The path not taken (or the path taken too far)
One of the downsides of believing (or suspecting) that every decision we do or don’t make is played out in some part of the multiverse/parallel reality plain, combined with sometimes seeing these other realities, shadow intrusions into our limited existence, like silhouettes behind a curtain, is that occasionally the two collide.
What I mean by this is sometimes I make a decision, take a course of action, or worse, unthinkingly do something, only to see not only the results of what just happened unfolding in front of me, but also in the corner of my eye, just at the very periphery of consciousness, I see all the other permutations spiralling away further and further into distant existences. Sometimes the satisfaction of seeing worlds destroyed, past and future changed, wailing and gnashing of teeth in all the other plains because I made the right decision here, brings a sense of contentment, even satisfaction, that the right choice has been made, the right path taken.
Of course when I screw up, I see what I should have done in infinite permutations swirling around me, and the memory of seeing the achievements, the happiness, closeness, delight or joy that could have been reflected back for the furthest edges of reality haunts my dreams for days, months or years. Seeing the road not taken spiral away into infinity, unreachable, unachievable, unforgetable.
Some days I wish there was only what we see, what is around us, success or failure, right or wrong. Some days I wish for the ignorance of not knowing what I could have had, what I could have done, what I should have said, or not said and done. Having seen and sensed what can be, and seen how far away the right path has disappeared there are days it hurts to live. But then I know for others, every day it hurts to live, and some of that pain is my fault. So enough complaining and back to the day job.
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