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  1. I had a dream that I was involved with a friends SB, only he was a physical person in the dream. What made it awkward is that shes dating him and I don't believe he would ever leave or cheat on her. But I remember thinking that she was so lucky. The dream seemed normal enough, nothing too weird or out there, until the very end. I asked him what he would do if I told him he could do whatever he wanted to me, he leaned over like he was going to kiss me, and stuck a carrot in my mouth. So thats when it got really weird.

    In other news, I need to walk to the store, but I keep putting it off cause of what might be Executive Dysfunction. I don't believe I'm just lazy, I think theres something else wrong, cause its hard getting myself to even do things I WANT to do. Of course, I am also still very depressed. I also need to call my lawyer and tell him I need advanced notice for the meetings, so I can see if my only source of transportation can take off of work.

    Things have been roughly the same. Haven't gotten any new EVPs... I don't think. The night before last it sounds like a "hey" on my dream talk app, but it was when I was laying the phone down, so it could have been me. Last night the same thing happened, but this time it sounded like my name. I still think its just me laying the phone down. But it happens after I've already laid the phone down and stopped touching it. So I dunno. I'm just trying to get through each day as best I can.

    My SB partner and I have made a private Disc server just for the two of us. Really my account is the only one in it, but I added the Tupperware bot to it, so he can speak as himself. Its mainly meant to help with my depression. With Aidens passing, I have no one to type cute, affectionate things to, so this helps with that. My partner tries to give me cute affection in return, but since I'm typing all of it, and we both know what the other is going to say before we say it, its not the same as talking to another physical person. It helps in some ways tho, and thats good.

    I was hoping to get more questions in my AMA, but I feel like there just aren't many people who care to ask or know things about SBing. I'm glad I got at least a few questions from someone tho. I was terrified to even start an AMA, but since no one seems to care about it, I guess its not that big of a deal. I think thats all for this post. Oh, can I just say that it makes me really self-conscious that I have more blog posts than anyone else here. I just like to blog a lot sometimes. 

  2. Latest Entry

    I’ve been thinking about this for the better part of my workday, and even to now at nearly 10pm...

    For years I’ve dipped in and out of the tulpamancy community, because I thought that was what we were. However, now I’m not so sure, between me and Gareth it just feels more... median-y, even if he just feels his own person due to our differences.

    Why median? Because he only ever forces control under times of stress or threat, as well as when he first turned up I was under stress at work. Unlike most tulpas, he just appeared out of nowhere, for which I still don’t believe in a spiritual explanation for, and tied it I my fictionkin identity.

    For anyone who remembers, the last time he forced a co-front to defend me, it was painful for me and almost disorienting, blurry at best. So I might have been the one typing, but they weren’t my words at all. In conversation he’s like my polar opposite, and short-tempered to match...

    I’m sure we’ll figure it out, in the end...

     

     

     

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    Hi. im Dragon Runes. i'm a contherian & a polytherian and I've been in the otherkin community for about 6 years, i come across as a very morbid person at first but please don't let that stop you from reaching out to me. Below is a few bits of general information about me.

     

    Name - Dragon Runes, Runes, Echo & Dragon. (not my real name)

    Gender - Genderfluid.

    Pronouns - they/them or she/her

    Age - 17

    Kitypes - Wolf, Fox, Deer, Raccoon, Deer, Bear, American bison, Crystal dragon, Shadow Dragon, & Wendigo

    Main likes - warm spaces, being outside, tea, art & photography.

    Main dislikes - pushy people, bullying, art thieves.

     

    Going into depth on a few hobbies of mine, I'm an artist. I love the vulture culture and that often shows in a lot of my work. I'm also interested in mortuary science and forensic pathology. im a green witch, i love plants and animals and i love to take photos of my path and nature itself. im also into anime and animation and ive been working on a few things for a small animation too.

     

    I love alot of dark and morbid things and if you would like to talk to me about those things i will not start the conversation due to the fact it may come on too strong and it may make people uncomfortable. if you would like to talk about those things I will give you another way to talk to me.

     

    Why am i here?

    - I'm interested in joining the community to hopefully meet new people. I love meeting new people and I would love to hear other people's side of otherkinity. In the community, I'm apart of I feel like not many people share experiences so I'm hoping to find that here.

     

    How significant is therianthropy to you & How did you come across Therianthropy?

