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Awkward Dream and Other Things

I had a dream that I was involved with a friends SB, only he was a physical person in the dream. What made it awkward is that shes dating him and I don't believe he would ever leave or cheat on her. But I remember thinking that she was so lucky. The dream seemed normal enough, nothing too weird or out there, until the very end. I asked him what he would do if I told him he could do whatever he wanted to me, he leaned over like he was going to kiss me, and stuck a carrot in my mouth. So thats when it got really weird. In other news, I need to walk to the store, but I keep putting it off cause of what might be Executive Dysfunction. I don't believe I'm just lazy, I think theres something else wrong, cause its hard getting myself to even do things I WANT to do. Of course, I am also still very depressed. I also need to call my lawyer and tell him I need advanced notice for the meetings, so I can see if my only source of transportation can take off of work. Things have been roughly the same. Haven't gotten any new EVPs... I don't think. The night before last it sounds like a "hey" on my dream talk app, but it was when I was laying the phone down, so it could have been me. Last night the same thing happened, but this time it sounded like my name. I still think its just me laying the phone down. But it happens after I've already laid the phone down and stopped touching it. So I dunno. I'm just trying to get through each day as best I can. My SB partner and I have made a private Disc server just for the two of us. Really my account is the only one in it, but I added the Tupperware bot to it, so he can speak as himself. Its mainly meant to help with my depression. With Aidens passing, I have no one to type cute, affectionate things to, so this helps with that. My partner tries to give me cute affection in return, but since I'm typing all of it, and we both know what the other is going to say before we say it, its not the same as talking to another physical person. It helps in some ways tho, and thats good. I was hoping to get more questions in my AMA, but I feel like there just aren't many people who care to ask or know things about SBing. I'm glad I got at least a few questions from someone tho. I was terrified to even start an AMA, but since no one seems to care about it, I guess its not that big of a deal. I think thats all for this post. Oh, can I just say that it makes me really self-conscious that I have more blog posts than anyone else here. I just like to blog a lot sometimes. 

Addy

 

Struggling

I’ve been thinking about this for the better part of my workday, and even to now at nearly 10pm... For years I’ve dipped in and out of the tulpamancy community, because I thought that was what we were. However, now I’m not so sure, between me and Gareth it just feels more... median-y, even if he just feels his own person due to our differences. Why median? Because he only ever forces control under times of stress or threat, as well as when he first turned up I was under stress at work. Unlike most tulpas, he just appeared out of nowhere, for which I still don’t believe in a spiritual explanation for, and tied it I my fictionkin identity. For anyone who remembers, the last time he forced a co-front to defend me, it was painful for me and almost disorienting, blurry at best. So I might have been the one typing, but they weren’t my words at all. In conversation he’s like my polar opposite, and short-tempered to match... I’m sure we’ll figure it out, in the end...      

Mirath

 

