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    1. Hello folks, happy sunday!

      You: But... Pearl, its not-

      Me: Shhh

      Now as normal this week has been rather uneventful kin wise but I have to update because I decided to do this, and yea.

       

      School: its going well, but I'm not doing to well in Chem. I'm hoping that the recent test we took however will bring up my grade. How am I not passing chem but passing math? Who knows. This is highschool and no one knows what they're doing. It's a permanent loop of trying to not die or fail or fall asleep in class. So, basically, the 8th layer of hell.

      Kin: nothing new this week. I have started a file on my phone regarding my canon and those who live/lived there. Its actually more work writing everyones bio then I thought @~@. Send help I'm an over achiever.

      Life: going about as well as it can, what with my anxiety and moodswings. We went to an indoor exotic petting zoo this week, it was fun. I got to play with a sloth, a sandcat, a qouatie, and other things that were there (which included some VERY greedy goats. They're cute but jeez.) And finally, I'm going in for my consult with the surgeon today. I hope we'll be able to fix my stomach, I'm tired of feeling like a cow oof,

       

      Thats all for this week guys, thanks for reading and I'll see ya later! ^^

    2. Latest Entry

      In a dream where three beings were sitting in my dad's room like we all know each other like old time friends, one of them ate something and at some point, I had to ask: "How did you guys turn this way" 

      The one who just finished eating another creature spoke up and asked: "Before we can get into our story, why don't you tell us yours?"

      I was taken aback when he asked this like I didn't really know how to begin or let alone how to begin. ;w;

      So another told me "We'll take you back to your old auditorium and you can tell us there."

      They sounded so confident that I could do this and the auditorium was filled with static people holding up lights, one of them patted my back letting me know I got this and not to get stage fright before they and the rest of the friends took their seats. And at that time I didn't exactly felt scared, and the moment I began singing those people but the ones who I saw in my dad's room. It felt... really good to sing what's been bothering me and to sing the story they wanted. I can't tell how it went down or what I sang but it was nice. Something happened after the performance but I woke up..

      So it got me wondering what is  my story??

    3. This log is a bit delayed ...

      25/02/19
      Starting in my usual lying-on-meadow scene I transform to full dragon and take off. I see the ocean in front of me and there are mountains behind. I see a small building and check it out, but it's only a single deserted room. I fly to the ocean and am joined by the water dragon I saw on 10/02/19 (let's call her "O"). When she dives into the water, I decide to wait at the beach for another dragon to show me their homeworld. Suddently, C appears out of a silver light, like being beamed there. I ask him how he did that. He says he'll show me. We both turn into a bodyless plasmatic form, filling a space that is otherwise empty. What is this? Is this our mindscapes? I'm the blue color, he's silver. It feels bodyless, etheric, .. ?? Can't find the right word. I can still think, but not move; I can feel myself filling the space with C. We return to the meadow scene and I see this is the way he did it before. I ask C to show me his homeworld, but it seems he somehow misunderstood? He soars into the space. I follow him to a black asteroid, and we sit there and watch earth and the stars. C likes to use the place for thinking; when I point out that there are problems going on on earth, he says "Earth isn't everything.. maybe you've been there too long". This is very unusual for a guardian. Is C kinda space dragon?? It seems he's connected to the whole universe. I lead him to earth, show him the pollution, climate change, the animal killing human society is doing... but I've lost him. I use the minscape astral travel to return to the meadow scene. Eventually, all other guardian dragons appear and offer help. I see a huge ... energy ball/something in front of me, seems like a huge overlapping area of energy beings. It looks yellow, like the sun. Is this the earth universe from another perspective? We all turn to plasmatic energy and join the energy ball. It feels overwhelming and uneasy, I need more focus, I don't understand yet how to influence this. This is too much for now. I return to the meadow scene as draconian. Finally, E appears in front of me as full dragon. She's looking damn huge from here. She cheers me up.

      Note: as I'm writing this, I realize again that this session was a rightout mindf**k... completely unexpected, very mysterious.

      27/02/19
      I use the astral instant teleport to get to my "homeworld" from the starting scene. I'm sitting on a hill. There's a forest to the left and a village behind it, the known cottage down the hill with a river behind. To the right, there are high mountains. I soar into the air. Behind the river there's a ocean or very big lake, behind me there are mountains. It looks a bit like the area is hard to reach unless flying or using a ship. I'm landing close to the cottage and turn into draconian, running to the building. My sister joins me. We hug each other, feels so good.. she tells me her name (let's call her K). I ask her about Avalon, but she doesn't seem to know. We go into the cottage but there's nobody there. There are wooden chairs and a table; we sit there and chat a bit. I get short memories from K... am I getting this right? She's talking about our father?? It surprises me because I'm not aware that I have any parents, but in this physical reality it might be possible. I see ourselves as young dragons. It seems K once broke her wing and I was caring for her. There's also kinda map in the house; it's blurry but looks like a continent shaped like a cross. I keep sitting there for a while, then suddently I must have spotted a mirror... I see myself. My head is shaped like a Sergal's. My body looks sleek and feminine. K looks bright yellow/orange. We decide to leave the house and fly around, a bit like I did with C on 23/02/19. We fly to the ocean; K can fly as fast as me. We glide over the water and land at the beach.

      Note: high imagination level

      2/03/19
      I intend to do some flying practice, but also would like to get some memories. Flying around a bit in the starting scene, I spot an island with a hut, but there's nobody there. I shortly see myself standing at the beach during night. I also see myself in a pub along with some humans.. maybe pirates? I'm too tired to see more.

      3/03/19
      In the starting scene, I feel blue flames around my body and put everything in blue plasma. It seems this has some healing effect onto plants and animals. I'm turning to full dragon and lay down. E joins. She seems sad, but doesn't want to tell why. I winghug her. We turn to draconians and fly a bit. It seems she feels a bit better and leaves again. I do some more flying practice. Back on the ground, a anthro fox joins me and we do some fight training. He's quick, but can't exert much Psi power. I thank him for joining, hope to see him again!

      6/03/19
      Today was quite stressful, I returned from office early to have some time to relax. I start lying on the meadow, I see my hands and feel my draconian wings.. awesome! I think about how to clean the wings... I stand up and surround myself with blue flames, then finally giving up my physical body. This feels like pure life. Some deer and squirrels come to me; I can connect to them mentally, which is a feeling of love so strong that it nearly gives me tears. Finally I move on and transport to a big area. E joins me and we transform to dragons. We soar into the sky and the other guardians join. We start to do some air dancing; they're doing completely wicked movements I don't really understand. They seem like one dragon, not individual ones and I seem to be somewhere in between. Finally we all land and I look back at them. Surprisingly I can see myself amongst them! What is this.. a wrong impression or a memory?? I somehow manage to transport my mind into the "seen me". I feel joyful, I play with the others, it seems like a memory.

       

       

       

    4. Sleepy

      [Daily Life #12 - March 14th, 2019]

      Content Warning:  None

      Comments: Closed

      I haven't made a journal post in a few days. I can't remember any dreams. I was a little paranoid being on the site for a bit for personal reasons and wanted to leave but retracted that idea. I gained a new friend who offered to be that someone who relates to Zack since I can't physically be with him right now.

      "But Rachel, I thought you said you were uncomfortable with people who offered things like that?"

      Rachel: "HEY! I can do what I want! >:c"

      Anyways, we shared some of the same interests and talked to one another for quite a bit which was nice. So I'm hopping it will continue to go well like this. And that's pretty much the highlight of my day.

      I don't go back to the medical clinic till...err... next week or the week after. I don't feel like checking. Things have been pretty normal outside from my paranoia for the past couple of weeks. Zack's been the same. I've been really tired lately and that could be because that time of the month is coming again, plus my medication just messes my sleep schedule up.