    - Therianthropy has become a large part of my life. It has gotten to be so big and embedded in my past, present and future that I hardly think about it. I came across the topic through youtube, by cringe videos. When I started looking more into it I was putting names to the experiences I've been having since I could remember. This all started happening around the middle school.

     

    Are you a therian & What is/are your theriotype(s)?

    - Yes, i am. But i have come to consider myself otherkin since it's the umbrella term for it! My kintypes listed above in the short bio i wrote.

     

    How did you find your theriotype/s & Do you believe that your therianthropy is spiritual, psychological, neurological, or something else in origin?

    - Like i said above, i found the community through cringe videos and shortly after that i used a few techniques that many people used to discover there kintypes and out of those things AP and Meditation worked the best for me. I believe my identity is a mix of spiritual and psychological. It's very hard for me to explain.

     

    but yeah. that's me lol! I hope to get to know many of you here!!

     

    If anyone would like to get ahold of me, you can find me here!

    (none of the accounts use my personal information!)

     

    Art and business email - lunafootprintart@gmail.com

    Therian amino - Dragon Runes

    The therian guide forum - Dragon Runes

    Instagram - @luna_footprint

    Snapchat - @lrunes666

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  3. Woopdeedoo its been a week! Time to post another pointless rambling! Yaaaaay.

    kin: no new memories as of late, which is disappointing. I've been really homesick lately... knowing there's no way back makes it worse. Even with astral stuff... idk. 

    School: going... ok. There's this kid who I don't know, but he just... showed up at our table one day. He refers to me as "Springy". I don't know his name at all, but he seems to be entirely focused on me. He at one point was saying things he somehow knew made me uncomfortable/upset till the point of I cried. When my friends asked him what is problem was he simply responded he was doing his job. And the next day he just... started petting me...   im normally a pacifist but he's pushing it. Really.

     

    Life:. Ehhhhhhhhhgghhhhhhhh I haven't slept well in forever, what is this depression, I can't draw why do I do it, why am I trying vufhcycoyodydoyxoyoxyocgoc

     

    And thats my blog for this week guys. See you next week. 

  4. Thanks to the discussion in the meditation thread, I've done a few meditation sessions the past days. The last one was quite awesome and relates pretty much to my kintype, so I'd like to share the experience with you.

    I took a lay-down posture and listened to a soundfile with wind blowing through the trees. When settled down, I started by visualizing myself lying on the grass in a forest clearing as a human. First I concentrated on breathing and didn't think about much. Soon enough, I see some forest animals. A fox and some deer walk by. A squirrel comes and tickles me. A stag comes close and licks my nose... funny. I more and more start to feel one with the animals and the nature. As an expression of that feeling, I start to glow from the inside, a blue and white light which doesn't feel hot or cold... just bright. I want to spread my wings. I stand up and transform to anthropomorphic dragon form. I stand there, arms and wings spread, glowing, embracing the forest around me. This feels like... well, love, I guess. Just pure, sheer love for the nature and the animals. I want to protect all of them. The feeling gets stronger. I transform into full dragon form. I'm now looking down to the trees, still one with the forest, still glowing bright. In the end, I see myself, holding the whole planet in my claws like a very, very dear friend, protecting it from any harm. And all of that feels.. completely accurate, logical in a sense. It is pretty much the essence of my kintype, of who I am. The Western Guardian Dragon.

    However, the journey is not yet over. I get smaller again. I'm a dragon sitting in front of the forest, waiting for other dragons. When they approach in the air, I join them in their flight. I love to feel the air floating under my wings so much. My friends and me fly to a gathering. It seems something is created there, but I don't know what it is. I also envision an item.. it seems to be a necklace with a golden pendant. No idea where that came from. The gathering.. was this the place where I received my task, over 40 years ago? So many questions still open, folks... way to go!

    As always, feel free to comment, ask and discuss!

  5. I feel like I've been lurking for a bit and I wanted to give some life updates. 

    1. Diagnosed Plurality

    I've felt for a while I have/am apart of a system, and my therapist confirmed that I do qualify for OSDD-1b. I've "opened the floodgates" of it all in my head. I found out through meditation and stuff that I am actually not the original/core, and I (lemoandelance, the one who made this account) am actually a protective alter created to protect the core. I was created in a way that I could (somewhat) seamlessly continue living the core's life after she didn't want it anymore. I shut the other alters out to protect the body (and the core in the process). I'm letting them surface and oh boy they are coming in quick. My therapist just goes "let them just show themselves to you" and OH BOY DID THEY. I might make a blog about it all later, but here is just a brief run down.