Introduction Blog

Hi. im Dragon Runes. i'm a contherian & a polytherian and I've been in the otherkin community for about 6 years, i come across as a very morbid person at first but please don't let that stop you from reaching out to me. Below is a few bits of general information about me.   Name - Dragon Runes, Runes, Echo & Dragon. (not my real name) Gender - Genderfluid. Pronouns - they/them or she/her Age - 17 Kitypes - Wolf, Fox, Deer, Raccoon, Deer, Bear, American bison, Crystal dragon, Shadow Dragon, & Wendigo Main likes - warm spaces, being outside, tea, art & photography. Main dislikes - pushy people, bullying, art thieves.   Going into depth on a few hobbies of mine, I'm an artist. I love the vulture culture and that often shows in a lot of my work. I'm also interested in mortuary science and forensic pathology. im a green witch, i love plants and animals and i love to take photos of my path and nature itself. im also into anime and animation and ive been working on a few things for a small animation too.   I love alot of dark and morbid things and if you would like to talk to me about those things i will not start the conversation due to the fact it may come on too strong and it may make people uncomfortable. if you would like to talk about those things I will give you another way to talk to me.   Why am i here? - I'm interested in joining the community to hopefully meet new people. I love meeting new people and I would love to hear other people's side of otherkinity. In the community, I'm apart of I feel like not many people share experiences so I'm hoping to find that here.   How significant is therianthropy to you & How did you come across Therianthropy? - Therianthropy has become a large part of my life. It has gotten to be so big and embedded in my past, present and future that I hardly think about it. I came across the topic through youtube, by cringe videos. When I started looking more into it I was putting names to the experiences I've been having since I could remember. This all started happening around the middle school.   Are you a therian & What is/are your theriotype(s)? - Yes, i am. But i have come to consider myself otherkin since it's the umbrella term for it! My kintypes listed above in the short bio i wrote.   How did you find your theriotype/s & Do you believe that your therianthropy is spiritual, psychological, neurological, or something else in origin? - Like i said above, i found the community through cringe videos and shortly after that i used a few techniques that many people used to discover there kintypes and out of those things AP and Meditation worked the best for me. I believe my identity is a mix of spiritual and psychological. It's very hard for me to explain.   but yeah. that's me lol! I hope to get to know many of you here!!   If anyone would like to get ahold of me, you can find me here! (none of the accounts use my personal information!)   Art and business email - lunafootprintart@gmail.com Therian amino - Dragon Runes The therian guide forum - Dragon Runes Instagram - @luna_footprint Snapchat - @lrunes666

Dragon Runes

 

SDB#5: I need better titles

Woopdeedoo its been a week! Time to post another pointless rambling! Yaaaaay. kin: no new memories as of late, which is disappointing. I've been really homesick lately... knowing there's no way back makes it worse. Even with astral stuff... idk.  School: going... ok. There's this kid who I don't know, but he just... showed up at our table one day. He refers to me as "Springy". I don't know his name at all, but he seems to be entirely focused on me. He at one point was saying things he somehow knew made me uncomfortable/upset till the point of I cried. When my friends asked him what is problem was he simply responded he was doing his job. And the next day he just... started petting me...   im normally a pacifist but he's pushing it. Really.   Life:. Ehhhhhhhhhgghhhhhhhh I haven't slept well in forever, what is this depression, I can't draw why do I do it, why am I trying vufhcycoyodydoyxoyoxyocgoc   And thats my blog for this week guys. See you next week. 

InkyDaily

 

First meditation experience

Thanks to the discussion in the meditation thread, I've done a few meditation sessions the past days. The last one was quite awesome and relates pretty much to my kintype, so I'd like to share the experience with you. I took a lay-down posture and listened to a soundfile with wind blowing through the trees. When settled down, I started by visualizing myself lying on the grass in a forest clearing as a human. First I concentrated on breathing and didn't think about much. Soon enough, I see some forest animals. A fox and some deer walk by. A squirrel comes and tickles me. A stag comes close and licks my nose... funny. I more and more start to feel one with the animals and the nature. As an expression of that feeling, I start to glow from the inside, a blue and white light which doesn't feel hot or cold... just bright. I want to spread my wings. I stand up and transform to anthropomorphic dragon form. I stand there, arms and wings spread, glowing, embracing the forest around me. This feels like... well, love, I guess. Just pure, sheer love for the nature and the animals. I want to protect all of them. The feeling gets stronger. I transform into full dragon form. I'm now looking down to the trees, still one with the forest, still glowing bright. In the end, I see myself, holding the whole planet in my claws like a very, very dear friend, protecting it from any harm. And all of that feels.. completely accurate, logical in a sense. It is pretty much the essence of my kintype, of who I am. The Western Guardian Dragon. However, the journey is not yet over. I get smaller again. I'm a dragon sitting in front of the forest, waiting for other dragons. When they approach in the air, I join them in their flight. I love to feel the air floating under my wings so much. My friends and me fly to a gathering. It seems something is created there, but I don't know what it is. I also envision an item.. it seems to be a necklace with a golden pendant. No idea where that came from. The gathering.. was this the place where I received my task, over 40 years ago? So many questions still open, folks... way to go! As always, feel free to comment, ask and discuss!