    5. A lot has been going on since I last posted on my blog, a lot of which are good, but some are bad...

      First of all, I’m getting the ultrasound to check out my breast tumor, but I’m not sure if it’s benign or not honestly, as I’m showing a lot of the signs of breast cancer. It’s a scary feeling, but even if I do have cancer, atleast I caught it early you know? That’s just how life is, you just gotta roll with it. Secondly, my mom had a medical emergency at the Japanese tea gardens while I was in San Antonio, and she is slowly recovering! However, I’m just worried for her, as I hope she doesn’t have any permanent damage to her spine and nerves, because that’s awful. Thirdly, I was relapsing all this month for a while, with all that’s been going on with my condition. It’s gotten a lot better, but it’s still hard to look back at how much you suffered during that long period of time. It really hurts.... However, despite all that, a lot of good things have been happening!! ^.=.^

      I’ve been learning some tricks and trades to help myself fight off my voices, anxiety, and impulses. I always use the phrases, “Keep fighting!” and “Stay positive!” to keep myself going and to ignore the bad and negative energy. I feel like fighting off my voices and anxiety has really helped me to prosper in life, and that means a lot to me, as well as being connected to Infinity Lord Galaxeshoria. I have also been talking to my mighty and powerful astral guardian, Prince Alaphraxxas, who may be smol but very stronk, who has helped me dispel my worries and fears, and to reassure me that everything is okay. I have been speaking to one of my best draconic friends back home, Lugia, and he’s been very helpful and happy! He has a photographic memory, so he remembers things I don’t even remember, lol. Even though I’m still having negative energy and such, I’ve been keeping a positive mind all through it, and I believe that’s helped me so very much! ^.=.^ 🐉🐉🐉

      Wow that was long lol XD

    6. Latest Entry

      Well, life's been okay. Not great, not awful. I don't really have much to report, but I want to try to write a blog every few days or so.

      I'm thinking about telling my counselor about me being fictionkin. From what I know about her I can guess that she probably doesn't know what it is. I'll have to explain what it is, then I'll give her a little more information on my fictotypes and my beliefs about it and such. The only thing holding me back is that I'm nervous about how she'll react. If anyone has some experience with this (and if anyone actually reads this) I'd love it if you could drop a comment on your experience with telling your counselor/therapist about being otherkin.

      Moving on... Good news! I got a new wig in the mail today. Looks just like my (Sal's) hair should. Wearing it is rather comforting, plus it's really soft. More good news... The principal at my school is super lenient and she said she's cool with me wearing wigs to school "as long as they're not distracting". So of course I'm gonna go for it. I'll probably throw on an outfit in my old color scheme while I'm at it, but sadly I'll have to leave the mask behind. Can only get away with so much, right?

      Well, that's all for today. I know it wasn't anything super interesting, but that's what I've got. Thanks for reading!

    7. Regarding the Fingerprint Scanner on the Galaxy S10(+) - Samsung chose security over convenience, which I applaud! Register several different angles of your print and you’ll be fine.


      View the full post @ Naia's Den

    8. This will be a ongoing thing relating to my investigation into these shifts what were there a while but were always written off to imagination of one of my forms. The goal is to find a possible explenation based on the experiences I have from investigating the Godec kintype and the Dunkleosteus Terrelli and the relation to each other. Can this animal basicly be like the other extinct earthly animals and be a form of the Godec that is now just starting resurface, be like the Dunkleosteus and be more earthly and seperate or just a case of cameoshifting? Too soon to tell now but hopefully bringing what I know and experience into the picture in order to see the bigger thing that lies beneath. Even if it ends up as cameoshifting it still ends up as a good case of how to tackle it for me. If it is a form of the Godec kintype, this experience can help me identifying more possible forms in the future and mapping them out clearer with having documented some things to help me pinpoint that. If it is like the Dunkleosteus and being its own seperate thing then it will help me more understanding it as a past life and how it fits in with the Dunkleosteus Terrelli and Godec lives. It wont be neccersary be a kintype at that point but rather at least evidence of a past life after the Godec life ended like the Dunkleosteus is the first life after my Godec life. It can help me understand some lives after that and how I could have lived here as said animal. The question wether it is a kintype will be more answered with that process provided it is not a case of on going cameoshifting or be a part of the Godec kintype. If it turns out the latter then I need to examine all the Earthly like forms more to try and see why this alien divine shapeshifting thing has so many forms related to animals of Earth rather then what is native in their realm. I will explore all these avenue's to ensure all basics are covered. I feel focussing only on one thing can make things confusing for me given I still feel that not all Godec forms are here. This part will not be to long and be just a background and providing at least an guess on what is going on.

      What do I think for the moment about what it could be?

      This is more a beginning question that will be answered in time. It will not be the final answer but basicly be a guess on what I think it will be based on what I do know now. With that said.

      Based on what I know I expect Rauisuchus be something more then a mere cameoshift. While it can be easily misidentified with the dragon form given a similiar shape in limb, the key piece will be the position of the neck compared to the body. The claws or toes on each end are also different. The dragon has a more human shaped clawed hand where the Rauisuchus has at least one that is more positioned higher on the limb. The skeleton gives it a similiar shape to the dragon claw but some artist impression to have the higher placed digit. Wether it is 2 like the skeleton suggest remains something to keep a close eye upon. 2 higher placed digits seem to occur in the animal remains meaning 1 can be a small but important clue to the possible origin. I sense also things like horns shaped like that of a bull but wether that is connected to this animal remains to be seen. Armored feeling on the head seems also to be present but that can also be caused by the Dunkleosteus Terrelli, meaning 2 shifts of seperate things occurred on the same time. This also requieres more investigation. Armored feeling is also present on the back only but that can be a vague feeling of possible skin. it doesnt seem to share those scales upon the back as the impression shows. Headshape is similiar enough in shape with no notable features aside the horn feeling. This could indicate a common element with the other forms aside the Quetzalcoatlus and Haast Eagle who have horns. If the bull like horns are connected and not a case of seperate shifts that got mixed up with this and given me a false indicator means looking for the shape of the horns known to us by various bovine species. The lack of any form of notable elements though that can changee

      Early indication seems to point to Godec being the cause of it given the strange elements to it what I am aware of at the moment. These elements require closer inspection and must rule out any possible cause of a shift that got mixed up with it giving me a false presence of these things. Unlike other forms it seems to lack more alien elements aside armor and horns and possible the higher placed digit. Armor feeling can be caused by the Dunkleosteus since it has a armored head. The whole head of this feel armored but more crocodile like and not as the fish. Given the lack of notable elements I expect these alien elements are not there and this might be more a case of either an cameoshift or earthly past life with a chance of being a kintype. It seems either way it is connected to the Godec kintype asthe Dunkleosteus is meaning it could have been a earthly life after a bunch of other prehistoric life after the Godec life. My expectation is something more Earthly and not a new form of Godec given the lack of alien elements aside a few things.

      For those not knowing what this animal is:

      Afbeeldingsresultaat voor rauisuchus

       

    9. After some pondering, some questioning, and a healthy dose of doubt... I'm back to feeling uncertain about my potential feline (?) theriotype. So, I figure it's about time I put some proper thought into this. First things first, I just want to make a list of all the feelings and experiences that have led me to question this in the first place, and also try and pin down some of the notable traits this theriotype seems to have. Whatever it is.

      Experiences

      + A near-constant state of mild-moderate mental shift that can fluctuate slightly in intensity. This is something I tend to express subconsciously even more than my wolf theriotype - I often find myself hissing, grumbling and "purring" without really meaning to (though only when I'm alone, aha) - but it takes a lot of focus to separate these instincts from the rest of my mind. It's very integrated. This has been present for the past six years or so.

      + Intense momentary mental shifts involving seemingly feline instincts. One instance of this I remember particularly clearly: feeling a very strong urge to rub my scent on things to "claim" them as my own. It... honestly took quite a bit of effort to not start rolling around on the floor to "mark" it with my scent, aha. (That... would be a very strange thing to do even without having other people around).

      + A kind of momentary bi-location shift where I feel for a very brief time that I am in a different location, in the body of this theriotype, usually in the middle of some natural behaviour for this animal (i.e. I've experienced being in the moment of pouncing on a prey animal, and another time felt myself hissing and snarling at some animal that had invaded my territory). Sadly, these "visions" aren't clear enough for me to get specific details, otherwise I might be able to get a species just from that. I only started experiencing these with this mystery-type over the past two years or so.

      + Phantom shifts, which have been happening for almost as long as the mental shift has. Most common is a long, slender, mobile tail which lashes around when I'm agitated. I also quite frequently feel phantom front limbs - thick, muscular front legs with round paws and small, sharp claws. I can't tell if the claws are retractable or not. Occasionally I feel a full-body shift, which is a lot more weighty and has shorter legs than my wolf theriotype, with a completely different movement style. Once or twice I think I might have felt phantom ears different from my otherwise permanent wolf ones, but it's hard to be sure. 

      + Impressions of certain behaviours and instincts that don't match up with my two known kintypes - especially certain hunting instincts (to sneak up on "prey", pounce and bite the back of the neck, which is nothing like how wolves hunt) and combative behaviours (i.e. wanting to bat at things with my "paws", wanting to snarl and hiss in a very un-wolf-like manner).

      + Occasional dream shifts, but I haven't got anything clear from those... besides the time I dreamed I was a cougar, fleeing a... forest fire, I think? With some cubs? But it was a one-off, and I don't think it had any particular meaning.

