world around it, but there are certain things it seems to genuinely hate. It's a bit hard to pin down exactly what those things are, but tend to be along the lines of unnecessary death (trophy hunting and all that) and unnatural destruction (forest fires = good, deforestation = bad). It doesn't hate humanity (far from it, actually) - it's just that the things humanity does as a species make it feel both deeply saddened and rather angry.
So basically I'm an over-protective, mostly-incorporeal demonic hippy.
And, I know it sounds cliché, but it seems to be quite a powerful entity - though I'm not sure whether it's tangible power, or intangible, or possibly its just down the fact that it is, far as I can tell, completely indestructible and impossible to harm. It does have a very close affinity for natural disasters and storms, but doesn't seem to have any ability to control or stop them - though that could just be that it doesn't want to.
Origin-wise, I don't think it was ever 'created' by some higher being, and has definitely never served any - the impression I get from it is that it does literally the opposite. If anything, I'd say it is itself some form of higher being, just not one interested in actually... well, doing anything. It's just a sentient mass of energy. Because of its ties to this planet in particular, I wouldn't be surprised if it was some kind of by-product of the Earth's formation, or something that came about due to the immense amount of energy released by a meteor impact or supervolcanic eruption. But I'm not really into science so I'm just dumbly speculating here.
As for what 'it' is in relation to 'me'... I've basically come to view it as my soul. Or what I'm stuck with in the place of a soul. It's my consciousness, minus the body and all the chemicals and hormones in my brain that make me who I am. It's the thing I am between incarnations. Right now, I view myself as just being the mind (or maybe consciousness) of it, with the rest of it being 'asleep' somewhere (or maybe everywhere, or nowhere), and each of my lives being like 'dreams'. I feel like I've probably had a lot of lives, even if I can't remember them.
And as for why I keep incarnating myself instead of staying as this indestructible mass of pure energy - I just like being alive. Being alive is fun.
And that's all I can think of to do with it right now.
Ugh, that was hard work to write up. It has literally taken me over four hours of on-and-off writing to get this all down in a way that actually makes sense! But it's been pretty interesting too, just to have it all down in one place. Even though reading it makes me feel crazy.
Of course, I'm still no closer to finding an appropriate label for whatever this mess is that I identify as...
tell you what though, I'm going to change it on my profile to 'energy being' since that seems way more accurate.
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