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    Since I'm starting this blog near the end of my current semester, I figured a recap post was called for. 

    This is my first semester at college. Due to some complications I'll cover in a different post, I wasn't able to start college the semester right after graduation—which is why my first semester is in the spring. I started off by taking four classes: English, engineering, trigonometry, and public speaking. I ended up dropping the trig class because the grading policies were kinda sketch, so it's down to three. I'm doing well in public speaking and engineering, but my grade in English is struggling since that and math seem to be what my learning disabilities affect the most. 

    I've had times where I flourished and times where I struggled throughout grade school, but my last two years of high school were very rough, which were what eventually lead to my diagnoses in my senior year. Having gone through almost the entirety of grade school undiagnosed really messed up my sense of self-esteem and self-worth—but again, that's a topic I'll discuss deeper another time

    I'm hoping to update this blog with my progress and important notes at least once a week, and given I'll be taking my second English class (if I pass the first) and retaking trig this summer, that shouldn't be a problem 😊

    I look forward to sharing my journey with you all, and feel free to comment with any questions below 😸

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    Cameron Oliver Elliot Silvermoon

    [Host + Core] | 16 | They/Them + Other Neo/Nounself Pronouns

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    Aurora Grace "Aura" Silvermoon 

    [Little] | Age Slider 5-15 | She/Her

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    The Ace of Spades "Ace" Alabaster

    [Unknown Role] | 25 | They/Them, It/Its

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    Nova

    [Caretaker] | Unknown Age | She/Her

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    Kitty

    [Deals With Social Situations] | 14 | She/Her, Meow/Meows/Meowself, Kit/Kits/Kitself

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    Kaylie Jayce

    [Unknown Role] | 19 | She/Her

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    Quinn "Q" Murphey

    [Protector] | 18 | He/Him

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    Emiline "Emi" Rin

    [Unknown Role] | 15 | She/Her

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    Wolf

    [Protector + Nonhuman] | Age Unknown | He/Him, It/Its

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    Rosebud

    [Nonhuman + Unknown Role] | 3 | She/Her

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    Mouse

    [Slight Trauma Holder + Nonhuman] | 13 | She/Her

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    Percy Hunter

    [Main Schoolwork Manager] | 15 | He/Him

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    Benjamin "Ben" Hunter

    [Tritary Schoolwork Manager] | 15 | He/Him

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    Penelope "Penny" Hunter

    [Secondary Schoolwork Manager] | 15 | She/Her

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    Susan

    [Handles Adult Situations + Nonhuman + Trauma Holder] | Age Slider 19-25 | She/Her

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    Jaxon "Jax"

    [Insider] | 25 | He/Him

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    Queenie

    [Reformed Persecutor + Trauma Holder] | Age Slider 12-13 | She/Her

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    Cat Cat

    [Deals With Uncomfotable Situations + Nonhuman] | Age Unknown | She/Her, It/Its

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    Melissa

    [Trauma + Memory Holder] | 6 | She/Her

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    Flora

    [Unknown Role, Possibly Memory/Trauma Holder] | Age Unknown | She/her

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    Ivory

    [Protector] | 17 | She/Her, They/Them

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    Ebony

    [Protector] | 17 | She/Her, They/Them

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    Bug

    [Unknown Role] | Age Unknown | She/Her, He/Him

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    Fairest

    [Unknown Role] | Age Unknown | She/Her

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    Integrated/Dormant System Members

    Flora, Snow

  1. I'm floating in the wind towards the light that is beckoning me, the veil has been peeled back and I see reality for what it really is, I'm going to the land I was promised. Promised but also chosen to go to, forced to, transformed without my consent to a willing inhabitant of this land. Is it weird how they can do that? Make you consent to something? Oh there's another layer of the veil to pull off, how did I not see that? I swear this time is reality. Not only is my body not my own, it's its own person, that knows everything I know and I wear like a skin because that's what I'm in, it's my kin, that I'm in? Two of me. Unless only one is the me and the other is another? I'm in my land now where I belong and traveling endlessly I am going to become it that is why I am here. Yes, I will merge with it! I was meant to do this...that's why my body doesn't feel like me because it isn't! I am this land and was misplaced into that other place and I have to crawl out to become myself

    Thank you, I am here, I am where I was supposed to be, I am in the wind

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    Laptop's hard-disk met its maker after a decade holding strong (Can you believe Win 7 already that old?) I have a phone in the mean time.

    Only now I realise how mandatory is a comfortable seat and screen that can hold whole discussions (there's lots here to get back to!), to reference others and compile my thoughts..

    Can probably rig up a live USB / Live CD of some GNU/Linux flavour in mean time and give the thing a few more years of life as a web browser/text processor.

    Until then[...]

    ~Corvid.

  2. Latest Entry

    Well, life's been okay. Not great, not awful. I don't really have much to report, but I want to try to write a blog every few days or so.