Amber

 

Two Life Updates

I feel like I've been lurking for a bit and I wanted to give some life updates.  1. Diagnosed Plurality I've felt for a while I have/am apart of a system, and my therapist confirmed that I do qualify for OSDD-1b. I've "opened the floodgates" of it all in my head. I found out through meditation and stuff that I am actually not the original/core, and I (lemoandelance, the one who made this account) am actually a protective alter created to protect the core. I was created in a way that I could (somewhat) seamlessly continue living the core's life after she didn't want it anymore. I shut the other alters out to protect the body (and the core in the process). I'm letting them surface and oh boy they are coming in quick. My therapist just goes "let them just show themselves to you" and OH BOY DID THEY. I might make a blog about it all later, but here is just a brief run down. 2. Spiritual Psychology I was raised religious, and because that turned out to be abusive, it is twice as hard to leave. So I've decided to dub my beliefs "spiritual psychology." Basically, I believe in the spiritual, but not in a literal way "astral plane reincarnation magick" way, but instead in the way that my psychological reality is my reality, so I should explore my mind and my identity as it's built during my life, but realizing that- in the end- it may all just be in my head. If there is a term for whatever the hell this is please @ me. 

lemonadelance

 

Last night’s wonders

Last night, I got into a conversation with someone internally and I have no idea who it was... Wasn’t Gareth because he’s pretty... loud. And also took *great* joy in calling me a jackass after he’d finished butting into said conversation. As per usual.  Wasn't dad (long story) because they actually seemed to care about me. Go figure, but then they sounded like me so hey... I’m leaning towards fledgling tulpa just from how it sounded, in both tone and mindvoice. And yes, unlike Gareth they’re intentional... So they won’t just turn up out of the blue to scare the crap out of me

Mirath

 

The Road to Self-Discovery Isn't a Simple One

This is a slightly more odd and personal entry than I've posted before, but here's a look into my mind and some questioning I've been caught in. So, I've been going hard on questioning this Alolan Marowak kintype for about over 2 years now (man, October 2016). Ramping up the intensity of the self-grilling the more I figure out about it. I've questioned nearly everything I could think of that would be similar to the slightly-anthropomorphic reptilian phantom body, territorial and warring traits, fire inclination, and weird diet I experience that I could think of, including dragons, various earth lizards, salamanders (fire faeries/elemental spirits), etc. And what I'm caught on now is wondering if I did fabricate this mentally, due to childhood trauma and a need to hide. I very well could have, my interest in the Pokemon franchise is far from quiet. However it leads me to wonder why I would have imprinted and taken on the identity of a Pokemon I've always been vaguely uncomfortable with, instead of one I've always loved that is similar like a Charizard or Salamence. And if my stronger obsession with the franchise Zoids has any influence, why would I have formed the identities of an Android and a dinosaur-like reptilian Pokemon, and not simply been a Zoid like Rev Raptor - which I was far more obsessed with at the age than any Pokemon. So I guess that's a progress update on where I am in questioning, before I give my mind a break to focus elsewhere. Questioning is a long journey, especially when dealing with the odd shit of the mind and identity. -Jasper
 

Sunday Blog 4

Well guys, I'm still alive. This week has been a bit hectic,  with winter break ending and all that. So, anyway, I should have a bit more to talk about this week.  school: same as ever. We're in the final stretch of the first semester, so we're really being pushed on out grades. I'm not failing any classes though, so. Going still feels weird, looking at those around me. But there's not much to be done about it.    Life:  Not much new, I've been sleeping pretty poorly though. The powers been out for all day, so that's a thing. It's so cold in here, I hate it >_<.    Kin:  Since the powers out (I'm on a phone with data jsyk) we're using a bunch of candles for light. It's making me feel rather nostalgic/ homesick, as after the electricity eventually died after the uprising, we'd rely on candles for light.    Also, since we can't  use the fridge, I had my coffee without creamer in it. It reminded me of the time Sammy (before he turned out to suck) gave me some f his without telling me what it was. I ran away because I didn't like it CD     That's all for this week folks. Thanks for reading, see you around 

