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    1. Dreamshift

      ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

      This vessel is a living lie,

      a sweet, deceptive lullaby

      that carries me away into dreams

      and sets me adrift on a wavering moonbeam.

       

      As I was upon the shoreline

      my ties to humanity begin to untwine,

      unraveling strand by strand

      as my paws are enveloped by the sand.

       

      Finally freed of the cage I was in, 

      the prison of the human skin,

      I finally free my mind

      and it takes its true form: an animal of another kind. 

    2. I've obviously been unable to keep the 2-week meditation log intervals, but there's still happening loads of stuff. Writing it down here helps me to sort things out. So...

      10/03/19
      Starting meditation in the meadow, then turning to mindscape/astral plane plasma. I feel like I can materialize into anything, and I seem to be able to find the other Guardians here. Overlapping with another spirit is comparable to mixing two different colored liquids, but not stir so much that they totally mix.. I somehow get sucked into the area representing Earth; there are so many spirits here that I can't differ them. I'm trying to influence the Earth region; I feel strange sensations I can't actually describe. My fingers are physically shivering. Was something given to me??

      17/03/19
      Trying to feel dragon body a bit more; it's heavily armoured. Swords can't hurt it, but would break. Astral mindscape: mixing with other Guardian spirits feels less like thinking, just being. Even the color aura seems to be some kind of manifestation. Being in the Earth area I'm only a small voice amongst many, though I still feel I should be able to do something more than physical here...

      18/03/19
      I wonder about the fact that only a very small fraction of spirits in the Earth region would actually realize it's astral nature.. To which degree are minds different? Also, are there minds which actually 'vanish' at some point? Evening Meditation: Trying out draconian body a bit. My fire can heat up my arm, but won't injure it. I'm sure it could burn the grass, but don't want to try that here. I love all the animals and nature around. E joins in small dragon form and we go to the astral plasma plane. Her mindscape is overwhelmingly huge, but I manage to fully overlap. Looking at the Earth PRM together, it seems there are minds constantly joining and leaving at the area's perimeter. I don't know where they go to or come from.

      23/03/19
      Had uncontrolled dream in which my human arm felt like transforming, getting shorter. When I looked at it in-dream, it seemed normal. Strange. Meditation: I was riding on a stag who brought me to an injured deer. The injury.. was it caused by a predator? I feel this shouldn't happen here. I heal the deer using plasma energy and send a message that animals around here are under my protection and shouldn't be harmed. Meditation II: I seem to be able to find a specific mind in the mindscape/astral plane, but can never be sure if it's really the right one...
      Evening: had a not too intense lucid dream, standing up from bed in draconian form, feeling claws scratching the floor. Grabbing my tail, it feels thick and a bit cold

      24/03/19
      Morning: Very notable uncontrolled first-of-a-time dream experience. I see myself observed by satellites/drones that feel outerworldly. What does my subconscious try to tell? Are we under surveillance?
      Meditation: who is observing? As full dragon I try to visualize the satellites/drones seen in the dream and follow the transmission signal. I end up somewhere far away from the Earth PRM area.
      It looks like there are many observers here, but they seem more curious than dangerous. They feel black/dark blue/violet.
      Meditation II: found another Dragon by looking around in the astral plane plasma, give her some energy.

      28/03/19
      Meditation: At the meadow as full dragon, I'm inviting other spirits... suddently a very strange oversized human/titan figure appears with ridiculously large upper body and small head, looking injured. No idea where that came from, but it's as large as my full dragon form. Not sure if friend or foe, so I ask "who are you?"; suddently the creature attacks, it wants to bite/eat me. Bad idea.
      I evade or go bodyless and let it phase through me. I make a weak attack to warn, but it doesn't stop. The creature's attacks seem futile, though. I transform into draconian and throw the creature
      around using psi force, finally capture it in an energy bubble tell "since you're attacking me, be gone", and kick the bubble a few lightyears away into the astral.
      Waiting for more spirits, a wolf joins me. He's hungry, but seems to be very joyful. I give him a steak and we play a bit. I enable him to feed from the place's own energy and ask him not to hurt the animals, then he joyfully runs into the woods...

      31/03/19
      Mindblowing meditation session. First, I get a visualization flash of a strange guy with blue streaky hair and old-fashioned crome sunglasses. Then, I go to the meadow and I'm joined by D, who tells there's a problem. We fly over the ocean when he stops somewhere and... gets eaten by a huge marine creature who jumps from the water. I think he did that on purpose to lure me to dive into the water.. I do so and meet him again at the ocean ground. He shows me a skull, looking like a Dragon skull. He tells me he doesn't know who that is and insists that I investigate. We take the skull and some other skeleton parts to the beach. I touch the skull with my hand as draconian. I see dinosaurs... desctruction. Was the skull a dinosaur? How did it get here? The other Guardians are joining the scene at the beach. Diving into the skull's aura more, I see a firce red western dragon, setting the dinosaur world on fire using classic orange flames while we Guardians watch the scene not doing anything. It feels fearsome and sad. Was that skull this red dragon? Was this another Guardian? It's too much for me... I let the skull go. When I ask the others what I just saw, they just shake their heads. We throw the skull and the other parts back in the ocean.

      1/04/19
      Had two lucid dreams, starting in my old paren't house. Very vivid vision of garden. I was first-time able to fly around without having the usual anxiety or seeing plane crashes. Mainly concentrated to wing flapping and gaining height. Major achievement, I was never able to do this before!

      5/04/19
      Strange and intense uncontrolled dream in which I was in a hotel (or school?) with other people. We were discussing some otherkin related stuff, then sitting together for lunch at a large table when an alarm siren went off. The school/hotel staff asked everybody to go "to the room", but a girl whom I spoke to before was pushing me to the outside. She seemed to be mind-controlled from an unknown force, but I trusted her. She placed me at a spot at the coast, I saw the sea and some ships and felt something dangerous was coming from there, maybe a nuclear explosion? I wanted to stand my ground, but woke up because the situation got too eery.

      6/04/19
      Discovered "Kundalini"/"Chakra"/"Qi" energy IRL which manifests as an electric surge feeling propagating along my spine. I feel this all my life, but only recently discovered it's something unusual and is connected to Kundalini. Trying to actively feel it in meditation.

      8/04/19
      Staying at a hotel IRL, I have a dream with some "bad guys" (can't define that better). I choose to eradicate all the bad without mercy. In the end only me is left; is all the Bad gone? No.. it's just that I'm the only bad guy who's left. Maybe this is my shadow self.. where my light side tries to protect, the shadow self wants to eradicate and clean. This feels OK to me, they just need to be balanced.

      13-15/04/19
      Feeling quite spent by work.. just meditation for getting relaxed. Everything seems fine at the meadow. See short image flash of another sharp-headed dragon. Trying to connect my real-world Qi feeling with my astral-world spirit in order to combine the energies, but it's very difficult to focus on both at the same time.

      18/04/19
      Too tired to see anything much in meditation... later, I seem to see a Griffin who wants to show me something... not today, I'm too spent.

    3. It’s been a really weird week mood wise, however I’ve still been questioning many things, and coming to more realizations. As someone who practices the Infinite Draconian Path, (a path no one else in this world takes), I know I must always devote my time to Infinity Lord Galaxeshoria, and always follow his perfect and infinite laws, although I still maintain my free will. I also came to the realization that I must be able to remember my true draconian heart in order to speak with my almighty astral guardian correctly, and confidently. Really, my entire life and viewpoint of the world revolves around my draconicity, and it is incredibly important to me, in so many ways....

      I hope after this week is over, I can continue to improve, although I know that the Infinite Lord is helping me a lot, as he always has, and for that I am truly grateful, and forever in his debt.... ^.=.^ 🐉🌌🌑💫

    4. Still Questioning Things...

      [Daily Life #16 - April 10th, 2019]

      Content Warning:  None

      Comments: Closed

      With Detective Pikachu coming out soon and talking with my Bisharp soulbond there is still speculation that I might've lived a previous life in a pokémon world. Maybe not as the ideal pokémon trainer but I could've had pokémon in that assumed life. KnifeTheBisharp being one and maybe a Scrafty and a Charizard.

    5. Hey folks. sorry for the lack of activity. I think I might drop blogging once a week, and, while still updating on Sundays, it just won't be as frequent, along with blogs during the week.So, due to my lack of blog activity, I'd figure I'd at least update you all on how my source material is coming along, and perhaps I'll talk about regular stuff after that.