      Complications

      (That is: with all these very therian-like experiences, why am I still wondering if this is a theriotype at all?)

      + I feel no connection to or affinity for felines. There's little or none of that... recognition I'd expect if this was really a theriotype. I don't feel like "this is me" when reading about or looking at cats.

      + I don't feel like I really identify as a feline, even though I experience the feeling of being one. It feels like... being a cat that doesn't identify as a cat. But then, I'm not a cat... I'm a human who is kinda a wolf, kinda a spirit - where could this catlike part of me even fit into the picture? Why do I experience being a cat if I am not a cat?

      + It couldn't be due to a heart-type because I feel no connection with felines at all. I don't identify with them in the slightest. I've never had an interest in any kind of cat, and didn't grow up around cats or cat-themed media which I could've got this from. Like wolves, I always found cats to be kinda boring and never paid any attention to them when I was younger. These days, my feelings are mostly the same. Big cats are pretty and cool, but my interest has always been in more obscure species.

      + What I'm feeling also doesn't really match with any non-feline animals I'm aware of. Bears use their paws to attack and interact with things, and they're certainly muscular enough, but they don't have long tails and lack a lot of the behaviours/instincts I have. Mustelids have a lot of behaviour and morphological traits similar to felines, but aren't bulky or muscular enough to match how my phantom body feels (except wolverines, but they - like bears - lack the tail).

      + None of the few felines I've considered seem to fit exactly. Amur leopards are certainly the closest I've got, but something about them doesn't feel right. Cougars feel a little more like something I could be, but don't match up so well with the body type I feel - they're more slender, less bulky than I feel myself to be. Lynx have the right fur type and I feel more of a connection to them, but they're much too leggy and lack a tail.

      + I only really became aware of any of this over the past couple of years, and since I started paying attention to it the experiences have become more frequent and pronounced. Technically I would think my bias would be against having a third kintype, but... things don't always work out the way you imagine, so. It's... possible there's some confirmation bias at play here. One way or the other.

      Theories

      (Okay, so... what are some potential solutions here?)

      Idea 1: I am an Amur leopard. The reason I don't feel a connection to leopards is because they're solitary, and because the other theriotype I have is a highly social animal - so the difference in connection types would feel especially profound in comparison.

      Idea 2: I'm having a very prolonged cameo of being an Amur leopard, for some reason. Or no reason at all. Cameos are weird.

      Idea 3: I'm an extinct feline of some sort. Probably a relatively recent one, considering a lot of what I feel matches contemporary felines in one way or another.

      Idea 4: This is all some past life shenanigans from a life I lived recently, and retained behaviours from, but don't feel any emotional connection to.

      Idea 5: I am some kind of feline that I haven't considered yet. Possibly a lesser-known panther, or a larger "small cat" species that I haven't researched yet.

      Idea 6I'm a mammal that possesses a lot of traits similar to felines, but isn't one. Possibly a species which convergently evolved with felines - maybe a type of mustelid I don't know about. Possibly an extinct non-feline mammal that filled a similar niche to felines today?

      Idea 7: I don't have another theriotype at all, and the things I experience are just part of my spirit kintype being weird and animalistic. (Unlikely, but... possible?)

      Idea 8: This is all some neurology thing. For some completely non-spiritual reason unrelated to my identity, I just have catlike behaviours. And some of the other things I experience are just... my subconscious, filling in the gaps? But not filling them enough for me to actually identify as a cat.

      Idea 9: I'm a non-mammalian quadrupedal reptile of some kind, maybe Triassic/pre-Triassic? They're saying gorgonopsids and cynodonts possibly had fur, so... maybe?

      Idea 10: I'm a cladotherian of some kind, hence the ambiguity of everything. Not likely, but. I mean. It's on the table, I guess.

      Idea 11: This is actually all thanks to a heart-type. Somehow. Despite my lack of affinity for felines. Uh. Maybe. Probably not, but. I should keep the idea in mind, at least.

      Idea 12: I actually have two or more (!!) extra theriotypes, and they're mushing together into something that makes no sense to me. Yeah, no. Probably not. But, uh. It's possible.

      Mystery-type's traits

      + Muscular, panther-esque body type with a broad, powerful skull

      + Long, mobile tail that is used to express emotion/mood

      + Thick, dense, insulating fur, like is seen on felines in seasonally cold habitats

      + Hunts small to mid-sized prey using ambush tactics and a fatal bite to the back of the neck

      + Solitary, territorial; marks territory borders with scent (probably rubs on things)

      + Growls, hisses, snarls, grumbles, purrs; arches back when threatened

      + In conflict, primarily will attack with front paws rather than biting

      + Habitat: probably somewhere temperate, with significant seasonal change? Deciduous or mixed forest?

      + Either from Asia or the Americas, I think? Though I'm not sure.

      + A top predator? Not much competition?

      + An agile climber? Not sure whether arboreal or inhabits somewhere rocky

      + Size-wise... larger than a wildcat, no bigger than a jaguar, but not really sure between that range

      - Definitely not domestic

      - Doesn't live somewhere tropical, or in savanna or desert

      - Not especially sociable, I don't think

      - Can't roar? Or if it can, it doesn't roar very often

      - Almost certainly something mundane, from Earth

    10. Well, I suppose I should write a blog post documenting all that I recalled yesterday evening.
      I'd decided that I had enough small snippets of memories to attempt to stitch them together into some sort of narrative. Originally I didn't even think I had much of a 'personal' timeline, myself being from the original core point meaning that I am all timelines and interpretations in a way, though despite this I always knew that some telling resonated with me far stronger than others. Yesterday was the day I realised alongside being all versions, I also have my own personal timeline.

       

      This blog entry shall be a raw summary of my timeline from as much as I can remember, this was all written 'as' I was working through it and remembering,
      so it's a little disjointed, but it should still remain readable. There will be mentions of death and violent imagery in this blog entry.

      301804931_IWillGiveYouaCrown.thumb.png.46cd97a8b87a0b71ca4a297575394791.png

       

       

      Our life prior to Yui was mostly the same, however we have the ability to change into large bat forms come full moon which we learn to do around puberty. I don't know if Cordelia's heart was placed into Yui as before however. She never possessed Yui as in HDB. (Actually maybe? The taste of her blood was the same.)

      I remember burning the village as a child, venturing into the human world for the first time I had little idea of where to go, just an idea of where Edgar went. I set fire to the stable after letting go the horses. The houses were mostly made from wood, but it was dark, and I didn't venture far in. I ran off as soon as I started the fire, I didn't even look back.

      I know I lose Yui, not that she was ever bound to my route anyway. There was no single route as like with the games. It was much more fluid and 'natural'. She was only with me a short time, and was soon taken by Shu. I tried to take her back... I didn't care for her, but knowing Shu had her was too much to bare. Tensions rose, but rather than me trying to kill Yui as I do in Shu's route, my conflict with Shu rose instead. Under the full moon we took up our bat forms and clashed. Shu almost crushed my skull between his jaws, but I impaled his with my scythe claw.

      Yui was not around, I only remember the triplets watching.. She might have been unconscious.. asleep? Tied up? I never found out. After killing Shu I knew father would take notice. I was filled with so much raw emotion... It was overwhelming, and the night was still young, so I took wing to the nearest human town and I attacked it with fire.
       
      After a time a vampire hunter had started to hone in on my position, and he found me on the rooftop. His attempt to kill me failed and I flew back into the sky where Subaru engaged me, tackling me at speed. I had no quarrel with him, but he did with I, and his fury was unmatched. He attacked me again and again while screaming his outrage at my murder of Shu.
      Eventually I managed to talk to him enough to stop, fighting in his batform in the air wasn't his style anyway, he hated that form. Reminded him of what he wanted to escape. The fact he'd changed into it at all showed his rage at my actions.
       
       
       
       
      This is as much as I had known/remembered previous to yesterday, but I found that through writing everything out linearly it helped to set in motion the memories of what happened there after,
      and so the following was taken from what I saw yesterday evening.
       
      Ruki and Kou were watching me from a rooftop and a crossbow bolt flew past my head so I flew down to investigate them and ask who they were, changing back into my vampire form. However I didn't get far till Subaru in his bat form followed, crashing down aiming for me. I stepped back in time and tried to reason with him while he was snarling at me and the Mukamis were standing to my left. I don't remember the words.
      I tried to convince him I was doing it due to father's plans to divert his rage elsewhere, he didn't become convinced but it was confusing enough for him to question his choices till.. A bolt from the hunter earlier flew into Subaru's head. Up through the jaw through his muzzle.. His face changed so suddenly, from that of anger, of pain and confusion at me to a wide opened eyed dead expression. With enlarged pupils like that of a dead fish, it was so fast. I'm confused. I don't know if I'm in denial of him dying or not, that sudden face change, that instantaneous loss of life. Where once there was life and now there is no longer.. It's something I've seen in this life many times. It's something you never get used to seeing.
       
      unknown.thumb.png.ed71d6fd65753d357082dd968a341bd0.pngThe hunter's Seiji.
      I remember him now, the hunter I made a deal with to kill my mother, and who promised to one day kill me.
       