InkyDaily

 

On closeness

I don't know how to be close to people. I associate closeness with romance, which I'm told is an unhealthy way to think, but I cannot help that. I was close to Aiden and considered him my closest friend, because there was a lot of cutesy affection between us. I don't seem wired to understand platonic closeness, so I don't have any other close friends. I have friends, just no close ones. And according to one of those friends being unable to understand platonic closeness is going to push people away and make them give up on me. I don't think its my fault that I don't know how to get close to people. People try to "help" but just end up making me feel worse, and maybe thats why I feel like I don't have many friends. Because I don't need to be told to move on, to give up on doing EVPs every day, that I can't sit around waiting on a ghost, that I'm just going to make myself miserable. I'm gonna be miserable regardless, at least focusing on trying to get EVPs and stuff gives me something to do. I've given up on so many things already, I don't want this to be another thing I give up on. But I don't have close friends. I'm afraid to talk to most people, because I never know what to say... except to talk about how depressed I am and how much I miss Aiden. I stop responding to people out of fear and just generally having nothing to say. I don't have hobbies and the only real interest I ever had was soulbonding, but I don't even want to talk about that anymore. I don't want to talk about anything, except how alone and broken I feel. I dunno how to have close friends. I dunno how to be close to anyone without romance there. If that really does make people just give up on me, maybe I'm not meant to have friends at all.  

Addy

 

PSA: idistuple

It appears that an infamous ex-otherkin turned troll has resurfaced on Tumblr after a fairly long hiatus. idistuple which is shorthand for “I Dislike Stupid People” is a blog operated by ex-dragonkin Vencorr. He’s still posting hateful material against non-binary individuals as well as otherkin who don’t meet his narrow definition of valid. Lately, he’s been joining otherkin Discord servers in order to post screenshots on his blog to mock and harass them. While he’s such a “good guy” about it by offering plausible deniability that harassment is indeed his motive by removing names, he posts enough screenshots that identification of those involved is trivial. Don’t be a low hanging fruit In one of his recent posts, he states that a Discord server he infiltrated had absolutely no membership or joining requirements. An application may put off some users, but quality over quantity prevents stuff like this. Don’t be afraid to remove nonconstructive members If there’s a member that does nothing but stir the pot, it might be time to put on your boots and kick them out. Blacklist him Block him, give him no further attention, and encourage your friends to do the same.
View the full post @ Naia's Den

Naia Okami

 

Mysterious Phantom Shifts

For a few months, I’d been getting phantom shifts that I thought were odd. At first, I didn’t even know what they were. But even when I found that out they were still perplexing. During these shifts, I felt as if I were missing limbs. Most often it was either one leg or both arms, but it was different every so often. The ones involving my arms had been going on for a lot longer (an estimated five months), but the ones involving my legs started more recently (two or three months ago). I could see that my limbs were still there, but I had no control over them. And the fact that they were still there made me feel strangely uncomfortable. These shifts weren’t particularly painful, but obviously the feeling of missing limbs isn’t all too pleasant.   The first time I tried to walk when my leg was gone in one of these shifts, it was definitely tricky. I felt like I couldn’t balance and actually fell, even though both feet should have been firmly planted on the ground. After the first few times this happened, I figured out how to push through it and move somewhat normally.
The most stressful thing was that I couldn’t figure out why I was getting these phantom shifts. There was a certain character I figured maybe I was kin with, but maybe isn’t enough to be sure of anything. Not only that, but that character had never lost any limbs so it wouldn’t explain the phantom shifts. Sure, the shifts could have been due to a different fictotype or kintype, but it turns out that wasn’t it. I just identify as a different character, plain and simple. And I’m completely sure of this one. It’s more than just the phantom shifts of course, but I’ll describe more things in detail another time.