    I'm thinking about telling my counselor about me being fictionkin. From what I know about her I can guess that she probably doesn't know what it is. I'll have to explain what it is, then I'll give her a little more information on my fictotypes and my beliefs about it and such. The only thing holding me back is that I'm nervous about how she'll react. If anyone has some experience with this (and if anyone actually reads this) I'd love it if you could drop a comment on your experience with telling your counselor/therapist about being otherkin.

    Moving on... Good news! I got a new wig in the mail today. Looks just like my (Sal's) hair should. Wearing it is rather comforting, plus it's really soft. More good news... The principal at my school is super lenient and she said she's cool with me wearing wigs to school "as long as they're not distracting". So of course I'm gonna go for it. I'll probably throw on an outfit in my old color scheme while I'm at it, but sadly I'll have to leave the mask behind. Can only get away with so much, right?

    Well, that's all for today. I know it wasn't anything super interesting, but that's what I've got. Thanks for reading!

  3. Regarding the Fingerprint Scanner on the Galaxy S10(+) - Samsung chose security over convenience, which I applaud! Register several different angles of your print and you’ll be fine.


    View the full post @ Naia's Den

  4. Well, I suppose I should write a blog post documenting all that I recalled yesterday evening.
    I'd decided that I had enough small snippets of memories to attempt to stitch them together into some sort of narrative. Originally I didn't even think I had much of a 'personal' timeline, myself being from the original core point meaning that I am all timelines and interpretations in a way, though despite this I always knew that some telling resonated with me far stronger than others. Yesterday was the day I realised alongside being all versions, I also have my own personal timeline.

     

    This blog entry shall be a raw summary of my timeline from as much as I can remember, this was all written 'as' I was working through it and remembering,
    so it's a little disjointed, but it should still remain readable. There will be mentions of death and violent imagery in this blog entry.

    301804931_IWillGiveYouaCrown.thumb.png.46cd97a8b87a0b71ca4a297575394791.png

     

     

    Our life prior to Yui was mostly the same, however we have the ability to change into large bat forms come full moon which we learn to do around puberty. I don't know if Cordelia's heart was placed into Yui as before however. She never possessed Yui as in HDB. (Actually maybe? The taste of her blood was the same.)

    I remember burning the village as a child, venturing into the human world for the first time I had little idea of where to go, just an idea of where Edgar went. I set fire to the stable after letting go the horses. The houses were mostly made from wood, but it was dark, and I didn't venture far in. I ran off as soon as I started the fire, I didn't even look back.

    I know I lose Yui, not that she was ever bound to my route anyway. There was no single route as like with the games. It was much more fluid and 'natural'. She was only with me a short time, and was soon taken by Shu. I tried to take her back... I didn't care for her, but knowing Shu had her was too much to bare. Tensions rose, but rather than me trying to kill Yui as I do in Shu's route, my conflict with Shu rose instead. Under the full moon we took up our bat forms and clashed. Shu almost crushed my skull between his jaws, but I impaled his with my scythe claw.

    Yui was not around, I only remember the triplets watching.. She might have been unconscious.. asleep? Tied up? I never found out. After killing Shu I knew father would take notice. I was filled with so much raw emotion... It was overwhelming, and the night was still young, so I took wing to the nearest human town and I attacked it with fire.
     
    After a time a vampire hunter had started to hone in on my position, and he found me on the rooftop. His attempt to kill me failed and I flew back into the sky where Subaru engaged me, tackling me at speed. I had no quarrel with him, but he did with I, and his fury was unmatched. He attacked me again and again while screaming his outrage at my murder of Shu.
    Eventually I managed to talk to him enough to stop, fighting in his batform in the air wasn't his style anyway, he hated that form. Reminded him of what he wanted to escape. The fact he'd changed into it at all showed his rage at my actions.
     
     
     
     
    This is as much as I had known/remembered previous to yesterday, but I found that through writing everything out linearly it helped to set in motion the memories of what happened there after,
    and so the following was taken from what I saw yesterday evening.
     
    Ruki and Kou were watching me from a rooftop and a crossbow bolt flew past my head so I flew down to investigate them and ask who they were, changing back into my vampire form. However I didn't get far till Subaru in his bat form followed, crashing down aiming for me. I stepped back in time and tried to reason with him while he was snarling at me and the Mukamis were standing to my left. I don't remember the words.
    I tried to convince him I was doing it due to father's plans to divert his rage elsewhere, he didn't become convinced but it was confusing enough for him to question his choices till.. A bolt from the hunter earlier flew into Subaru's head. Up through the jaw through his muzzle.. His face changed so suddenly, from that of anger, of pain and confusion at me to a wide opened eyed dead expression. With enlarged pupils like that of a dead fish, it was so fast. I'm confused. I don't know if I'm in denial of him dying or not, that sudden face change, that instantaneous loss of life. Where once there was life and now there is no longer.. It's something I've seen in this life many times. It's something you never get used to seeing.
     
    unknown.thumb.png.ed71d6fd65753d357082dd968a341bd0.pngThe hunter's Seiji.
    I remember him now, the hunter I made a deal with to kill my mother, and who promised to one day kill me.
     
