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Kinmunity is an online community resource for otherkin, therianthropes, the other-hearted, vampires, plural systems, and others with non-human identities. By signing up, you'll be able to participate in the largest and most active otherkin community on the internet. We provide forums, personal profiles, blogs, an image gallery, and a live chatroom to our registered members. Signing up is really fast, why not join us? All are welcome on Kinmunity!

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  1. I was thinking earlier and I realized that I had had so many experiences before I even knew of the community. I realized that I have always been a wolf but I was terribly misled for a while due to bad sources of information upon finding the community. Most of the places I found were all like "if you have a connection to X than you are X-kin". I assumed I was feline. Nope. I am feline-hearted, though. I also assumed that I was several other things beside that...nope. I'm not even -hearted to those things I "tried on", for lack of a better word. I calmed down a bit towards the end of 2011 and started acknowledging the things pointing me towards wolves. Interestingly, I have always gone back to wolves after trying to be other things. I had no control of that and it would bubble up and over while I was off-guard and not trying to keep my pseudo-types up. Looking at my motivations, a lot of the reason why I didn't want to be a wolf had to do with the common factor. Harsher grilling, accusations...stuff like that.

    It's actually very recently (this month of this year) that I have stopped trying to make myself something else. The only thing wrong with my original idea of what I am was that I had assumed I was a grey wolf. I actually am not a grey wolf. I am definitely red. There's a lot of debate among scientists about whether my theriotype species is a grey wolf/coyote hybrid or if we are really our own species. No one knows! The USFWS agrees with the latter and while this is a form of appeal to authority, I will side with them on that unless solid evidence against is found. For now, I don't particularly care either way. I'm a canine of some kind, primarily wolf-like while being smaller than the grey wolf and bigger than the coyote. "Red wolf" just fits the bill and I feel more like a red wolf than any other canid. I feel that "this is what I am" thing a lot more strongly with red wolves, too.

    That is extremely vague, I know. I am not articulate with feelings, though. That is the best I can do to explain one way I know besides the seemingly endless research I am still doing about my species. If anyone knows of any reliable books or documentaries that focus on red wolves, please let me know. 

    I also want to talk about my fictotype a bit. I am fictionkin but I should probably not say I am otherkin or polykin because of that alone. I was a human. Does the AI version of me also count as human? I mean, that is also me....a portion of me. I was aware of myself during that whole experience as an AI. As for skag, I'm not sure if I am one of those or not. Possibly a cameo shift. Gotta question that a bit more. It's probably safe for me to just check "Therian/Were" due to those facts.

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    From the moment I first came to recognize and accept the idea that I may be something other than human -- alien, specifically -- I ventured to pursue the subject with as little predisposition and expectation as possible. I was very wary of becoming misled by tales of encounters with extraterrestrials, fearful that my imagination may fabricate memories based on those stories because of some subconscious desire to know more. To that end, I entered into a long period of introspection with as little external influence as was possible. I have since uncovered quite a bit about myself, enough to establish a firm foundation from which to finally dive into the popular lore of the Grays, the alien species I identify as.

    I'll be the first to admit that, despite identifying as one, I probably know less about the Grays than your average UFO fanatic. This, as stated above, was entirely intentional. Now, I'm finally comfortable enough to delve through the muck and see if there's anything worthwhile hiding in there. Much to my surprise, there was. Now, I've only barely scratched the surface of the lore that is out there, but I was surprised at how many small facts felt at least partially correct. Of course, I was also surprised at how thick the muck was that I'd found myself digging through, but I suppose that comes with the territory. It's really rather frustrating. I would find myself reading through something that I couldn't be sure wasn't written by a troll or a crazed lunatic, yet I found myself unable to discount it entirely because, though a majority read like the ravings of a madman, they'd stated one or two unique things that felt very correct to me. For every few times that I found myself shaking my head incredulously at the utter garbage in front of me, there would be that one little sliver of a eureka moment that would keep me reading on.

    Now, I'm a skeptic by nature, so one needn't tell me to take things I read, especially on the internet, with a grain of salt. Trust me, my time in Overwatch's competitive mode has given me quite the pile of salt to pull from, thank you kindly. And yes, I would confirm that much of what I've read thus far has seemed like 90% utter fantasy with a sprinkling of truth here and there. Still, that sprinkling of truth it worth the dig, and I am determined to find all that is worth finding.

  2. I went inactive for quite some time. And as it always goes when I do this, it was without warning.

    But that's ok! Because while I was away I learned alot about my self, my spirituality and my identity as both a human, and a therian/otherkin.

    Within my last blog entry, I was attempting to setting a disturbance within my identity as a timber wolf therian. I was convinced at the time that, even after my journey of self-discovery and soul-searching that I've identified as so, I was wrong. I'm past that now, and have rekindled my identity as a timber wolf within. I'm not sure what caused a lapse in my judgement, but it's done.

    As I was away, I also have managed to come to terms with something that's been stirring in my mind for a little over a year and a half now. I used to ignore any thoughts I had on this subject, but sometime early last year it began to grow more and more persistent. And that is my identity as a demon.

    What type of demon? I'm not entirely sure. I'm not even sure if I have a "type." but demonic is all I can bring myself to describe it as.

    The reason I shied away from this part of myself, ignoring it for so long, is because I was afraid of changing. I'm afraid of change when it comes to myself. But now that I've stopped suppressing these feelings and took time to work it out with myself (logging about my thoughts on it in my private journal, doing research, and self-pondering) and came to accept my demonic identity.

    I'm a bit shy of sharing this here- but I know all you folks here are very helpful. Especially when it comes to younger people like myself.

    I guess that's all for now. I'll try to be more active within the forums again!

  3. Shezep
    Latest Entry

    Shift of the day: mental celestial shift, or is it hawk?

    At first I thought it was celestial, but then I noticed my head moving around a lot. It's possible that we were using raptor as something in between celestial and human. If you're going to make the plunge into physical it would help to start off with something simpler to manage than human, wouldn't it? I feel that my celestial instincts are rather compatible with that of a hawk anyway. Watch, wait, fly, attack. At least as a guard that was pretty much how it worked. 