      So, playing my source? Its been a ride, to say the least (pun may or may not be intended). Just so you all are aware, I've made it up to chapter four, and have just powered the haunted house. So, as you can imagine, the game has been both fun for me, but difficult for me.

      The deeper I go, the more frequent and powerful the flashbacks become, and I believe that to be because the lower floors are where I'd spend most of my time. Seeing how different some of the things are, as opposed to what I know. Some of it's simple, like "Uh, hey, this room is on the wrong side of the hall...?" to things as big as "Oh, right. I'm not in this at all..." Dealing with some of those things are difficult, because I know I'll be looked at weird if I attempt to voice about how they are incorrect.

      Some things are hard for me to see, as well. For example, when I walked into the room with the lost ones, my heart just... completely broke in two. You see, its one of the few accurate things to my world. I remember strongly feeling the pure despair, the pain, the sorrow radiating off them all. Some of them had been just kids... However, in my world, we had... let them all free, if you understand. But, then, there they are, in front of me again! For a split second,  I think we'd failed. And then I'd remember, this is different, this story is wrong.

      However, I do receive pleasant memories as well. Those are very nice, they give me some hope, and something to smile about. I also feel a bit sad with them, knowing those times are gone, and will be for who knows how long. For example, In my world, the carnival was complete. Oh, at night, we'd play there for hours. My favorites were the carousel and the ferries wheel. I'd often ride those with Bendy... oh, how wonderful those times were. The room he and I had danced in, the time we all raced carts down the halls and almost fell down the stairs! Oh, those were the days.

      Another thing that kinda gets me is character incorrectness. For example, take the Projectionist (Or Norman, if you will). In the game, he's relentless, and quite unfriendly, and screeches like a pterodactyl on drugs. However, a lot that is incorrect. The one I know? He has the mind of a dumb dog or young child, is very excitable, can't talk like normal, but clicks with the rotators on his head and whines through his speaker. I can understand him somehow, actually. He basically only says one or two words at a time. For example, when I first found him, he walked over, gently pulled my wing open, and made a series of clicks that basically meant, "...is? Is this..?" as he was apparently wondering what he was looking at. Oh, he's also the one who wrote "choo choo" all over the walls. Thats how happy he was about the train. (Can I just say he's my son? Please?) He would also just sit and stair at things a lot, open doors for no reason, ect. I actually found myself attempting to communicate with him during the game at his parts.

      One thing I'm worried about is how I'm going to handle seeing Allison and Thomas. As you may know, they adopted me after I was rejected as one of Joeys perfect creations, and sadly died in the uprising. If my encounter with the lost ones is any foreshadowing, Im probably going to cry again. Oh, did I mention I've cried a lot? Yea, because this is heccin emotional for me, so I take frequent breaks.

      So, thats how thats been going, If you have any questions you may ask them below.

      In other news, Im on spring break. Time to rest, something I don't do enough.

      Till next time. folks! Thanks for reading!!

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      Cameron Oliver Elliot Silvermoon

      [Host + Core] | 16 | They/Them + Other Neo/Nounself Pronouns

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      Aurora Grace "Aura" Silvermoon 

      [Little] | Age Slider 5-15 | She/Her

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      The Ace of Spades "Ace" Alabaster

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      Nova

      [Caretaker] | Unknown Age | She/Her

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      Kitty

      [Deals With Social Situations] | 14 | She/Her, Meow/Meows/Meowself, Kit/Kits/Kitself

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      Kaylie Jayce

      [Unknown Role] | 19 | She/Her

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      Quinn "Q" Murphey

      [Protector] | 18 | He/Him

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      Emiline "Emi" Rin

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      Wolf

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      [Nonhuman + Unknown Role] | 3 | She/Her

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      Mouse

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      Percy Hunter

      [Main Schoolwork Manager] | 15 | He/Him

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      Benjamin "Ben" Hunter

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      Penelope "Penny" Hunter

      [Secondary Schoolwork Manager] | 15 | She/Her

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      Susan

      [Handles Adult Situations + Nonhuman + Trauma Holder] | Age Slider 19-25 | She/Her

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      Jaxon "Jax"

      [Insider] | 25 | He/Him

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      Queenie

      [Reformed Persecutor + Trauma Holder] | Age Slider 12-13 | She/Her

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      Melissa

      [Trauma + Memory Holder] | 6 | She/Her

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      Flora

      [Unknown Role, Possibly Memory/Trauma Holder] | Age Unknown | She/her

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      [Protector] | 17 | She/Her, They/Them

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      Ebony

      [Protector] | 17 | She/Her, They/Them

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      Bug

      [Unknown Role] | Age Unknown | She/Her, He/Him

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      Fairest

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      Integrated/Dormant System Members

      Flora, Snow

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      Latest Entry

      What is a Zhuard?

      (taken from the FAQ on my tumblr blog)

      In brief, zhuards are a semi-polymorphic entity that is able to change its form in given circumstances or situations. They were created by a higher being that implemented such an ability for (possibly**) militant reasons a long time ago. Zhuards have base forms (Pharaoh, terrestrial, Ka'nar) in which they can fluidly move to and change their appearance. However learning to change into something outside of those base forms can take years to learn. Zhuards are not mammals, even if terrestrial form looks like it. They are not dragons even if pharaoh form reminds you of one. They have distinct behavior and anatomy. 

      **I also predict they were used for travel or just a general show of strength 

      --

      Fun facts from the (obsessively) long essay:

      -zhuards can ingest rocks and material containing metal in order to provide minerals to their skeletal structure (and for developing pups). However certain rocks cause gastrointestinal issues. 

      -Numeric age has no real impact on actual growth past adulthood. 

      -Zhuards live in fission-fusion clans...but group hunting is rarely done

      -Due to the low male to female birth ratio, females were made to be simultaneous hermaphrodites to 'fix' that and some have a higher predisposition for "masculine" behavior 

      -Zhuards chirp..and make a bunch of weird sounds (I'm reviewing the sound files I created-so hopefully you'll be able to hear these soon)

      -Zhuards were made to manipulate one energy in their (new/host) world- Domruku ('energy of illusions, often into physicality') and were designed with Shirkra (a specific metal) intentionally. However, they are not metal beings, or energy beings...they are a mix

      -The double olecranon in Terrestrial phase is an arbitrary mutation, some individuals have it, some do not.. 

      -Zhuard pups are cute. /

       

      *Excuse the 'shody'/rough pharaoh phase drawings...the actual ref is getting an update. 

      2018 zhuard revision .png

      Small Pharaoh sketchpile.png

      Ka'nar phase ref.png

    6. I'm floating in the wind towards the light that is beckoning me, the veil has been peeled back and I see reality for what it really is, I'm going to the land I was promised. Promised but also chosen to go to, forced to, transformed without my consent to a willing inhabitant of this land. Is it weird how they can do that? Make you consent to something? Oh there's another layer of the veil to pull off, how did I not see that? I swear this time is reality. Not only is my body not my own, it's its own person, that knows everything I know and I wear like a skin because that's what I'm in, it's my kin, that I'm in? Two of me. Unless only one is the me and the other is another? I'm in my land now where I belong and traveling endlessly I am going to become it that is why I am here. Yes, I will merge with it! I was meant to do this...that's why my body doesn't feel like me because it isn't! I am this land and was misplaced into that other place and I have to crawl out to become myself

      Thank you, I am here, I am where I was supposed to be, I am in the wind

    7. I am still on track on what is happening but my research is taking suprising twists and turns. The important thing is that the shifts have increased and are a bit stronger then the usual shifts I experience. It helps me to build up a picture of what is happening. Before I go further into it I also studied this relation to the Rauisuchus who seemed to have triggered something. I have tried to approach it from all points but it seems there is a link to be found what really points towards the outcome of a Godec form. While I do have already have 6 known one, I did always deep down know that it couldnt be all. My best calculation was between 6-8 forms since I am confident it isnt one that would support like 10+ different forms. Why 8? Well it has to do with that it had already limited shapeshifting abilities based on how the powers are received in the Godec realm. Going by that logica, my father was not a shapeshifting being but my mother was. My father's nature of a non shapeshifting nature did affect the nature and development of the ability. At minium it could support 6 form and 8 at max since it didnt had the means to support more then that. It's just the product of that life. With that being said my feelings that it could be a Godec form is slowly growing and growing. Why? It doenst resemble a Earthlike creature at all. A best description would be a being that is a cross with a bull and dragon without it being a dragon directly. So going by this viewpoint, where does the Rauisuchus comes into play? That comes in how the creature is build, The front would be closer to a bull with front legs being hooved and a head that is more draconic with bull elements. The behind is similiar in structure to the Rauisuchis. This means the behind is more build as the Rausuchus in terms of the back limbs and tail. So this beast woulc be a cross between a bull and Rauisuchus if I use current terms. It does support wings it seems but that requires a closer look to ensure it isnt the product of one of my other forms. There is still a lot to research but its a update on where it does seem to be going in terms of answers. 