      He shoots me next while I'm still stunned from witnessing Subaru get shot, it hits me on my left top side of my chest, just under my collar bone. I don't really feel it at first, I'm more furious at him possibly having killed Subaru. I'm torn to run away or fight, I don't know which to do. My emotions are pulling at me to fight but like this I'll lose.
       
      I can't give into the same rage that already got Subaru shot. No, I have to live.
       
      I hate myself for it as I run towards Ruki and Kou. They step out of the way but it's just enough cover for me to escape off the side off the roof. I turn into my small bat form, causing the bolt to fall free from me onto the ground as I limp-fly away to hide in some small roof space to rest.
       
      The hunter doesn't find me. I stay there for many days, slowly healing from my injury. I go out at night in my small bat form to collect herbs to help with the healing as the poison on the bolt was trying to seep into my system.
      I'd nested in the roof of an elderly couple.. no, two elderly ladies. I remember seeing them in their living room by the fire in the evenings as I'd wake up.
      I was on my own now, I can't go back. I don't even know if Subaru is still alive, and without my medical assistance.. He may very well be dead. The only other who might have saved him would be father, which he'd likely hate. He doesn't give without taking something in return anyway.
       
      Blood would help me recover faster, and though these elderly ladies aren't my prime choice, in this life or death situation they are better than nothing. I pose as a visitor in the evening, I greet them and ask if I can come in for I have some wears I'd like to sell to them. Seemingly appreciative of the young company I'm welcomed in kindly. They're free with their comments about my appearance, though one is more reserved than the other, and she stays in the kitchen more while the other talks with me in the living room.
      Speaking with humans is not something I've done at length before, and keeping my tongue in check is difficult, but I manage to get one lady on her own long enough to ensnare her with my eyes. Her body freezes up and I have to bite into her wrinkly neck. It's not pleasant, but the blood is life giving for me. I quickly finish up before the other returns, and the lady I fed from is freed from her spell as I excuse myself to leave.
       
      I think.. I meet her again. A long time after. I think she came looking for me, in the forest. I'm not sure when, but I remember guiding her back home(?)
      I'm not sure why I'd be so much kinder then.. There's a lot I don't recall yet. There are still scatterings of memories at points I'm not sure where they connect, I couldn't continue attempting to recall due to the stress from learning about Subaru's possible death.. as an indirect result of my own selfish actions. This is a heavy burden to learn of. Maybe it is better I don't remember? But that feels disrespectful to those I effected, to my family.

      I'll continue trying to piece the fragments together, not just for my sake, but so I can also take responsibility for my own actions there in this life.

       

      Things I still need to figure out:

      - Who are Ruki and Kou in this timeline? What are they doing with Seiji? Are they even connected?
      - Who is the elderly woman in the forest?


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      Hello, thank you for reading. I will be updating information as time goes on.

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      Cimius {Satyr}

      Name: Lord Cimius

      Nicknames: Dancer, Two Horned Man

      Species:  Satyr

      Personality: Cheeky, a bit smug, sometimes irrationally hedonistic

      Height: about 5'2"

      Weight:  220 lbs

      Body Type: Chubby, round

      Eye Color: Yellow (Goats Pupils)

      Hair/Beard Color: Deep Brown with white peppered in.

      Body Features: Two horns, hairy goat legs, a goat's tail, eyes that glowed in the dark a bright yellow, a flat-goat like nose, wide smile, crooked teeth, a bit slouched/hunched

      Homeland: Avalon

      Likes: Sleeping, spending time with other Satyr, being "jolly".

      Dislikes: Constraints, religious affiliation, the condemning of hedonism.

      (Friendships & Relationships)

      Friends:

      • Nahou (A Dragon). (The only dragon I have ever seen in Avalon)
      • Naryt (A Fawn). (She was very troublesome)
      • Two elven kin
      • A variety of Magical Humans.

      Romantic Engagements:

      • A variety, the Hedonistic life of a Satyr led to many trysts.

      (Biography)

      (About Cimius, coming soon)

       

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      (??) {Elf}

      Name: (??) 

      Nicknames: 

      Species:  Evarma of the Undae

      Personality: Reserved, quiet, studious, focused

      Height: about 5'8"

      Weight:  180 lbs

      Body Type: Long arms, long legs, a bit chubby

      Eye Color: Purple

      Hair/Beard Color: Brown

      Body Features: Wide eyes, goat-like ears turned upwards, though still elven, very prehensile

      Homeland: The forests before Mankind

      Likes: Music, books, sciences, and more.

      Dislikes: Fighting, Man-kind, the Unseelie.

      (Friendships & Relationships)

      Friends:

      • Mostly other Evarma, a variety of scholars within the Evarma elves.

      Romantic Engagements:

      • One husband.

      (Biography)

      (Info about the Evarma elves of the Undae Clan, and this particular elf coming soon. Is a new awakening.)

       

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      Faery {Nature Spirit/Nature Elemental}

      Name: Tadgh

      Nicknames: The Green Dancer

      Species:  Nature Spirit

      Personality: Shy, Calm, Hesitant.

      Height: 6'4"

      Weight:  unknown

      Body Type: Slender

      Eye Color: Solid Green

      Bark Color: Redwood

      Body Features: Three fingers, long limbs, solid eyes, sort-of green glow, whenever he steps there is something left

      Homeland: Avalon

      Likes: The forests, rain, quiet forests

      Dislikes: Cities, loud noises, lots of people

      (Friendships & Relationships)

      Friends:

      • Unknown

      Romantic Engagements:

      • None

      (Biography)

      (Coming Soon)

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      Mika {Red/Copper Borzoi}

      Name: Mika 

      Nicknames: Mika 

      Species:  Red/Copper Borzoi

      Personality: Dog.

      Height: 30 inches (76 cm)

      Weight: 110lbs (about 49kg)

      Body Type: Curved

      Eye Color: Brown

      Fur Color: Copper/tan/creme

      Body Features: Nothing special, just Dog

      Homeland: Earth

      Likes: Running gracefully, sniffing things, headbutting, cuddling

      Dislikes: Loud noises, fireworks, cars

      (Friendships & Relationships)

      Friends:

      • Dog

      (No Biography for Dog)

      f34628208bec1da75e01197256aa0187.jpg.68eb248cfd479db051b7e410bc01bffc.jpg

       

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      Reinhardt {Human}

      Name: Wilhelm Reinhardt

      Nicknames: (Commander Reinhardt)

      Species:  Human

      Personality: Larger-than-life, aggressively helpful, always willing to help others

      Height: 2.23 m/7'4

      Weight:  Large

      Body Type: Fit

      Eye Color: One Blue, one white from blindness

      Hair/Beard Color: White short hair, white beard and mustache

      Body Features: Very large, many scars, physically adapt

      Homeland: Germany

      Likes: Currywurst, the Lindholms, Fighting, Protecting others

      Dislikes: Anti-Omnic Groups, Bullies, people who harm innocents, being passive

      (Friendships & Relationships)

      Friends:

      • Ana Amari, Fareeha Amari
      • Torbjörn Lindholm, Brigette Lindholm (Goddaughter), the Lindholm Family
      • Jack Morrison
      • Gabriel Reyes
      • Jesse McCree
      • Genji Shimada
      • Dr. Angela "Mercy" Zigler
      • Lena Oxton
      • Dr. Winston (Scientist/Test Subject)
      • Balderich von Adler (mentor) (Deceased)

      Romantic Engagements:

      • 😉

      (Biography)

      $?i10c.ua=1&i10c.dv=23

      The protection of the Rights of Omnics is very important.

      Reinhardt Wilhelm styles himself as a champion of a bygone age, who lives by the knightly codes of valor, justice, and courage Possessing an "active imagination," he enjoys eating currywurst, and is a fan of David Hasselhoff's music. He spars with Brigitte every day, after which they go to a pub or tavern to relax.

