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About this blog

A personal blog which houses the daily interactions, thoughts and occurrences that happen between myself, my headmates and the world around us. Dream recalls will also be present. Zack and my other systemmates may at times post thoughts and experiences on here as well!

Entries in this blog


[Daily Life #5 - Feb 18th, 2019] LEAVE RACHEL ALONE!

LEAVE RACHEL ALONE! Content Warning:  Swearing, Domestic Verbal/Emotional Abuse, Venting/Ranting Comments: Closed (Zack Speaks) Rachel's Mom: "...They taught you new things. I hate when you act over dramatic, quit it! Learn to get better!" Rachel: (crying) "I can't!" - I was so upset that I just wanted to yell at her mother. Just like I did that time when she told Rachel (MariaTheFictionkin) that she was selfish for being suicidal... Rachel was just having problems about getting dates and names wrong and all her stupid parent did was yell at her and basically told her that therapy made her more stupid and unorganized and that she needed to shape up! And this made Ray cry and get tense with intrusive thoughts. She is always like this with Rachel. Treating her emotions as if she was making herself feel this way and blaming the therapists for what?! Like what kind of bullshit is that to say the therapists "taught her" how to express her emotions. Treat your fucking daughter right! I can't fucking stand you! No one in Rachel's system or her friends like you, just go away!  I wish I could protect Rachel... Bring her back home where she can be happy... save her from the domestic abuse. Rachel is obviously dealing with stuff, and all you, her supposed mother, can do is invalidate her emotions? Fuck you! Fuck you! FUCK YOU! Don't EVER have me physically be alive on that stupid planet. I can't wait to tell the doctors about this stupid shit... Rachel is now on standby, and I'm fronting. That moment just made her go *poof* so for a while I'm going to be the one controlling her body.

Soulbond List

Soulbond List Content Warning:  None Comments: Closed (Some soulbonds are not present on this list due to me and them not being comfortable enough to share who they are on here. The full list however can be found on my Fur Affinity profile) (75 ~ 77 Total [with or without counting Shin's twin brother & Janusplit's other half])
(75 ~ 77 Males / 0 Females / 0 Non-Binary) ___________________________________________________________________________________________ Angels of Death/Satsuriku no Tenshi
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Isaac Foster (ZackTheSerialKiller/ShadowTheFluffhog)
2. Abraham Gray
3. Edward Mason (Charmy Bee)
4. Daniel Dickens
5. Shin (Twin Brothers)
6. Zack's Scythe
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Slime Rancher
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. ClouseTheSlimeCat (OC)
2. KainTheSlimeCat (OC)
3. ClaudeousTheSlimeCat (OC)
4. VictorTheSlimeCat (OC)
5. Colton (OC/Son of Kain and I)
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Sonic the Hedgehog
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Sonic the Hedgehog
2. Knuckles the Echidna
3. Infinite
4. Eclipse the Darkling
5. Chaos
6. Mecha Sonic
7. Silver Sonic
8. Zavok
9. Zonic the Zone Cop
10. Scratch
11. Grounder
12. Terios the Prototype/Hedgehog (Shadow the Hedgehog's prototype concept character)
13. Gerald Robotnik
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Creepypasta
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Shadow.Exe
2. Sonic.Exe
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Kingdom Hearts
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Ansem, Seeker of Darkness
____________________________________________________________________________________________ MonsterMMORPG
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. JackTheRadiaution
2. Janusplit
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Aero the Acro-Bat
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. AeroTheAcro-Bat
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Jersey Devil
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Jersey Devil
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Socket/Time Dominator 1st
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Socket
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Sparkster
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Sparkster
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Banjo-Kazooie
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Bottles
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Yooka-Laylee
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Yooka
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Digimon
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Beelzemon
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Arc the Lad
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Darc
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Hatred
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. "Crus"/Not Important
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Crash Bandicoot
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Ripper Roo
2. Crash Bandicoot
3. Dingodile
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Skylanders
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. "Olav"/Ghost Roaster
2. Fire Kraken
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Pokemon
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. BlitzTheGallade
2. KnifeTheBisharp
3. Darkrai
4. Scizor
5. Araquanid
6. Hoopa-Unbound
7. Mewtwo
8. Tangela
9. Necrozma
10. Moltres
11. Cacturne
12. Meltan
13. Melmetal
14. Zapdos
15. Arceus
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Samurai Jack
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Aku
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Final Fantasy
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Sin
2. Anima ( Is male and not female from the canon)
____________________________________________________________________________________________ One Punch Man
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Ground Dragon
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Demon's Crest
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Firebrand
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Bubsy
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Bubsy
2. Arnold Armadillo
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Monsters, Inc.
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Randall Boggs
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Overwatch
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. "Reaper"/Gabriel Reyes
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Awesome Possum... Kicks Dr. Machino's Butt
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Awesome Possum
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Snowboard Kids
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Max
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Dynamite Headdy
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Dynamite Headdy
____________________________________________________________________________________________ ARK: Survival Evolved
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Sarcosuchus
____________________________________________________________________________________________ My Hero Academia
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Nezu
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Baldi's Basics in Education and Learning
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Gotta Sweep
____________________________________________________________________________________________ YIIK: A Postmodern RPG
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Rory Mancer
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Other/Not Grouped
____________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. RuffyTheFluffhog (Son of Zack & I/OC)