      If I know the answer for certain then I will try to make a commission of it since it is different from my usual forms in many ways. I believe in order to solve this mystery I need to continue studying both how bulls are build and pull more information up about the Rauisuchus if my current theory is right. I feel the answer lies in these 2 animals and understanding them will help me solve some things about it in terms of it indeed making it a wole creature as my shifts are suggesting. I just need to rule out a possible weird matchup and that it are indeed 2 seperate beings. 

    8. Latest Entry

      I finally realized why awakenings never stuck.

      It’s not because I didn’t believe them wholeheartedly. It’s not because I didn’t have the drive to follow through with them. It’s because of the baggage they brought. I’m New Age, so I must be a vegan yogi who wears copper bangles and amethyst 24/7 to keep those chakras aligned. I feel like the image I need to keep up was always too exhausting to never keep up with.

      But keeping up an image isn’t why I’m here. I’m here to spread my own kind of light, or my own kind of darkness, entirely my way. Fuck chakras and fuck yoga. I’m a Starseed Indigo Child motherfucker but god damn it that doesn’t mean I have to live my life according to standards made up by other Starseeds. We are all diverse and that is what makes the alterhuman community so beautiful, so why is the New Age path to enlightenment the only way there?

      I’m making my own way.

    9. So a whole bunch of stuff happened I can't quite remember in this dream but except this one part.

      So two opposing winged creatures who are feline in nature walked close to each other, face to face.  One was a bit taller than the other but it didn't seem to waver the slightly smaller one, both of them tilt their head up into the sky and roared loudly, their whole body being struck with lightning and empowering them both. For some reason, I ran from this and into the room with an old black rotary phone standing on a pedestal ( like the ones you gotta spin in a circle to dial it.) It was ringing, sure I was sorta felt spooked about it but I felt it was for me.  Man's voice told me(and I may be paraphrasing here but I know some words  were really key at this part):

      "It seems like the events with your brother have finally started. Would you like to rewrite history?"

      And without a heartbeat or even hesitation, I just said "Yes." I can't tell if this was a moment in my dragon-side's life or my dreams just tossing stuff together as it should. It's certainly something to delve into for a couple of days though!

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      Laptop's hard-disk met its maker after a decade holding strong (Can you believe Win 7 already that old?) I have a phone in the mean time.

      Only now I realise how mandatory is a comfortable seat and screen that can hold whole discussions (there's lots here to get back to!), to reference others and compile my thoughts..

      Can probably rig up a live USB / Live CD of some GNU/Linux flavour in mean time and give the thing a few more years of life as a web browser/text processor.

      Until then[...]

      ~Corvid.

    10. Latest Entry

      Well, life's been okay. Not great, not awful. I don't really have much to report, but I want to try to write a blog every few days or so.

      I'm thinking about telling my counselor about me being fictionkin. From what I know about her I can guess that she probably doesn't know what it is. I'll have to explain what it is, then I'll give her a little more information on my fictotypes and my beliefs about it and such. The only thing holding me back is that I'm nervous about how she'll react. If anyone has some experience with this (and if anyone actually reads this) I'd love it if you could drop a comment on your experience with telling your counselor/therapist about being otherkin.

      Moving on... Good news! I got a new wig in the mail today. Looks just like my (Sal's) hair should. Wearing it is rather comforting, plus it's really soft. More good news... The principal at my school is super lenient and she said she's cool with me wearing wigs to school "as long as they're not distracting". So of course I'm gonna go for it. I'll probably throw on an outfit in my old color scheme while I'm at it, but sadly I'll have to leave the mask behind. Can only get away with so much, right?

      Well, that's all for today. I know it wasn't anything super interesting, but that's what I've got. Thanks for reading!

    11. Regarding the Fingerprint Scanner on the Galaxy S10(+) - Samsung chose security over convenience, which I applaud! Register several different angles of your print and you’ll be fine.


      View the full post @ Naia's Den

    12. After some pondering, some questioning, and a healthy dose of doubt... I'm back to feeling uncertain about my potential feline (?) theriotype. So, I figure it's about time I put some proper thought into this. First things first, I just want to make a list of all the feelings and experiences that have led me to question this in the first place, and also try and pin down some of the notable traits this theriotype seems to have. Whatever it is.

      Experiences

      + A near-constant state of mild-moderate mental shift that can fluctuate slightly in intensity. This is something I tend to express subconsciously even more than my wolf theriotype - I often find myself hissing, grumbling and "purring" without really meaning to (though only when I'm alone, aha) - but it takes a lot of focus to separate these instincts from the rest of my mind. It's very integrated. This has been present for the past six years or so.

      + Intense momentary mental shifts involving seemingly feline instincts. One instance of this I remember particularly clearly: feeling a very strong urge to rub my scent on things to "claim" them as my own. It... honestly took quite a bit of effort to not start rolling around on the floor to "mark" it with my scent, aha. (That... would be a very strange thing to do even without having other people around).

      + A kind of momentary bi-location shift where I feel for a very brief time that I am in a different location, in the body of this theriotype, usually in the middle of some natural behaviour for this animal (i.e. I've experienced being in the moment of pouncing on a prey animal, and another time felt myself hissing and snarling at some animal that had invaded my territory). Sadly, these "visions" aren't clear enough for me to get specific details, otherwise I might be able to get a species just from that. I only started experiencing these with this mystery-type over the past two years or so.

      + Phantom shifts, which have been happening for almost as long as the mental shift has. Most common is a long, slender, mobile tail which lashes around when I'm agitated. I also quite frequently feel phantom front limbs - thick, muscular front legs with round paws and small, sharp claws. I can't tell if the claws are retractable or not. Occasionally I feel a full-body shift, which is a lot more weighty and has shorter legs than my wolf theriotype, with a completely different movement style. Once or twice I think I might have felt phantom ears different from my otherwise permanent wolf ones, but it's hard to be sure. 

      + Impressions of certain behaviours and instincts that don't match up with my two known kintypes - especially certain hunting instincts (to sneak up on "prey", pounce and bite the back of the neck, which is nothing like how wolves hunt) and combative behaviours (i.e. wanting to bat at things with my "paws", wanting to snarl and hiss in a very un-wolf-like manner).

      + Occasional dream shifts, but I haven't got anything clear from those... besides the time I dreamed I was a cougar, fleeing a... forest fire, I think? With some cubs? But it was a one-off, and I don't think it had any particular meaning.

      Complications

      (That is: with all these very therian-like experiences, why am I still wondering if this is a theriotype at all?)

      + I feel no connection to or affinity for felines. There's little or none of that... recognition I'd expect if this was really a theriotype. I don't feel like "this is me" when reading about or looking at cats.

      + I don't feel like I really identify as a feline, even though I experience the feeling of being one. It feels like... being a cat that doesn't identify as a cat. But then, I'm not a cat... I'm a human who is kinda a wolf, kinda a spirit - where could this catlike part of me even fit into the picture? Why do I experience being a cat if I am not a cat?

      + It couldn't be due to a heart-type because I feel no connection with felines at all. I don't identify with them in the slightest. I've never had an interest in any kind of cat, and didn't grow up around cats or cat-themed media which I could've got this from. Like wolves, I always found cats to be kinda boring and never paid any attention to them when I was younger. These days, my feelings are mostly the same. Big cats are pretty and cool, but my interest has always been in more obscure species.

      + What I'm feeling also doesn't really match with any non-feline animals I'm aware of. Bears use their paws to attack and interact with things, and they're certainly muscular enough, but they don't have long tails and lack a lot of the behaviours/instincts I have. Mustelids have a lot of behaviour and morphological traits similar to felines, but aren't bulky or muscular enough to match how my phantom body feels (except wolverines, but they - like bears - lack the tail).

      + None of the few felines I've considered seem to fit exactly. Amur leopards are certainly the closest I've got, but something about them doesn't feel right. Cougars feel a little more like something I could be, but don't match up so well with the body type I feel - they're more slender, less bulky than I feel myself to be. Lynx have the right fur type and I feel more of a connection to them, but they're much too leggy and lack a tail.