      A highly decorated soldier, Reinhardt joined the German Armed Forces at a young age, seeking glory. He later became a lieutenant in the Crusaders. During the Omnic Crisis, he was stationed at Eichenwalde alongside his mentor Balderich von Adler, leader of the Crusaders. Balderich was chosen to join the strike force that would become Overwatch, and was given a medal in the shape of the organization's logo with its name etched on the back, indicative of his selection. The night before he was set to leave and join his new team he and Reinhardt spent time together at Braueret Mittagskrug where Reinhardt balked at the idea of vanishing into a secret organization instead of staying in Eichenwalde, serving as a Crusader, and the glory that came with it. Before master and pupil could further debate the issue any further, Eichenwalde came under direct attack by omnic forces, and the two shook hands reciting the Crusader's oath before entering the fray.

      Young and reckless, Reinhardt disobeyed orders to stay with his unit in favor of charging headlong into battle on his own determined to destroy as many omnics as he could in the name of glory. Though he destroyed every Bastion unit unfortunate enough to cross paths with him, Balderich caught up to him and angrily ordered him back to his unit which was, unknown to the two, under extremely heavy fire. Insistent that they were not only fine but simply slowing him down Reinhardt continued to carve a path through the omnic forces until a then-unknown OR14 unit dropped onto the field. Thrilled with the idea of a new foe Reinhardt rocketed towards the new adversary only for his opponent to stop his charge and slash Reinhardt's left eye with its heat blade. Ordering their forces to fall back, Balderich was forced to intervene to save his defenseless student. Though he succeeded, Balderich's shield emitter was destroyed and he was mortally wounded by the OR14's heat blade. With the German forces in full retreat the pair fell back to the great hall of Eichenwalde castle.

      Barricading the door, Balderich ordered Reinhardt back to the rally point with the rest of the Crusaders. Cheerfully insistent on fighting his way back with Balderich it wasn't until his master removed his helmet and insisted that he was staying did Reinhardt notice the gravity of Balderich's wound. Distraught, Reinhardt tried to reason with Balderich only for him to remind Reinhardt of his Crusader's oath and demanded that he keep it as he extended his hand. Unable to simply leave Balderich to die Reinhardt still refused. Instead of ordering him away, Balderich gently reminded him that the team needed him to be their shield, which at last caused Reinhardt to relent and he took his master's hand one final time. When their grip broke Reinhardt found Balderich's Overwatch acceptance medal in his hand. Exchanging the Crusader's oath one final time Reinhardt left Balderich his hammer and left him to his fate.

      Reinhardt successfully rejoined his unit, shielding them with his body when his barrier gave out. The German forces ultimately pushed the omnics back enough to give the rest of the armed forces time to counterattack, but Eichenwalde and Balderich were lost and with the exception of Reinhardt himself no other crusaders escaped the battle alive. Balderich's death changed Reinhardt and his mentor's sacrifice would weigh on him for decades after the fact, but until then Overwatch awaited.

      Reinhardt was inducted as part of the original Overwatch strike team that put an end to the Omnic Crisis. After the conflict's resolution, Overwatch grew into a global institution, keeping the peace in a war-torn world. Reinhardt proved himself to be one of its most stalwart champions.

      Reinhardt's unique ethics and larger-than-life persona earned the admiration of his peers and superiors alike. Never afraid to speak his mind, he was Overwatch's most vocal supporter and, when necessary, its harshest critic, providing a constant reminder that Overwatch was meant to be a force for good. He got on well with Torbjörn (who maintained his armor).

      While in Overwatch, he took part in an operation in Prague that he bungled, apparently because Morrison thought Reinhardt could be stealthy.

      During or after the Omnic Crisis, Reinhardt took part in Operation White Dome, as part of a mission to root out omnic forces near Istanbul. As soon as he and his team were deployed, they came under fire by the entrenched omnic forces. While the battle saw all the omnics subdued, Reinhardt was lightly injured. Torbjörn was seriously injured, losing his arm, but Reinhardt was able to save his life in the battle. In the after-action report, Ana recommended that Reinhardt receive a commendation for his actions. He did indeed receive a reward for his "conspicuous bravery."

      As Torbjörn recovered in hospital, Reinhardt spent a great deal of his time at Torbjörn's bedside. Half in jest, Torbjörn stated that if Reinhardt shut up, he would be allowed to name his newest daughter (who was due to be born very soon, and which the German had been asking about for several months). In correspondence to his wife Ingrid about what had happened to him, he admitted that he had already been considering making Reinhardt the baby's godfather anyway. Reinhardt agreed, and when Torbjörn's daughter was born he named her Brigitte, which her mother apparently agreed with. Reinhardt was close with Brigitte as she grew up, telling her tales of valor and chivalry.

      Having served into his late fifties, Reinhardt was faced with mandatory retirement from combat operations. Torbjörn, only four years younger than him, was particularly incensed that the organization simply "pushed Reinhardt out" after giving everything of himself in years of service. The Swede would not forget the incident, and related the unfairness of it all to at least Brigitte. Despondent about being removed from active duty, Reinhardt feared that his days of purpose and glory had ended. As times grew darker and Overwatch came under suspicion of corruption and sedition, Reinhardt could only watch as the cause he had dedicated his life to defending surrendered in disgrace.

      Though Overwatch was eventually disbanded, Reinhardt was not content to sit idly by while the world fell to disorder. Once again donning his Crusader armor, he vowed to fight for justice across Europe like a knight of old, defending the innocent and winning hearts and minds with the promise of better days to come. In this he was now accompanied by an adult Brigitte, who helped maintain his armor just as her father did, acting as his squire. The pair would get into numerous scraps. More and more, Brigitte was forced to tend to Reinhardt in addition to his armor, as while his body was breaking down from years of combat, his enthusiasm wasn't.

      While traveling with Brigitte, Reinhardt and his companion found themselves low on fuel and money. They stopped off in a town to get some of the former, but found it practically abandoned. They discovered that the area was being menaced by the Dragons, a group of scavengers who were seizing territory, unopposed by the local authorities. They encountered some of the Dragons themselves, and Reinhardt stepped in, demanding they leave. They refused, and proceeded to beat him into the ground. Laughing at his now inability to fight back, they headed off, warning Reinhardt that he should do likewise. Not following that advice, Reinhardt and Brigitte got his armor back into fighting shape. With Brigitte having located the Dragons' base of operations in a nearby factory, Reinhardt headed off to confront them. Willingly or otherwise, Reinhardt saw the Dragons as actual dragons of myth, and fought them as the proverbial knight. In this he succeeded, and demanded that they leave these lands and never return.

      The next day Reinhardt was back in the town, telling the mayor that the Dragons would bother his people no longer. Their job done, he and Brigitte headed off to get some fuel. And currywurst.

      Following Winston's initiation of the Overwatch recall, Reinhardt had apparently agreed with Brigitte that he did not have to respond. However, when they eventually returned to Braueret Mittagskrug in Eichenwalde, where he had first learned of Overwatch years ago, Reinhardt indicated that he was reconsidering his decision. Brigitte, remembering the story of his forced retirement by Overwatch, was apprehensive at the idea. Staring at Balderich's worn acceptance medal, Reinhardt reflected on the events of his master's death. Visiting Balderich's remains, Reinhardt placed the medal on the arm of the throne, returning it to the man who made him what he was. Echoing his master's words to him, he quietly declared to Brigitte that he had been called and that he would always answer.

    11. Don’t you just love pushing things away just for them to come flooding back x2 as hard? No, really. Shortly after my last blog post about me coming out as plural, I got really scared. Acknowledging these experiences meant I couldn’t push them away any longer. I didn’t- and still don’t- want to be plural. I want to live a normal life as a singlet and just get on with everything. Why me? Why am I the one with seven voices in my head? 

      I tried to push everyone down again and it worked for a good week before someone pushed back up to the front. His name is Akuno. He came as my daemon- which to us is more of an animal form of the subconscious mind- and I gradually became more trusting of plurality. I reopened it again and fuck me I am still scared. But, whateves, I gotta live this, so I might as well live it as the most healthy way I can be. 

      We might be introducing ourselves or we may not, we’re not sure. Some of us are nonhuman but the majority seems to be human as far as we can tell. Let’s just get this fucking party started, I guess.

      Any tips on keeping this line of communication open? And for me- the host- not to clam up again because they went wonderfully.

    12. Latest Entry

      When I think of my center and my source, I always think of the hawk-spirit, the guard, the fighter. I think of that as being the real me. But, I have this whole other side, which is sometimes even contradictory to the first. That's the sun side, the social side, the one who is sometimes a leader. The sun side comes in two forms, the normal bright sun, and the diminished sun. My gracious social presence turns snarky and biting. (When Heru 'has no eyes' he can attack anyone friend or foe.) I call it diminished sun rather than moon because the moon has an energy all its own. The hawk, for comparison, is true neutral and reacts to other beings based entirely on environmental cues. It has no problem being solitary. 

