So I'm very tired today and I was finishing up a long, in-depth blog post about a couple of intense mental shifts I had a few years ago, then I did a dumb and accidentally deleted the whole thing. And I couldn't get it back because I'd clicked off the page after I did it and it was just very terrible overall and I am filled with much regret. But I still wanted to post something on my blog. I'm trying to do this regularly, because it's helping me keep my thoughts straight.
So I guess that was a very long-winded way of saying that this blog post isn't going to be anything massively thoughtful, I'm just writing it for the sake of writing it. Doesn't mean I don't have anything to say in it, though!
The main thing I want to write here is that I am officially 99.9% sure I'm a polymorph. After I wrote that blog post I just felt like I suddenly... understood myself. Or, at least, another huge part of myself. One that had been confusing and bothering me for a long time, even if I didn't always realise it.
I don't know whether it's a spiritual thing from my energy being kintype or a psychological thing from me just being strange, or maybe a mixture of both of those things - I just know that it's myself, and it feels right. It feels right in a way nothing has since I awakened as a wolf. I know this is me. It explains so much. It's like another piece of the messed-up puzzle that is my identity just fell into place, and it feels great.
Since I figured that out, I haven't felt confused or frustrated by all my odd cameo shifts. I just let them happen. It was so nice to be able to do that without questioning the meaning behind them. It feels so much more natural now.
Explaining how that works alongside my wolf theriotype is a little difficult, especially since I consider myself a suntherian. Basically, I'm shifted all the time as a wolf to some extent, except when I have a cameo shift. Generally when I have a cameo phantom shift it won't interfere with how much I'm mentally shifted as a wolf, but if I have a cameo mental shift all the wolf stuff goes out the door (usually only for a few minutes).
Honestly, that probably sounds far more confusing than it really is. It's pretty clear from my perspective how much wolf I've got in me at any particular point in time, and how it balances out with any cameos I have.
It's nice to have some good news in the identity department for once in my life. Even if that news is that my identity is basically just a big fluid mess, and literally the only consistent part is that I'm a wolf and a demon-thing.
...Isn't being otherkin great?
Yes, that was sarcasm, being otherkin is not great. It's just a THING that is confusing and hard.
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