      + I only really became aware of any of this over the past couple of years, and since I started paying attention to it the experiences have become more frequent and pronounced. Technically I would think my bias would be against having a third kintype, but... things don't always work out the way you imagine, so. It's... possible there's some confirmation bias at play here. One way or the other.

      Theories

      (Okay, so... what are some potential solutions here?)

      Idea 1: I am an Amur leopard. The reason I don't feel a connection to leopards is because they're solitary, and because the other theriotype I have is a highly social animal - so the difference in connection types would feel especially profound in comparison.

      Idea 2: I'm having a very prolonged cameo of being an Amur leopard, for some reason. Or no reason at all. Cameos are weird.

      Idea 3: I'm an extinct feline of some sort. Probably a relatively recent one, considering a lot of what I feel matches contemporary felines in one way or another.

      Idea 4: This is all some past life shenanigans from a life I lived recently, and retained behaviours from, but don't feel any emotional connection to.

      Idea 5: I am some kind of feline that I haven't considered yet. Possibly a lesser-known panther, or a larger "small cat" species that I haven't researched yet.

      Idea 6I'm a mammal that possesses a lot of traits similar to felines, but isn't one. Possibly a species which convergently evolved with felines - maybe a type of mustelid I don't know about. Possibly an extinct non-feline mammal that filled a similar niche to felines today?

      Idea 7: I don't have another theriotype at all, and the things I experience are just part of my spirit kintype being weird and animalistic. (Unlikely, but... possible?)

      Idea 8: This is all some neurology thing. For some completely non-spiritual reason unrelated to my identity, I just have catlike behaviours. And some of the other things I experience are just... my subconscious, filling in the gaps? But not filling them enough for me to actually identify as a cat.

      Idea 9: I'm a non-mammalian quadrupedal reptile of some kind, maybe Triassic/pre-Triassic? They're saying gorgonopsids and cynodonts possibly had fur, so... maybe?

      Idea 10: I'm a cladotherian of some kind, hence the ambiguity of everything. Not likely, but. I mean. It's on the table, I guess.

      Idea 11: This is actually all thanks to a heart-type. Somehow. Despite my lack of affinity for felines. Uh. Maybe. Probably not, but. I should keep the idea in mind, at least.

      Idea 12: I actually have two or more (!!) extra theriotypes, and they're mushing together into something that makes no sense to me. Yeah, no. Probably not. But, uh. It's possible.

      Mystery-type's traits

      + Muscular, panther-esque body type with a broad, powerful skull

      + Long, mobile tail that is used to express emotion/mood

      + Thick, dense, insulating fur, like is seen on felines in seasonally cold habitats

      + Hunts small to mid-sized prey using ambush tactics and a fatal bite to the back of the neck

      + Solitary, territorial; marks territory borders with scent (probably rubs on things)

      + Growls, hisses, snarls, grumbles, purrs; arches back when threatened

      + In conflict, primarily will attack with front paws rather than biting

      + Habitat: probably somewhere temperate, with significant seasonal change? Deciduous or mixed forest?

      + Either from Asia or the Americas, I think? Though I'm not sure.

      + A top predator? Not much competition?

      + An agile climber? Not sure whether arboreal or inhabits somewhere rocky

      + Size-wise... larger than a wildcat, no bigger than a jaguar, but not really sure between that range

      - Definitely not domestic

      - Doesn't live somewhere tropical, or in savanna or desert

      - Not especially sociable, I don't think

      - Can't roar? Or if it can, it doesn't roar very often

      - Almost certainly something mundane, from Earth

    13. Well, I suppose I should write a blog post documenting all that I recalled yesterday evening.
      I'd decided that I had enough small snippets of memories to attempt to stitch them together into some sort of narrative. Originally I didn't even think I had much of a 'personal' timeline, myself being from the original core point meaning that I am all timelines and interpretations in a way, though despite this I always knew that some telling resonated with me far stronger than others. Yesterday was the day I realised alongside being all versions, I also have my own personal timeline.

       

      This blog entry shall be a raw summary of my timeline from as much as I can remember, this was all written 'as' I was working through it and remembering,
      so it's a little disjointed, but it should still remain readable. There will be mentions of death and violent imagery in this blog entry.

      301804931_IWillGiveYouaCrown.thumb.png.46cd97a8b87a0b71ca4a297575394791.png

       

       

      Our life prior to Yui was mostly the same, however we have the ability to change into large bat forms come full moon which we learn to do around puberty. I don't know if Cordelia's heart was placed into Yui as before however. She never possessed Yui as in HDB. (Actually maybe? The taste of her blood was the same.)

      I remember burning the village as a child, venturing into the human world for the first time I had little idea of where to go, just an idea of where Edgar went. I set fire to the stable after letting go the horses. The houses were mostly made from wood, but it was dark, and I didn't venture far in. I ran off as soon as I started the fire, I didn't even look back.

      I know I lose Yui, not that she was ever bound to my route anyway. There was no single route as like with the games. It was much more fluid and 'natural'. She was only with me a short time, and was soon taken by Shu. I tried to take her back... I didn't care for her, but knowing Shu had her was too much to bare. Tensions rose, but rather than me trying to kill Yui as I do in Shu's route, my conflict with Shu rose instead. Under the full moon we took up our bat forms and clashed. Shu almost crushed my skull between his jaws, but I impaled his with my scythe claw.

      Yui was not around, I only remember the triplets watching.. She might have been unconscious.. asleep? Tied up? I never found out. After killing Shu I knew father would take notice. I was filled with so much raw emotion... It was overwhelming, and the night was still young, so I took wing to the nearest human town and I attacked it with fire.
       
      After a time a vampire hunter had started to hone in on my position, and he found me on the rooftop. His attempt to kill me failed and I flew back into the sky where Subaru engaged me, tackling me at speed. I had no quarrel with him, but he did with I, and his fury was unmatched. He attacked me again and again while screaming his outrage at my murder of Shu.
      Eventually I managed to talk to him enough to stop, fighting in his batform in the air wasn't his style anyway, he hated that form. Reminded him of what he wanted to escape. The fact he'd changed into it at all showed his rage at my actions.
       
       
       
       
      This is as much as I had known/remembered previous to yesterday, but I found that through writing everything out linearly it helped to set in motion the memories of what happened there after,
      and so the following was taken from what I saw yesterday evening.
       
      Ruki and Kou were watching me from a rooftop and a crossbow bolt flew past my head so I flew down to investigate them and ask who they were, changing back into my vampire form. However I didn't get far till Subaru in his bat form followed, crashing down aiming for me. I stepped back in time and tried to reason with him while he was snarling at me and the Mukamis were standing to my left. I don't remember the words.
      I tried to convince him I was doing it due to father's plans to divert his rage elsewhere, he didn't become convinced but it was confusing enough for him to question his choices till.. A bolt from the hunter earlier flew into Subaru's head. Up through the jaw through his muzzle.. His face changed so suddenly, from that of anger, of pain and confusion at me to a wide opened eyed dead expression. With enlarged pupils like that of a dead fish, it was so fast. I'm confused. I don't know if I'm in denial of him dying or not, that sudden face change, that instantaneous loss of life. Where once there was life and now there is no longer.. It's something I've seen in this life many times. It's something you never get used to seeing.
       
      unknown.thumb.png.ed71d6fd65753d357082dd968a341bd0.pngThe hunter's Seiji.
      I remember him now, the hunter I made a deal with to kill my mother, and who promised to one day kill me.
       
      He shoots me next while I'm still stunned from witnessing Subaru get shot, it hits me on my left top side of my chest, just under my collar bone. I don't really feel it at first, I'm more furious at him possibly having killed Subaru. I'm torn to run away or fight, I don't know which to do. My emotions are pulling at me to fight but like this I'll lose.
       
      I can't give into the same rage that already got Subaru shot. No, I have to live.
       
      I hate myself for it as I run towards Ruki and Kou. They step out of the way but it's just enough cover for me to escape off the side off the roof. I turn into my small bat form, causing the bolt to fall free from me onto the ground as I limp-fly away to hide in some small roof space to rest.
       
