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2 week meditation log II

Another excerpt from my meditation and dream log for the last two weeks...
Notes: I don't try so much to interpret or explain at this point, I primarily describe what I've seen and felt. Many of the dragons I keep seeing have become more clear, and I know their names now, but I'm not too comfortable to share them here. So I'll use only initials and won't detail how they look like. 25/01/19
Performing another stand-up meditation like the one on 20/01/19. I'm standing on a meadow as full dragon, looking down on some trees. I decide to go to a place "where I was before". I fly fast towards sundawn. I fly through a dimensional gate. Another world, is it? I see mountains, greens, trees, lakes. I land and transform to draconian form. A dog comes to me and plays with me. He seems to know me. I ask him who he is.. it's just a dog. I see another dragon, her color is like yellow/orange. She leads me to a wooden cottage. There's an old women there. We all seem to know each other. We sit together in the house laughing. 26/01/19
Visualizing myself in the same setting as the day before. I see a hilly landscape, the small wooden cottage down the hill, a river further behind it, a forest to the left, and a village behind the forest. I transform to full dragon, waiting for the dragon I met before. She flies by. We touch each other's heads. It feels like a very old friend. I ask her if she can transform to draconian form. We both transform. She tells me this is our home world, there are also humans here, and that she is my sister. She doesn't want to tell me her name. She doesn't know much about guardians, but knows they're out there. She's not surprised that I am one. She tells that in this world, I'm working as.. a blacksmith, if I got that right? Well, it somehow makes sense. I play with her in full dragon form.
We dance through the air. This feels so joyful. In the end, we lay as draconians in the meadow and laugh. I love her like a sister. I don't want to leave this place. I promise to return. 26/01/19 second session
I visualize the prehistoric setting. There's lava, a cave, the Earth Guardian is around. I'm there in draconian form. I ask the Earth Guardian to do something unexpected. He roars at me. He's getting huge, getting more limbs. He makes volcanoes break out, moves rocks, I can feel his energy. I connect to the air. Together we incinerate the atmosphere. I make the air glow blue/white, he makes the ground throw fire and magma. I have lost my physical body, I just feel like blue plasma energy which penetrates the whole earth atmosphere.
Note: This was again completely unexpected.. I'd never thought this plasmatic energy could do that. 26/01/19 third session
I explore my draconian body by in-meditation touching my feet, legs, tail, belly, chest.. everything feels scaly, hard, but also fleshy and alive. My head has spikes and horns. My teeth are damn sharp. My wings feel like long arms with very long fingers. I fly around a bit. I dance in the air, it feels like swimming under water, but faster and lighter. I'm getting excited and change into plasma form. I can feel blue flames all around me. This feels awesome, I want more. I power up, I scream and burn. I'm incinerating the air again. When I finally cool down, I realize I've burned everything around me. Where there was grass and plants before, there is now fire and lava.
Note: I was pretty shocked after this one. What did I do? I am to protect life, but I can also set the world on fire?? What exactly is this blue plasma then? 28/01/19
I'm lying on the meadow again as draconian. Soon, I start to feel the plasma energy. I let it envelop my body, it's glowing. The plasma.. it's life energy. It can move rocks, it can burn things, it's life emerging, life deavouring. It's nothing bad. It feels great. I'm running through the grass. I'm waiting for Guardians. Another dragon appears (D). I tell D that I've fulfilled my task on earth. 29/01/19
I continue where I stopped yesterday expecting D, but instead, a smaller dragon appears (E). She says D couldn't come today. She seems to be a cheerful quick little chap... she asks me to transform to full dragon form quickly and follow her. I do the fastest full dragon T/F ever. She seems to say "Look there, I knew you could do it". I follow her.. she says I'd already know where we're going, but then I say "you can also bring me to a new place if you like". So she does. We fly over the ocean. I feel lost without seeing firm ground. E proposes me to dive into the water. I'm afraid, but I do it. It feels cold and unfamiliar. I can not mentally connect to much around here. I'm not a water dragon. I dive up and jump into the air. E's waiting there grinning. I shake off the water and we return to the shore. E says she just wanted to show me water is not my element. I turn to draconian form and fly to a meadow near the shore. Aah, it feels so good to lie in the green grass again! Finally D shows up. He tells me E's a clever little chap who likes to play around.. right he is, haha 31/01/19
Had an intense dream that felt like a martial arts movie. The protagonist almost killed the US president. Nuclear missiles were launched in what felt like a "post-credit scene". Not kin related, but pretty entertaining and just another example of what my wicked mind can do if it's unchained 🙂 1/02/19
Had another m-shifted walk that also gave me kinda astral shift, see this post. Stunning. 3/02/19
Had a forum chat about Avalon with Bunflower. I meditate to try and find it. At the usual meadow starting scene, a new dragon approaches me (P); he's as big as me. He leads me through a dimensional door. Is this Avalon then? I see mountains, green land, a lake in the middle of the mountains... but I'm not focused enuogh, so the meditation breaks. 4/02/19, early morning
Had three lucid dreams; in the first one, I had some more time, but was only strolling around in the house. In the two other lucid dreams I experienced nice flights as full dragon, however it's a bit hard to fly upwards. I need to practice this. 4/02/19
I'm thinking about the Multiverse of Minds. So, what exactly are these dimensional gates? Representations of a physical reality marble in another one, I guess. I'm checking out one of them in the in-meditation meadow starting scene. The thing is just floating in the sky. It's a "multidimensional breach", looks like a swirl in spacetime. It looks the same from any direction. There are plenty of them here, leading to different PRMs as it seems. So how are they made? I land and try to create one myself. I envision a void PRM and create a dim gate to it by simply moving my head. When I enter, it's empty and all dark. I don't want to fill it up, there's already enough PRMs to go to. I return to the starting scene and remove the dim gate again. I fly into the air and ask for company. E joins me. She tells that the dim gates are made by dragons, but only the ones leading to interesting worlds are kept open. I ask her about P. She knows him and tells me his name. 9/02/19
I'm looking at myself in draconian form in an in-meditation visualized mirror. HOLY COW! Should've done this before, I see so many details... scales on my snout, brilliant blue color, black footpads under my feet... In due course of the mediation session, I manage to produce a wake-induced lucid dream. I stand up from the bed and try to go to the mirror outside the room, but for some strange reason my room door is locked.. the dream ends before I manage to open it up. I wake up a bit again and gain enough focus to continue meditation. I'm in the meadow starting scene again, transform to full dragon, and find a lake to fly over to see my image. It looks pretty much like the one in the mirror. I land at the shore of the lake and look at my head in the water... then I see other dragons approaching in the air. I jump into the sky to meet them. They're E, P and D all together. They tell me they're all Guardians! E says she guards small things and plants, D talks about.. rocks? P says he's like me. I ask them about a dragon whose name I knew before, and whom I'm longing to meet since ages. And suddently he approaches. A magnificent great western dragon (C). I welcome him joyfully and we dance through the sky.. I can't believe I met him, I'm so happy! We celebrate together. When I tell I have to leave, the others fly away and I curl together in the grass, watching the sun go down...