    He shoots me next while I'm still stunned from witnessing Subaru get shot, it hits me on my left top side of my chest, just under my collar bone. I don't really feel it at first, I'm more furious at him possibly having killed Subaru. I'm torn to run away or fight, I don't know which to do. My emotions are pulling at me to fight but like this I'll lose.
     
    I can't give into the same rage that already got Subaru shot. No, I have to live.
     
    I hate myself for it as I run towards Ruki and Kou. They step out of the way but it's just enough cover for me to escape off the side off the roof. I turn into my small bat form, causing the bolt to fall free from me onto the ground as I limp-fly away to hide in some small roof space to rest.
     
    The hunter doesn't find me. I stay there for many days, slowly healing from my injury. I go out at night in my small bat form to collect herbs to help with the healing as the poison on the bolt was trying to seep into my system.
    I'd nested in the roof of an elderly couple.. no, two elderly ladies. I remember seeing them in their living room by the fire in the evenings as I'd wake up.
    I was on my own now, I can't go back. I don't even know if Subaru is still alive, and without my medical assistance.. He may very well be dead. The only other who might have saved him would be father, which he'd likely hate. He doesn't give without taking something in return anyway.
     
    Blood would help me recover faster, and though these elderly ladies aren't my prime choice, in this life or death situation they are better than nothing. I pose as a visitor in the evening, I greet them and ask if I can come in for I have some wears I'd like to sell to them. Seemingly appreciative of the young company I'm welcomed in kindly. They're free with their comments about my appearance, though one is more reserved than the other, and she stays in the kitchen more while the other talks with me in the living room.
    Speaking with humans is not something I've done at length before, and keeping my tongue in check is difficult, but I manage to get one lady on her own long enough to ensnare her with my eyes. Her body freezes up and I have to bite into her wrinkly neck. It's not pleasant, but the blood is life giving for me. I quickly finish up before the other returns, and the lady I fed from is freed from her spell as I excuse myself to leave.
     
    I think.. I meet her again. A long time after. I think she came looking for me, in the forest. I'm not sure when, but I remember guiding her back home(?)
    I'm not sure why I'd be so much kinder then.. There's a lot I don't recall yet. There are still scatterings of memories at points I'm not sure where they connect, I couldn't continue attempting to recall due to the stress from learning about Subaru's possible death.. as an indirect result of my own selfish actions. This is a heavy burden to learn of. Maybe it is better I don't remember? But that feels disrespectful to those I effected, to my family.

    I'll continue trying to piece the fragments together, not just for my sake, but so I can also take responsibility for my own actions there in this life.

     

    Things I still need to figure out:

    - Who are Ruki and Kou in this timeline? What are they doing with Seiji? Are they even connected?
    - Who is the elderly woman in the forest?


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    Okay, so I hope you figured I wasn't really talking about the Matrix. I'm kind of disappointed too, because it would be pretty cool to be able to enter a virtual world where we could physically be our other selves. Something like Ready Player One... yeah...

    But anyways, I have the next best thing. It's not even close, but it's technically the next best thing.

    A few years ago, I was browsing a witch craft shop near my home, and on a whim I purchased a book on Native American spirit animals and how to find yours. The actual part about finding the spirit animal never helped, but the meditation technique described in the book sure did. With it, you can enter an open sandbox world, assume whatever form you wish (in this case, my kintype), and basically do whatever you want (I don't judge). It's an excellent tool for voluntary shifting and visualizing your kintype, as I've been regularly using it to do.

    Enough fluff. Let's get down to business.