      The hunter doesn't find me. I stay there for many days, slowly healing from my injury. I go out at night in my small bat form to collect herbs to help with the healing as the poison on the bolt was trying to seep into my system.
      I'd nested in the roof of an elderly couple.. no, two elderly ladies. I remember seeing them in their living room by the fire in the evenings as I'd wake up.
      I was on my own now, I can't go back. I don't even know if Subaru is still alive, and without my medical assistance.. He may very well be dead. The only other who might have saved him would be father, which he'd likely hate. He doesn't give without taking something in return anyway.
       
      Blood would help me recover faster, and though these elderly ladies aren't my prime choice, in this life or death situation they are better than nothing. I pose as a visitor in the evening, I greet them and ask if I can come in for I have some wears I'd like to sell to them. Seemingly appreciative of the young company I'm welcomed in kindly. They're free with their comments about my appearance, though one is more reserved than the other, and she stays in the kitchen more while the other talks with me in the living room.
      Speaking with humans is not something I've done at length before, and keeping my tongue in check is difficult, but I manage to get one lady on her own long enough to ensnare her with my eyes. Her body freezes up and I have to bite into her wrinkly neck. It's not pleasant, but the blood is life giving for me. I quickly finish up before the other returns, and the lady I fed from is freed from her spell as I excuse myself to leave.
       
      I think.. I meet her again. A long time after. I think she came looking for me, in the forest. I'm not sure when, but I remember guiding her back home(?)
      I'm not sure why I'd be so much kinder then.. There's a lot I don't recall yet. There are still scatterings of memories at points I'm not sure where they connect, I couldn't continue attempting to recall due to the stress from learning about Subaru's possible death.. as an indirect result of my own selfish actions. This is a heavy burden to learn of. Maybe it is better I don't remember? But that feels disrespectful to those I effected, to my family.

      I'll continue trying to piece the fragments together, not just for my sake, but so I can also take responsibility for my own actions there in this life.

       

      Things I still need to figure out:

      - Who are Ruki and Kou in this timeline? What are they doing with Seiji? Are they even connected?
      - Who is the elderly woman in the forest?


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      Cimius {Satyr}

      Name: Lord Cimius

      Nicknames: Dancer, Two Horned Man

      Species:  Satyr

      Personality: Cheeky, a bit smug, sometimes irrationally hedonistic

      Height: about 5'2"

      Weight:  220 lbs

      Body Type: Chubby, round

      Eye Color: Yellow (Goats Pupils)

      Hair/Beard Color: Deep Brown with white peppered in.

      Body Features: Two horns, hairy goat legs, a goat's tail, eyes that glowed in the dark a bright yellow, a flat-goat like nose, wide smile, crooked teeth, a bit slouched/hunched

      Homeland: Avalon

      Likes: Sleeping, spending time with other Satyr, being "jolly".

      Dislikes: Constraints, religious affiliation, the condemning of hedonism.

      (Friendships & Relationships)

      Friends:

      • Nahou (A Dragon). (The only dragon I have ever seen in Avalon)
      • Naryt (A Fawn). (She was very troublesome)
      • Two elven kin
      • A variety of Magical Humans.

      Romantic Engagements:

      • A variety, the Hedonistic life of a Satyr led to many trysts.

      (Biography)

      (About Cimius, coming soon)

       

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      (??) {Elf}

      Name: (??) 

      Nicknames: 

      Species:  Evarma of the Undae

      Personality: Reserved, quiet, studious, focused

      Height: about 5'8"

      Weight:  180 lbs

      Body Type: Long arms, long legs, a bit chubby

      Eye Color: Purple

      Hair/Beard Color: Brown

      Body Features: Wide eyes, goat-like ears turned upwards, though still elven, very prehensile

      Homeland: The forests before Mankind

      Likes: Music, books, sciences, and more.

      Dislikes: Fighting, Man-kind, the Unseelie.

      (Friendships & Relationships)

      Friends:

      • Mostly other Evarma, a variety of scholars within the Evarma elves.

      Romantic Engagements:

      • One husband.

      (Biography)

      (Info about the Evarma elves of the Undae Clan, and this particular elf coming soon. Is a new awakening.)

       

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      Faery {Nature Spirit/Nature Elemental}

      Name: Tadgh

      Nicknames: The Green Dancer

      Species:  Nature Spirit

      Personality: Shy, Calm, Hesitant.

      Height: 6'4"

      Weight:  unknown

      Body Type: Slender

      Eye Color: Solid Green

      Bark Color: Redwood

      Body Features: Three fingers, long limbs, solid eyes, sort-of green glow, whenever he steps there is something left

      Homeland: Avalon

      Likes: The forests, rain, quiet forests

      Dislikes: Cities, loud noises, lots of people

      (Friendships & Relationships)

      Friends:

      • Unknown

      Romantic Engagements:

      • None

      (Biography)

      (Coming Soon)

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      Mika {Red/Copper Borzoi}

      Name: Mika 

      Nicknames: Mika 

      Species:  Red/Copper Borzoi

      Personality: Dog.

      Height: 30 inches (76 cm)

      Weight: 110lbs (about 49kg)

      Body Type: Curved

      Eye Color: Brown

      Fur Color: Copper/tan/creme

      Body Features: Nothing special, just Dog

      Homeland: Earth

      Likes: Running gracefully, sniffing things, headbutting, cuddling

      Dislikes: Loud noises, fireworks, cars

      (Friendships & Relationships)

      Friends:

      • Dog

      (No Biography for Dog)

      f34628208bec1da75e01197256aa0187.jpg.68eb248cfd479db051b7e410bc01bffc.jpg

       

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      Reinhardt {Human}

      Name: Wilhelm Reinhardt

      Nicknames: (Commander Reinhardt)

      Species:  Human

      Personality: Larger-than-life, aggressively helpful, always willing to help others

      Height: 2.23 m/7'4

      Weight:  Large

      Body Type: Fit

      Eye Color: One Blue, one white from blindness

      Hair/Beard Color: White short hair, white beard and mustache

      Body Features: Very large, many scars, physically adapt

      Homeland: Germany

      Likes: Currywurst, the Lindholms, Fighting, Protecting others

      Dislikes: Anti-Omnic Groups, Bullies, people who harm innocents, being passive

      (Friendships & Relationships)

      Friends:

      • Ana Amari, Fareeha Amari
      • Torbjörn Lindholm, Brigette Lindholm (Goddaughter), the Lindholm Family
      • Jack Morrison
      • Gabriel Reyes
      • Jesse McCree
      • Genji Shimada
      • Dr. Angela "Mercy" Zigler
      • Lena Oxton
      • Dr. Winston (Scientist/Test Subject)
      • Balderich von Adler (mentor) (Deceased)

      Romantic Engagements:

      • 😉

      (Biography)

      $?i10c.ua=1&i10c.dv=23

      The protection of the Rights of Omnics is very important.

      Reinhardt Wilhelm styles himself as a champion of a bygone age, who lives by the knightly codes of valor, justice, and courage Possessing an "active imagination," he enjoys eating currywurst, and is a fan of David Hasselhoff's music. He spars with Brigitte every day, after which they go to a pub or tavern to relax.

      A highly decorated soldier, Reinhardt joined the German Armed Forces at a young age, seeking glory. He later became a lieutenant in the Crusaders. During the Omnic Crisis, he was stationed at Eichenwalde alongside his mentor Balderich von Adler, leader of the Crusaders. Balderich was chosen to join the strike force that would become Overwatch, and was given a medal in the shape of the organization's logo with its name etched on the back, indicative of his selection. The night before he was set to leave and join his new team he and Reinhardt spent time together at Braueret Mittagskrug where Reinhardt balked at the idea of vanishing into a secret organization instead of staying in Eichenwalde, serving as a Crusader, and the glory that came with it. Before master and pupil could further debate the issue any further, Eichenwalde came under direct attack by omnic forces, and the two shook hands reciting the Crusader's oath before entering the fray.

      Young and reckless, Reinhardt disobeyed orders to stay with his unit in favor of charging headlong into battle on his own determined to destroy as many omnics as he could in the name of glory. Though he destroyed every Bastion unit unfortunate enough to cross paths with him, Balderich caught up to him and angrily ordered him back to his unit which was, unknown to the two, under extremely heavy fire. Insistent that they were not only fine but simply slowing him down Reinhardt continued to carve a path through the omnic forces until a then-unknown OR14 unit dropped onto the field. Thrilled with the idea of a new foe Reinhardt rocketed towards the new adversary only for his opponent to stop his charge and slash Reinhardt's left eye with its heat blade. Ordering their forces to fall back, Balderich was forced to intervene to save his defenseless student. Though he succeeded, Balderich's shield emitter was destroyed and he was mortally wounded by the OR14's heat blade. With the German forces in full retreat the pair fell back to the great hall of Eichenwalde castle.