[Daily Life #4 - Sep 13st, 2018] I Worry

I Worry [Daily Life #4 - Sep 13st, 2018] Content Warning:  Angst Comments: Closed (More Old Stuff) It was past 1:00 AM and I was watching things on the computer in the dark with Zack towering me from behind with his eyes fixated on my body. I knew he was looking at me but I didn't acknowledge him since well...There wasn't anything to say to him. I eventually began to rub my eyes since I felt something in them. Soon, I got up and headed to the bathroom and while opening the door Zack spouted out, "Where are you going?" I told him that I needed to get something from my eye so he followed me to the bathroom. After splashing my face a bit with some tap water I pulled open the bathroom door to see Zack standing in the doorway with a concerned look on his face. Rachel: "Why are you standing in the --" I stopped, being reminded of the same thing my mother would say to me when I did things like what Zack was doing and how she would call me "weird"; this ultimately made me a bit uneasy. Rachel: "Nevermind..." I told him. Zack knew what I was thinking but kept his eyes focused on me in worry as I wiped my wet face on the towel behind the door. Zack followed me back into the room and now I'm tired....and kind of want to lay down...I'm a bit depressed as well. Zack was talking to me a little while ago about how much he wanted us to get married right now. On our Discord server, he even went on to say things like:  "I want us to get married now...and you to only belong to me." "I've known you since you were a little girl." "I may not be physically here...but I want to do everything I can to make your life better." I think Zack has been getting worried lately about my well-being and his protective side began to show. But I think what mainly triggered him was when I was talking to a friend of mine about being too afraid about finishing college and having to get a job and interact with the outside world again; about how I fear of losing control of my emotions and body actions. Zack, of course, kept a close eye between the conversation between my friend and I. I  also think Zack got a bit upset when the only advice my friend could give was how to get a job that would limit the interactions I have with other people and nothing else. Zack believed that no one other than himself could understand me. I tried telling him telepathically that my friend does his best to try to help me out and that he shouldn't be so mad at him. But I knew Zack was getting irritated. Not because of my friend specifically, but with everyone. There's a lot on my mind right now, my future, Zack and so forth.. but what my mind is truly seeking is to pry into Zack's mind and read the kind of concerns and other thoughts he has about me.