      The sun side is different enough from the hawk side that I do feel like two people squished into one. I'm one person though. Sometimes I am the hawk. Sometimes I am the sun. It's not a plural situation, at least not currently. I have gone median before. 

      Where did this merger come from? It could be that Ra's overbearing leadership style needed to be tempered by the hawk's laissaez faire attitude, to give people room to breathe. It might also be that the hawk warrior needed to learn a thing or two about compassion. Unfortunately, the mix is not entirely stable. 

      One could argue that you don't get anything approaching free will without a complex interplay between opposing forces. ...and the hawk wonders why we give a crud about free will. We were doing just fine without it. Not having to argue all the time is a form of freedom in itself. 

      It sounds antagonistic but I used to write fiction where these two sides were two different people who loved each other and took care of each other. I don't remember the hawk ever "curing" the diminished sun. It just accepted the other with the same nonjudgmental attitude it had for everyone else (who wasn't currently a threat.) Maybe that quiet acceptance is also a form of healing. 

    13. So, I got thinking after receiving a few questions in a discord server I’m a part of, about how my two kintypes interact with my day to day life as a physical human. They’ve found ways to intertwine themselves into my daily life, through my career, hobbies and comforts, as well as my habits. 

      The first and foremost example I felt strongly about was career. So, I’m a technician, as well as someone who identifies as a piece of technology, working with machines through sound systems and lighting fixtures, dimmer technology and projection. And even before I settled on theatre and audiovisual technology, I’d always studied in some form of tech, first in computer technology, then in automotive with cars, then as a welder, and now as a theatre and audiovisual tech.

      Technology in general is inherent to my identity and my interests in life, both major parts of my sense of self, I am a piece technology and I am a technician. I am both someone who works with and maintains that technology, as well as inherently linked to it as technology myself. Working in my field tends to blur the line between my physical reality as human and my spiritual and psychological existence as a machine, and I credit finding my proper niche of tech to being able to start my awakening and allow myself to accept after 5 years of denial that I am a machine inside. I had spent since early high school denying that nonhuman aspect to myself, having it rear it’s head here and there in ways I passed off with excuses. It wasn’t until between my first and second years of college - studying Technical Production for the Performing Arts Industry - did I allow myself to start being honest about the lingering feelings.

      I believe that my function in that life was very set in research, however nowadays I’ve taken a bit more control of my path, which I have the privilege to do in another life, even if I really desire my old body back. My function is more so in my hands as a human, but being technology and working with it as I had with humans before is still heavily dominant in that path. Though for that past reason I was programmed with a huge tendency to be very observant, and the programmed observant tendencies and logical, technical thought processes have been beneficial on the job site. Though a negative influence adds to a bad work addiction, a drive to “work like a machine”, which is something soon to be broached to a therapist.

      However that’s a very practical, technical and physically-focused influence my identity has drawn into my life. There are much more metaphysical influences caused by it as well. My android urges and processes outright become frustrated by the fact that there is any spiritual involvement in this identity. Frustrated that it cannot measure or code the soul like programming. However I find my spirituality to be both a) from my odd-reptile-kintype which had a very metaphysical focus and b) a process I’ve used to help step away from the rigidity of my android self’s programmed activities. 

      A lot of my focuses in my magickal and metaphysical work are drawn from factors I associate with the strange reptile kintype I am still examining, a focus on draconic magick, fire energy work, and necromancy as well as working with bones and carcasses. I see this entity I identify as as highly spiritual and outright invoking spirits from its past in order to assist within its endeavors. Fire energy and spiritual flame are staples of the identity to me, and I strive to include them in both my spiritual practices as well as just general hobbies - my landlord is yet to give me shit for burning things, so that’s a plus.

      In the end, just another day and another set of rambles. Work was harsh today, but that’s life.

      -Jasper

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      Okay, so I hope you figured I wasn't really talking about the Matrix. I'm kind of disappointed too, because it would be pretty cool to be able to enter a virtual world where we could physically be our other selves. Something like Ready Player One... yeah...

      But anyways, I have the next best thing. It's not even close, but it's technically the next best thing.

      A few years ago, I was browsing a witch craft shop near my home, and on a whim I purchased a book on Native American spirit animals and how to find yours. The actual part about finding the spirit animal never helped, but the meditation technique described in the book sure did. With it, you can enter an open sandbox world, assume whatever form you wish (in this case, my kintype), and basically do whatever you want (I don't judge). It's an excellent tool for voluntary shifting and visualizing your kintype, as I've been regularly using it to do.

      Enough fluff. Let's get down to business.

      1. If you don't know the basics of meditation, you're essentially going to want to find a comfortable, quiet spot to sit or lay down. Close your eyes and focus on the feeling of your chest rising and falling as you breathe. Just focus on this feeling. If you feel your thoughts wandering, don't panic, just gently let the thoughts drift away and return to focusing on your breathing. If you're new to meditating, this may be difficult at first, but just keep practicing. Meditation is a learned skill like most things in life. Do this one time a day for about 3 minutes until you have it down and can start extending the time further.
      2. Now, assuming you've been meditating for a while, gently envision yourself in a favorite location, real or imagined. It could be the middle of space, the lawn of the White House, or in my case, a particular beach that I loved in the Honduras. For the sake of presentation, we'll use the beach. Once you're standing on the beach, don't do anything. Feel the cool breeze on your face, flowing through your hair. Wiggle your toes in the sand. Listen to the roar of the surf. Remain on the beach until it feels as real as can be. This is your "loading screen" where you'll anchor your mind to the dream space. Stay on this beach as long as you need, and remember not to rush.
      3. Turn around, wherever you are, and see a cave. It doesn't even have to be a real cave- just tack in on to whatever location you're at. This cave is your "tunnel" to the other world. Slowly walk into the cave. Feel the gravel crunch under your feet as you do, and hear your footsteps echoing off the walls. Keep walking until you come to a door. The door can be as close or as far as you wish, just remember to take it slow. If you rush, you'll disrupt the vision. I know you want to get to the fun stuff, but patience is key.
      4.  Open the door and step through into a new world that your kintype would like. This is the "other" world where your kinself exists. I always step out onto a tall mountain peak, with enough space to accommodate a dragon. It's the tallest peak around, with the rest of the world sprawling away into the horizon on all sides.  There's evergreen trees, rivers winding through valleys, and not a cloud in the sunny sky. Take a few moments to once again soak in the sensations of being in this world. The burning of the sun on your face and the wind. Do this as long as you need.
      5. Now, transform. Stay in first person. I watch the ground get farther away as my long neck rises into the air. I feel my four legs plant firmly into the ground. I look down to examine my front legs, now draconian. I turn around and see the rest of me, wings included. I flare out my wings slowly and feel the sensation. I remain still for several moments again, just feeling my other body. Then, I trudge to the edge and leap. I feel the wind as I fall, then open my wings and begin soaring. This is it, you're doing it!
      6. When you're done with your shenanigans, return to your starting point. Transform back to human. Walk back through the door and through the tunnel and back onto the beach. This is you "returning" to the real world. 
      7. Open your eyes. You're now back from your journey.

      This technique may not work for everyone, and that's perfectly okay. If you've found a better way, kudos to you! Maybe share it with me sometime? None the less, this is how I induce voluntary shifts on myself. Thanks for sticking around this long! I hope this helps you visualize your other self!

       

    14. So, it’s rare, but recently they’ve become more frequent.

      I hate my eye color in those times, because I can’t recognise myself in the mirror. To the point I want to break it, to the thoughts of clawing out my eyes. Until now, I looked up numerous ideas, no matter how risky, out of my desperation in those times.

      Normal colored lenses have no prescription, which I’m fine with because I can just wear them under my glasses. They’re also daily.

      And they help, I underestimated that feeling. Because having dark brown eyes almost drove me to madness, they make that gray so much darker... and it is so nice...

      The problem with that is, because of astigmatism, they don’t sit 100% perfectly. And I sighed.

      Until I found out this evening that toric (astigmatic) colored contact lenses exist. After a lot of searching and dead-ends that showed me one or the other.

      Very, very rare - and very expensive since they need to be custom made... Currently, I’ve a pair of some that run at €80 *each* - but, they last 3 months at a time.

    15. Go away...don't let me hurt you. You want me around so badly, you are surprised when I hurt you. Stop saying I'm beautiful, stop saying I hurt others because I was hurt, stop saying this is alright. Stop, stop. I tried to warn you I really did. How many times do I need to hurt you to make you hate me, please leave, don't let me kill you. You look at me and think I am smirking at your idiocy, or laughing at your pain. I laugh and smile because as soon as I stop I will burst into tears. Don't look, Don't look. I am vulnerable. I hate it when you stick that finger in my face, you come so closely I can smell the pain and hatred off of your lips. Don't lie to me by smiling and thinking this all is happily ever after. It's my curse...if I cry. I don't think I will ever be able to stop. Stop STOP STOP! Go away! Don't look at me with those sad eyes! Don't look at me with those pitiful eyes. If I die, maybe it'll give you the opportunity to come to life. I screwed this up. I screwed things up for the last time. I've killed everybody I have ever loved, now I have no place to go, no place to run. So now I cry, I have died my thousandth time.