    1. If you don't know the basics of meditation, you're essentially going to want to find a comfortable, quiet spot to sit or lay down. Close your eyes and focus on the feeling of your chest rising and falling as you breathe. Just focus on this feeling. If you feel your thoughts wandering, don't panic, just gently let the thoughts drift away and return to focusing on your breathing. If you're new to meditating, this may be difficult at first, but just keep practicing. Meditation is a learned skill like most things in life. Do this one time a day for about 3 minutes until you have it down and can start extending the time further.
    2. Now, assuming you've been meditating for a while, gently envision yourself in a favorite location, real or imagined. It could be the middle of space, the lawn of the White House, or in my case, a particular beach that I loved in the Honduras. For the sake of presentation, we'll use the beach. Once you're standing on the beach, don't do anything. Feel the cool breeze on your face, flowing through your hair. Wiggle your toes in the sand. Listen to the roar of the surf. Remain on the beach until it feels as real as can be. This is your "loading screen" where you'll anchor your mind to the dream space. Stay on this beach as long as you need, and remember not to rush.
    3. Turn around, wherever you are, and see a cave. It doesn't even have to be a real cave- just tack in on to whatever location you're at. This cave is your "tunnel" to the other world. Slowly walk into the cave. Feel the gravel crunch under your feet as you do, and hear your footsteps echoing off the walls. Keep walking until you come to a door. The door can be as close or as far as you wish, just remember to take it slow. If you rush, you'll disrupt the vision. I know you want to get to the fun stuff, but patience is key.
    4.  Open the door and step through into a new world that your kintype would like. This is the "other" world where your kinself exists. I always step out onto a tall mountain peak, with enough space to accommodate a dragon. It's the tallest peak around, with the rest of the world sprawling away into the horizon on all sides.  There's evergreen trees, rivers winding through valleys, and not a cloud in the sunny sky. Take a few moments to once again soak in the sensations of being in this world. The burning of the sun on your face and the wind. Do this as long as you need.
    5. Now, transform. Stay in first person. I watch the ground get farther away as my long neck rises into the air. I feel my four legs plant firmly into the ground. I look down to examine my front legs, now draconian. I turn around and see the rest of me, wings included. I flare out my wings slowly and feel the sensation. I remain still for several moments again, just feeling my other body. Then, I trudge to the edge and leap. I feel the wind as I fall, then open my wings and begin soaring. This is it, you're doing it!
    6. When you're done with your shenanigans, return to your starting point. Transform back to human. Walk back through the door and through the tunnel and back onto the beach. This is you "returning" to the real world. 
    7. Open your eyes. You're now back from your journey.

    This technique may not work for everyone, and that's perfectly okay. If you've found a better way, kudos to you! Maybe share it with me sometime? None the less, this is how I induce voluntary shifts on myself. Thanks for sticking around this long! I hope this helps you visualize your other self!

     

  5. So, it’s rare, but recently they’ve become more frequent.

    I hate my eye color in those times, because I can’t recognise myself in the mirror. To the point I want to break it, to the thoughts of clawing out my eyes. Until now, I looked up numerous ideas, no matter how risky, out of my desperation in those times.

    Normal colored lenses have no prescription, which I’m fine with because I can just wear them under my glasses. They’re also daily.

    And they help, I underestimated that feeling. Because having dark brown eyes almost drove me to madness, they make that gray so much darker... and it is so nice...

    The problem with that is, because of astigmatism, they don’t sit 100% perfectly. And I sighed.

    Until I found out this evening that toric (astigmatic) colored contact lenses exist. After a lot of searching and dead-ends that showed me one or the other.

    Very, very rare - and very expensive since they need to be custom made... Currently, I’ve a pair of some that run at €80 *each* - but, they last 3 months at a time.

  6. Go away...don't let me hurt you. You want me around so badly, you are surprised when I hurt you. Stop saying I'm beautiful, stop saying I hurt others because I was hurt, stop saying this is alright. Stop, stop. I tried to warn you I really did. How many times do I need to hurt you to make you hate me, please leave, don't let me kill you. You look at me and think I am smirking at your idiocy, or laughing at your pain. I laugh and smile because as soon as I stop I will burst into tears. Don't look, Don't look. I am vulnerable. I hate it when you stick that finger in my face, you come so closely I can smell the pain and hatred off of your lips. Don't lie to me by smiling and thinking this all is happily ever after. It's my curse...if I cry. I don't think I will ever be able to stop. Stop STOP STOP! Go away! Don't look at me with those sad eyes! Don't look at me with those pitiful eyes. If I die, maybe it'll give you the opportunity to come to life. I screwed this up. I screwed things up for the last time. I've killed everybody I have ever loved, now I have no place to go, no place to run. So now I cry, I have died my thousandth time.

    57393b840c20755a7853b590dd29b92c.jpg

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    Latest Entry

    What is your kintype? (Just include the one you're focusing on.)

     Cat!

    Do you identify for spiritual or psychological reasons?

     50/50 really. I'm an enigma! Also a scientist.

    When was your awakening (if you had one)?

     Didnt have one, baby I was born this way!

    If you had one, do you believe something specific triggered your awakening?

     N/A

    If you had one, how long did your awakening last? Was it a sudden realisation, or did it take time?

     N/A

    If you had one, what did you feel during your awakening?

     N/A

    Did you experience shifts and/or feelings of being non-human prior to your awakening?

     I've always been a catastrophy.

    Did you know about otherkin/therians prior to your awakening? If yes, do you think learning about otherkin/therians played a part in triggering your awakening?

     I did not, but learning that there was a word for what I was feeling was neat!

    If you didn't know about otherkin/therians prior to your awakening, how did you come across the community?