      Barricading the door, Balderich ordered Reinhardt back to the rally point with the rest of the Crusaders. Cheerfully insistent on fighting his way back with Balderich it wasn't until his master removed his helmet and insisted that he was staying did Reinhardt notice the gravity of Balderich's wound. Distraught, Reinhardt tried to reason with Balderich only for him to remind Reinhardt of his Crusader's oath and demanded that he keep it as he extended his hand. Unable to simply leave Balderich to die Reinhardt still refused. Instead of ordering him away, Balderich gently reminded him that the team needed him to be their shield, which at last caused Reinhardt to relent and he took his master's hand one final time. When their grip broke Reinhardt found Balderich's Overwatch acceptance medal in his hand. Exchanging the Crusader's oath one final time Reinhardt left Balderich his hammer and left him to his fate.

      Reinhardt successfully rejoined his unit, shielding them with his body when his barrier gave out. The German forces ultimately pushed the omnics back enough to give the rest of the armed forces time to counterattack, but Eichenwalde and Balderich were lost and with the exception of Reinhardt himself no other crusaders escaped the battle alive. Balderich's death changed Reinhardt and his mentor's sacrifice would weigh on him for decades after the fact, but until then Overwatch awaited.

      Reinhardt was inducted as part of the original Overwatch strike team that put an end to the Omnic Crisis. After the conflict's resolution, Overwatch grew into a global institution, keeping the peace in a war-torn world. Reinhardt proved himself to be one of its most stalwart champions.

      Reinhardt's unique ethics and larger-than-life persona earned the admiration of his peers and superiors alike. Never afraid to speak his mind, he was Overwatch's most vocal supporter and, when necessary, its harshest critic, providing a constant reminder that Overwatch was meant to be a force for good. He got on well with Torbjörn (who maintained his armor).

      While in Overwatch, he took part in an operation in Prague that he bungled, apparently because Morrison thought Reinhardt could be stealthy.

      During or after the Omnic Crisis, Reinhardt took part in Operation White Dome, as part of a mission to root out omnic forces near Istanbul. As soon as he and his team were deployed, they came under fire by the entrenched omnic forces. While the battle saw all the omnics subdued, Reinhardt was lightly injured. Torbjörn was seriously injured, losing his arm, but Reinhardt was able to save his life in the battle. In the after-action report, Ana recommended that Reinhardt receive a commendation for his actions. He did indeed receive a reward for his "conspicuous bravery."

      As Torbjörn recovered in hospital, Reinhardt spent a great deal of his time at Torbjörn's bedside. Half in jest, Torbjörn stated that if Reinhardt shut up, he would be allowed to name his newest daughter (who was due to be born very soon, and which the German had been asking about for several months). In correspondence to his wife Ingrid about what had happened to him, he admitted that he had already been considering making Reinhardt the baby's godfather anyway. Reinhardt agreed, and when Torbjörn's daughter was born he named her Brigitte, which her mother apparently agreed with. Reinhardt was close with Brigitte as she grew up, telling her tales of valor and chivalry.

      Having served into his late fifties, Reinhardt was faced with mandatory retirement from combat operations. Torbjörn, only four years younger than him, was particularly incensed that the organization simply "pushed Reinhardt out" after giving everything of himself in years of service. The Swede would not forget the incident, and related the unfairness of it all to at least Brigitte. Despondent about being removed from active duty, Reinhardt feared that his days of purpose and glory had ended. As times grew darker and Overwatch came under suspicion of corruption and sedition, Reinhardt could only watch as the cause he had dedicated his life to defending surrendered in disgrace.

      Though Overwatch was eventually disbanded, Reinhardt was not content to sit idly by while the world fell to disorder. Once again donning his Crusader armor, he vowed to fight for justice across Europe like a knight of old, defending the innocent and winning hearts and minds with the promise of better days to come. In this he was now accompanied by an adult Brigitte, who helped maintain his armor just as her father did, acting as his squire. The pair would get into numerous scraps. More and more, Brigitte was forced to tend to Reinhardt in addition to his armor, as while his body was breaking down from years of combat, his enthusiasm wasn't.

      While traveling with Brigitte, Reinhardt and his companion found themselves low on fuel and money. They stopped off in a town to get some of the former, but found it practically abandoned. They discovered that the area was being menaced by the Dragons, a group of scavengers who were seizing territory, unopposed by the local authorities. They encountered some of the Dragons themselves, and Reinhardt stepped in, demanding they leave. They refused, and proceeded to beat him into the ground. Laughing at his now inability to fight back, they headed off, warning Reinhardt that he should do likewise. Not following that advice, Reinhardt and Brigitte got his armor back into fighting shape. With Brigitte having located the Dragons' base of operations in a nearby factory, Reinhardt headed off to confront them. Willingly or otherwise, Reinhardt saw the Dragons as actual dragons of myth, and fought them as the proverbial knight. In this he succeeded, and demanded that they leave these lands and never return.

      The next day Reinhardt was back in the town, telling the mayor that the Dragons would bother his people no longer. Their job done, he and Brigitte headed off to get some fuel. And currywurst.

      Following Winston's initiation of the Overwatch recall, Reinhardt had apparently agreed with Brigitte that he did not have to respond. However, when they eventually returned to Braueret Mittagskrug in Eichenwalde, where he had first learned of Overwatch years ago, Reinhardt indicated that he was reconsidering his decision. Brigitte, remembering the story of his forced retirement by Overwatch, was apprehensive at the idea. Staring at Balderich's worn acceptance medal, Reinhardt reflected on the events of his master's death. Visiting Balderich's remains, Reinhardt placed the medal on the arm of the throne, returning it to the man who made him what he was. Echoing his master's words to him, he quietly declared to Brigitte that he had been called and that he would always answer.

    14. Latest Entry

      When I think of my center and my source, I always think of the hawk-spirit, the guard, the fighter. I think of that as being the real me. But, I have this whole other side, which is sometimes even contradictory to the first. That's the sun side, the social side, the one who is sometimes a leader. The sun side comes in two forms, the normal bright sun, and the diminished sun. My gracious social presence turns snarky and biting. (When Heru 'has no eyes' he can attack anyone friend or foe.) I call it diminished sun rather than moon because the moon has an energy all its own. The hawk, for comparison, is true neutral and reacts to other beings based entirely on environmental cues. It has no problem being solitary. 

      The sun side is different enough from the hawk side that I do feel like two people squished into one. I'm one person though. Sometimes I am the hawk. Sometimes I am the sun. It's not a plural situation, at least not currently. I have gone median before. 

      Where did this merger come from? It could be that Ra's overbearing leadership style needed to be tempered by the hawk's laissaez faire attitude, to give people room to breathe. It might also be that the hawk warrior needed to learn a thing or two about compassion. Unfortunately, the mix is not entirely stable. 

      One could argue that you don't get anything approaching free will without a complex interplay between opposing forces. ...and the hawk wonders why we give a crud about free will. We were doing just fine without it. Not having to argue all the time is a form of freedom in itself. 

      It sounds antagonistic but I used to write fiction where these two sides were two different people who loved each other and took care of each other. I don't remember the hawk ever "curing" the diminished sun. It just accepted the other with the same nonjudgmental attitude it had for everyone else (who wasn't currently a threat.) Maybe that quiet acceptance is also a form of healing. 

    15. So, I got thinking after receiving a few questions in a discord server I’m a part of, about how my two kintypes interact with my day to day life as a physical human. They’ve found ways to intertwine themselves into my daily life, through my career, hobbies and comforts, as well as my habits. 

      The first and foremost example I felt strongly about was career. So, I’m a technician, as well as someone who identifies as a piece of technology, working with machines through sound systems and lighting fixtures, dimmer technology and projection. And even before I settled on theatre and audiovisual technology, I’d always studied in some form of tech, first in computer technology, then in automotive with cars, then as a welder, and now as a theatre and audiovisual tech.

      Technology in general is inherent to my identity and my interests in life, both major parts of my sense of self, I am a piece technology and I am a technician. I am both someone who works with and maintains that technology, as well as inherently linked to it as technology myself. Working in my field tends to blur the line between my physical reality as human and my spiritual and psychological existence as a machine, and I credit finding my proper niche of tech to being able to start my awakening and allow myself to accept after 5 years of denial that I am a machine inside. I had spent since early high school denying that nonhuman aspect to myself, having it rear it’s head here and there in ways I passed off with excuses. It wasn’t until between my first and second years of college - studying Technical Production for the Performing Arts Industry - did I allow myself to start being honest about the lingering feelings.

