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On Being a Non-Core Host

TW for child abuse (various), integration, trauma, and suicide. I know, a fun little set of tags there. I just wanted to talk about me and my journey, in case it might help another person. So, Hi, I'm Viktor and I'm the host of my system. But, in all honesty, I wasn't the original "core" personality, and I only found that out a few months ago. When I was younger, I went through quite severe mental, emotional, and physical trauma. I say "me," but in reality, the personality that went th
 

Re-Introducing Myself

I decided that I should be more active on here, so why not actually run this blog? Note that most of these blog posts are going to be shifting logs, questioning updates, and system troubles, but I might post meditations on here if it isn't too personal.  The non-Otherkin pieces and parts of me are not as wild as the totally-Otherkin parts of me, so I'll just start there. My name is Viktor, but I used to go by Lance (hence my username) before I settled on Viktor as my name. I am transgender,
 

Figured it out

I finally realized why awakenings never stuck. It’s not because I didn’t believe them wholeheartedly. It’s not because I didn’t have the drive to follow through with them. It’s because of the baggage they brought. I’m New Age, so I must be a vegan yogi who wears copper bangles and amethyst 24/7 to keep those chakras aligned. I feel like the image I need to keep up was always too exhausting to never keep up with. But keeping up an image isn’t why I’m here. I’m here to spread my own kind
 

Accepting Plurality

Don’t you just love pushing things away just for them to come flooding back x2 as hard? No, really. Shortly after my last blog post about me coming out as plural, I got really scared. Acknowledging these experiences meant I couldn’t push them away any longer. I didn’t- and still don’t- want to be plural. I want to live a normal life as a singlet and just get on with everything. Why me? Why am I the one with seven voices in my head?  I tried to push everyone down again and it worked for a go
 

Two Life Updates

I feel like I've been lurking for a bit and I wanted to give some life updates.  1. Diagnosed Plurality I've felt for a while I have/am apart of a system, and my therapist confirmed that I do qualify for OSDD-1b. I've "opened the floodgates" of it all in my head. I found out through meditation and stuff that I am actually not the original/core, and I (lemoandelance, the one who made this account) am actually a protective alter created to protect the core. I was created in a way that I

lemonadelance

 

Redefining

TRIGGER WARNING: Religious abuse, mention of other forms of abuse, and trauma. I am writing this now and wondering how many times will I make this kind of blog post? A callback to my old ways of thinking, to be followed up by my new and totally legit new identity, only to rewrite it a month later. A pesky cycle of “this” than “that.” Its an issue of pride, too. The “I said I had it right before, I can’t go back on it” mentality (that I strongly believe plagues many of the Otherkin communiti

lemonadelance

 

Kin Updates 12/Nov./2018

Quite a bit has been happening in terms of my therian identity, so I wanted to write it out and get it all in one place. ~~~ Therian Journal I got a leatherback journal from Walmart and have been updating it semi-frequently with everything relating to my identity and self-discovery.  ~~~ How I explain my identity I guess my identity is spiritual with some psychological reasoning thrown in. I believe in a soul and reincarnation, and that our souls are a bundle of dif

lemonadelance

 

Taking Away

When something isn't working you take it away to reevaluate, modify, and try again. When something has been a part of you for so long, and you post about it so often, it is hard to do that. I feel very different about being a Therian now than I did even two days ago, and that is a tad bit scary. I know I am Therian. I know my Theriotypes are correct and I know I have other Theriotypes/Kintypes still left undiscovered. I know that because I feel connected as different animals or creatures found i

lemonadelance

 

Hailstorm Awakening

I don't know why but Hailstorm has slowly become my midentity. It used to just be a dragon kintype, but has time went on the dragon became Hailstorm. Because I am going to talk a lot about this, I thought I might as well tell of my awakening. It started with my dragon awakening when I was in about 2nd grade. I began to identify as an ice dragon, and as time went on I created a story around this identity. Note I say "created" because I was young and knew everything I was creating wasn't true

lemonadelance

 

Hailstorm VS Dragon Kintype

I just finished reading through the second arc of Wings of Fire, which I would assume is the last arc that would feature my kintype, Hailstorm, in any large light. After reading through I wanted to make a list, a bit of a Venn diagram, about the similarities and contrasts between Hailstorm and my unnamed dragon kintype. I believe that I have only one dragon kintype and that that one kintype is Hailstorm. But, of course, I can't just say that without some sort of written out logic board about the

lemonadelance

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