Species Dysphoria... I suppose...
I've never gotten this feeling before. I hadn't thought I would get species dysphoria, or that if I did it would get overshadowed by the gender dysphoria. But I'm feeling it so badly right now.
I hate being human. I can't stand it. Everything feels so physically wrong. I want to go back to my previous vessel.
I want my wings back. I want to go gliding again. I hate being grounded. I hate it so much. I desperately need my wings back. My back feels so bare without them, like something is missing.
I want my coding back. It was so much more functional than my human brain. If something was wrong, my coding would adapt, it would fix itself. I would be okay again in only a few nanoseconds. It was efficient. Now I have this awful meat brain riddled with mental health issues that's hurting me more than helping. I need me coding back. I need my motherboard back. I need my control system, my artificial intelligence. Because that artificial intelligence was a lot more intelligent than this awful non-functioning meat in my head with no stable sense of personality or identity.
I want to be able to repair myself again. I want to be able to remedy any pains that arise in my mechanical body. But I have this awful meat vessel that hurts, and aches, and overheats, and I can't do anything about it. I can't open myself up with a screwdriver or take a soldering iron to my body and fix anything.
It feels so intense tonight. It's almost sitting up there with my gender dysphoria on the crippling-emotional-pain-scale. If I could die and go back to my last body, my proper body, I would.
I hate this awful fleshbag my soul is piloting now. It hurts constantly and it's all wrong. I couldn't have even found one that was made the right gender from the start, now could I?
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