So, monday last week, rationality struck me. A type of rationality which wants to deny it all. Which considers it crazy to think I'm a dragon. Which doesn't even want to take the time to think about it. Which calls it all an imagination, a dream. This rationality is what I need in my daily life. But as soon as work is done for the day, and I get a bit relaxed and start thinking about it, that rationality fades just a tiny bit. And at once, another part of my rationality fires away questions. Many questions. Why do I feel non-human in the first place? How did I even get the idea? Why do I feel so insanely attracted to nature when nobody ever told me? Why do I feel so attracted to dragons? Why did I hide that when I was a child, why did I fear so much to explain it to others? Why do I get sad to the point of bursting in tears when I watch Dragonheart while everybody else in the cinema is cheerful? Why do I feel shifts? Why can I control dragon phantom shifts so easily? Why do I feel how it's like to fly? Why do I feel this insane energy? Why can my mind even do this? Why does it feel so great, why so right to accept it all? Heck, I'm no child anymore. Why didn't I just forget about all this when I grew older? If it was only me, all of that would still be easy to answer. The denying part of my rationality just says "yeah.. all coincidence. Your mind's playing tricks on you. It's all your imagination". But I'm not the only one. Why are there so many others who report so similar things? They're not ill, they're not mad, they're not making thinks up, they are serious. What is the reason of it all??  The denying part says "Ummm ... because they're all ...  imaginating things ??!" And then the question-asking part says "Yeah.. you name it. Maybe this is the case". And then, it asks one final question: "But what if not?" And then... it starts all over again. That is why denying won't do. This identity is what brought me through my whole life, it gives me strength to carry on, it gives me reason. This is... who I am. The Western Guardian Dragon.