    2. Spiritual Psychology

    I was raised religious, and because that turned out to be abusive, it is twice as hard to leave. So I've decided to dub my beliefs "spiritual psychology." Basically, I believe in the spiritual, but not in a literal way "astral plane reincarnation magick" way, but instead in the way that my psychological reality is my reality, so I should explore my mind and my identity as it's built during my life, but realizing that- in the end- it may all just be in my head. If there is a term for whatever the hell this is please @ me. 

  6. This is a slightly more odd and personal entry than I've posted before, but here's a look into my mind and some questioning I've been caught in.

    So, I've been going hard on questioning this Alolan Marowak kintype for about over 2 years now (man, October 2016). Ramping up the intensity of the self-grilling the more I figure out about it. I've questioned nearly everything I could think of that would be similar to the slightly-anthropomorphic reptilian phantom body, territorial and warring traits, fire inclination, and weird diet I experience that I could think of, including dragons, various earth lizards, salamanders (fire faeries/elemental spirits), etc.

    And what I'm caught on now is wondering if I did fabricate this mentally, due to childhood trauma and a need to hide. I very well could have, my interest in the Pokemon franchise is far from quiet. However it leads me to wonder why I would have imprinted and taken on the identity of a Pokemon I've always been vaguely uncomfortable with, instead of one I've always loved that is similar like a Charizard or Salamence. And if my stronger obsession with the franchise Zoids has any influence, why would I have formed the identities of an Android and a dinosaur-like reptilian Pokemon, and not simply been a Zoid like Rev Raptor - which I was far more obsessed with at the age than any Pokemon.

    So I guess that's a progress update on where I am in questioning, before I give my mind a break to focus elsewhere. Questioning is a long journey, especially when dealing with the odd shit of the mind and identity.

    -Jasper

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    For a few months, I’d been getting phantom shifts that I thought were odd. At first, I didn’t even know what they were. But even when I found that out they were still perplexing. During these shifts, I felt as if I were missing limbs. Most often it was either one leg or both arms, but it was different every so often. The ones involving my arms had been going on for a lot longer (an estimated five months), but the ones involving my legs started more recently (two or three months ago). I could see that my limbs were still there, but I had no control over them. And the fact that they were still there made me feel strangely uncomfortable. These shifts weren’t particularly painful, but obviously the feeling of missing limbs isn’t all too pleasant.

     

    The first time I tried to walk when my leg was gone in one of these shifts, it was definitely tricky. I felt like I couldn’t balance and actually fell, even though both feet should have been firmly planted on the ground. After the first few times this happened, I figured out how to push through it and move somewhat normally.


    The most stressful thing was that I couldn’t figure out why I was getting these phantom shifts. There was a certain character I figured maybe I was kin with, but maybe isn’t enough to be sure of anything. Not only that, but that character had never lost any limbs so it wouldn’t explain the phantom shifts. Sure, the shifts could have been due to a different fictotype or kintype, but it turns out that wasn’t it. I just identify as a different character, plain and simple. And I’m completely sure of this one. It’s more than just the phantom shifts of course, but I’ll describe more things in detail another time.

  7. haha it's a play on words

    Anyway, that play on words sums up how I'm feeling and have been for a while. Like I just can't enjoy things that require relating to the human perspective. There's a lot of TV to watch but I can't enjoy any of it because I feel so detached from the experiences and feelings it's based on. (Especially if they're gender-specific, for some reason. It's like double bad because I don't relate well to gender divisions and don't relate to most human experience in general) Can't enjoy events. Can't enjoy socialization, even when my normal issues are accounted for. Can't enjoy games. Can't enjoy reading or any of the things I normally enjoy.

    I feel like I'm on the outside looking in at everything. It's normally not this bad, usually I can find a place in human society and experiences somehow if I really force it. But I just...can't, lately. Nothing feels right at all. Trying to make it feel right just makes it worse because now I have to think about it. Everything is so wrong. I could make it stop by trying to "live in the moment," but I can only do that for so long. I can only look at pictures for so long. I can only clear my mind for so long before the voices start flooding back in again and telling me that everything is wrong.

  8. Winter is one of the best times to see the Northern Lights if you live or travel in the right area, because of how long each day is dark for (although the fall and spring equinoxes are the peak moments). Because of this, I've been seeing a major uptick in aurora photos from all the nature blogs I follow.