    The celestial side was both way more simple, and also way more complex than what I am now. It really was something like that comic I posted last time. I could sense way more variables, take in a lot more information, but it was instantaneous, the way your eyes instantly interpret wavelengths of light. Speaking was the same way, projecting a complete thought with all those variables intact all at once, or maybe like singing a song, where the variables drift over time, but that time didn't have to take more than a split second. Unless I wanted to, for artistic reasons or something. It was just instinctive, just how things are done, nothing special. The drift was part of the song itself, woven in. It didn't have to consume time to relay. 

    I remember something Heru once said about my various shifts. He pointed to the energy states of electrons. Translation: I might jump to different shifting patterns based on my energy level at the time. My standard shifts are like rungs on that ladder, predictable landing points among harmonic forms. Isn't talking to celestials fun? Lion is generally a low energy state. Human is somewhere in the middle. Hawk is higher. Celestial, higher than that. So, I would tend to pass through hawk on my way to celestial? Lions are big and heavy, more earthly, more solid, and they sleep a lot. 

    That doesn't really explain my mix and match phantom limbs. Maybe phantom limbs are looser. Mental shifts are a bigger deal. Spiritual shifts? Hmm. 

    The New Agers seem to be all about making the energy states go higher. I don't really understand the fascination. Why is higher always better than lower? Do you paint all of your rainbows in ultra violet? Enlightenment isn't supposed to be a race to the top. It's about making peace with whichever part of the spectrum you find yourself in. 

  4. As topic says, I'm back ^^

    I went into a trip for the dragonkins forums and came back victorious xD

    Now my activity will come to normal.

     

  5. Cross-posting a recent reply of mine to the thread about feeling comfort while wearing therian/otherkin gear, since I wanted to keep a record of it for my kin blog/journal.

    "Not quite the same [as wearing a tail might be for certain therians], but I have this black peacoat I got as a "you need a nice coat for church/important Events" Christmas present one year that I've since started wearing a lot more regularly around my campus. Last week or so ago, the thought just crossed my mind as I was walking that the way it made my figure look in my shadow struck me as right for who I am as Lucifer. Something in the way the coat changed the cut of my shoulders made me feel a moment's pride and power."

  6. BirdMonster
    Latest Entry

    I have done a lot of thinking recently on kintypes, mostly on my Night Fury one. I had believed that it was true but I feel that I may have jumped to conclusions. At the time, I was very much in love with the series so I believe I may have induced some cameo shifts out of love of the dragon. I still look at my old drawings and consider the fact that I have drawn myself in a sort of way that hints that I could have a dragon kintype with scales, spikes, and even wings. Yet, it still doesn't feel right. I had a hard time believing even myself when I first announced that I was dragonkin and I still don't wholeheartedly believed it. So, I decided to remove that identity from my profile.

    I do not wish to offend any of my dragon friends but I have a hard time believing that it is possible to be a dragon. I believe many other's identities but claiming that I was one was something that I couldn't even believe.

    But in the meantime in my brief hiatus, I began thinking about some other things. One thing for sure was horses. I was one of those kids who was absolutely obsessed with horses when they were younger. I even remember wanting to be a horse when I got older. Recently, I have been observing the way I have been walking and feeling. Sometimes, I feel the shifts of a raptor but I also feel the shifts of hooves.

    For a while I ignored it as an odd cameo shift like always but for years I've been feeling it, especially when I walk on cobblestone paths and roads. I can practically hear the sound of hooves on the stone and the sound of a cart rattling behind me. I even wear some bulky shoes sometimes as it feels like hooves and even gives the sounds. I've felt ears before but just disregarded it as the feeling of my feather crest. Recently, it finally all came back to me and it was one of those moments where I went "How have I not noticed it before?"

    Comparing what I had said previously about my night fury shifts, I realized that I have remembered interacting with humans and have been adorned with leather straps and bindings. At first, I believed those were to keep me imprisoned (which in some cases it might have) but I noticed that they are probably actually the various gear that horses are put into to pull carts or ride.

    It is a bit difficult for me to explain but I believe I may have had a previous life as a draft horse of some kind. I've always been drawn to large horses such as Clydesdale, never the small and fast horses. I remember something about pulling with a strain on my shoulders. Although the memories were hazy, I can even remember interacting with two other Clydesdale-like horses. 

    I grew up to become a horse that pulled some sort of cart. This is why I remember the sound of wheels and walking on cobblestone. My whole life was just that and pretty short. Something that must have happened early on that cut everything short. I hypothesize that it was probably a severe injury or sickness.

    Because of how short this life was, I definitely see it as a secondary kintype. I'll explore this kintype more for sure but it seems more accurate.

  7. Okay...

    Looking for more assistance from folks around here. Namely, to help me with betaing lyrics and helping with melody of said lyrics. Also: If anyone would like to assist in accompaniment for the songs, do let me know as well. ^^

    Anywho, as to why I'm asking for this? I'm wanting to do some Vocaloid related works. Namely, with English Vocaloids or those with English singing capabilities (namely, at this point, KAITO (and a few well-known brothers *twilight zone'd*) and Big AL right now.... /Maybe/ DEX and DAINA in the near future as well, but don't get your hopes up there).

    If anyone's willing to collaborate on them with me or give me some musical pointers, do let me know.

  8. ~Last night I read fanfiction someone wrote. It was good fanfiction, don't get me wrong, but very descriptive about my father's death. I can still hear the whole thing play out. I don't hold a grudge anymore, there is no point, I just wish I knew why us? Why would anyone create a sentient being, then erase it like a mistake? Right now in this time if we could make a talking dog it would be a miracle, it could happen in the next 100 years if we can already genetically alter fruit! A talking dog would be cute, something everyone wants, but say they grew hunchbacked and wrinkly and made their own colony, not much of an appeal to anyone. They would still be people! Not human people, but people nonetheless! If they are being peaceful then why would anyone, specifically their creators, have reason to wipe them out?

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    What better way to begin my new blog than to write a more organised and comprehensive entry about my awakening, identity and introduction to the community? I did create one of these before and my first consideration was to copy-paste into my new blog but the disorganised layout and outdated information in some parts led me to scrap it and start from scratch. So without further ado, I'll get straight to business.

