I shouldn't have written that last post, as now I feel the swarm approaching at full force. Like the character of the same name in Skylanders, the swarm is coming together into a single massive form. It's far from reaching the point where I'm up all night worrying about it (and yes, that has happened), but it's there.
I tend to believe that the most straightforward explanation is the most likely to be correct. And what's the simplest explanation for why I don't shift, don't know my kin type, and very rarely connect to it in any way? Me not actually being kin.
Don't worry, doubt in this case is not the same thing as disbelief. I'm not relenting to the swarm just yet. I have a big can of big spray called "I've been through this so many times and the end result is always the same" to keep me fighting.
It's sometimes hard to keep up faith, and faith is all I have. Faith is the only reason I still believe that I'm kin in the first place. I have faith in my interpretations of things. When that faith is shaken, there's really nothing else to keep it standing.
If anyone is planning to reply to this, I have to ask you a favor. Pure though your intentions are, please don't tell me that it's OK if I'm not kin. I understand where you would be coming from, but it doesn't help. Putting all of this effort, time, and pain into something that turns out not to be true is not "OK." Learning that I've been completely wrong about my identity for more than half of my life is not "OK."
Like I said, I'm not ready to give in to the swarm just yet. But in order to defeat it I have to starve it. It's fed by reading about other people's experiences, so I have to do a better job of sticking to the off-topic sections of the forum.
I know I can beat the swarm; I've beaten it so many times before. Just know that I might be fighting it for a while, or it may give up within the hour. Either way, please bear with me until it's gone.
Mew likes this.
You need to be logged in to comment