      57393b840c20755a7853b590dd29b92c.jpg

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      Latest Entry

      What is your kintype? (Just include the one you're focusing on.)

       Cat!

      Do you identify for spiritual or psychological reasons?

       50/50 really. I'm an enigma! Also a scientist.

      When was your awakening (if you had one)?

       Didnt have one, baby I was born this way!

      If you had one, do you believe something specific triggered your awakening?

       N/A

      If you had one, how long did your awakening last? Was it a sudden realisation, or did it take time?

       N/A

      If you had one, what did you feel during your awakening?

       N/A

      Did you experience shifts and/or feelings of being non-human prior to your awakening?

       I've always been a catastrophy.

      Did you know about otherkin/therians prior to your awakening? If yes, do you think learning about otherkin/therians played a part in triggering your awakening?

       I did not, but learning that there was a word for what I was feeling was neat!

      If you didn't know about otherkin/therians prior to your awakening, how did you come across the community?

       I've actually been giving this some thought, and I think it was CanineHybrid/Riley that introduced me to the concept! I was a freshmen in highschool, so it has been a good while ago. 

      Did you automatically know your species/race when you awakened?

       I have always been a kitty.

      If yes, did you make any attempts to verify this identification? If no, how did you discover your species/race (if you have)?

       I have done lots of introspection that have allowed me to get to know myself better.

      Have you ever misidentified your species/race? If so, what did you mistake yourself for, and why do you think this was?

       Nyope.

      Do you experience involuntary mental shifts? If so, what are they like? How often do you have them? Are they triggered by anything in particular?

       Yes I do. I just take on a slightly more uninhibeted stance. Much more willing to do impulsive things. Happens fairly frequently! It can be triggered by pretty much anything. 

      Do you experience voluntary mental shifts? If so, what are they like, and how do you control them?

      I can do that! They're usually really wonderful. I just let myself off the leash, so to speak. 

      Do you experience involuntary phantom shifts? If so, what are they like? How often do you have them? Are they triggered by anything in particular?

       Yep, always! They're constant, feels like a completely natural part of me. I use my ear positioning and my tail for expressing emotion but it hasn't seemed to work... Yet!

      Do you experience voluntary phantom shifts? If so, what are they like, and how do you control them?

      Nope. 

      Do you experience dream shifts? If so, how often? Are there any recurring themes? Are your dream shift settings/experiences the same as in normal dreams, or are there notable differences?

       I don't recall ever having dream shifts. They'd probably just feel like me, so I wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

      Do you experience any other kind of shift? If so, elaborate.

       Nope!

      What experiences and feelings led you to identify as your kintype rather than with it?

       Sure, I really like cats and all, but I am literally just a cat. A cat that looks like a human. 

      To what extent do you see yourself as (non-physically) nonhuman? Do you identify as human as well as your kintype?

       I am well aware that I am human now, and I honestly wouldn't change that. I like my life. But also, I am a cat. They're so intertwined that I wouldn't be able to elaborate. 

      What led you to believe that your identity is spiritual or psychological in nature? Have you ever believed the other was true, or seriously considered that it may be?

       I'm 50/50 on this deal. I have meditated and had memories of my past life and I believe in reincarnation, but at the same time I am a scientist so I know that I could just be entirely manufacturing these memories. Who's to say without any definitive hard evidence? Certainly not me! I just live my life without thinking too hard on it. I'm a cat, and that's really all there is to it. 

      Do you have any past life memories (if your beliefs are spiritual) or artificial memories/flashbacks (if your beliefs are psychological)? If so, describe them.

       Yes! I believe that I was a feral cat. I definetly had kittens. I think I lived in the city, probably in a city park like Central Park. I can remember being in forested areas and alleyways. 

      Do you ever feel homesick for the location your kintype lives/lived in? If so, how do you deal with those feelings?

      Not really homesick, but I do love being in cities. I love going to cities.

      Are there any locations that make you feel closer to your kintype? Any locations that make you feel disconnected from it?

       Cities and forests are both home to me! I can easily feel full cat anywhere. There's nowhere that really makes me feel a disconnect.

      Do you experience species dysphoria? If so, how often? To what extent? Do you have any methods of coping with it?

       I don't, sorry! I wish I could help out.

      Do you have any behaviours or quirks that you attribute to your kintype?

       I'm very cat-like. The way I move and behave in general. 

      Do you have any nonstandard thought processes or instinctual reactions that you attribute to your kintype?

      Every small animal I want to eat. I would never. I'm a vegetarian and a vet tech, so it is my duty to do no harm. But still the instinct is always just 'I would eat that'. Also if there's a high route I gotta take it. I will go out of my way to go over instead of around. 

      Do you have any personality traits that you attribute to your kintype?

       The everything about me! I can't think of any specifics right now.

      Do you have any nonstandard beliefs, ethics or morals that you attribute to your kintype?

       I'm pretty morally-grey. I do things that benefit me. If that happens to help others, great! If not, oh well. I find that more often than not I do end up helping others, and that does make me happy. 

      Why do you believe the above behaviours/traits/etc. are related to your kintype?

       Cats don't really have morals. They are cats. There is a very thin line between real behavior and personification. Personifying our animals too much is a very, very dangerous thing. I have firsthand seen the reporcussions for people believing that their pets are like people. 
      What is a fact, sometimes feral cats form colonies that are matriarch driven. They are social in thier clowders. They will take care of eachother when resources are available.  

      Do you feel that having a nonhuman identity has been a positive, negative or neutral experience? Have you ever tried to deny your nonhuman identity?

       Neutral, really, though I sure do love being a cat! 

      Do you ever wish you could change your kintype? If so, what would you rather be?

       Nope! 

      Do you think this is enough questions for now? I sure hope so!

      Thank you for the good time!

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      Hi. im Dragon Runes. i'm a contherian & a polytherian and I've been in the otherkin community for about 6 years, i come across as a very morbid person at first but please don't let that stop you from reaching out to me. Below is a few bits of general information about me.

       

      Name - Dragon Runes, Runes, Echo & Dragon. (not my real name)

      Gender - Genderfluid.

      Pronouns - they/them or she/her

      Age - 17

      Kitypes - Wolf, Fox, Deer, Raccoon, Deer, Bear, American bison, Crystal dragon, Shadow Dragon, & Wendigo

      Main likes - warm spaces, being outside, tea, art & photography.

      Main dislikes - pushy people, bullying, art thieves.

       

      Going into depth on a few hobbies of mine, I'm an artist. I love the vulture culture and that often shows in a lot of my work. I'm also interested in mortuary science and forensic pathology. im a green witch, i love plants and animals and i love to take photos of my path and nature itself. im also into anime and animation and ive been working on a few things for a small animation too.

       

      I love alot of dark and morbid things and if you would like to talk to me about those things i will not start the conversation due to the fact it may come on too strong and it may make people uncomfortable. if you would like to talk about those things I will give you another way to talk to me.

       

      Why am i here?

      - I'm interested in joining the community to hopefully meet new people. I love meeting new people and I would love to hear other people's side of otherkinity. In the community, I'm apart of I feel like not many people share experiences so I'm hoping to find that here.

       

      How significant is therianthropy to you & How did you come across Therianthropy?

      - Therianthropy has become a large part of my life. It has gotten to be so big and embedded in my past, present and future that I hardly think about it. I came across the topic through youtube, by cringe videos. When I started looking more into it I was putting names to the experiences I've been having since I could remember. This all started happening around the middle school.

       

      Are you a therian & What is/are your theriotype(s)?

      - Yes, i am. But i have come to consider myself otherkin since it's the umbrella term for it! My kintypes listed above in the short bio i wrote.

       

      How did you find your theriotype/s & Do you believe that your therianthropy is spiritual, psychological, neurological, or something else in origin?

      - Like i said above, i found the community through cringe videos and shortly after that i used a few techniques that many people used to discover there kintypes and out of those things AP and Meditation worked the best for me. I believe my identity is a mix of spiritual and psychological. It's very hard for me to explain.

       

      but yeah. that's me lol! I hope to get to know many of you here!!

       

      If anyone would like to get ahold of me, you can find me here!

      (none of the accounts use my personal information!)