     

    Introduction

    For those who don't know me, I suppose I'll begin with a quick introduction. Within the community I always go by AshenFall, I tend not to switch around my username for simplicity and because I've grown attached to it. We don't constantly change our names in real life, so why do so on the internet? More informally I go by the names: Ash, Ashen or Floof, although any reasonable derivation of my username I'm perfectly fine with. 

    I am a 19 year old trans man from the edge of the Lake District, a national park situated in one of the northernmost regions of England. Surprisingly, I do have a life outside of the internet, although the amount of time I spend on it would have one believe otherwise! I'm currently studying psychology at university, hoping one day to find a job in the realm of forensic psychology but I try not to be too specific due to the unpredictable nature of life and health issues. 

    I have a pet birb, a Green Cheeked Conure named Darwin. But I also have a more fiery bird companion living in my head, Arca. I do have a daemon too, Arabella is the name she currently goes by, although as of yet she does not have a settled form. So I suppose you could say we're a system of three but not in the traditional sense, I almost always control the body. 

    I've been an active part of the otherkin community for nearly two years now, although I have identified as such (without knowing the term) for several years longer. I have three kintypes, snow leopard, western dragon and Rhys of the Borderlands universe. I most certainly didn't discover them at the same time, it was far more of a staggered process, in order from left to right. I won't deny I had my fair share of mistakes happen on the journey of self-discovery and I'll go into that below. 

     

    Initial Awakening

    Thinking back to when I first felt the signs of being non-human a lot is pretty blurry. I never had an awakening in the traditional sense, but at the same time it wasn't a feeling that was "always there and I knew it". As a child I'd always had a strong draw toward animals, I saw them more as brethren than as another species as cheesy as that sounds. But hey I was a kid, kids are pretty damn cheesy. Felids had always stuck out to me above the rest in terms of living creatures, and in mythology I was always attracted to dragons and felid-like creatures. I pretty much always played the cat, the tiger, the dragon. I didn't like playing as a human character all too much because it just felt wrong to me in a way I can't explain or quite put my finger on. 

    Looking back on that maybe it was a sign of my non-human identity and something that as a kid I couldn't really understand. Or maybe it was just some of the building blocks that led to a psychological occurrence forming my identities. I still don't know whether I view a more spiritual or psychological approach on being otherkin after all, so for now it's kind of a strong mixture of the two. Either way I try not to put too much stock into it because kids naturally play pretend and sentimentalism can skew things greatly. 

    As I grew up of course the days of playing pretend and running around on all fours ceased. Weirdly enough and much to my dismay however, I just didn't feel right like I was yearning to be able to express myself in such a way again. I didn't for very obvious reasons but some days it got stronger than others and it confused me. I was confused enough as it could get anyways without that, we're talking around 2008/09 if I recall correctly, I was reaching the years of cringy teen angst and puberty. Again, sometimes I'm not quite sure if this was just a normal transitioning behaviour from child to teen, or if it was another sign. 

    I always listed that time as the beginning my awakening because of the surfacing feelings and unease. But I'd be lying if I said it was the climax. It wasn't until I was 15 years old that it got to a level I couldn't deny or try to rationalise it as my imagination any more. Coincidentally enough this occurred not long after a time of great trauma in my life and the subsequent unstable months that followed. Around this time phantom limbs began to surface noticeably and I won't deny it scared me a bit, feeling appendages that weren't there. I think I may have had them before that time but my memory is sketchy. This was before my discovery of the otherkin community so I had no idea what phantom limbs were and I certainly didn't make the link to the syndromes of a similar name. I'd had what I assume were mental shifts before then so I'd experienced a couple weird things but this was a whole new level for me. 

    I always tried to rationalise it. It had to just be my imagination and some kind of fantasy or escapism from the trauma, right? Shifts became that bit more frequent and noticeable in both forms, phantom and mental. Not knowing the terms I just called them "moments" to myself and although I did feel they were linked to animals (I began experiencing what I'd later understand to be species dysphoria) it wasn't quite that simple. I didn't know otherkin existed, to me I was either getting caught up in my imagination or going insane. 

    But I'd soon discover it and things were about to start making sense to me. 

     

    Finding the Community

    I was 16 at the time, had been in a long distance relationship for a good few months with my now ex. She first introduced me to the terms otherkin and therian. She was a therian herself, a self-proclaimed wolf therian. I feel sheepish admitting for a few months I genuinely thought therians were roleplayers thanks to my ex being that therian. The wolfaboo kind who makes a pack, howls at the moon and wears tails and collars in public to express their therianthropy and "get in touch" with the animal within. So it was a case of thinking: "oh cool I guess I can be a therian too" although I didn't go to the wolfaboo extent, just online roleplaying with my ex and some other people. 

    At a later date I do remember her explaining to me better what a therian was. That it was an identity and more than just some roleplaying game. That's when I began googling the terms and came across a page on Therian-Guide. I never made a forum account there, just browsed through the information pages and I admit it really helped me make sense of what the terms really meant. It also hit me that these feelings I'd had earlier on in my life fit with some of the terminology being used and the definitions. That's when I seriously began to question if I was otherkin, although at the back of my mind I was worried I was being a "wannabe" and taking things at face value. 

    So I didn't start using the term right away, I just kept it in mind and started searching for advice on how to find your kintype. I don't recall where I searched, there were several sites, most abandoned or outdated. And there was a heck of a lot of conflicting and confusing information so I believe I stepped back from it all for awhile, feeling overwhelmed. It wasn't many months after that when me and my ex broke ties, went our separate ways I guess you could say. There'd been a bit of turmoil and a few situations but it didn't end badly. So with that and everything else I decided to stop the self-discovery and focus on more pressing things in my life, returning when I felt better equipped. 

    The shifts never went away of course, but I tried not to worry about them too much. I did try each time to figure out what they were. Sometimes I felt phantom wings, but more often I felt fur and wide paws and a tail and ears. Mental shifts were harder to figure out. 

