Once again, this is multiple posts in one.
Post 1: State of the Fauntaur Version 2
My thoughts and feelings change so fast that what I felt and thought when writing my last post isn't necessarily what I think and feel now. And both thoughts and feelings are key to figuring myself out. The inconsistency of them means that every time I think I can deny a theory, something makes it pop back up. So here I'm going to talk about where my thoughts and feelings are leading me today, May 5th 2016.
My thoughts connect to the evidence, and as I've said before, most of the evidence points to a faun/satyr. And it is pretty strong evidence, just about as strong as evidence can be for things like this. It may also explain the relative lack of shifts, as a satyr isn't all that different from a human. My thoughts also have something to say about the whole transformation aspect, but that's a subject for a later sub-post. Right now my thoughts mostly turn to the evidence. My thoughts are also telling me that I should keep looking, but take a break and let things come to me, despite what my feelings are telling me.
My feelings change more rapidly than my thoughts. Just when I thought the centaur body shape didn't fit me, that resonance came back. Just when I thought that the demon theory only made sense as a name, I started feeling the “dark side” again. So going by those thoughts of the moment don't help me very much. Instead, I tried looking at it as a lot of people do: what kin type feels the most right? And the only one that really felt right, even though it was only a short time, was demon. My feelings also tell me that enough is enough with the meditations and everything else, because they haven't gotten me anywhere. My feelings also refuse to let me stop looking though, because they don't like that void in my identity. Hence, my working theories.
So I'm going to compromise between my thoughts and my feelings. I will take a break, but only after I combine all of this information into a new working theory of what exactly a Fauntaur is. My new working theory is that it is a faun or satyr, and that that, at least in the world it comes from, is a kind of demon. “The world it comes from?” you might be asking. Well, join me in the next sub-post. For now, though, I'm taking this as my most likely scenario.
Post 2: I'll be your fantasy
I've always rejected the notion that I might be fiction kin out of hand, because it doesn't mesh with my beliefs about what my kin nature comes from. But I began thinking yesterday, and I realized that fiction plays a huge part in my kin experiences and feelings. Fiction is always what causes The Unstoppable Feeling, and even though my first major belief about my kin type was wrong, it was still a “mythical” creature. Furthermore, a little while ago I suggested the idea that the reason forced transformations in fiction affect me so much is that I was a victim of one in a past life. But that doesn't make any sense, does it? Even if we can stretch our beliefs to say that a Fauntaur somehow existed, physical transformation by higher powers just isn't a thing. That's why I call this the “fanciful theory.” Well, that and because I like naming things.
After talking to some experts on the subject, one currently here and one formerly here, I don't believe that I'm fiction kin per se; it's not a specific piece of media I'm connected to. But some fiction kin believe their kin types exist(ed) in other worlds, and that idea is what I was thinking about yesterday. Like most of my beliefs, and indeed most spiritual beliefs in general, that still doesn't make a lot of sense. But it does make more sense than these ideas existing in this world somehow. Or at least, that's my perspective.
Alternate universes that match our world’s fiction is actually a major theme in the series of stories I've been writing since high school. So I'm actually surprised this is the first time I've ever really thought about it. I've mentioned the idea before, but generally hand-waived it. Now, as stupid and ridiculous as it is, I have to wonder if some part of me came from another world. Not physically of course; I think we would all know by now if that ever happened. But my spirit, or at least some part of it. It's not the most ridiculous thing I've ever thought of. I am still taking a break from figuring myself out, but this is still part of the theory.
Playing on these ideas, and more for fun than anything, I'm planning to write a story based on my various theories and possibilities. I'll post it in the part of the forum where that stuff goes.
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