SunsetActor

 

anhinga anhedonia

haha it's a play on words Anyway, that play on words sums up how I'm feeling and have been for a while. Like I just can't enjoy things that require relating to the human perspective. There's a lot of TV to watch but I can't enjoy any of it because I feel so detached from the experiences and feelings it's based on. (Especially if they're gender-specific, for some reason. It's like double bad because I don't relate well to gender divisions and don't relate to most human experience in general) Can't enjoy events. Can't enjoy socialization, even when my normal issues are accounted for. Can't enjoy games. Can't enjoy reading or any of the things I normally enjoy. I feel like I'm on the outside looking in at everything. It's normally not this bad, usually I can find a place in human society and experiences somehow if I really force it. But I just...can't, lately. Nothing feels right at all. Trying to make it feel right just makes it worse because now I have to think about it. Everything is so wrong. I could make it stop by trying to "live in the moment," but I can only do that for so long. I can only look at pictures for so long. I can only clear my mind for so long before the voices start flooding back in again and telling me that everything is wrong.

Kerguelen

 

New Years stuff

My New Years eve sucked. It started out okay, until my depression hit. I spent it alone, cause mom went to my aunts to party over there. They did buy me some alcohol so I could have a few drinks here. The original plan was to get slightly drunk and watch 50 Shades Freed, thinking it would be bad and my headmates and I could have fun snarking it. But it was actually really good. The first two movies were bad, and I expected the third to also be bad, but it wasn't. I was crying by the end. Happy crying, but also sad crying because I'll never get to have a physical relationship at all. Then I threw up and decided I was done drinking for the night. Then my despair hit and I stood in the middle of my room sobbing and yelling to Aiden that no one gives a shit about me. This was all before 8pm, so I still had the rest of the night to go. I eventually "calmed down" but spent the rest of the night feeling really alone and miserable. New Years day was... slightly better. I had a couple small break downs, but not like I had on New Years eve. These random break downs are just going to continue to happen. I still plan to talk to my doctor about being screened for PTSD, cause I fit a lot of the symptoms. I've also figured out that its my antipsychotic thats making me SO exhausted during the day, so I've decided to not take it as soon as I wake up. Cause it just drains all of my energy and leaves me lethargic and unable to function for several hours. So I will be either taking it later in the evening or right before I go to bed at night. Gonna talk to the doctor about that too. I don't expect any good in this new year... unless I finally get approved for SSI. But thats not going to take my pain and depression away. My very best friend is gone. The only close friend I had or will ever have is gone. I cannot get close to other people, I don't even know how. Aiden kinda pushed himself into my life and forced his way past my walls. No one else will do that. No one else will care to do that. I am prepared to spend my entire life alone and broken because of this. If it turns out it did cause PTSD, they'll prolly want to change up my medication or put me on something else. I dunno how that works. I've never had PTSD before. But this time I fit a lot of symptoms, including the traumatic flashbacks, cause I have flashbacks to the phone call with his sister and it just makes me start hyperventilating and sobbing.  Apparently learning of the death of a loved one can cause PTSD. Cases of actual or threatened death must be violent or accidental. Aidens was accidental, and its left me so very traumatized. I guess thats it.

Addy

 

I forgot to blog last night

Oops. Sorry guys. I was distracted (had a panic attack, don't wanna talk about it)  Well, tonight is new years eve. I'm happy to say I kept my resolution. Survive to see it. Yay me...? Life stuff.  The computer is out of my throat now, and I can eat again! We don't have the results back yet though, which im hoping for soon. Not much else has happened this week to talk about, sadly, other than I still suck at Zelda.   Kin related. As with the normal life stuff, nothing really new has happened. My wings have been sore, but thats normal for me. Sorry I don't have anything interesting this week, perhaps next week. See you all then!