    July of 2015 I decided to dive into the community again and get some advice and discover my kintype or kintypes. That's when I joined Kinmunity, finding it through a link on a Google+ therianthropy group page. After a few minutes of nervous consideration I signed up and made this very account, albeit anxious. I hadn't participated much on forums before and being socially anxious the worries exacerbated. I never joined the chat to begin with, for my first few weeks I don't think I ever dared click on the chat link out of fear, watching the little red number fluctuate in size. I did make an introduction (very cringy one in retrospect) and I felt so much relief to find myself being welcomed by so many people. Everyone seemed nice.

    It still took me a little while before I began posting frequently in the forums though, and asking for advice every now and then. Heh I still remember kiror telling me to look into bony fish after a red herring (pun not intended) meditation session. And speaking of red herrings, I've had plenty of them. I did look into the fish, but quickly found out that was just some sensation completely unrelated to shifts. I looked into canids for ages, it seems everyone begins drawn to the wolves. Some things fit, but a lot didn't so I gave up looking there. I felt feline mostly when I thought about it, but... there was something else too. I still had that draw to canines so I looked into hyenas, being feliformes with canine traits. The Striped Hyena I looked into for a bit but that didn't fit. Then I looked into the felidae. Tigers were my initial go-to. I'd been obsessed with tigers since I was a little kid (funnily enough they are the closest cousins of the snow leopard, a species which I didn't know about as a kid) so it felt natural to check 'em out. But nah, too big. I snooped through many different felids but it was a case of: "nope, no, no, no maybe... oh maybe not, no" before I hit the clouded leopard. There was a week where I thought I'd nailed it but something felt off about it still, especially climate-wise. 

    After much introspection, meditation, writing otherkin journals and keeping tabs on odd behaviours I finally came to the conclusion I was a snow leopard. It was far from simple, that I can remember as clear as day. But I'd gotten there and that was what mattered to me most right then. 

     

    Second Kintype

    I was so happy I'd found my kintype I completely disregarded the other feelings I'd been getting. I think at the time I just kept passing them off as cameo shifts, especially the whole wing scenario. After finding my kintype I'd gained that bit more confidence, not feeling like some kid out of the loop with no knowledge of what I was. I participated a lot more on the site, joined a few chat groups, made some great friends and life was good. 

    But there came a time when I couldn't pass off these shifts as just cameos. They were happening far too frequently and, not aligning with my snow leopard kintype I had to acknowledge maybe I did have a second kintype. At the time I was skeptical, I knew there were many people with more than one kintype but I feel like I was always scared I was getting too ahead of myself hence the repression for so long. It took a long time before I settled on dragon actually, I tried to avoid that path because I thought much like the wolf situation with many therians, that I would be fluffy for thinking I was. But looking through birds, mythological birds and even dinosaurs, nothing fully clicked. My last step was looking into dragons and there it was I found my answer. Funnily enough I realised I also somewhat resemble one of Pathfinder's Gold Dragons. I don't believe I am one though and that part is more coincidence than anything else. I mean I won't disregard the possibility of course, but there are enough differences to make me shrug off that part. 

    Like discovering my snow leopard kintype, I used similar tactics albeit more comfortably this time as I was getting the hang of the whole introspection thing. Again I did use meditation, but the memories I uncovered while doing so I was more sceptical and critical of, than I was back when I first found the community. There was enough to make me realise I was a desert dwelling dragon, but that is the most damning evidence I have uncovered since then. 

    It was around this time also that I began questioning whether I saw my identity as spiritual or psychological in nature. Initially I had come into the community strongly believing it was a spiritual thing, but as I spent more time the psychological possibilities began making sense to me also. And being unsure about my stance on the existence of dragons in this universe it definitely brought rise to many doubts and uncertainties. I won't deny that even now I'm unsure which explanation makes the most sense to me, although I do believe there is a strong psychological aspect. I've never ruled out spiritual explanations either, especially regarding my snow leopard kintype, that I still feel is a strong mix of both. 

     

    Multiplicity

    Some time around the months when I was discovering my second kintype I stumbled upon the tulpa community. We're talking late 2015, I'd heard the term mentioned a few times on Kinmunity and I was intrigued. I'd actually heard the term before then, but in that one creepypasta called the Tulpa Effect and I highly doubted they were the same thing. I looked about on tulpa.info, read some guides and started to build up a picture of what to expect from creating a tulpa and the best ways to go about it. I remember at the same time Mirath was also making a tulpa, so we kinda worked together through a lot of the process with our respective planned tulpae. I think it took around four to five months of forcing, concentration and meditation (and a few changes in form) before me and Arca could communicate to a point I could call him a headmate. Since then we've been extremely close and although he doesn't speak much on the site and admits he's more of an observer, he's a good companion. 

    It's been well over a year now since we first "met" and honestly sometimes it's hard to remember what life was like without him around, sharing the headspace. Since that time we've had a couple walk-ins (never staying long) and within the last few months I also began work on a daemon who I briefly mentioned above. As I said there, we're still in the early stages but she's communicative just not yet settled on a form. That's something we'll dedicate more time on when I'm not so busy with university I think. 

    Despite technically being a plural system, we've never really bothered to call ourselves such. We all feel at our core we're a strongly tied median system, yes we're separate from each other but all interconnected deeply enough we don't actually feel separate in that sense. Terminology tends to confuse me though, so honestly we don't care what we're called (within reason). 

     

    Mistaken Identity and Being Fictionkin

    Before the daemonism situation I had quite the confusing time. First I began questioning fictionkin mid-2016, but not the kintype I currently identify as. I made a huge mistake that I'm still kind of embarrassed about to this day, because I jumped the gun and ignored my own advice I so often preach. 

    It wasn't that I hadn't spent a good long look and think about it all! No, it was just at the time I encountered such a strong feeling and fuelled with cameo shifts I found myself led astray. I'd been binge watching American Horror Story again at the time and I think my love for the show interfered very strongly in that regard. But a month or so later after the Netflix binge I realised I had been too quick to conclude when any "identity" I had in that brief period completely ceased and safe to say hasn't resurfaced since. I still don't know if it was a cameo shift scenario or a fictionhearted connection but I do my best not to dwell on it too much because in the end it doesn't really matter. 

    The gods know I lost a lot of confidence in my ability to tell what was what after my mistake. So after I'd played Tales from the Borderlands for the very first time and had it stir up emotions and recognition beyond what I could ever have expected I was crazy doubtful. I tried for a short while to repress it, but it was actually making me depressed and the homesickness hit extreme levels to where at some points I just didn't want to talk to anybody, even Arca. 