     I've actually been giving this some thought, and I think it was CanineHybrid/Riley that introduced me to the concept! I was a freshmen in highschool, so it has been a good while ago. 

    Did you automatically know your species/race when you awakened?

     I have always been a kitty.

    If yes, did you make any attempts to verify this identification? If no, how did you discover your species/race (if you have)?

     I have done lots of introspection that have allowed me to get to know myself better.

    Have you ever misidentified your species/race? If so, what did you mistake yourself for, and why do you think this was?

     Nyope.

    Do you experience involuntary mental shifts? If so, what are they like? How often do you have them? Are they triggered by anything in particular?

     Yes I do. I just take on a slightly more uninhibeted stance. Much more willing to do impulsive things. Happens fairly frequently! It can be triggered by pretty much anything. 

    Do you experience voluntary mental shifts? If so, what are they like, and how do you control them?

    I can do that! They're usually really wonderful. I just let myself off the leash, so to speak. 

    Do you experience involuntary phantom shifts? If so, what are they like? How often do you have them? Are they triggered by anything in particular?

     Yep, always! They're constant, feels like a completely natural part of me. I use my ear positioning and my tail for expressing emotion but it hasn't seemed to work... Yet!

    Do you experience voluntary phantom shifts? If so, what are they like, and how do you control them?

    Nope. 

    Do you experience dream shifts? If so, how often? Are there any recurring themes? Are your dream shift settings/experiences the same as in normal dreams, or are there notable differences?

     I don't recall ever having dream shifts. They'd probably just feel like me, so I wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

    Do you experience any other kind of shift? If so, elaborate.

     Nope!

    What experiences and feelings led you to identify as your kintype rather than with it?

     Sure, I really like cats and all, but I am literally just a cat. A cat that looks like a human. 

    To what extent do you see yourself as (non-physically) nonhuman? Do you identify as human as well as your kintype?

     I am well aware that I am human now, and I honestly wouldn't change that. I like my life. But also, I am a cat. They're so intertwined that I wouldn't be able to elaborate. 

    What led you to believe that your identity is spiritual or psychological in nature? Have you ever believed the other was true, or seriously considered that it may be?

     I'm 50/50 on this deal. I have meditated and had memories of my past life and I believe in reincarnation, but at the same time I am a scientist so I know that I could just be entirely manufacturing these memories. Who's to say without any definitive hard evidence? Certainly not me! I just live my life without thinking too hard on it. I'm a cat, and that's really all there is to it. 

    Do you have any past life memories (if your beliefs are spiritual) or artificial memories/flashbacks (if your beliefs are psychological)? If so, describe them.

     Yes! I believe that I was a feral cat. I definetly had kittens. I think I lived in the city, probably in a city park like Central Park. I can remember being in forested areas and alleyways. 

    Do you ever feel homesick for the location your kintype lives/lived in? If so, how do you deal with those feelings?

    Not really homesick, but I do love being in cities. I love going to cities.

    Are there any locations that make you feel closer to your kintype? Any locations that make you feel disconnected from it?

     Cities and forests are both home to me! I can easily feel full cat anywhere. There's nowhere that really makes me feel a disconnect.

    Do you experience species dysphoria? If so, how often? To what extent? Do you have any methods of coping with it?

     I don't, sorry! I wish I could help out.

    Do you have any behaviours or quirks that you attribute to your kintype?

     I'm very cat-like. The way I move and behave in general. 

    Do you have any nonstandard thought processes or instinctual reactions that you attribute to your kintype?

    Every small animal I want to eat. I would never. I'm a vegetarian and a vet tech, so it is my duty to do no harm. But still the instinct is always just 'I would eat that'. Also if there's a high route I gotta take it. I will go out of my way to go over instead of around. 

    Do you have any personality traits that you attribute to your kintype?

     The everything about me! I can't think of any specifics right now.

    Do you have any nonstandard beliefs, ethics or morals that you attribute to your kintype?

     I'm pretty morally-grey. I do things that benefit me. If that happens to help others, great! If not, oh well. I find that more often than not I do end up helping others, and that does make me happy. 

    Why do you believe the above behaviours/traits/etc. are related to your kintype?

     Cats don't really have morals. They are cats. There is a very thin line between real behavior and personification. Personifying our animals too much is a very, very dangerous thing. I have firsthand seen the reporcussions for people believing that their pets are like people. 
    What is a fact, sometimes feral cats form colonies that are matriarch driven. They are social in thier clowders. They will take care of eachother when resources are available.  

    Do you feel that having a nonhuman identity has been a positive, negative or neutral experience? Have you ever tried to deny your nonhuman identity?

     Neutral, really, though I sure do love being a cat! 

    Do you ever wish you could change your kintype? If so, what would you rather be?

     Nope! 

    Do you think this is enough questions for now? I sure hope so!

    Thank you for the good time!

