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About this blog

Writings of a human, that happens to be an animal, that happens to be an ancient thing.

Entries in this blog


Long way up

Ah, it's nice to have a blog again. I really missed this place. Felt kind of lost without it, to be honest! So. I guess. It's been a while, and I kind of wanted to just... write about what's going on for me. A lot's changed over the past few months, in the absolute best way. People who knew me on the old site... well, you probably noticed I wasn't exactly healthy for most of the time I was on here. I've been struggling with mental health issues for a long time. And for a very long time, it



On my spirit kintype (warning: LONG)

So many times, I've tried to articulate exactly what my spirit kintype is - but I've never found a way to describe it that feels exactly right. I even stumble over the label sometimes; I'm certainly a nature spirit, though I can't help but think I'm just... nothing like what most people would imagine when they hear that. Before this, I said I was an energy being - which, again, isn't wrong. But that always felt too ambiguous, and weirdly... clinical? Like trying to say I'm a spirit without any c



Planning an article (suggestions? help?)

I mentioned a little while back that I wanted to take a shot at writing a Library article (I actually have a few things I'd like to write about, but... one thing at a time). I tried to just write it by the seat of my pants but it wasn't working out the way I wanted it to. So now I'm doing it proper - I've made an outline of what I want to include, and next I'm gonna write a draft. But then I realised that this planning phase is the perfect time to get input from others! So if anyone's inter



Breaking this down

After some pondering, some questioning, and a healthy dose of doubt... I'm back to feeling uncertain about my potential feline (?) theriotype. So, I figure it's about time I put some proper thought into this. First things first, I just want to make a list of all the feelings and experiences that have led me to question this in the first place, and also try and pin down some of the notable traits this theriotype seems to have. Whatever it is. Experiences + A near-constant state of mild-



Enough questioning

It's been over a year, may as well just accept it already. Hi, I'm also an Amur leopard for some reason. The fact that that doesn't sound weird or wrong to me is answer enough, honestly. I have no idea how long I was planning to sit on this and "question" it - the feeling hasn't lessened at all, not once. It's not changed in the slightest. The feline feelings and impulses haven't went away, even though this has been the absolute furthest thing from my mind. There's no feelings I'd associate



The most meaningful scribbles

About time I made another blog entry! Today I've found myself stuck in a bit of an art block. so when I sat down to work on stuff I ended up just doodling, then (as I sometimes do when I'm stuck in the inspired-but-blocked mood), I had a little look through my past drawings - all the things I've sketched but never done anything with, which I have a lot of. Art's a big part of my life. It's a hobby, but also a way to deal with and explore my emotions. And there's a pretty big difference



That one guy

There's been a lot on my mind lately... not just 'kin stuff, but a big chunk of it is kin-related. There's some things I've been meaning to write about for months, and just never quite got round to it. So consider this me starting to get around to it. But not in as neat and organised a fashion as I'd been planning, because... some stuff, it turns out, I just can't express in a way that sounds like anything but what it is. And what it is is a very bizarre personal experience amidst a lifetim



Idle thoughts 2

I've always had a... complicated relationship with spirituality. I'm not very good at being spiritual. I don't really view myself as a spiritual person, despite all the spiritual beliefs I hold.  I mean, it's easy enough to figure out why I struggle with it - raised atheist, not even introduced to the possibility of there being something more until I was a teenager and already pretty stuck into the "grounded" worldview. When I started having spiritual experiences, part of me was desperate t



Meditation log [22/01/19]

Last night, as I settled down to sleep, I did a little meditation session. No particular goal besides just connecting with my spirit kintype in some way, since I've felt cut off from it lately. It was... interesting. It wasn't as vivid as a dream - more like a kind of immersive narrative in my "mind's eye". I could still feel my human body, lying in my bed, but I could feel my spirit form separate from it, like I was existing in two places at once. I didn't go into this with any particular



Blast from the past

I mentioned on the forum and my status that I recently decided to rejoin TG - aka Therian Guide, another 'kin forum and one I have quite a bumpy history on. The new account I made got merged with the one I had on there back in 2015, which was right in the thick of my spirit kintype awakening. Looking at my old posts is... less "cringy" than I thought it would be. It's actually quite nice, too see how far I've come and how much of what once existentially confused me has now fit itself into place.



Here's to the pack

Once upon a time, I was a wolf. I had fur, paws, pointed ears. I lived in the snow and killed for food. I didn't think about myself, or about the world. I didn't think, but I felt. I felt so, so much. And most of all, more than anything else, I felt love. Love for my pack. They weren't just some animals that happened to be genetically related to me. I didn't follow them because I needed them to survive. I loved them. Pure, simple, unquestionable. Everything I did, I did for them. They were my pu



Idle thoughts 1

I just realised it's been nearly six years since I awakened. Time sure flies, doesn't it? Six years... and I'm two months away from my 21st birthday. Crazy. I'm not sure what I'm really writing this for, or what I'm trying to express here. I'm just rambling, I guess. But I find some of the best insights can come from just letting your mind wander like this. I guess... I've been awakened for six years. And I've mostly figured things out, right? I know what I am, almost, kind of-- close




I've been practising meditation and mindfulness again lately. Just 5-10 minutes every day. Life has been... stressful. So while I was walking, I decided to try a bit of mindfulness. A few deep breaths, taking my focus away from my thoughts... it was surprisingly easy. Practice must be paying off. At first I tried to focus on the movement of my legs, but it didn't stick. So then I decided to focus on my breath. Then I ended up focusing on scents. And I quickly sunk into this state where, rat



[64 questions, pt.1] Species of the mind

Since some beautiful people kept/saved copies of those ridiculous lists of 'kin questions I wrote ages ago... I figure I should start working through answering them! I'm doing the ridiculously long one, because. Why not. But only one question at a time because there is a lot, ahaha. You can find the full list of questions here, if any of you reading want to give this madness a try. 1. What are your kintype/s? I have three kintypes, two of which are extant Earthly carnivorans, and the o



Flicker, flicker

Damn, it's been a while since I've written anything here. Welp, guess I'll kinda... do that. Because. Things.  Specifically, fictionflicky things. Ugh. So... I don't dislike being a fictionflicker, not at all. And for the most part, it's such a minor thing that I don't feel the need to talk about it. For that matter, I doubt the experience is even particularly rare. It's not generally the sort of thing I think most people would go out and label. I wouldn't have if there wasn't already a con


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