    For me, my reaction to the aurora is definitely an alterhuman thing. I have this feeling/memory regarding them, that the streets in heaven were kind of empty at that hour of night because heaven is full of wimps extremely diurnal beings so I would stay up and walk out there alone just to experience them. They come dancing down among the buildings, bathing everything in light, and flow out past the edges of that place and down into the real sky of the earth. The sounds they make are their own music, and I could trail my fingers through them, change their shape and watch them curl away in spirals that crackled and snapped, fly through them. And that at the moment of choosing to Fall I saw them and it seemed like they were pulling me with them out past heaven and down into the world. The feeling they give me here is powerful, one of beauty and nostalgia in a way they makes me both achingly sad and inspired at the same time.

    So when I think "light-bringer", I think of the Northern Lights and darkness instead of sunlight. It would feel absolutely wrong for me to say something like "Lucifer was bright and sunshine and God's Favorite" because to me that's not...exactly it. Honestly, I think my interpretation and assumption of the name comes less from my "angelic role" and more from the time I was created, which with the symbolism of Venus and all is just before dawn, aka the darkest hour.

    A while ago I made some simple art to try and capture this feeling/memory and sentiment, pairing an image with some of the lyrics from the song Dear Wormwood by The Oh Hellos.

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    Latest Entry

    Did you know that today is Shrek's birthday? 

    Anyways, onto the actual blog. It's been raining/storming lately so that's been nice. I put up my fairy lights and I'm probably gonna light some incense for some nice vibes. I also got to open a few Christmas presents early and some notable stuff was some notebooks and a drawing a couple friends made for me, a scarf & gloves set, a fluffy blanket, and some sculpting clay. No super interesting kin related things have happened, but the storming and fairy light have been giving me some good kin vibes. I'm not going to get very into it, but not everything has been perfect.  Feel free to converse/question me on whatever. 

    I hope you've had/have wonderful holidays and that your new year is filled with blessings from above. 

  9. Latest Entry

    I've been practising meditation and mindfulness again lately. Just 5-10 minutes every day.

    Life has been... stressful. So while I was walking, I decided to try a bit of mindfulness. A few deep breaths, taking my focus away from my thoughts... it was surprisingly easy. Practice must be paying off. At first I tried to focus on the movement of my legs, but it didn't stick. So then I decided to focus on my breath. Then I ended up focusing on scents. And I quickly sunk into this state where, rather than being honed in on my vision and what I could see, I instead was centred on my sense of smell. 

    I could smell all the different types of trees. They all smell slightly different. The piney ones smell like home. 

    I could smell the wooden fences as I walked past. Some smelled newer, and I could still catch an impression of that scent of freshly cut wood. Some smelled more old and decayed. 

    I could smell the earthy stone of walls and houses. The houses here are all old stone. All real stone.

    I could smell the metal of silent, sleeping cars. It wasn't a bad smell.

    I could smell the fresh rain on the ground.

    Occasionally I got a hint of cigarette smoke from somewhere I couldn't see. That was a bad smell.

    And I could smell this weird mixture of "human" scents. Some were organic, others were not. It was strangely hard to figure out which was which.

    Then I got to my flat. It smells familiar and cosy. It smells of me and my dog and the carpet and furniture and walls and still air and comfort. It smells nice.

    I don't have a particularly good sense of smell. Usually I don't notice all these little things. It's amazing the difference it can make, to just... stop and focus, for a little while. 

  10. Stray

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    I have displayed animalistic behavior since I was a child. I recall wanting to continuously wear tails or gloves with claws on them from costumes meant for Halloween as young as 4. My mom always told me "you are not an animal," and I always found that hard to believe, even as a kid. Around this same period, I had an obsession with canines, specifically dogs; this was noted on a doctors report that I still own to this day.

    When I had reached my elementary school years, I began questioning my animal side. In 2005 I saw a documentary on TV that featured a segment on "therians." Upon seeing the segment, I instantly knew that that's what I was, and ran to a computer to do more research. I stumbled upon The Werelist and everything took off from there. I began questioning all sorts of animals; from squirrels and frogs, to horses and all sorts of birds. This soul-searching lasted me quite a few years, until everything led up to me realizing I am a wolf.

    I remained inactive in the therianthropy community upon reaching my teen years out of fear of my close-minded mom finding out, which vaguely happened but I continued to cover it up as something else. 

    Now an adult, I've learned to hide and cope with being more animal than everyone else. Although, things slip through the cracks sometimes. In fact, recently a friend of mine caught me sniffing the air as they made hamburgers, which, was very embarrassing.