    I decided at that point I couldn't pretend this wasn't a thing, so I plucked up my courage and decided it was time to do some good old introspection and research. I'd known about the Borderlands series for a while, but beyond the name I didn't know a single thing about it. So when I first played the games I had gone in blind and yet felt a familiarity that really struck me as off. And that was only the beginning. I do feel I had shifts relating to my identity as Rhys before then, but I'm wary of saying such, since it could be my mind playing tricks on me for that part. And of course I'm still very sceptical on my stance of being fictionkin in a past life. 

    Since then I have definitely had a fair share of mental shifts and phantom shifts, like with my other kintypes. While in the questioning process I kept my distance from the games for a while, or anything that reminded me of them. Like my mistaken identity I didn't want to jump the gun. But unlike last time the homesickness just kept cropping up even when I hadn't been thinking about it, and the shifts didn't stop after a couple months. I got memories too, every now and then, brief flashes of things that happened between what was documented in the canon, and things that did happen in canon, albeit with a few differences. In terms of processes, similar to my previous two kintypes. Introspection, research, journals, distancing to ensure there was no confirmation bias or confusion going on. 

    It did take me a while, but by the end of 2016 I felt comfortable enough in myself to know that this time I'd hit a kintype and not made a mistake. In terms of how close to canon I feel I am... pretty close. Most things I recall being similar or the same, nothing major happened differently anyways. 

     

    Fini

    So by the time 2017 rolled in I was comfortable in saying I had three kintypes and now, heading into mid-year I most certainly still am. Since then I haven't had any other possible kintypes surfacing so I feel confident that I probably don't have any more. I've had cameo shifts every now and then, but very brief and since my mistake I tend to pay little heed to them, especially since so far none have persisted beyond a month at a time. 

    With all of that said, I suppose I'll conclude this entry, my fingers are losing fuel here, heh. If anyone actually read this far, props to you because I am terrible for rambling on too long. And on that note I'm happy to answer questions here on this blog post or elaborate on anything. 

     

     

     

  9. Grey
    Latest Entry

    "If you're not [ ] then you don't have a say in what is offensive to [ ]" 

    If you're claiming to be the only ones who are able to make the rules, then you are responsible for teaching others how to play by them.

    "Its not our job to educate people!" 

    You don't get to have it both ways. If you're claiming ownership of the rules, then its your responsibility to educate others about them. You can't have your cake and eat it, too. You can't get angry at people for merely being ignorant about the things that you claim that they should know, but you won't bother to teach them. 

    This is a great way to alienate potential allies to your cause. No-one wants to be on your team when you just continue to move the goal posts for them and your standards become unachievable. 

    "Your status as an ally shouldn't depend on how nice we are to you. You should be an ally because its the right thing to do."

    The truth is that no-one owes you anything. And they're certainly going to be less willing to give their support if all they see is a group of unreasonable buttholes who are just as bigoted as the people they claim to hate. 

    A disorganized, hateful, and unreasonable movement makes social justice look like a joke. 

  10. Gryff
    Latest Entry

    (There really isn't anything of substance here)

    I don't have anything to say really; I'm just bored out of my skull right now. Lately I've had almost nothing at all to do at work, and I can only do so much to keep myself occupied. Reading stuff online, posting on the forum, writing, applying for jobs, reading comics...none of it is enough to keep me going. It's just so boring. So I'm going to ramble for a while.

     

    This job is going to end soon, in case I haven't already mentioned that. The temp agency screwed me over and so did the company. But whatever. I don't want to stay here anyway. Looking for a new job is just such a pain in the ass though, especially while also working full time. I was really hoping I wouldn't have to endure this process again so soon. I might have to start taking more time off from work to focus on the job hunt. Unfortunately, I get paid hourly, so during that time I wouldn't be getting paid.

    But I am taking half of tomorrow off; it's the start of C2E2 and I could use a fun time right about now. That's the Chicago Comics and Entertainment Expo, by the way. It's a big convention. I'm looking forward to it; it's always a lot of fun. Guests I'm looking forward to seeing include Troy Baker, Danielle Panabaker, Richard Horvitz, and David Yost to name a few. I managed to get a press badge because I write for a gaming blog, so I'm saving some money that way. I'm sure I'll post if anything interesting happens. I'll also be debuting my new cosplay, the Team Skull Grunt from Pokémon Sun and Moon. I've been working on it since pretty much when the games came out, so I'm glad to finally have a use for it.

     

    Let's see...switching gears to the site itself, I've noticed a shift of sorts. It used to be that people here were way too hard on new members, and I fought hard against that. But nowadays it seems like we’re heading for the opposite problem: not questioning new members enough. I appreciate people sounding less accusatory, but there's a balance required and I think we might have flipped the scales a bit too far. But it could also just be my imagination or a small sample size. I just don't want to see the site overrun by people who don't understand what we’re about, nor do I want to see well-meaning people shut out. It's difficult.

     

    Let's see...what else is there to talk about...I’ve been playing Persona 5, so that's something. While it can be a tad overwhelming, I am very much enjoying it. The story and the characters are great so far. The music is quite catchy as well. I've also made a brief return to Skylanders Imaginators, which besides being a lot of fun is the only video game I know of that lets you play as a faun (excluding mods). And on the side I'm working on Shovel Knight: Specter of Torment, which is a lot more fun than I thought it would be. I haven't actually played the original yet but I'm sure I'll change that soon enough.

     

    And...that's it, really. That's what's going on with me. It's now just about time for my lunch break. Four hours to go before I'm out of here.

     

  11. I can't decide if she's a soulbond or if I'm kin as her.

    Reason being, she's something I created. Soulbonds are more or less a fictive or a character that you've created.

    But Til is a creature/person/being that reincarnates in multiple times and worlds, not always with magical abilities, and there are many days that I feel like I am her. But as real as that sometimes feels, at other times it feels completely ridiculous to say, "Oh yeah, I'm kin with a goddess-like creature that isn't actually a deity but is all-powerful in her original world and reincarnates to find her love and btw I created her and I'm her #edgyaf" And tbh, it's tempting to claim Til as myself. She's freaking cool. 