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    Hi. im Dragon Runes. i'm a contherian & a polytherian and I've been in the otherkin community for about 6 years, i come across as a very morbid person at first but please don't let that stop you from reaching out to me. Below is a few bits of general information about me.

     

    Name - Dragon Runes, Runes, Echo & Dragon. (not my real name)

    Gender - Genderfluid.

    Pronouns - they/them or she/her

    Age - 17

    Kitypes - Wolf, Fox, Deer, Raccoon, Deer, Bear, American bison, Crystal dragon, Shadow Dragon, & Wendigo

    Main likes - warm spaces, being outside, tea, art & photography.

    Main dislikes - pushy people, bullying, art thieves.

     

    Going into depth on a few hobbies of mine, I'm an artist. I love the vulture culture and that often shows in a lot of my work. I'm also interested in mortuary science and forensic pathology. im a green witch, i love plants and animals and i love to take photos of my path and nature itself. im also into anime and animation and ive been working on a few things for a small animation too.

     

    I love alot of dark and morbid things and if you would like to talk to me about those things i will not start the conversation due to the fact it may come on too strong and it may make people uncomfortable. if you would like to talk about those things I will give you another way to talk to me.

     

    Why am i here?

    - I'm interested in joining the community to hopefully meet new people. I love meeting new people and I would love to hear other people's side of otherkinity. In the community, I'm apart of I feel like not many people share experiences so I'm hoping to find that here.

     

    How significant is therianthropy to you & How did you come across Therianthropy?

    - Therianthropy has become a large part of my life. It has gotten to be so big and embedded in my past, present and future that I hardly think about it. I came across the topic through youtube, by cringe videos. When I started looking more into it I was putting names to the experiences I've been having since I could remember. This all started happening around the middle school.

     

    Are you a therian & What is/are your theriotype(s)?

    - Yes, i am. But i have come to consider myself otherkin since it's the umbrella term for it! My kintypes listed above in the short bio i wrote.

     

    How did you find your theriotype/s & Do you believe that your therianthropy is spiritual, psychological, neurological, or something else in origin?

    - Like i said above, i found the community through cringe videos and shortly after that i used a few techniques that many people used to discover there kintypes and out of those things AP and Meditation worked the best for me. I believe my identity is a mix of spiritual and psychological. It's very hard for me to explain.

     

    but yeah. that's me lol! I hope to get to know many of you here!!

     

    If anyone would like to get ahold of me, you can find me here!

    (none of the accounts use my personal information!)

     

    Art and business email - lunafootprintart@gmail.com

    Therian amino - Dragon Runes

    The therian guide forum - Dragon Runes

    Instagram - @luna_footprint

    Snapchat - @lrunes666

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    For a few months, I’d been getting phantom shifts that I thought were odd. At first, I didn’t even know what they were. But even when I found that out they were still perplexing. During these shifts, I felt as if I were missing limbs. Most often it was either one leg or both arms, but it was different every so often. The ones involving my arms had been going on for a lot longer (an estimated five months), but the ones involving my legs started more recently (two or three months ago). I could see that my limbs were still there, but I had no control over them. And the fact that they were still there made me feel strangely uncomfortable. These shifts weren’t particularly painful, but obviously the feeling of missing limbs isn’t all too pleasant.

     

    The first time I tried to walk when my leg was gone in one of these shifts, it was definitely tricky. I felt like I couldn’t balance and actually fell, even though both feet should have been firmly planted on the ground. After the first few times this happened, I figured out how to push through it and move somewhat normally.


    The most stressful thing was that I couldn’t figure out why I was getting these phantom shifts. There was a certain character I figured maybe I was kin with, but maybe isn’t enough to be sure of anything. Not only that, but that character had never lost any limbs so it wouldn’t explain the phantom shifts. Sure, the shifts could have been due to a different fictotype or kintype, but it turns out that wasn’t it. I just identify as a different character, plain and simple. And I’m completely sure of this one. It’s more than just the phantom shifts of course, but I’ll describe more things in detail another time.

  7. Winter is one of the best times to see the Northern Lights if you live or travel in the right area, because of how long each day is dark for (although the fall and spring equinoxes are the peak moments). Because of this, I've been seeing a major uptick in aurora photos from all the nature blogs I follow.

    For me, my reaction to the aurora is definitely an alterhuman thing. I have this feeling/memory regarding them, that the streets in heaven were kind of empty at that hour of night because heaven is full of wimps extremely diurnal beings so I would stay up and walk out there alone just to experience them. They come dancing down among the buildings, bathing everything in light, and flow out past the edges of that place and down into the real sky of the earth. The sounds they make are their own music, and I could trail my fingers through them, change their shape and watch them curl away in spirals that crackled and snapped, fly through them. And that at the moment of choosing to Fall I saw them and it seemed like they were pulling me with them out past heaven and down into the world. The feeling they give me here is powerful, one of beauty and nostalgia in a way they makes me both achingly sad and inspired at the same time.