    My partner, being the understanding person he is, allows me to express my true self when I need to, which can be a huge relief sometimes. Honestly, I just feel like a wolf pretending to be human to please everyone else constantly. I truly feel a disconnect from my outer self and inner self regarding appearance, and although I promise I am aware I am physically human, sometimes I will walk past a mirror and have to do a double take because seeing my human face often surprises me because I expect to see what I feel like.

    One way I've found to express my non-human experience is by comparing it to the wolves of Wolf's Rain (cheesy, I know); the wolves are still wolves, but can disguise themselves as human- although to some, it's still obvious that they're wolves. This is expressed in the anime and the manga in the image of a wolf and human overlapping eachother, I have provided a picture I took from the first volume to give a better idea since i am not the best at explaining.

     

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    I feel as though this image accurately represents what I experience as a non-human identifier, except the human is the physical one.  I am interested in knowing if anyone relates to this image as well.

    I honestly very much appreciate dogs, as they feel like creatures I can relate to more closely than humans, and since I understand their behavior (I am an aspiring dog trainer), I can replicate it and cause them to interact with me as if I am another canine. But since I identify as a wolf, I do understand that wolves and dogs behave very differently; two types of behaviors which I consider myself very familiar with and can adapt to.

    I often question if I may be a wolfdog due to some personal things, but that idea has just never fully clicked with who I am.

    Since I discovered the therianthropy community in the 2000's, I still do like to refer to myself as a were/werewolf, although I do use the term therianthrope often. 

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    A huge weight was taken off my shoulders last night after I somehow obtained a solution to one of my personal problems in the middle of typing my own response to something on Reddit. There's still some weight left in my chest and it seems to be related to my writer's block and probably my issues with chronic procrastination that I need to crack down on working through as soon as possible. Saying I'm a chronic procrastinator is no longer funny or a "joke" of any kind. I've taken it too far and it's becoming a ridiculous obstacle that shouldn't exist anymore. Most people procrastinate. Very few are able to get to my level. The grand majority of the population can't afford to be like me and I can't afford to stay like this myself.

    The whole situation with my first entry has been cleared up. I'm not sure if I should post what happened, but it basically turns out I was most likely legitimately wrong and my undeniable feelings of certainty were just feelings from one of my soulbonds bleeding over to me for some reason. Based on everything that played out, I wish there was a way to legitimately explore the lives I experienced as my fictotypes. It's possible that I'm still a canon divergent Aoi Zaizen, though to what extent that is remains unknown. The only reason I even suspect canon divergence is I no longer trust the writers of this franchise after what happened in the Arc-V anime. My other reason for suspecting it is related to my soulbond's feelings. Unfortunately, without enough memories to support my suspicions, all I can do is make educated guesses, not obtain confirmation that gives my words weight.

  11. Latest Entry

    This is a more of the less a background on the Godecs since that is part of understanding the Godec kintype. To understand the kintype, the history behind it is an intergral part of the kintype

    The Godec as I call it since my people from that life were known as Godecs, well it has a rather interesting history behind it if one is open to believe it. But the question here to ask would be: what is this kintype exactly?

    Despite being similiar in name and nature, Godecs are not a type of Gods rather can more be viewed as divine guardians. The most important belief that a Godec holds is that they are not better then mortals and as such they dont see themself as a divine being or a God despite outsiders would see them in such a manner. This belief is the most important block of the culture. It all descends to the fact that Godecs didnt start right away as a race of immortal beings but rather started as mortals. After being saved by the Great Snake, to me known as Tortarium, the group were brought to the realm were originally the Great Spirits resided who had created the realm. The energy of the realm seemed to change the mortals over generations since it was different to the energy what the planet they lived on would have. Over many generations the mortals started to adapt to the energy and what eventually would evolve them in the immortal Godecs. The many different powers that would arise with the Godecs were also a effect of the Godecs. 

