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About this blog

A general blog for this android to ramble on in. Likely not often to be used.

Entries in this blog

 

The Road to Self-Discovery Isn't a Simple One

This is a slightly more odd and personal entry than I've posted before, but here's a look into my mind and some questioning I've been caught in. So, I've been going hard on questioning this Alolan Marowak kintype for about over 2 years now (man, October 2016). Ramping up the intensity of the self-grilling the more I figure out about it. I've questioned nearly everything I could think of that would be similar to the slightly-anthropomorphic reptilian phantom body, territorial and warring traits, fire inclination, and weird diet I experience that I could think of, including dragons, various earth lizards, salamanders (fire faeries/elemental spirits), etc. And what I'm caught on now is wondering if I did fabricate this mentally, due to childhood trauma and a need to hide. I very well could have, my interest in the Pokemon franchise is far from quiet. However it leads me to wonder why I would have imprinted and taken on the identity of a Pokemon I've always been vaguely uncomfortable with, instead of one I've always loved that is similar like a Charizard or Salamence. And if my stronger obsession with the franchise Zoids has any influence, why would I have formed the identities of an Android and a dinosaur-like reptilian Pokemon, and not simply been a Zoid like Rev Raptor - which I was far more obsessed with at the age than any Pokemon. So I guess that's a progress update on where I am in questioning, before I give my mind a break to focus elsewhere. Questioning is a long journey, especially when dealing with the odd shit of the mind and identity. -Jasper
 

Let's Take a Crack at This

So, I'm a terrible Guardian, to say the least. Work has been non-stop, finally becoming properly employed after graduating college has basically devoured my personal life right up, and with that my time to focus on my nonhumanity. But, I'm trying to take more time for that and for self-reflection, between work at least. I've got a second interview for being stage crew and lighting/audio technician on a cruise ship's theatre in a couple of days, so if that shows nicely I'll be able to put down the freelance turmoil for a little while and spend a few months both saving up, working theatre, and seeing the world. That should also give me time for both self-reflection, chit chatting here, and being a proper moderator ideally. But until then, I freelance, heh. I'm going to see an apartment on Monday downtown in the city I work in so I can be closer to work and spend less time on the train between calls. But that's not important, I'm trying to sort myself and my thoughts out after just getting home from work again a little bit ago.  So, hopes of change from me.

MechanicJasper

 

I Should Be Doing Better at This

I've been busy, I'll say that. Finally finished some post-work call paperwork and got a bit of sleep after working through yesterday and the night before, and I'll be in the city again for about 24 hours tomorrow for work again. All in all, I really need to move there to cut down on how much I need to travel for work, it's getting brutal. But, the blues of rent being costly. We'll see where it goes. With being busy, I've set a lot of things that are important to me off to the side, shut down a lot of feeling in terms of them. My nonhumanity is included in that, a theatre technician is expected to be human after all. Well, an android can hang some lights and program some show files, but I doubt a Marowak can. So, human is the goal as of right now. And it seems to be working, aside from the ever-present dysphoria, but I'm used to having to ignore that anyways. Either way, I seem to be failing my obligations otherwise, my life is almost completely focused on work right now. Non-stop, heh, the way I like it.  We'll see where this goes.

MechanicJasper

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