2 week meditation log

Here's just some excerpt from my meditation and dream log for the last two weeks... I'm actually stunned to see that there happened a lot.
Note: I don't try so much to interpret or explain at this point, I primarily describe what I've seen and felt. 12/01/19 (evening)
I practice to do a wake-induced lucid dream, but I fail to realize the lucid state... I guess should practice to lay in bed in full draconian form such that I don't have to transform when the dream gets lucid. 13&14/01/19 Got a better phantom limb feeling by meditating. The teeth in my mouth are sharp as hell... Also had an unintended lucid dream, but it didn't last long. I need to be less excited when this happens. 14/01/19 (evening)
Was able to do a full dragon transform during meditation without listening to a sound. Feels almost as realistic as in a lucid dream. Awesome. After this, I think: why can I do this so fast? What the heck is happening to my mind?? 15/01/19 (morning)
Can't sleep well. Have a series of lucid dreams in which I try to change my arm into draconian form in a very "physical-shift like" setting. Managed to dive in and out of lucidity for 4-5 times, but the transform proves to be very tough. My subconcious still seems to cling to the human form. However, this basically feels like developing a body to shapeshift into. I need to work on the details. Also talked to a bearded guy in a dream who recommended to check out the astral plane (if I understood that right) and learn about experiences of others. 17/01/19
Short session to work on draconian form details... need to work on head and wings. Also, I have a visualization session (lying on meadow). Found the necklace I've seen in an earlier session nearby. Made a coarse drawing. Maybe I should try to manufacture it? 19/01/19
I recreate the setting from the end of this session. I ask the other dragons about the nature of time. They don't care about it. Time has no meaning, all what counts is we're here now. I ask about the necklace. They say it's mine. I ask about earth. They tell it's our place, a place dear to us. I land on a hill, the others back off. There is a big stone pedestal on top of the hill; something hovers on there.. is it the necklace? I take it. I take off again and seem to fly through a dimensional door.. did I arrive here on earth? 20/01/19
I have the idea to try a completely different meditation approach. I orignially wanted to do this outside, but it's too cold, so I do it in the house. In a standing posture, I do a full phantom shift into draconian form, then kneel down, put one claw/hand to the floor, and continue to phantom shift to dragon form. This feels very intense. I then try to connect to earth and find the Earth Guardian to ask about some memories. I manage that, but only got a storm of images with fire, lava, meteors, life evolving, life being extinct. Nothing to really get a grasp on. 23/01/19
I have a mildly weird but intense uncontrolled dream. It indicates that I'm searching for the source of an attack which affects everybody around.Strange enough I wake up on my own at exactly the right time to switch off my alarm clock in the split second before the alarm goes off 😉 25/01/19
Well I guess weird things happen if you ask for them... I have a meditation session which takes only about 5 minutes. I start again in draconian form lying on a meadow. Soon the scene would change into a prehistoric setting I saw on 20/01/19. There are mostly rocks, a cave, and a small sea of lava. I try to stir around in the lava with my claw... feels like honey. Then, I search for the Earth Guardian and readily find it. I ask it to do something unexpected. It soars into the sky, I follow. It soars into space heading towards sun, I follow. It returns to earth, but I continue to approach the sun. I hover in space, the sun in front of me... I'm puzzled. What the heck should I do here? I feel the urge to fly into the sun. I do that. Inside, I feel a boost of energy and try to transform into full dragon form - but then, for a few seconds, it feels like I am the sun. I eventually manage to get out there, again hovering in front of the sun. I'm puzzled and return to earth. I have to say this was really unexpected - after the session I thought to myself "What the heck was that??". I never ever imagined flying into the sun before, and I still don't have the feeling that the sun is the source of my energy... I guess I'll have to re-do this trip and take more attention into details and how things feel. I need to generally work on making the sessions more intense and detailed.