    The powers that are among the Godecs are also a important part of the life since the type of power would eventually decide what kind of role a Godec would fufill. The general roles were: Guarding, Knowledge and Introspect. Under these roles were many different roles but it also could happen that a Godec would take aspects up various aspects of 2 roles. The Guarding role was basicly guarding the planet where the mortals at the time lived but the other aspect was guarding the realm that the Godecs called home. The Knowledge role was basicly learning about the ancestors, their traditions and guarding the knowledge of the Godecs. Introspect was basicly about teaching, guiding and learning about yourself. For many years this was how Godecs would fufill their purpose and help the mortals on the planet they were charged with guarding. That charge goes back to the time the First Godecs arose. The Great Spirits by that time saw how that generation became immortal and the powers that came with it. At this time the Spirits would disappear and go into a long sleep since they knew their time had passed and how it was time to hand it down to the Godecs who would act as the new guardians of the realm and the planet as they had before. The long sleep was neccersary for the Spirits to keep their powers and keep balance. They would only hand it down fully when the Godecs would prove they could eventually keep the same balance. 

    The Great Spirits played a key role in forming the Godecs. The most important Spirit was Tortarium since he was the one who saved the mortal ancestors from an enemy before. At the time he didnt know the energy of the realm would shape them into immortal beings since no mortals had entered the realm before, thus he didnt know how they reacted to it. He believed they would stay mortal. Tortarium is the Spirit of Knowledge. He was not a warrior but his powers were strong enough to withstand and battle enemies, should the need arise. His most important aspect is how he talks in secrets when asked a question, he does imply the answer but instead of saying it directly he wants the person who ask the question to seek the answer themselves. He played the role of a guide and teacher to the mortal ancestors but eventually left them alone when he saw that they thrived well on their own. Over time the Spirts would be forgotten but their teachings would not be forgotten when they interacted with the ancestors. The teachings laid the basis for what a Godec should always remember and how to act accordingly. The most important thing a Godec would be taught from their teachings was not to approach a possible enemy with violence but try to always solve a situation calm and peacefully, with using the power as a last resort when it comes clear the situation takes a turn for the worst. Before the Spirits would go into hibernation Tortarium created what was known as the Prophecy of the Snake. One of his abilities was seeing the future but what he forsaw was not set in stone. In other words what Tortarium forsaw would not always come true in all ways but there was always one element in the vision what would come true. For the prophecy he forsaw a future of darkness where the Godecs would be threatened but also was the time where a new type of Godec would arise with at the helm a leader, a descendant of the line what would keep ruling the Godecs, who was different from the normal Godecs and would eventually receive all the powers of the Spirits meaning that person would keep the realm in balance. This would not come to pass for a long time and come true in many ways but one element would be fufilled. When that has happened the Spirits knew their time in the realm was done and would move on to a different realm where the mortal ancestors and other generation of Godecs were. 

    With the First Godecs their immortality would first work in the way of a Godec going through many periods till a short hibernation where their bodies would be renewed but their memories and powers would remain as they were. After a unknown period of this a Godec would feel a vague call, as my mother at the time would describe, and that was their sign that their time in the realm was done and they would move on to unknown lands where they would remain forever. Their evolution was not done yet. With each generation this became less and less so it became clear that the last stage of their evolution would go to a generation where they could remain in the realm forever or eventually choose to also leave to join their parents and ancestors. They would become the true Immortal Godecs. The Godecs who would go to cycles of rebirth called themselves more the Resurrection Godecs. They were immortal but not fully yet. Yet it was unknown how the way to the Immortal Godec would come or how to reach it since at some point they realized it wouldnt come with naturally at one day. Someday the cycle needed to be broken by the last Ressurection Godecs to complete the evolution. This was eventually done by Lycanos, my mother who ruled the Godecs with my father Winkalas.

    An another important thing to understand about the Godecs is how their powers are received. While the firsr Godecs somehow got them, I dont know how since that remains unknown, the other generations would inherit them from their parents. Their powers would mix and form a new kind of power unique to their offsping but always was inherited. Eventually no new matches could be made thus at some point the powers remained more of the less the same but how they acted would depend on the parents. My mother was a shapeshifting being with some forms of powerful abilities while my father Winkalas was not a shapeshifting being with only the abilities to use the wind. This resulted in my older brother Xaradis not being a shapeshifter but inheriting the abilities of my mother but I at the time had received the shapeshifting abilities but with the wind abilities of my father. So it really depended on the many offsping and the parents how powers would manifest. 

    My experiences with the kintype

    While I cannot remember every aspect anymore since most memories are gone due the passage of time, the few pieces that remain do give some clues how I was back then. While I cannot remember when I was born or how long ago that was, I eventually came into existence as a Godec who shouldnt be born. When I was still in a egg my lifeforce was to weak so I couldnt hatch. But the spirit of Tortarium somehow found me after his new body disappeared. His old body died eventually when he went to war against his enemy but since he was part of the realm he didnt die and remained in the realm as a Spirit so he was the only one who didnt go into hibernation. Somehow his powers remained though weakened throughout time. Eventually he gave his power to me to help strengthen the lifeforce so I could be born. The effect from there was his spirit was attached to me but also gave me access to his powers. Over time it became clear there was something else at work since I had a power what I hadnt inherited from my parents. It was never known it was Tortarium till recently.

