Why (a letter to my Guardian)? | Kinmunity: Otherkin Community

Why (a letter to my Guardian)?

Published by Lowin in the blog Lowin's blog. Views: 57

To my Guardian:

It's been awhile. I apologize for not explicitly writing you lately.

First of all, I want to thank you for what you've been doing for me lately, particularly over the past week. I don't think I need to tell you how my life has been...or how much I've been struggling with it.

I know it was you. I don't know how you did it, but I've no doubt that you were the one behind that coincidence the other day. He was stabbing me with his tongue, slurring insults that made me out to be some kind of lazy, ungrateful, uncaring person simply because I didn't want to bake a cake with spoiled dairy. I was hiding under a blanket, crying, begging for the abuse to stop; then the power went out. The power went out right as he was about to slam the oven door on that disgusting cake, and he had to eat his words and drop that petty ****ing argument.

I don't have the words to describe the awe and gratitude I feel toward you right now. All I can say is thank you in the most sincere tone I can muster, as I cried the rest of my thankful tears the other day. <3

However, I must ask: why? Why is this happening to me? Is this your doing?

Please understand that I'm not blaming you for anything, and I would never hold this against you. It's just that...well, if this is a test--which I feel this may very well be--then I fear I'm failing. The weight on my shoulders is just too much. I'm tired. I'm suffocating. At this point, I'm just waiting for the next stage of my life to carry me away from this mess. I feel like helping from a distance would be easier, but I also feel like I shouldn't. I'm stuck in the middle of a game of Tug-'o'-War, paralyzed by my own exhaustion, threatened by a sense of fatalism that I desperately don't want to adopt. I know this isn't how it is or how it has to be. I'm better than that...

...but I don't know how much I have left in me. I don't know if I can pull myself out of this hole alone. I know that this will eventually be my profession, and I embrace everything that's happened to me as valuable experience to be referenced in the future, but this....I don't know.

Your warmth tells me that you understand where I'm coming from. Thank you for that. Again, I don't know whether or not this is your influence, and I don't blame you if it is. I just need some strength right now. I'm fresh out of my own.
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