    So when I think "light-bringer", I think of the Northern Lights and darkness instead of sunlight. It would feel absolutely wrong for me to say something like "Lucifer was bright and sunshine and God's Favorite" because to me that's not...exactly it. Honestly, I think my interpretation and assumption of the name comes less from my "angelic role" and more from the time I was created, which with the symbolism of Venus and all is just before dawn, aka the darkest hour.

    A while ago I made some simple art to try and capture this feeling/memory and sentiment, pairing an image with some of the lyrics from the song Dear Wormwood by The Oh Hellos.

    image.png.4a800042028ec1672341aa7c254eacba.png

  8. Stray

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    I have displayed animalistic behavior since I was a child. I recall wanting to continuously wear tails or gloves with claws on them from costumes meant for Halloween as young as 4. My mom always told me "you are not an animal," and I always found that hard to believe, even as a kid. Around this same period, I had an obsession with canines, specifically dogs; this was noted on a doctors report that I still own to this day.

    When I had reached my elementary school years, I began questioning my animal side. In 2005 I saw a documentary on TV that featured a segment on "therians." Upon seeing the segment, I instantly knew that that's what I was, and ran to a computer to do more research. I stumbled upon The Werelist and everything took off from there. I began questioning all sorts of animals; from squirrels and frogs, to horses and all sorts of birds. This soul-searching lasted me quite a few years, until everything led up to me realizing I am a wolf.

    I remained inactive in the therianthropy community upon reaching my teen years out of fear of my close-minded mom finding out, which vaguely happened but I continued to cover it up as something else. 

    Now an adult, I've learned to hide and cope with being more animal than everyone else. Although, things slip through the cracks sometimes. In fact, recently a friend of mine caught me sniffing the air as they made hamburgers, which, was very embarrassing.

    My partner, being the understanding person he is, allows me to express my true self when I need to, which can be a huge relief sometimes. Honestly, I just feel like a wolf pretending to be human to please everyone else constantly. I truly feel a disconnect from my outer self and inner self regarding appearance, and although I promise I am aware I am physically human, sometimes I will walk past a mirror and have to do a double take because seeing my human face often surprises me because I expect to see what I feel like.

    One way I've found to express my non-human experience is by comparing it to the wolves of Wolf's Rain (cheesy, I know); the wolves are still wolves, but can disguise themselves as human- although to some, it's still obvious that they're wolves. This is expressed in the anime and the manga in the image of a wolf and human overlapping eachother, I have provided a picture I took from the first volume to give a better idea since i am not the best at explaining.

     

    Snapchat-627770486.thumb.jpg.5d2874320d86ba46373593596e228f71.jpg

    I feel as though this image accurately represents what I experience as a non-human identifier, except the human is the physical one.  I am interested in knowing if anyone relates to this image as well.

    I honestly very much appreciate dogs, as they feel like creatures I can relate to more closely than humans, and since I understand their behavior (I am an aspiring dog trainer), I can replicate it and cause them to interact with me as if I am another canine. But since I identify as a wolf, I do understand that wolves and dogs behave very differently; two types of behaviors which I consider myself very familiar with and can adapt to.

    I often question if I may be a wolfdog due to some personal things, but that idea has just never fully clicked with who I am.

    Since I discovered the therianthropy community in the 2000's, I still do like to refer to myself as a were/werewolf, although I do use the term therianthrope often. 

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    A huge weight was taken off my shoulders last night after I somehow obtained a solution to one of my personal problems in the middle of typing my own response to something on Reddit. There's still some weight left in my chest and it seems to be related to my writer's block and probably my issues with chronic procrastination that I need to crack down on working through as soon as possible. Saying I'm a chronic procrastinator is no longer funny or a "joke" of any kind. I've taken it too far and it's becoming a ridiculous obstacle that shouldn't exist anymore. Most people procrastinate. Very few are able to get to my level. The grand majority of the population can't afford to be like me and I can't afford to stay like this myself.

    The whole situation with my first entry has been cleared up. I'm not sure if I should post what happened, but it basically turns out I was most likely legitimately wrong and my undeniable feelings of certainty were just feelings from one of my soulbonds bleeding over to me for some reason. Based on everything that played out, I wish there was a way to legitimately explore the lives I experienced as my fictotypes. It's possible that I'm still a canon divergent Aoi Zaizen, though to what extent that is remains unknown. The only reason I even suspect canon divergence is I no longer trust the writers of this franchise after what happened in the Arc-V anime. My other reason for suspecting it is related to my soulbond's feelings. Unfortunately, without enough memories to support my suspicions, all I can do is make educated guesses, not obtain confirmation that gives my words weight.

  9. (I had one lyric about pendulums, and I already used it on the forum, sadly.)