    My parents were good parents in their own way. Since my mother was more or less the leader I never saw her that much so I remember I was more closer to my father. From what I can tell my older brother Xaradis was the only sibling I could get along with as my other siblings were not the best brothers and sisters. While most have never returned after demons attacked only my brother and I remained as the only offspring of the rulers. My brother was eventually first seen as the next in line to rule but after the tests to test his ability as a leader it became clear he was not fit. While I cannot remember if I ever took the same tests or in some other way proved myself, I was eventually seen as the next person to rule. All I do know is in the time Tortarium was attached to me he taught me and guided me to become the Godec I would eventually become known for. He became my second father figure when evetually my father had less time to see me at a young age but I never felt hatred for them since in that time it was turmoil. At a young age I didnt know the being in front of me was a Great Spirit, he played a huge part in my life. Even today I remain a connection to him. That is as he has told me: ''No matter how far away or in what kind of different body you live, your spirit will remain having a connection to me.'' It was eventually with his help I could understand the kintype and the things that surrounded me. Tortarium remains a guiding figure when I need it but he can only visit me so many times since he must return to the realm where the other Spirits and ancestors are. 

     

    I will write more tomorrow.

     

     

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    I do not leave the house frequently, but due to my friend Emie visiting from Norway we have been visiting some of the locations locally for sight seeing and various shops to browse, one of these such shops was a rather old antique shop. Built in the 1800's, these Victorian buildings aren't uncommon where I live, but it was more what it housed within that created an unexpected reaction.

    For those unaware, I (that is, my fictotype within the DL canon) am known for collecting silverware, cutlery and the like, for I enjoy it's form, composure and elegance. I 'here' have a much lessened interest, to that of a mild appreciation, rather than a fixated adoration. Because of this, I admit at times have felt rather saddened at the aspect of contrasting tastes, due to the fact I have had a fan once talk to me as if my arousal for cutlery still remained, and I had to disappoint.
    This is somewhat why I was a little confused and shaken by the reaction I had within this antique's shop upon finding myself in a section purely dedicated to that of silverware.

    Honestly, the amount of knives and forks that covered every surface, filled every draw to the brim was something to behold. I never thought I'd be enraptured by so many pieces of table instruments yet there I was; at first enjoying the browsing of the shop, yet then stricken by a jarring sensation of disruption of self. Words will fail to capture the utter dissonance of thoughts that went through me as my eyes gazed over the many knives and forks, a sensation pushed forward from depths of unknown proclaiming "I have done this before" yet the images showing hands not belonging to this body. Singular gloved and a darker room, mahogany table and intricate items. The images felt as if they 'could' be a memory, yet they felt unbelonging to this brain, an imprint from an other place, one not meant for this world yet tapped into through erroneous strings of tangled fate.
    I was not so shaken I couldn't remain, yet I still felt overwhelmed, and part of me gave words of caution to leave sooner rather than further subject myself to the environment. For what reason? Unsure. There's always a sense of breaking reality when it comes to my fictionkin experiences, to be moving through actions and processes that are reserved for fiction, rather than this reality. It feels 'wrong', on some level, yet also the only way it can be.
    Something to think about, I suppose.

  12. (I had one lyric about pendulums, and I already used it on the forum, sadly.)

     

    I'm not usually one who follows ideas of "divination" and "spirits" and "magick" and all that stuff. I feel like an idiot when I'm making use of my mini-shrine trying to communicate with Pan, and that's just talking. I never thought about going beyond that, really. But when I was discussing some of my theories on Discord, somebody suggested using a pendulum for communication, after warding it. I thought to myself, hey, why the hell not? The worst case scenario is that nothing comes from it. So as long as I'm ready to take everything I find with a huge pinch of salt, I should be OK. With that in mind, I did a little bit of research and gave it a try.

     

    I used a turquoise necklace I already had as my pendulum, and "warded" it using incense and focusing on the purpose I had in mind. That part felt kind of silly, but I'm willing to try just about anything once. After warding, I established that I was trying to talk to Pan, and determined what meant "yes" and "no" both by asking and by trying some questions that I already knew the answers to. Once I was satisfied, I started asking about my past life, and that's where things got interesting. Again, everything should come with a big pinch of salt.