My otherkin history: a walkthrough

OK, so I'm otherkin. How in the world could that happen? Let me try to reconstruct the facts that led to this over the years. Up to now, I was afraid others could read them and call me crazy, so there is no written coverage on this yet and I need to recall events from memory. I'm only adding facts that I definitely remember to have happened; thus, I may omit many smaller events even if they still contributed. Early signs First of all, I cannot name a specific awakening event, hence I conclude that I was born awakened. Since I was a child, I've intentionally avoided to describe myself as "human", and I always felt it inappropriate to be addressed as such by others, even though I'm aware that my physical appearance indicates nothing else. On the other side, I always felt it completely appropriate to consider myself non-human. I've experienced phantom and astral shifting events. A major unintended astral shifting event happend in the late 1990's. It lasted only about 10 seconds, but was so intense that I still remember. But it was only one piece of the puzzle. Doing research on dragons was another piece. It was one of the first things I did in the newly emerging internet, secretly. Now this alone doesn't at all indicate being a dragon, but in my particular case, I'm absolutely sure that I consequently did this because I knew about my otherkin nature, but stopped the research mainly because I was afraid that others might notice and question about it. I also tried to draw dragons, but due to my limited artistic abilities the drawings didn't turn out too well, so I kept them securely enclosed. About in the year 1994, I manufactured a tin dragon claw, intending to create a symbol of my otherkin nature. However, I kept the meaning of this a secret and wore it only while being together with people who displayed exceptional power of imagination. Unfortunately, I lost the symbol in an accident after a few days. Afterwards, I continued to feel attracted to people who would display exceptional power of imagination because I felt that they would eventually be open to the concept of being otherkin. However, I never dared to tell them. The otherkin community - first encounter I think it was about 15 years ago when I first discovered the existence of an internet otherkin community. By the definition of the term, I immediately identified myself as otherkin. I can hear myself thinking: "Ah! So this has a name.. good.. hang on.. there are others ?? Wait... they don't consider it crazy ??!!". The community members seemed to discuss phenomena that I had previously experienced myself and that felt totally familiar to me. I was not at all shocked or scared by this. I was simply amazed and curious, but also reluctant and too shy to join the discussion because I wanted to avoid disclosure of my otherkin nature even in a closed community at this time. Dream shifts and recent observations Throughout all the time, I think I've experienced kin related dreaming events. I can't remember many of them in detail since I don't have a dream diary, but I can tell for sure that such events could be intense enough to keep me confused for hours during the day, taking an immense level of self control to follow my daily habits. It must have been around 2016 when I learned about the concept of lucid dreaming. I realized that I unintentionally experienced lucid dreams multiple times in the past, not all of them kin related. Also I realized that I have the natural ability for short time control of lucid dreams. I immediately started to use this for intentional controlled dream shifting (although I didn't know that this is the proper name for that until.. yesterday, I think). I continue to do this whenever possible. Currently, it is my major technique for exploring my kin nature. I'm also trying to use this for controlled phantom shifting. The reason for this is that I'd like to explore shifting phenomena in a controlled manner, such that they don't affect my daily habits. A final note To my great surprise, writing this compilation of facts leaves me somewhat stunned. I only just understand that the realization of my otherkin nature - which must seem unreasonable to the outstander - is reasoned by a series of personal experiences and events which can be described in a completely rational way. These events have happened, and they will continue to happen no matter what. They are not made up, they can not be talked away, and similar events have happened to others. I'm happy with that, and I want to know more about it. Putting this onto a blog feels strange, yet fascinating at the same time. I don't know what the result of this coming-out will be, but I can only conclude that being otherkin is and will be an integral part of my personality. I don't want to ignore that. I want to explore. And I'm tired of hiding. At least I won't in this community. UPDATE (20.01.2019) : even before I identified as a dragon, I used to believe that I was a falcon. I'm not sure as to why exactly I gave up on this. Additional details on my kintype may be found here.



First meditation experience

Thanks to the discussion in the meditation thread, I've done a few meditation sessions the past days. The last one was quite awesome and relates pretty much to my kintype, so I'd like to share the experience with you. I took a lay-down posture and listened to a soundfile with wind blowing through the trees. When settled down, I started by visualizing myself lying on the grass in a forest clearing as a human. First I concentrated on breathing and didn't think about much. Soon enough, I see some forest animals. A fox and some deer walk by. A squirrel comes and tickles me. A stag comes close and licks my nose... funny. I more and more start to feel one with the animals and the nature. As an expression of that feeling, I start to glow from the inside, a blue and white light which doesn't feel hot or cold... just bright. I want to spread my wings. I stand up and transform to anthropomorphic dragon form. I stand there, arms and wings spread, glowing, embracing the forest around me. This feels like... well, love, I guess. Just pure, sheer love for the nature and the animals. I want to protect all of them. The feeling gets stronger. I transform into full dragon form. I'm now looking down to the trees, still one with the forest, still glowing bright. In the end, I see myself, holding the whole planet in my claws like a very, very dear friend, protecting it from any harm. And all of that feels.. completely accurate, logical in a sense. It is pretty much the essence of my kintype, of who I am. The Western Guardian Dragon. However, the journey is not yet over. I get smaller again. I'm a dragon sitting in front of the forest, waiting for other dragons. When they approach in the air, I join them in their flight. I love to feel the air floating under my wings so much. My friends and me fly to a gathering. It seems something is created there, but I don't know what it is. I also envision an item.. it seems to be a necklace with a golden pendant. No idea where that came from. The gathering.. was this the place where I received my task, over 40 years ago? So many questions still open, folks... way to go! As always, feel free to comment, ask and discuss!