    Grr. 

    So for now I'm sticking with the soulbond theory, if for nothing other than because it's nicer to my reputation. 

    To be honest, the way that Til functions in my "system" reminds me a lot of descriptions of a median system. Lots of shards of a person that, for their differences, are in the end all the host. Til and I are different in attitude and memories, but we share the same identity. Except that Til is not a mermaid in any way, and thinks mermaids are douchebags. Which we admittedly are. That's another point in the soulbond column. 

    My latest blog posts have been a lot of, "here's all the information I found and I can now conclude that I am confused" but that's a good summary of where my research abilities have gotten me in life. But, that isn't to say that I've gotten nowhere. 

    I've managed to do a little more mermaid research and concluded that there's not much point. I've confirmed so much about my mentality and physiology that there's little reason to try and find legends and myths that fit. Particularly since I've decided that I was not from this world. And since I lean towards psychological, there's even less reason to depend on it. I am what I am, and I know what I know. Being a mermaid doesn't affect my life nearly as much now as it did a year ago, and I'm learning to deal with any negatives that come with it. I've found peace with what I am, and it doesn't control my life as much as it once did. 

  12. Kerguelen
    Latest Entry

    (I am not an 'objectkin' although given the content of this post, it's surprising I'm not)

    I've always had a fascination with inanimate, nonmechanical objects. But this wasn't like "oh I want to play with them," oh no. I wanted to be them. You know how most kids pretend to be animals? I did that too. But for me, it extended to objects. Most kids would stop at pretending to be a dog or a horse or whatever, but I was all "look at me, I'm a rock." Speaking of rocks, one time the church I was with (grew up in a churchy family) when I was about 6 or so put on a play with all the children. We each got a line, I don't remember what my line was but it had something to do with rocks. Think it was the line "the rock of salvation" or something like that. And I was all "I'm a literal rock!" and proceeded to pretend to be a rock during the play.

    Lots of kids played with dolls, too. So did I. I got lots of dolls (they all had this idea that my body shape determined my taste in toys?). I did play with the dolls, but instead of dressing them up or holding tea parties, I shaved their heads, painted their faces, and had them hold magic rituals. And another favorite way for me to play with dolls was to imagine their magic rituals going horribly wrong, and having them get turned into objects. Like Beauty and the Beast where they were still alive and stuff but they were objects.

    I've always wondered why, and I have an idea: perhaps this is why?

    Quote

    So, for example, pretending to be a rocket ship would not facilitate theory of mind, but pretending to be an astronaut flying a rocket ship would. His argument is that both role-playing and theory of mind require children to make predictions about others' actions and thoughts.

    http://www.apa.org/monitor/mar02/pretend.aspx

    Besides that, I still have this fascination. I still imagine what it would be like to be this thing or that thing or what have you, along with animals. I can't get too TMI on the blog, but a frequent "fantasy" of mine involves many of those elements. And the dreams. So many dreams.

  13. I remember a group of people who turned into dragons (I think they were cursed but not sure). The tallest dragon or one of the tallest was gray maybe a silver, one of the shortest was a red dragon. I don't remember names but I think I heard one person was called Mama Orange and another person was called Papa Black.  

    I also remember that they (probably will me) were going somewhere I think to save someone.

    They did not transform like in America Dragon Jake Long now yelling a phrase or smoke. Tore their clothes though.

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    Charias
    Latest Entry

    Today, me and my family went to a wildlife centre. It was really nice - we're broke most of the time and don't have a car, so outings like that are a rare occurrence for us.

    The centre we went to was pretty small, but had a lot more animals than I thought it did. I checked the website beforehand to see what they had there, but it turns out there was a lot of animals there that weren't on the site; I suppose it hadn't been updated in a while.

    And because of that, I had no idea there were wolves there until I was practically face-to-face with them.

    I'd love to be able to say something clicked, and there was an instant recognition and kinship there... but I'd be lying. They weren't interested in me at all. They weren't interested in any of us. They seemed very happy for captive wolves - they had plenty of space, and there was obviously a very strong bond between the wolves there. I assume they were related. But it was busy and there was a lot of noisy children, and the wolves went over to the private part of their enclosure before I could even get a proper look at them. They were smaller than my subspecies and darker, but still familiar enough to make me feel homesick.

    I wanted to howl to them. I wanted to go sniff their butts and greet them like a wolf should. I wanted them to see me as one of them. But, of course, they didn't. To them, I'm just another human being waddling about in a weird, hairless ape body. They can't see my phantom ears or snout. Of course they can't.

    I stuck around for a while feeling a kind of awkward longing, as well as that anticlimatic disappointment you get when something doesn't end up anywhere near as poignant as you were expecting.

    Then... well, I walked off. Looked at the other animals, took some pictures - you know how it goes. It really was a great day.

    My family went off to the toilets so I got some time to myself. I wandered back over to the wolves' enclosure, since it was quieter and I was hoping they might be more active if there wasn't a bunch of screaming children everywhere. They weren't really, but there was one who was lying out in the open. I looked at them for a bit. I think they were looking back at me, but who can say? Could easily be wishful thinking.

    I'm not disappointed I saw them at all. That's not what I'm saying... I've always wanted to see a wolf. That was the first time I've seen one since I awakened.

    It was just... bittersweet. I liked being able to see them, but at the same time it reminded me of how far removed I am from them. I'm never going to have a pack again, never going to hunt or run through the forests or sniff butts or chew bones or pounce around like a great big fool. Odds are, I'm never going to really know another wolf. I could theoretically, one day, if I can get my ass through college and then get lucky enough to get a job working at a wildlife centre or zoo like that. Maybe. But I'm not going to pin any hopes on it.

    But I have my dogs. And I have my human family. And I have the memory of my old pack. That's enough for me most of the time, and I'm sure it will continue to be so. I'm sure.

    ...

    ...

    ...Bittersweet indeed.