     

    I'm not usually one who follows ideas of "divination" and "spirits" and "magick" and all that stuff. I feel like an idiot when I'm making use of my mini-shrine trying to communicate with Pan, and that's just talking. I never thought about going beyond that, really. But when I was discussing some of my theories on Discord, somebody suggested using a pendulum for communication, after warding it. I thought to myself, hey, why the hell not? The worst case scenario is that nothing comes from it. So as long as I'm ready to take everything I find with a huge pinch of salt, I should be OK. With that in mind, I did a little bit of research and gave it a try.

     

    I used a turquoise necklace I already had as my pendulum, and "warded" it using incense and focusing on the purpose I had in mind. That part felt kind of silly, but I'm willing to try just about anything once. After warding, I established that I was trying to talk to Pan, and determined what meant "yes" and "no" both by asking and by trying some questions that I already knew the answers to. Once I was satisfied, I started asking about my past life, and that's where things got interesting. Again, everything should come with a big pinch of salt.

     

    Assuming I was actually communicating with Pan, he told me that contrary to my working theory, I was not a victim of transformation in my past life. He said I was a faun in that life, but oddly, I was born as a centaur. So that was weird. I then established that I was some manner of shapeshifter. Furthermore, my past life father was a shapeshifter too, and an immortal one at that, but not a god or a titan. My past life mother, meanwhile, was a mortal, though I didn't ask if she was human. Finally, Pan revealed that I was a student of his in my past life, but that we met later in that life when I came looking for him. That was all I could get before he was finished answering questions.

     

    Obviously I'm not taking any of this at face value, and I plan to do it again soon to try to "verify" the phenomenon. But it's still interesting to think about what this could mean if it's true. The biggest question I'm left with is, what's immortal and a shapeshifter but not a god or titan? Limiting myself just to Greek mythology, I found a few possibilities. First up is Phobetor, a personification of dreaming that could appear in the mortal world in the forms of animals and could change his form at will. Whether Phobetor qualifies as a god seems to be hazy based on my very little research, so it's quite possible that Pan wouldn't consider him one, even if he was immortal. Proteus is another interesting possibility; he was more likely to be called a god than Phobetor, but he was known to change form often. Those are the two obvious things I found, but I also found myself drawn to Typhon for some reason. I described him in a prior entry; he's not a god or a shapeshifter, but he is immortal and has been shown with various animal parts. I dunno.

     

    I'm not going to put too much stock into this before doing a bit more to verify things, of course. But it is interesting to think about. It really did seem like the pendulum was working, though I realize it responds to hand movements. Perhaps next time I'll try doing it without holding the pendulum myself. I'll write more if anything else comes up. In the meantime, I am intrigued about the possibilities, and especially Phobetor given how well he seems to match what I "learned."

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    One thing I've noticed since being open about my fictionkin identity is the immediate 'are you sure you're not a ___?' response. I understand this completely, and whenever a creature was mentioned I would do my best to look into it. Thing is... it kept going. I would be writing essays upon essays about how I felt and why I am a banshee, but still someone would ask if I was a dragon or a bird instead. I've gone through pterosaurs, dragons, dinosaurs, sea creatures, birds, reptiles and so much more, yet apparently it's not enough. Even close friends - who have followed me through my otherkin journey - have asked if I'm sure I'm a banshee just because something similar exists on earth. It feels like everyone doesn't believe me, even when I pour my soul out in writings to show them what I feel and why I believe what I do. I've had many labels throughout the years but not a single one has fit like the ikran. I am undoubtedly an ikran on all inner levels, at least as far as I can see myself.

    I know people are just trying to make sure I've put thought into my identity before I claimed something, but I would have thought that my constant blogging would have been satisfactory for them. What do people want? A full novel about how I'm not a Pteranodon, a comic book about my past incorrect feelings of being a dragon, or a six part movie series about my struggles to define whether I was a bird or not? I share whatever I can when I can yet it's still "okay but what if you're NOT fictionkin..." and it becomes a cycle. People say 'are you this instead?' and I have to link them to four month old essays in which I address that. Someone else asks a similar question and I have to show them a blog post from a year ago addressing THAT question. I just can't say I am these things they tell me I could be - I've been ashamed of being fictionkin before because of online harassment so I deliberately sought out Earthly creatures I could 'pose' as. None fit.

    I have never felt so sure of myself. Instead of forcing myself to identify as a pterosaur or some type of bird, I am embracing what feels natural, right, and logical. I'm not a microraptor, I'm not a Quetzalcoatlus I'm not a dragon, I'm not a manta ray, and I'm not a macaw. I am Pterodactylus giganteus - a mountain banshee.

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    Tick tock tick tock the clock is counting down. Tick tock tick tock and soon the earth will drown.  Tick tock tock tick no more suffering will resound. Tock tick tick tock without humans nature will rebound.

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