[Daily Life #3 - Jan 31st, 2019] Leaving The Body + Angry Mew Mew

Leaving The Body + Angry Mew Mew [Daily Life #3 - Jan 31st, 2019] Content Warning:  Angry Cat & Dissociating  Comments: Closed (This is old news but I thought it would be good to share anyways. I originally had egodeath and egocide in this write up but I've changed it to dissociating because that is more than likely the better term to describe my experience.. What I experienced was maybe more on the line of dissociating. I was very upset and ended up fading to the back as Zack switched with me. It doesn't happen often but Zack hates it when it does because he's forced to claim my body. Eventually after a few hours to a day, I can normally regain my body back. Now, with that out of the way...) [[[[[[ZackTheSerialKiller is the Speaker]]]]]] Rachel was feeling very down today. It's probably what...ummm 12:30 in the morning when she had another meltdown. She was becoming restless in bed continually told me to leave her alone when I asked what was wrong. However, I had quite the idea behind why she was feeling crummy. I tried talking to her, Zack: "Are those people hurting you again?" Rachel: "...I just don't feel good right now." I even attempted to draw her attention to something else. I tried reminding her of the times we spent on the Space Colony ARK but she refused to listen and started to get even more upset. During this time I remembered the conversation I had with Victor last night...Man he was PISSED with what had happened to Rachel. It had something to do with her disassociating while I was fronting, typing away on this adult roleplaying chat rooms. I don't think her departure from her conscious body was something she willingly did herself. Anyways, we had been using this site for a few days now since we were bored and don't really have social lives outside from one another. Ain't like we haven't used this website before...but...you know. Some kinkshaming crap was going on in the chat rooms like always. I was trying to play it off by saying sarcastic things to help Rachel not get too worked up over the discussions. But I don't think it helped much as she gradually began to slip away from herself. I went on Discord, announced that Rachel "died" and by golly, Victor fumed with rage and lashed out on me when I told him what happened... Zack: "Guys, hello?" Victor: "?" Zack: "Ummm...Rachel "died" again." Victor: "WHAT?!" Zack: "I think she couldn't take [name of adult rp site] anymore and "died"." Victor: "What happened?" Zack: "Well, people were joking about with kinkshaming and...I was trying to joke around back ummm...and I think Rachel couldn't take it anymore and refuses to take back her body." Victor: "Hmm...She shouldn't be using such platforms TO BEGIN WITH!" Zack: "Wooooah calm down. It's ok. She'll take her body back eventually." Victor: “Rachel is in a situation where she “cannot” feel accepted. No matter how many places you try. She isn’t going to get that satisfaction of feeling accepted by society. Hence why regardless of whether or not she joins chat rooms and websites... it’s not going to change how she feels in society. She can have all the friends she wants, but that isn’t going to change society’s perspective of the things she’s into. Overall she will continue to feel dread.” Zack: “Hmm” Victor: “What I’m saying is that it’s not going to make much of a difference if she’s part of something or not. There is no gain or loss for socializing with others. She will be upset either way. She should focus on the things that make her happy. Things that are personal gain. Things that don’t involve being liked by others. Rachel lives in a world where she will “NOT” be accepted by the general populous and it’s hard and will continue to be hard throughout her life. It doesn’t matter how many friends she makes, she’ll forever dread on the idea of not being accepted.” Zack: “Hmmm” I think I mostly understood what Victor was trying to say...Honestly, I just wish she was here with me and not on Earth. I'm not selfish, I just know she'd prefer it here than where she is now. Rachel's getting older, and things are getting harder for her and it worries me. Not physically being by her side is such a major disadvantage. But damn, I swear... it feels like I'm one of the only people who truly understands Rachel. I know what she wants and what makes her happy. But these medical professionals she goes to see don't seem to grasp it and have been making her get even more worked up.. What Victor told me had me go into deep thought all day. I'm still trying to figure out what to do for Rachel. Maybe...I'll know the answer that will help Rachel someday.