     

    Assuming I was actually communicating with Pan, he told me that contrary to my working theory, I was not a victim of transformation in my past life. He said I was a faun in that life, but oddly, I was born as a centaur. So that was weird. I then established that I was some manner of shapeshifter. Furthermore, my past life father was a shapeshifter too, and an immortal one at that, but not a god or a titan. My past life mother, meanwhile, was a mortal, though I didn't ask if she was human. Finally, Pan revealed that I was a student of his in my past life, but that we met later in that life when I came looking for him. That was all I could get before he was finished answering questions.

     

    Obviously I'm not taking any of this at face value, and I plan to do it again soon to try to "verify" the phenomenon. But it's still interesting to think about what this could mean if it's true. The biggest question I'm left with is, what's immortal and a shapeshifter but not a god or titan? Limiting myself just to Greek mythology, I found a few possibilities. First up is Phobetor, a personification of dreaming that could appear in the mortal world in the forms of animals and could change his form at will. Whether Phobetor qualifies as a god seems to be hazy based on my very little research, so it's quite possible that Pan wouldn't consider him one, even if he was immortal. Proteus is another interesting possibility; he was more likely to be called a god than Phobetor, but he was known to change form often. Those are the two obvious things I found, but I also found myself drawn to Typhon for some reason. I described him in a prior entry; he's not a god or a shapeshifter, but he is immortal and has been shown with various animal parts. I dunno.

     

    I'm not going to put too much stock into this before doing a bit more to verify things, of course. But it is interesting to think about. It really did seem like the pendulum was working, though I realize it responds to hand movements. Perhaps next time I'll try doing it without holding the pendulum myself. I'll write more if anything else comes up. In the meantime, I am intrigued about the possibilities, and especially Phobetor given how well he seems to match what I "learned."

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    One thing I've noticed since being open about my fictionkin identity is the immediate 'are you sure you're not a ___?' response. I understand this completely, and whenever a creature was mentioned I would do my best to look into it. Thing is... it kept going. I would be writing essays upon essays about how I felt and why I am a banshee, but still someone would ask if I was a dragon or a bird instead. I've gone through pterosaurs, dragons, dinosaurs, sea creatures, birds, reptiles and so much more, yet apparently it's not enough. Even close friends - who have followed me through my otherkin journey - have asked if I'm sure I'm a banshee just because something similar exists on earth. It feels like everyone doesn't believe me, even when I pour my soul out in writings to show them what I feel and why I believe what I do. I've had many labels throughout the years but not a single one has fit like the ikran. I am undoubtedly an ikran on all inner levels, at least as far as I can see myself.

    I know people are just trying to make sure I've put thought into my identity before I claimed something, but I would have thought that my constant blogging would have been satisfactory for them. What do people want? A full novel about how I'm not a Pteranodon, a comic book about my past incorrect feelings of being a dragon, or a six part movie series about my struggles to define whether I was a bird or not? I share whatever I can when I can yet it's still "okay but what if you're NOT fictionkin..." and it becomes a cycle. People say 'are you this instead?' and I have to link them to four month old essays in which I address that. Someone else asks a similar question and I have to show them a blog post from a year ago addressing THAT question. I just can't say I am these things they tell me I could be - I've been ashamed of being fictionkin before because of online harassment so I deliberately sought out Earthly creatures I could 'pose' as. None fit.

    I have never felt so sure of myself. Instead of forcing myself to identify as a pterosaur or some type of bird, I am embracing what feels natural, right, and logical. I'm not a microraptor, I'm not a Quetzalcoatlus I'm not a dragon, I'm not a manta ray, and I'm not a macaw. I am Pterodactylus giganteus - a mountain banshee.

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    As the title suggests, it's naptime. For the kids, sadly not me. They are all asleep and it's nice and quite. It gives me time to think and get a few personal, as well as professional, things done. Today, I'm colouring a picture for a challenge a friend created. You take a box of Crayola crayons and do an entire art piece. I'm not the best, but I love to doodle and draw. 

     

    A lovely Autumn scene for this lovely Autumn Thursday.

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  13. Tick tock tick tock the clock is counting down. Tick tock tick tock and soon the earth will drown.  Tick tock tock tick no more suffering will resound. Tock tick tick tock without humans nature will rebound.

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