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    Spencer
    Latest Entry

    a few months ago i lost my theta delta necklace after it fell off my neck somehow. recently someone i know irl bought a theta delta necklace, and honestly im jealous because i miss mine, but im also irked because this person is not a therianthrope at all; theyre actually otherhearted and seem to be claiming to be a therianthrope for cool points. uhg. really pisses me off. i see them always making posts abt buying items that are supposed to pertain to their therianthropy, such as ears, for example. i honestly feel like theyve picked up this therianthrope identity just for fun and to seem cool and different. people like this seriously bother me, this is the third time ive dealt with someone irl going through a therian phase, and it truly is annoying. whats even worse is that they claim to be a wolf therianthrope, like wow. way to put effor into your identity without researching it. i only say this bc they randomly made a post coming out as a wolf therianthrope a while ago, and from there they never showed any interest into researching a theriotype or anything. uhgggggggg people seriously annoyyyyyy meeeeeee. sorry i dunno, i guess when youve considered yourself a therianthrope for like 13 years you run into a lot of these people and it just gets rlyyy old and tiring...

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    If love isn't real, 

    Why do people die for the lack of it? 

    What is that unexplainable feeling you get inside?

    Why is almost every book, film and song about it?

    Why do we search for it our whole lives? 

     

    If love is real, 

    Why am I the only one who doesn't have any...?

    Why can I not find it?

    Will I recognize it once I have it?

    Or will I chase it away without realizing what I did?

    Is love real?

  14. ravenwings111
    Latest Entry
    Some random thoughts about otherkin:

    -Would an exorcism hurt a demonkin?
    -If we all suddenly p-shifted, would predator therians try to hunt prey therians?
    -How awkward would it be if a newly awakened deitykin didn't previously believe in the existence of the god/goddess they are?
    -Would p-shifting be voluntary or involuntary? Or would it be permanant?
    -If p-shifting was a permanant change, how would that work for people with multiple kintypes/theriotypes?
    -Do non-human beings (such as fae, elves, angels, etc) have their own version of otherkinity (an elf identifying as a demon, for instance)?
    -If we p-shifted, would our pets still recognize us?
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    So for a long time now I've been trying to go back to my home and who I really am. I don't really know a way myself other than the traditional method, but I've been told by someone that if I do that I'll just end up right back here in this world for another five life times. Then I've been told that I'm here to learn a lesson which I personally don't get because if I'm here to learn a lesson and I've been here since ancient Egypt and the time of Thrace, then I'm pretty sure I've learned it more than once. What's more, what would be the point if I just end up back here without any of my memories other than the deep feeling I'm something else? Speaking of deep feelings, I have this overwhelming feeling that I was tricked or trapped into this world to either try and change who I am or to get to the immense natural resources of my vast forest. So I'm trying to find another way, or someone who can help me get back. I can't stop searching. I've tried meditating and going into astral travel but that never works. Please help me
  15. Neve VR52
    Latest Entry
    I have a new ID with the proper gender marker. I live in a house full of musicians and artists. Our living room is set up for recording with control up in my room. I essentially sleep in the control room of a recording studio. I have a functioning kitchen, a van that runs, and my new roommate's dog turned out to be a good dog who I've grown rather attached to already.

    I've come a long way.

    A year and a half ago, I was living with Craigslist roommates. The landlord decided to sell the house and gave us 30 days to get out. 30 days came and went, and I had no place to live. A friend of mine took me in, but here's the catch: he lived in an RV. Not a single-wide mobile home, a 32 foot RV. So I lived on the couch in the front, and he lived on the bed in the back. We lived in an RV park where I had to walk a block to go to the bathroom because the head in the RV didn't work. He had a conversion van that, after taking a job out of town, he let me rent from him. Little did I know that he wasn't making the payments on the van. I woke up from a nap to a knock on the door and a diesel truck idling outside. The van was repossessed. I was homeless again. I floated between some friends' places, and eventually ended up living on a couch in a hoarder house. "Hoarder" is no exaggeration, here. We couldn't use the kitchen. There was a deer trail from the door to the couch, the couch to the bathroom, the bathroom to the bedroom. I was thankful that I had a warm, dry place to sleep, but that house made me physically sick.

    This time last year, I was living in that house, and I found out that my mom had cancer. Working in live sound was taking its toll on me, and gigs were drying up. My great grandmother, the matriarch of my family, passed away in August. The main venue I had been working at decided that they weren't going to do live music anymore after threats from ASCAB about playing covers. I was in a bad place. Did I mention I was off my hormone therapy and anxiety medication the entire time?

    But then I moved here.

    This house is owned by my parents. I lease it from them, and sublet to roommates. It's sort of a rent-to-own situation. Paying the rent pays the mortgage, and if I pay it off, this is house is mine. I never have to move again. I can't express how grateful I am for that fact. I've moved a lot. I think the longest I've ever been in one place is maybe four years. I was down to nothing but my sound equipment and two paper bags of clothes. Now I have a closet, a comfortable bed, and a washer to clean my clothes. I'm back up to working full time now, entirely in recording, out of my own home.

    Life's good.

    So that's where I've been. Just getting myself back on track. I'm on my feet, and feeling good. I'm going to be around much more now. Thank you all, Kinmunity. Y'all helped me through a very hard time in my life. I don't know if I would've made it had I not found you all, and in effect, reconnected with myself. That was the start of me moving into this house, getting my life back on track, getting out of live sound and starting my recording career. Thank you.

    - Neve
  16. Charias
    Latest Entry
    Uh, hi! Me n Rook've been wanting a place where I can talk for myself and kinda develop my own autonomy a little. Most daemons have a Tumblr for that or something, I think? But eh, I think I'll pass on blue hell, thanks very much. I mean, reblogging cursed images sounds fun, but I just can't be bothered tbh. So I'll probably just hijack this blog sometimes when I want to talk n stuff.

    I'm Akarthyx. Yep, I'm a daemon. That's a kind of mental construct, I guess? A thoughtform, kinda like a tulpa, but not. Rook could probably explain better tbh. I mean, the gist of it is that I'm a kinda "separate" part of their thought processes, and I can think for myself n stuff but I'm not really a different person either. We're both part of each other, like halves of a whole, if that makes sense? Like, when you talk to Rook, you talk to me too. Idk. I'm bad at explaining ####.

