Zep's Perch - Kinmunity Jump to content
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The Sun Side

Back when I was a teenager, I was into some cringy Mary Sue stuff. Looking back now, I know that there was a kernel of truth to it. I misinterpreted, but it's also reassuring to see how much I got right on a symbolic level. I used to channel my kin feelings into writing fiction because that was the only outlet I had for it at the time. Computers were just barely starting to be something that regular people might have in their homes, and only if they were geeky hobbyists. I didn't have one until

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Darts at the Board

I throw darts at the board and fail to hit the bullseye. I'm not sure that hitting dead center is even possible. So I keep throwing in hopes that the general shape will emerge. It bothers me that I can't hit it right. I'm not entirely sure what that bullseye would mean to me. The target is not two dimensional. The target is behind the target. Hitting it with these darts is impossible, but all I have are darts.  I want to understand it. If I can explain it to someone else then maybe I'll get

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Sa Heru

After a day of energy overload, (what fun! not) I had a long conversation with Ib (AKA the aspect of Horus who has been pestering me all my life) by way of divination. He was rather adamant and repetitive in his assertion that I'm his kid, in a more literal sense than how the KO views it. (How are they viewing it these days? I think it may have changed somewhat since I was there.) (When an Emperor and and Empress love each other very much, and there's this family inheritance...the cards really c

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Surrendering to the Sun

Ib told me he could rewire my reactions to the morning sun warm up. We played with that a bit this morning. He said that I was viewing it as my enemy, so I was fighting it, and so it hurt. I told him it hurt, therefore I fought it. Ra started it, not me. I also realized that the insanity I felt during that time years ago was a symptom of existing in two places at once. If I lost focus on my daily tasks for even a moment I felt dislocated and strange. That was as bad as or worse than the sun's he

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To King or Not to King

Found this tidbit in Conceptions of God in Ancient Egypt: The title "king of the gods" (njswt-ntrw) is first attested, just once, in the ritual spells in the pyramid of Phiops I (c. 2292-2260 B.C.), where it is given to the god Horus, who in the Pyramid Texts has long ceased to occupy the leading position that he may perhaps have held in the period of origin of the Egyptian pantheon. The title then becomes typical of Amun, who was the chief god throughout the Middle and New kingdoms, until

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Lessons Learned

Don't speak badly about yourself. I used to be all into self-deprecating humor. I'd say derogatory things about myself, and also about my other self. It was a defense mechanism, although a very poor one. "You can't hurt me more than I've already hurt myself. I'm immune to anything you can throw at me. I'm my own worst critic"--as if that was some kind of virtue. But then one day he was all, "No, just stop. Don't do that anymore." I'm forbidden from taking part in those jokes now. Words have powe

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Integration Blues

I keep going on that cycle of accept and reject. I'm trying to accept these days. Trying to get my median butt unified. Unified with him though, so problems are inevitable. I trace him back through the time in between. They washed him out. Took away his agency. Turned him into a symbol, and then merely paid lip service to that symbol. But, isn't that what they always do? They did the same thing to their own guy too, my sympathies, J-man. Isis, Horus, Bastet, Anubis, Osiris, Seth, such a narrow c

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The Real Deal

The heart is mine. I ate it fair and square. I sang the hymn, with Amun's blessing.  This lack of memory has been tugging at me. I don't remember seeing it all come down. But that doesn't mean I don't feel it. Without memory, it's easy to say that it wasn't me. Plausible deniability. "I'm not the one who's so far away." But if I drop the excuses and say "I am Horus," I feel a shift. I feel present. I'm sitting in the front seat, not the backseat of this ride.  Horus feels more right than He

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Is that a Yip or a Woop?

Just sitting here and I feel a presence standing just behind my left shoulder. Tall, masculine, dark, friend. Which one is this? I try not to jump to conclusions, just hold the feel of his energy and wait for it to tell me more. I hate trying to guess, always afraid I will guess wrong. I complain to him about trying to separate signal from noise and the radio has a lot of static. Canid. Oh, so is it Oopuaoot? Or Yinup? What does the jackal say? I try to guess between them and realize my preconce

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Synchretized

When I think of my center and my source, I always think of the hawk-spirit, the guard, the fighter. I think of that as being the real me. But, I have this whole other side, which is sometimes even contradictory to the first. That's the sun side, the social side, the one who is sometimes a leader. The sun side comes in two forms, the normal bright sun, and the diminished sun. My gracious social presence turns snarky and biting. (When Heru 'has no eyes' he can attack anyone friend or foe.) I call

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Rear View

(Insert beautiful backside joke here.)  Poking at old bookmarks is what brought me back here. Today I looked at my old WordPress feed. I just scrolled through the headlines, didn't read any of the entries. People are still doing pretty much the same things they've been doing, or so it appears. There's the usual rituals, shrines, devotions and general ramblings. Was I tempted to go back? Not really. Those little snippets looked like something seen from a rear view mirror.  It was a pret

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Notes to Self

1. Those random pains that make it hard to sleep at night are the result of a pinched nerve. You know what causes it and you know which exercises will mostly sort it out in a couple of weeks. Do them. Yes, I know that will cause other aches, but those are temporary.  2. That anxiety you feel is a side effect of the energy increase as the days get longer again. Spring is coming. We know all about "mad as a March hare." Ra's energy can equalize the pressure. He's offered to help many many tim

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Pull the Label Off

The last few months I've been asking myself, am I still Kemetic? I'm not in that community anymore. So if community is part of the definition, then no. I never really got into doing the rituals, daily or otherwise, so if ritual is part of the definition, then no. What about the Netjer? Are they inherently Kemetic, or do they transcend that time and place? My earliest thoughts on the subject of my origins were not of this plane of existence, maybe parallel to Earth, maybe overlapping or crossing

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Intelligent Shade of Blue

Imagine the Grand Universal Source as a big bright light. Then you hold up a prism and the light spreads out as a spectrum, a vast rainbow that goes far beyond what the human eye can see.  Imagine that those colors make up the many various gods and spirits. And one of those colors is mine.  That's my kintype, right there. Yeah I know colorkin isn't really a thing, and this is a metaphor anyway. I'm a spirit being made up from that particular source energy. Different energies affect the

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