A magical moment

This morning, I again remembered a moment in my real life which maybe was the most "magical" moment I ever experienced. I would like to share it with you, and try to describe how it felt. This happened no more than 10 years ago. I was attending an event in a, let's just say, fantasy-like setting. It was taking place in the open, at a lovely old location on a sunny day. I was standing on the grass and just discussing a few things with friends. In that moment and completely surprising to everyone, a wild bird came flying from the sky, sat on my shoulder, and stayed there for a maybe 10 seconds. I noticed that some of my friends were speechless seeing this. It seems they were literally holding their breath. For myself, I can only tell that I stayed completely calm. I moved only carefully such as to not disturb the bird. It felt completely all right. I greeted the bird, saying somehing like "hi, little fellow". I thought to myself: "Stay there as long as you like. I'm fine with that". The setting was feeling totally nice and relaxed. Not many words needed for catching the moment... but it's still something I enjoy to remember. Needless to say that it confirmed and strengthened my connection to nature and life to a great extent.  



Why I'm here

So I joined Kinmunity on Christmas 2018. Why did this happen? Well, the days before were very quiet. No work obligations, tons of free time (which unfortunately happens only rarely) and free to stay up long at night.
Besides following some usual daily habits and hobbies, I was looking up some images on Deviantart. I found a very nice dubstep/trap/eHouse stream and a great online fantasy comic. Now, this seems to have been a trigger situation. It somehow unchained my mind and put me into a kind of transcendential mood. I'm still unsure what really happened. Anyhow, this state continued to last several days, which enabled me to think a whole lot about my view on the world, especially as related to my own nature as a kin. Once again, I was trying to understand the meaning of it all. As one of the results, I found reconfirmed about my kin identity. And concluded it deserves some more exploration, and should not be ignored. This is why I finally reached out to the otherkin community for the first time ever. I found kinmunity.com by Google search, and immediately liked its openness to new members. Reading through the publicly available parts, I quickly found contributions that seemed serious and meaningful to me. I've been deeply impressed by the level of rationality, the amount of consideration that obviously went into the site guidelines, and especially the media policy. I was left with the impression that both site creators and community members are very serious about what they're doing and are putting a lot of experience into it. This gave me the confidence that it would be secure enough to give it a try and join. I'm normally very reluctant when it comes to socializing. I've been keeping my otherkin nature secret for over 20 years and didn't reveal it even to closest friends. I'll consistently continue to do so outside this community. But that means I'm also completely new to the idea to be around people who will accept it just like that. I don't know how this will turn out, but for the time being, I'm very grateful for this place. I hope I can stick around and learn. I'm trying to understand the nature of being otherkin on a rational level. I'd like to learn about otherkin phenomena experienced by others, and get to know reasonable explanation models for the existence of such phenomena. I see there's tons of things I don't know yet. As always. Regardless of how things turn out, I'd like to thank the creators of this website for this unique opportunity. At the same time, I'd like to thank everybody here for posting constructive and helpful contributions! I will do my best to do the same, as far as my time allows.



About me

Dear fellow community members, I'd like to start this blog with a little basic information about me. My primary KinType is Western Dragon. For all I can tell, I was born awaken. I've always felt a very close connection to animals and nature in general, and the wish to conserve and protect those has been one of the major driving forces throughout my life. I'm a very rational and thoughtful being, to the point that others would oftentimes ask me to think less. Others would probably also describe me as shy, but determined, very well organized and consistent. I myself continue to feel the urge to envision, learn, explore, and create things. I perceive this the second major driving force in my life. I seem to be doing this every single day. I intend to use this blog mainly for documentation purposes. Please feel free to leave comments to my statements any time! But please be a bit patient with me. As I'll state in the next post, this kind of socializing is pretty new for me, and my time is usually limited. Finally an editorial note. I'd like to point out that I'm not a native english speaker, but I will do my best to use the most accurate language possible. UPDATE: I've added some more info about my kintype here. Feel free to ask me anything!


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