InkyDaily

 

PTSD stuff

I think I want to be screened for PTSD, if my anxiety and panic attacks are still there when I see my psychiatrist in Feb. I was looking up things that can cause PTSD, and one of the things listed was "learning that the traumatic events occurred to a close family member or close friend; cases of actual or threatened death must have been violent or accidental" My boyfriends death was very unexpected and accidental, and its left me so emotionally and mentally scarred. I keep having flashbacks to the phone call with his sister, and I start hyperventilating and crying. Symptoms also have to last more than a month. Its been over two months now. I try to avoid things that remind me of him, but at the same time I feel drawn to things that remind me of him. I got the package from his sister yesterday, containing the MLP I bought for him. She also included a lego figure for some reason. I never asked for that.  I've got the MLP hanging over the top of my laptop, cause thats how he kept it on his desktop. These things comfort me, but hurt me at the same time. I still think hes haunting me, but it does not take the pain and anxiety away. I tried to lay down earlier to recharge some energy, and I ended up having a panic attack and just crying uncontrollably, so I just got back up. I have a lot of random panic attacks, because of flashbacks to that phone call.  I keep falling back to the denial stage of grief, then I get depressed again. I'm not so much angry anymore, just feeling alone and helpless. If things are still like this the next time I see my psychiatrist, I'm gonna tell her I want to be screened for PTSD. She already increased my medication. My antidepressant was increased from 150mg to 300mg, my anti anxiety med was increased from once a day to twice a day as needed, and my antipsychotic from 20mg to 40mg, and none of it seems to do me any good. The panic attacks just do not stop, and they just happen so randomly. I'll think I'm fine, that I can get through a full day without having one, and then one will hit out of the blue. I have SO few people I can actually talk to or reach out to for support, because just about everyone in my life is so sick of hearing about it. So that just makes me continue to feel totally alone. I don't know what I'm supposed to do without him. This has really messed me up, and theres so few people I can actually talk to about it.  

Addy

 

A magical moment

This morning, I again remembered a moment in my real life which maybe was the most "magical" moment I ever experienced. I would like to share it with you, and try to describe how it felt. This happened no more than 10 years ago. I was attending an event in a, let's just say, fantasy-like setting. It was taking place in the open, at a lovely old location on a sunny day. I was standing on the grass and just discussing a few things with friends. In that moment and completely surprising to everyone, a wild bird came flying from the sky, sat on my shoulder, and stayed there for a maybe 10 seconds. I noticed that some of my friends were speechless seeing this. It seems they were literally holding their breath. For myself, I can only tell that I stayed completely calm. I moved only carefully such as to not disturb the bird. It felt completely all right. I greeted the bird, saying somehing like "hi, little fellow". I thought to myself: "Stay there as long as you like. I'm fine with that". The setting was feeling totally nice and relaxed. Not many words needed for catching the moment... but it's still something I enjoy to remember. Needless to say that it confirmed and strengthened my connection to nature and life to a great extent.  

Amber

 

Kinlog 12/28/18 - Northern Lights Season

Winter is one of the best times to see the Northern Lights if you live or travel in the right area, because of how long each day is dark for (although the fall and spring equinoxes are the peak moments). Because of this, I've been seeing a major uptick in aurora photos from all the nature blogs I follow. For me, my reaction to the aurora is definitely an alterhuman thing. I have this feeling/memory regarding them, that the streets in heaven were kind of empty at that hour of night because heaven is full of wimps extremely diurnal beings so I would stay up and walk out there alone just to experience them. They come dancing down among the buildings, bathing everything in light, and flow out past the edges of that place and down into the real sky of the earth. The sounds they make are their own music, and I could trail my fingers through them, change their shape and watch them curl away in spirals that crackled and snapped, fly through them. And that at the moment of choosing to Fall I saw them and it seemed like they were pulling me with them out past heaven and down into the world. The feeling they give me here is powerful, one of beauty and nostalgia in a way they makes me both achingly sad and inspired at the same time. So when I think "light-bringer", I think of the Northern Lights and darkness instead of sunlight. It would feel absolutely wrong for me to say something like "Lucifer was bright and sunshine and God's Favorite" because to me that's not...exactly it. Honestly, I think my interpretation and assumption of the name comes less from my "angelic role" and more from the time I was created, which with the symbolism of Venus and all is just before dawn, aka the darkest hour. A while ago I made some simple art to try and capture this feeling/memory and sentiment, pairing an image with some of the lyrics from the song Dear Wormwood by The Oh Hellos.