      I believe that my function in that life was very set in research, however nowadays I’ve taken a bit more control of my path, which I have the privilege to do in another life, even if I really desire my old body back. My function is more so in my hands as a human, but being technology and working with it as I had with humans before is still heavily dominant in that path. Though for that past reason I was programmed with a huge tendency to be very observant, and the programmed observant tendencies and logical, technical thought processes have been beneficial on the job site. Though a negative influence adds to a bad work addiction, a drive to “work like a machine”, which is something soon to be broached to a therapist.

      However that’s a very practical, technical and physically-focused influence my identity has drawn into my life. There are much more metaphysical influences caused by it as well. My android urges and processes outright become frustrated by the fact that there is any spiritual involvement in this identity. Frustrated that it cannot measure or code the soul like programming. However I find my spirituality to be both a) from my odd-reptile-kintype which had a very metaphysical focus and b) a process I’ve used to help step away from the rigidity of my android self’s programmed activities. 

      A lot of my focuses in my magickal and metaphysical work are drawn from factors I associate with the strange reptile kintype I am still examining, a focus on draconic magick, fire energy work, and necromancy as well as working with bones and carcasses. I see this entity I identify as as highly spiritual and outright invoking spirits from its past in order to assist within its endeavors. Fire energy and spiritual flame are staples of the identity to me, and I strive to include them in both my spiritual practices as well as just general hobbies - my landlord is yet to give me shit for burning things, so that’s a plus.

      In the end, just another day and another set of rambles. Work was harsh today, but that’s life.

      -Jasper

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      Okay, so I hope you figured I wasn't really talking about the Matrix. I'm kind of disappointed too, because it would be pretty cool to be able to enter a virtual world where we could physically be our other selves. Something like Ready Player One... yeah...

      But anyways, I have the next best thing. It's not even close, but it's technically the next best thing.

      A few years ago, I was browsing a witch craft shop near my home, and on a whim I purchased a book on Native American spirit animals and how to find yours. The actual part about finding the spirit animal never helped, but the meditation technique described in the book sure did. With it, you can enter an open sandbox world, assume whatever form you wish (in this case, my kintype), and basically do whatever you want (I don't judge). It's an excellent tool for voluntary shifting and visualizing your kintype, as I've been regularly using it to do.

      Enough fluff. Let's get down to business.

      1. If you don't know the basics of meditation, you're essentially going to want to find a comfortable, quiet spot to sit or lay down. Close your eyes and focus on the feeling of your chest rising and falling as you breathe. Just focus on this feeling. If you feel your thoughts wandering, don't panic, just gently let the thoughts drift away and return to focusing on your breathing. If you're new to meditating, this may be difficult at first, but just keep practicing. Meditation is a learned skill like most things in life. Do this one time a day for about 3 minutes until you have it down and can start extending the time further.
      2. Now, assuming you've been meditating for a while, gently envision yourself in a favorite location, real or imagined. It could be the middle of space, the lawn of the White House, or in my case, a particular beach that I loved in the Honduras. For the sake of presentation, we'll use the beach. Once you're standing on the beach, don't do anything. Feel the cool breeze on your face, flowing through your hair. Wiggle your toes in the sand. Listen to the roar of the surf. Remain on the beach until it feels as real as can be. This is your "loading screen" where you'll anchor your mind to the dream space. Stay on this beach as long as you need, and remember not to rush.
      3. Turn around, wherever you are, and see a cave. It doesn't even have to be a real cave- just tack in on to whatever location you're at. This cave is your "tunnel" to the other world. Slowly walk into the cave. Feel the gravel crunch under your feet as you do, and hear your footsteps echoing off the walls. Keep walking until you come to a door. The door can be as close or as far as you wish, just remember to take it slow. If you rush, you'll disrupt the vision. I know you want to get to the fun stuff, but patience is key.
      4.  Open the door and step through into a new world that your kintype would like. This is the "other" world where your kinself exists. I always step out onto a tall mountain peak, with enough space to accommodate a dragon. It's the tallest peak around, with the rest of the world sprawling away into the horizon on all sides.  There's evergreen trees, rivers winding through valleys, and not a cloud in the sunny sky. Take a few moments to once again soak in the sensations of being in this world. The burning of the sun on your face and the wind. Do this as long as you need.
      5. Now, transform. Stay in first person. I watch the ground get farther away as my long neck rises into the air. I feel my four legs plant firmly into the ground. I look down to examine my front legs, now draconian. I turn around and see the rest of me, wings included. I flare out my wings slowly and feel the sensation. I remain still for several moments again, just feeling my other body. Then, I trudge to the edge and leap. I feel the wind as I fall, then open my wings and begin soaring. This is it, you're doing it!
      6. When you're done with your shenanigans, return to your starting point. Transform back to human. Walk back through the door and through the tunnel and back onto the beach. This is you "returning" to the real world. 
      7. Open your eyes. You're now back from your journey.

      This technique may not work for everyone, and that's perfectly okay. If you've found a better way, kudos to you! Maybe share it with me sometime? None the less, this is how I induce voluntary shifts on myself. Thanks for sticking around this long! I hope this helps you visualize your other self!

       

    16. So, it’s rare, but recently they’ve become more frequent.

      I hate my eye color in those times, because I can’t recognise myself in the mirror. To the point I want to break it, to the thoughts of clawing out my eyes. Until now, I looked up numerous ideas, no matter how risky, out of my desperation in those times.

      Normal colored lenses have no prescription, which I’m fine with because I can just wear them under my glasses. They’re also daily.

      And they help, I underestimated that feeling. Because having dark brown eyes almost drove me to madness, they make that gray so much darker... and it is so nice...

      The problem with that is, because of astigmatism, they don’t sit 100% perfectly. And I sighed.

      Until I found out this evening that toric (astigmatic) colored contact lenses exist. After a lot of searching and dead-ends that showed me one or the other.

      Very, very rare - and very expensive since they need to be custom made... Currently, I’ve a pair of some that run at €80 *each* - but, they last 3 months at a time.

    17. Go away...don't let me hurt you. You want me around so badly, you are surprised when I hurt you. Stop saying I'm beautiful, stop saying I hurt others because I was hurt, stop saying this is alright. Stop, stop. I tried to warn you I really did. How many times do I need to hurt you to make you hate me, please leave, don't let me kill you. You look at me and think I am smirking at your idiocy, or laughing at your pain. I laugh and smile because as soon as I stop I will burst into tears. Don't look, Don't look. I am vulnerable. I hate it when you stick that finger in my face, you come so closely I can smell the pain and hatred off of your lips. Don't lie to me by smiling and thinking this all is happily ever after. It's my curse...if I cry. I don't think I will ever be able to stop. Stop STOP STOP! Go away! Don't look at me with those sad eyes! Don't look at me with those pitiful eyes. If I die, maybe it'll give you the opportunity to come to life. I screwed this up. I screwed things up for the last time. I've killed everybody I have ever loved, now I have no place to go, no place to run. So now I cry, I have died my thousandth time.

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      What is your kintype? (Just include the one you're focusing on.)

       Cat!

      Do you identify for spiritual or psychological reasons?

       50/50 really. I'm an enigma! Also a scientist.

      When was your awakening (if you had one)?

       Didnt have one, baby I was born this way!

      If you had one, do you believe something specific triggered your awakening?

       N/A

      If you had one, how long did your awakening last? Was it a sudden realisation, or did it take time?

       N/A

      If you had one, what did you feel during your awakening?

       N/A

      Did you experience shifts and/or feelings of being non-human prior to your awakening?

       I've always been a catastrophy.

      Did you know about otherkin/therians prior to your awakening? If yes, do you think learning about otherkin/therians played a part in triggering your awakening?

       I did not, but learning that there was a word for what I was feeling was neat!

      If you didn't know about otherkin/therians prior to your awakening, how did you come across the community?

       I've actually been giving this some thought, and I think it was CanineHybrid/Riley that introduced me to the concept! I was a freshmen in highschool, so it has been a good while ago. 

      Did you automatically know your species/race when you awakened?

       I have always been a kitty.

      If yes, did you make any attempts to verify this identification? If no, how did you discover your species/race (if you have)?