       

      Art and business email - lunafootprintart@gmail.com

      Therian amino - Dragon Runes

      The therian guide forum - Dragon Runes

      Instagram - @luna_footprint

      Snapchat - @lrunes666

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      For a few months, I’d been getting phantom shifts that I thought were odd. At first, I didn’t even know what they were. But even when I found that out they were still perplexing. During these shifts, I felt as if I were missing limbs. Most often it was either one leg or both arms, but it was different every so often. The ones involving my arms had been going on for a lot longer (an estimated five months), but the ones involving my legs started more recently (two or three months ago). I could see that my limbs were still there, but I had no control over them. And the fact that they were still there made me feel strangely uncomfortable. These shifts weren’t particularly painful, but obviously the feeling of missing limbs isn’t all too pleasant.

       

      The first time I tried to walk when my leg was gone in one of these shifts, it was definitely tricky. I felt like I couldn’t balance and actually fell, even though both feet should have been firmly planted on the ground. After the first few times this happened, I figured out how to push through it and move somewhat normally.


      The most stressful thing was that I couldn’t figure out why I was getting these phantom shifts. There was a certain character I figured maybe I was kin with, but maybe isn’t enough to be sure of anything. Not only that, but that character had never lost any limbs so it wouldn’t explain the phantom shifts. Sure, the shifts could have been due to a different fictotype or kintype, but it turns out that wasn’t it. I just identify as a different character, plain and simple. And I’m completely sure of this one. It’s more than just the phantom shifts of course, but I’ll describe more things in detail another time.

    16. haha it's a play on words

      Anyway, that play on words sums up how I'm feeling and have been for a while. Like I just can't enjoy things that require relating to the human perspective. There's a lot of TV to watch but I can't enjoy any of it because I feel so detached from the experiences and feelings it's based on. (Especially if they're gender-specific, for some reason. It's like double bad because I don't relate well to gender divisions and don't relate to most human experience in general) Can't enjoy events. Can't enjoy socialization, even when my normal issues are accounted for. Can't enjoy games. Can't enjoy reading or any of the things I normally enjoy.

      I feel like I'm on the outside looking in at everything. It's normally not this bad, usually I can find a place in human society and experiences somehow if I really force it. But I just...can't, lately. Nothing feels right at all. Trying to make it feel right just makes it worse because now I have to think about it. Everything is so wrong. I could make it stop by trying to "live in the moment," but I can only do that for so long. I can only look at pictures for so long. I can only clear my mind for so long before the voices start flooding back in again and telling me that everything is wrong.

    17. Winter is one of the best times to see the Northern Lights if you live or travel in the right area, because of how long each day is dark for (although the fall and spring equinoxes are the peak moments). Because of this, I've been seeing a major uptick in aurora photos from all the nature blogs I follow.

      For me, my reaction to the aurora is definitely an alterhuman thing. I have this feeling/memory regarding them, that the streets in heaven were kind of empty at that hour of night because heaven is full of wimps extremely diurnal beings so I would stay up and walk out there alone just to experience them. They come dancing down among the buildings, bathing everything in light, and flow out past the edges of that place and down into the real sky of the earth. The sounds they make are their own music, and I could trail my fingers through them, change their shape and watch them curl away in spirals that crackled and snapped, fly through them. And that at the moment of choosing to Fall I saw them and it seemed like they were pulling me with them out past heaven and down into the world. The feeling they give me here is powerful, one of beauty and nostalgia in a way they makes me both achingly sad and inspired at the same time.

      So when I think "light-bringer", I think of the Northern Lights and darkness instead of sunlight. It would feel absolutely wrong for me to say something like "Lucifer was bright and sunshine and God's Favorite" because to me that's not...exactly it. Honestly, I think my interpretation and assumption of the name comes less from my "angelic role" and more from the time I was created, which with the symbolism of Venus and all is just before dawn, aka the darkest hour.

      A while ago I made some simple art to try and capture this feeling/memory and sentiment, pairing an image with some of the lyrics from the song Dear Wormwood by The Oh Hellos.

      image.png.4a800042028ec1672341aa7c254eacba.png

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      Did you know that today is Shrek's birthday? 

      Anyways, onto the actual blog. It's been raining/storming lately so that's been nice. I put up my fairy lights and I'm probably gonna light some incense for some nice vibes. I also got to open a few Christmas presents early and some notable stuff was some notebooks and a drawing a couple friends made for me, a scarf & gloves set, a fluffy blanket, and some sculpting clay. No super interesting kin related things have happened, but the storming and fairy light have been giving me some good kin vibes. I'm not going to get very into it, but not everything has been perfect.  Feel free to converse/question me on whatever. 

      I hope you've had/have wonderful holidays and that your new year is filled with blessings from above. 

    18. Stray

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      I have displayed animalistic behavior since I was a child. I recall wanting to continuously wear tails or gloves with claws on them from costumes meant for Halloween as young as 4. My mom always told me "you are not an animal," and I always found that hard to believe, even as a kid. Around this same period, I had an obsession with canines, specifically dogs; this was noted on a doctors report that I still own to this day.

      When I had reached my elementary school years, I began questioning my animal side. In 2005 I saw a documentary on TV that featured a segment on "therians." Upon seeing the segment, I instantly knew that that's what I was, and ran to a computer to do more research. I stumbled upon The Werelist and everything took off from there. I began questioning all sorts of animals; from squirrels and frogs, to horses and all sorts of birds. This soul-searching lasted me quite a few years, until everything led up to me realizing I am a wolf.

      I remained inactive in the therianthropy community upon reaching my teen years out of fear of my close-minded mom finding out, which vaguely happened but I continued to cover it up as something else. 

      Now an adult, I've learned to hide and cope with being more animal than everyone else. Although, things slip through the cracks sometimes. In fact, recently a friend of mine caught me sniffing the air as they made hamburgers, which, was very embarrassing.

      My partner, being the understanding person he is, allows me to express my true self when I need to, which can be a huge relief sometimes. Honestly, I just feel like a wolf pretending to be human to please everyone else constantly. I truly feel a disconnect from my outer self and inner self regarding appearance, and although I promise I am aware I am physically human, sometimes I will walk past a mirror and have to do a double take because seeing my human face often surprises me because I expect to see what I feel like.

      One way I've found to express my non-human experience is by comparing it to the wolves of Wolf's Rain (cheesy, I know); the wolves are still wolves, but can disguise themselves as human- although to some, it's still obvious that they're wolves. This is expressed in the anime and the manga in the image of a wolf and human overlapping eachother, I have provided a picture I took from the first volume to give a better idea since i am not the best at explaining.

       

      Snapchat-627770486.thumb.jpg.5d2874320d86ba46373593596e228f71.jpg

      I feel as though this image accurately represents what I experience as a non-human identifier, except the human is the physical one.  I am interested in knowing if anyone relates to this image as well.

      I honestly very much appreciate dogs, as they feel like creatures I can relate to more closely than humans, and since I understand their behavior (I am an aspiring dog trainer), I can replicate it and cause them to interact with me as if I am another canine. But since I identify as a wolf, I do understand that wolves and dogs behave very differently; two types of behaviors which I consider myself very familiar with and can adapt to.

      I often question if I may be a wolfdog due to some personal things, but that idea has just never fully clicked with who I am.

      Since I discovered the therianthropy community in the 2000's, I still do like to refer to myself as a were/werewolf, although I do use the term therianthrope often. 

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      A huge weight was taken off my shoulders last night after I somehow obtained a solution to one of my personal problems in the middle of typing my own response to something on Reddit. There's still some weight left in my chest and it seems to be related to my writer's block and probably my issues with chronic procrastination that I need to crack down on working through as soon as possible. Saying I'm a chronic procrastinator is no longer funny or a "joke" of any kind. I've taken it too far and it's becoming a ridiculous obstacle that shouldn't exist anymore. Most people procrastinate. Very few are able to get to my level. The grand majority of the population can't afford to be like me and I can't afford to stay like this myself.

      The whole situation with my first entry has been cleared up. I'm not sure if I should post what happened, but it basically turns out I was most likely legitimately wrong and my undeniable feelings of certainty were just feelings from one of my soulbonds bleeding over to me for some reason. Based on everything that played out, I wish there was a way to legitimately explore the lives I experienced as my fictotypes. It's possible that I'm still a canon divergent Aoi Zaizen, though to what extent that is remains unknown. The only reason I even suspect canon divergence is I no longer trust the writers of this franchise after what happened in the Arc-V anime. My other reason for suspecting it is related to my soulbond's feelings. Unfortunately, without enough memories to support my suspicions, all I can do is make educated guesses, not obtain confirmation that gives my words weight.

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