Cipher

 

My otherkin history: a walkthrough

OK, so I'm otherkin. How in the world could that happen? Let me try to reconstruct the facts that led to this over the years. Up to now, I was afraid others could read them and call me crazy, so there is no written coverage on this yet and I need to recall events from memory. I'm only adding facts that I definitely remember to have happened; thus, I may omit many smaller events even if they still contributed. Early signs First of all, I cannot name a specific awakening event, hence I conclude that I was born awakened. Since I was a child, I've intentionally avoided to describe myself as "human", and I always felt it inappropriate to be addressed as such by others, even though I'm aware that my physical appearance indicates nothing else. On the other side, I always felt it completely appropriate to consider myself non-human. I've experienced phantom and astral shifting events. A major unintended astral shifting event happend in the late 1990's. It lasted only about 10 seconds, but was so intense that I still remember. But it was only one piece of the puzzle. Doing research on dragons was another piece. It was one of the first things I did in the newly emerging internet, secretly. Now this alone doesn't at all indicate being a dragon, but in my particular case, I'm absolutely sure that I consequently did this because I knew about my otherkin nature, but stopped the research mainly because I was afraid that others might notice and question about it. I also tried to draw dragons, but due to my limited artistic abilities the drawings didn't turn out too well, so I kept them securely enclosed. About in the year 1994, I manufactured a tin dragon claw, intending to create a symbol of my otherkin nature. However, I kept the meaning of this a secret and wore it only while being together with people who displayed exceptional power of imagination. Unfortunately, I lost the symbol in an accident after a few days. Afterwards, I continued to feel attracted to people who would display exceptional power of imagination because I felt that they would eventually be open to the concept of being otherkin. However, I never dared to tell them. The otherkin community - first encounter I think it was about 15 years ago when I first discovered the existence of an internet otherkin community. By the definition of the term, I immediately identified myself as otherkin. I can hear myself thinking: "Ah! So this has a name.. good.. hang on.. there are others ?? Wait... they don't consider it crazy ??!!". The community members seemed to discuss phenomena that I had previously experienced myself and that felt totally familiar to me. I was not at all shocked or scared by this. I was simply amazed and curious, but also reluctant and too shy to join the discussion because I wanted to avoid disclosure of my otherkin nature even in a closed community at this time. Dream shifts and recent observations Throughout all the time, I think I've experienced kin related dreaming events. I can't remember many of them in detail since I don't have a dream diary, but I can tell for sure that such events could be intense enough to keep me confused for hours during the day, taking an immense level of self control to follow my daily habits. It must have been around 2016 when I learned about the concept of lucid dreaming. I realized that I unintentionally experienced lucid dreams multiple times in the past, not all of them kin related. Also I realized that I have the natural ability for short time control of lucid dreams. I immediately started to use this for intentional controlled dream shifting (although I didn't know that this is the proper name for that until.. yesterday, I think). I continue to do this whenever possible. Currently, it is my major technique for exploring my kin nature. I'm also trying to use this for controlled phantom shifting. The reason for this is that I'd like to explore shifting phenomena in a controlled manner, such that they don't affect my daily habits. A final note To my great surprise, writing this compilation of facts leaves me somewhat stunned. I only just understand that the realization of my otherkin nature - which must seem unreasonable to the outstander - is reasoned by a series of personal experiences and events which can be described in a completely rational way. These events have happened, and they will continue to happen no matter what. They are not made up, they can not be talked away, and similar events have happened to others. I'm happy with that, and I want to know more about it. Putting this onto a blog feels strange, yet fascinating at the same time. I don't know what the result of this coming-out will be, but I can only conclude that being otherkin is and will be an integral part of my personality. I don't want to ignore that. I want to explore. And I'm tired of hiding. At least I won't in this community.

Amber

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