Even in the worst of times, song lyrics come to my head. I really am a faun (or close enough anyway).
That's the last bit of positivity you're going to get out of me for a while, though. Because it really is the end. Today, pretty much out of the blue, I got fired from my job. No advance notice, no time to clean out my desk, just "get the duck out." I've never been fired before, and I don't know what to do. Don't get me wrong; as my previous blog posts have noted, I've been having trouble with work for a while now, and I have been seeking another job. But the problems were all their fault, not mine. And I know, everyone says that, but I swear to god (Pan?) it's true. I've already gone over most of this in my blogs, but hear me out.
Back in April, we switched to a new software system, which screwed up everything. The process of the transition was a huge pain in the ass, and after it, my work load literally doubled overnight. And I'm not someone who uses the word "literally" inappropriately; if anything, that's an understatement. Meanwhile, my pay stayed the same. In fact, considering inflation, it actually went down. No raises, no bonuses, no promotions, nothing. Over the subsequent months, they kept adding more things they wanted me to do, and I never complained. I never even asked for a raise or anything. But because of the increased workload and challenges, things started to get delayed. There wasn't enough time to get things done. And I did start working more than 8 hours a day, but I couldn't put in much more for two reasons. First, I have serious ADD. And lest you think otherwise, that is a real and serious thing. I take medication for it, but that only does so much, and it eventually wears off. Second, I was criminally underpaid, and it didn't make sense to me to work on the weekends or late into the night at my salary. And they knew they weren't paying me enough; they're ducking accountants. So anyway, recently they said they wanted to transition me to worming on something else. "Great," I thought, "a fresh start." But they started training me and having me work on the new stuff while I was still responsible for the old stuff, and still overworked with the old stuff. Then finally, right when I was going to start doing the new stuff fully, they fire me. What was the ducking point of the ducking training then? Why even ducking bother?
So now I'm screwed. As I've made clear on this blog before, I'm already broke. I'm getting severance pay for two weeks. Wonderful. So unless I manage to get a decently paying job in two weeks, I can't pay for my apartment, I haven't had much luck finding a new job, and I don't know what to tell my parents. Because I'll need their help to survive this. But what will I say? And how will they respond? On one hand they've been sympathetic about my work trouble so far, but I can't be totally sure they'll believe me when I tell them it wasn't my fault. I don't want to get into a fight with them. I don't want to hear their lectures. I know I'm going to have to tell them, and I know they'll likely understand, but the chance they won't makes it really hard for me.
So I don't know what to do. This is brand new territory for me, and I don't like new territory. I feel paralyzed. No matter what, this won't end well.
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