    My forms a Eurasian otter but I don't ID as one or anything. It's just how I look most of the time. The form I identify most with is a little fluffy wyvern thing, but I still don't really identify as a wyvern, it's just how I like to look. I suppose if I had to pick a species I'd say I identify as a human. I mean, that's pretty much what I am. I'm one half of a human, so close enough far as I'm concerned.

    Not really sure what else to say. Uh. I like pizza. Pizza is good. Also memes n stuff.

    I'm kinda the skeptical half of our little team. I make sure Rook's not getting too caught up in the kin stuff, try to keep their feet on the ground, so to speak.

    Blegh. There ain't really much to talk about when you're the incorporeal sidekick of some dweeb with no life! Guess I'll just leave it at introductions for today. So yeah. See ya around, I guess??
  17. Entry Eight

    I've recently been followed by a troll blog on Tumblr. I legitimately don't have words for how excited I am to mess with them. If they think that they can come and screw with my blog- my blog dedicated to nothing more than landscape photos, pictures of dragons, minerals, and dragon-related text posts, mind you- then they've got another thing coming. If anyone else wants to get in on the action, be my guest. I plan on documenting everything that they send me (somehow, I'm not sure how) and you guys can give me your input on what to say to them. This is gonna be good.

    Later, guys. Have an excellent day. I know I certainly will.
  18. I don't want to be specific on what kintype awakened, but at the beginning of March I had an awakening that shattered my belief of what it was like to be fictionkin. When playing a videogame, I honestly wasn't too much of a fan of it and kinda just wanted to finish it and get it over with. As soon as I finished the game, I had an intense experience of depression and a horrible feeling of doom / despair. I suppose this feeling could be called "Cognitive Dissonance." It was absolutely horrible. Everything was fine until I finished that video game. I was crying and breaking down every day after it. I had no idea it had to do with otherkin things.

    Until this time, I hadn't really believed in my "fiction kintypes" because I saw them as a phase. I saw all of my kintypes as copinglinks and was drifting further away from the community. This awakening proved to me that being otherkin is real. And it's terribly un-fun. My awakening was incredibly upsetting, my feelings of dissociation deja-vu lasted about 2 weeks, and then I finally discovered it was because I was this main character in a past life, and I experienced these horrible events that happened in this fictional game.

    Now that I'm over the terrible dissociative feelings and depression, it has allowed me to become a better person and really shell out my identity more. I'm actually quite thankful that it happened. Truly it was a bizzarre spiritual experience for me, and although it was painful, I've learned something about what it is to be otherkin. You don't chose it. It happens. And it's incredibly intense when it does.
  19. What is your kintype? (Just include the one you're focusing on.)
    Demonic
    Do you identify for spiritual or psychological reasons?
    Unknown
    When was your awakening (if you had one)?
    Just under a year ago.
    If you had one, do you believe something specific triggered your awakening?
    No.
    If you had one, how long did your awakening last? Was it a sudden realisation, or did it take time?
    A few days.
    If you had one, what did you feel during your awakening?
    Slightly different.
    Did you experience shifts and/or feelings of being non-human prior to your awakening?
    No.
    Did you know about otherkin/therians prior to your awakening? If yes, do you think learning about otherkin/therians played a part in triggering your awakening?
    Vaguely. Never investigated until the awakening.
    If you didn't know about otherkin/therians prior to your awakening, how did you come across the community?
    Google.
    Did you automatically know your species/race when you awakened?
    Yes.
    If yes, did you make any attempts to verify this identification? If no, how did you discover your species/race (if you have)?
    No. Demonic was the closest description to what I felt.
    Have you ever misidentified your species/race? If so, what did you mistake yourself for, and why do you think this was?
    Yes. Originally I thought I was half-wolf. Turned out false.
    Do you experience involuntary mental shifts? If so, what are they like? How often do you have them? Are they triggered by anything in particular?
    No.
    Do you experience voluntary mental shifts? If so, what are they like, and how do you control them?
    Not anymore. Used to have brief periods of... something... Not really sure how to describe it.
    Do you experience involuntary phantom shifts? If so, what are they like? How often do you have them? Are they triggered by anything in particular?
    No.
    Do you experience voluntary phantom shifts? If so, what are they like, and how do you control them?
    Phantom wings/Horns. Triggered at will.
    Do you experience dream shifts? If so, how often? Are there any recurring themes? Are your dream shift settings/experiences the same as in normal dreams, or are there notable differences?
    No.
    Do you experience any other kind of shift? If so, elaborate.
    No.
    What experiences and feelings led you to identify as your kintype rather than with it?
    My awakening consisted of the "arrival" of a still-unidentified demonic entity. Over time, the entity and I fused into one being.
    To what extent do you see yourself as (non-physically) nonhuman? Do you identify as human as well as your kintype?
    Not at all. Yes.
    What led you to believe that your identity is spiritual or psychological in nature? Have you ever believed the other was true, or seriously considered that it may be?
    I am not at all spiritual, but I'm not entirely sure it's psychological either.
    Do you have any past life memories (if your beliefs are spiritual) or artificial memories/flashbacks (if your beliefs are psychological)? If so, describe them.
    No.
    Do you ever feel homesick for the location your kintype lives/lived in? If so, how do you deal with those feelings?
    No.
    Are there any locations that make you feel closer to your kintype? Any locations that make you feel disconnected from it?
    No.
    Do you experience species dysphoria? If so, how often? To what extent? Do you have any methods of coping with it?
    No.
    Do you have any behaviours or quirks that you attribute to your kintype?
    A noted lack of empathy and many other emotions.
    Do you have any nonstandard thought processes or instinctual reactions that you attribute to your kintype?
    No.
    Do you have any personality traits that you attribute to your kintype?
    See two questions ago.
    Do you have any nonstandard beliefs, ethics or morals that you attribute to your kintype?
    No.
    Why do you believe the above behaviours/traits/etc. are related to your kintype?
    They never really manifested until post-awakening.
    Do you feel that having a nonhuman identity has been a positive, negative or neutral experience? Have you ever tried to deny your nonhuman identity?
    Neutral. No.
    Do you ever wish you could change your kintype? If so, what would you rather be?
    No.
    Do you think this is enough questions for now? I sure hope so!
    Probably.