       I have done lots of introspection that have allowed me to get to know myself better.

      Have you ever misidentified your species/race? If so, what did you mistake yourself for, and why do you think this was?

       Nyope.

      Do you experience involuntary mental shifts? If so, what are they like? How often do you have them? Are they triggered by anything in particular?

       Yes I do. I just take on a slightly more uninhibeted stance. Much more willing to do impulsive things. Happens fairly frequently! It can be triggered by pretty much anything. 

      Do you experience voluntary mental shifts? If so, what are they like, and how do you control them?

      I can do that! They're usually really wonderful. I just let myself off the leash, so to speak. 

      Do you experience involuntary phantom shifts? If so, what are they like? How often do you have them? Are they triggered by anything in particular?

       Yep, always! They're constant, feels like a completely natural part of me. I use my ear positioning and my tail for expressing emotion but it hasn't seemed to work... Yet!

      Do you experience voluntary phantom shifts? If so, what are they like, and how do you control them?

      Nope. 

      Do you experience dream shifts? If so, how often? Are there any recurring themes? Are your dream shift settings/experiences the same as in normal dreams, or are there notable differences?

       I don't recall ever having dream shifts. They'd probably just feel like me, so I wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

      Do you experience any other kind of shift? If so, elaborate.

       Nope!

      What experiences and feelings led you to identify as your kintype rather than with it?

       Sure, I really like cats and all, but I am literally just a cat. A cat that looks like a human. 

      To what extent do you see yourself as (non-physically) nonhuman? Do you identify as human as well as your kintype?

       I am well aware that I am human now, and I honestly wouldn't change that. I like my life. But also, I am a cat. They're so intertwined that I wouldn't be able to elaborate. 

      What led you to believe that your identity is spiritual or psychological in nature? Have you ever believed the other was true, or seriously considered that it may be?

       I'm 50/50 on this deal. I have meditated and had memories of my past life and I believe in reincarnation, but at the same time I am a scientist so I know that I could just be entirely manufacturing these memories. Who's to say without any definitive hard evidence? Certainly not me! I just live my life without thinking too hard on it. I'm a cat, and that's really all there is to it. 

      Do you have any past life memories (if your beliefs are spiritual) or artificial memories/flashbacks (if your beliefs are psychological)? If so, describe them.

       Yes! I believe that I was a feral cat. I definetly had kittens. I think I lived in the city, probably in a city park like Central Park. I can remember being in forested areas and alleyways. 

      Do you ever feel homesick for the location your kintype lives/lived in? If so, how do you deal with those feelings?

      Not really homesick, but I do love being in cities. I love going to cities.

      Are there any locations that make you feel closer to your kintype? Any locations that make you feel disconnected from it?

       Cities and forests are both home to me! I can easily feel full cat anywhere. There's nowhere that really makes me feel a disconnect.

      Do you experience species dysphoria? If so, how often? To what extent? Do you have any methods of coping with it?

       I don't, sorry! I wish I could help out.

      Do you have any behaviours or quirks that you attribute to your kintype?

       I'm very cat-like. The way I move and behave in general. 

      Do you have any nonstandard thought processes or instinctual reactions that you attribute to your kintype?

      Every small animal I want to eat. I would never. I'm a vegetarian and a vet tech, so it is my duty to do no harm. But still the instinct is always just 'I would eat that'. Also if there's a high route I gotta take it. I will go out of my way to go over instead of around. 

      Do you have any personality traits that you attribute to your kintype?

       The everything about me! I can't think of any specifics right now.

      Do you have any nonstandard beliefs, ethics or morals that you attribute to your kintype?

       I'm pretty morally-grey. I do things that benefit me. If that happens to help others, great! If not, oh well. I find that more often than not I do end up helping others, and that does make me happy. 

      Why do you believe the above behaviours/traits/etc. are related to your kintype?

       Cats don't really have morals. They are cats. There is a very thin line between real behavior and personification. Personifying our animals too much is a very, very dangerous thing. I have firsthand seen the reporcussions for people believing that their pets are like people. 
      What is a fact, sometimes feral cats form colonies that are matriarch driven. They are social in thier clowders. They will take care of eachother when resources are available.  

      Do you feel that having a nonhuman identity has been a positive, negative or neutral experience? Have you ever tried to deny your nonhuman identity?

       Neutral, really, though I sure do love being a cat! 

      Do you ever wish you could change your kintype? If so, what would you rather be?

       Nope! 

      Do you think this is enough questions for now? I sure hope so!

      Thank you for the good time!

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      Hi. im Dragon Runes. i'm a contherian & a polytherian and I've been in the otherkin community for about 6 years, i come across as a very morbid person at first but please don't let that stop you from reaching out to me. Below is a few bits of general information about me.

       

      Name - Dragon Runes, Runes, Echo & Dragon. (not my real name)

      Gender - Genderfluid.

      Pronouns - they/them or she/her

      Age - 17

      Kitypes - Wolf, Fox, Deer, Raccoon, Deer, Bear, American bison, Crystal dragon, Shadow Dragon, & Wendigo

      Main likes - warm spaces, being outside, tea, art & photography.

      Main dislikes - pushy people, bullying, art thieves.

       

      Going into depth on a few hobbies of mine, I'm an artist. I love the vulture culture and that often shows in a lot of my work. I'm also interested in mortuary science and forensic pathology. im a green witch, i love plants and animals and i love to take photos of my path and nature itself. im also into anime and animation and ive been working on a few things for a small animation too.

       

      I love alot of dark and morbid things and if you would like to talk to me about those things i will not start the conversation due to the fact it may come on too strong and it may make people uncomfortable. if you would like to talk about those things I will give you another way to talk to me.

       

      Why am i here?

      - I'm interested in joining the community to hopefully meet new people. I love meeting new people and I would love to hear other people's side of otherkinity. In the community, I'm apart of I feel like not many people share experiences so I'm hoping to find that here.

       

      How significant is therianthropy to you & How did you come across Therianthropy?

      - Therianthropy has become a large part of my life. It has gotten to be so big and embedded in my past, present and future that I hardly think about it. I came across the topic through youtube, by cringe videos. When I started looking more into it I was putting names to the experiences I've been having since I could remember. This all started happening around the middle school.

       

      Are you a therian & What is/are your theriotype(s)?

      - Yes, i am. But i have come to consider myself otherkin since it's the umbrella term for it! My kintypes listed above in the short bio i wrote.

       

      How did you find your theriotype/s & Do you believe that your therianthropy is spiritual, psychological, neurological, or something else in origin?

      - Like i said above, i found the community through cringe videos and shortly after that i used a few techniques that many people used to discover there kintypes and out of those things AP and Meditation worked the best for me. I believe my identity is a mix of spiritual and psychological. It's very hard for me to explain.

       

      but yeah. that's me lol! I hope to get to know many of you here!!

       

      If anyone would like to get ahold of me, you can find me here!

      (none of the accounts use my personal information!)

       

      Art and business email - lunafootprintart@gmail.com

      Therian amino - Dragon Runes

      The therian guide forum - Dragon Runes

      Instagram - @luna_footprint

      Snapchat - @lrunes666

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      For a few months, I’d been getting phantom shifts that I thought were odd. At first, I didn’t even know what they were. But even when I found that out they were still perplexing. During these shifts, I felt as if I were missing limbs. Most often it was either one leg or both arms, but it was different every so often. The ones involving my arms had been going on for a lot longer (an estimated five months), but the ones involving my legs started more recently (two or three months ago). I could see that my limbs were still there, but I had no control over them. And the fact that they were still there made me feel strangely uncomfortable. These shifts weren’t particularly painful, but obviously the feeling of missing limbs isn’t all too pleasant.

       

      The first time I tried to walk when my leg was gone in one of these shifts, it was definitely tricky. I felt like I couldn’t balance and actually fell, even though both feet should have been firmly planted on the ground. After the first few times this happened, I figured out how to push through it and move somewhat normally.


      The most stressful thing was that I couldn’t figure out why I was getting these phantom shifts. There was a certain character I figured maybe I was kin with, but maybe isn’t enough to be sure of anything. Not only that, but that character had never lost any limbs so it wouldn’t explain the phantom shifts. Sure, the shifts could have been due to a different fictotype or kintype, but it turns out that wasn’t it. I just identify as a different character, plain and simple. And I’m completely sure of this one. It’s more than just the phantom shifts of course, but I’ll describe more things in detail another time.

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