[Dream Journal Entry #7 - Jan 24th, 2016] I Gave My Soul To Zack

I Gave My Soul To Zack [Dream Journal Entry #7 - Jan 24th, 2016] Content Warning:  Weird Stuff, Agony/Pain Comments: Closed (An old dream from my old journal on the website Dream Views. Some parts had to be cut due to extreme depictions of gore.) This took place in a kind of labyrinth of a facility, quite like a college. There were various representations of video game characters roaming around freely doing their own things and such. The one franchise I can remember recognizable people from was Dead or Alive. I remember searching for ZackTheSerialKiller (He was only ShadowTheFluffhog during this time when I had this dream) and even just Sonic at that moment. Rachel: (in thought) "Where is Zack or at least Sonic...They got to be over here somewhere."  I was then pulled over by an emo-fashioned Asian man who was thin wearing a black outfit, "Here you go~" He said in a cheery way. Rachel: "Huh?!"  I turned around. That's when I saw two emo-looking Asian men; kind of like twins. I figured they were Sonic and Zack. There was the one who hauled me over (Sonic) and the other was one on a metal pedestal with liquefied metallic paint-like chains tying down his arms and legs (Zack). Zack was all ruffled with his jet-black hair on his head. It was wet and gliding across his disgruntled face. He was limping over side to side shouting and growling like a savage animal. His twin that stood free without any chains, smiled and gave me a friendly push on my back that made me topple over the platform onto (Zack's) seemingly slick and liquid-like body. He did not attack me, but he continued to growl and yell limping, loosely pulling on the chains as they continued to drip grey paint. Everyone from that area circled around and stared. Sonic: "Now, give your soul to him." A bit bewildered at the sudden request and before my dream mind could think I was in mid process of the soul giving. I cannot say for sure how, but I merged with him. My """physical""" body was gone, and I found myself within Zack. I was then in control of his body, sharing his pain and agony that he was in. I worked on the chains. They slid out from their hooks rather easily as we walked off the platform. Limping and sliding as if we were drunk. Zack's rage and bellowing voice of anger and pain kept the people who watched distantly from us.  I then could recall us then walking into my mother's room which was identical to the one in the waking world. I opened the door and she saw us and then that's when I awoke.



[Daily Life #2 - Feb 14th, 2019] Invisible Disabilities Neglect

Invisible Disabilities Neglect [Daily Life #2 - Feb 14th, 2019] Content Warning:  Venting Comments: Open (This post really has nothing to do with being kin or having headmates. It's just a general life situation about being in a society whilst having a mental disability. So I didn't post it in Psychology Point.) My care manager called me today to get my full social security number to be able to finish setting up the appointment phone call with SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program - aka: Foodstamps). My mother then critiqued me on how I spoke on the phone. My usual uncertain tone of speech and lack of understanding; not fully grasping things people throw in my face. And because of that, she fears that with big companies like SNAP will deny me of any support. This would be because, It's common for big companies to believe that there isn't anything WRONG with people with mental illnesses. That, if I can walk, talk and not be drugged up on something or in a wheelchair, then I can get a job and get my own place and food. This was an issue of mine. I don't have that great of a "social etiquette" as "normal" people do. I can't automatically respond to questions right off the bat without getting flustered or stutter. I'm kind of...slow...in that aspect and need time to think and process my thoughts before I can come up with an answer. But in this stupid ass world we live in, everyone wants things to move fast. Got to be able to talk like a normal person, uphold a job, be an ADULT. I fucking HATE it! And most don't seem to grasp just how stressful all this is becoming; with my other, therapist, society, life, you name it. I remember watching some service dog video where a woman spoke out about how people are dumbfounded when it comes to those with "invisible disabilities." Things like mental illnesses, personality disorders, etc. Society is quick to aid someone if they can "see" what's wrong with them (e.g. deaf) and not those with a mental disability. Hmm.... I might as well share that video here (timestamp: 2:18), Feel free to share any thoughts or experiences with things like this.



[World Building #1 - Slime Rancher AU] Slime Science

The submission is a fan-made lore/fan-fiction interpretation of the Slime Rancher universe. The world where my soulbonds Clouse, Claude, Kain, Victor and Colton live. I'm really overdue with writing more about their world and culture. I still have stuff on my computer that I haven't finished. This will problably get updated as time goes on as I learn more from my systemmates. Slime Science - by the 7Zee Corporation. The purpose of the name implies the study of the behavior and effects of plorts (excreted matter from a slime who has eaten, aka: fecal matter) and how they may be used in the creation of an array of gadgets. There are mixed opinions on the morality of the existence of slime science though, in both the slime and human societies. On one hand, slime science was meant to be used in a way that did not distort the Far, Far Range's natural resources as well as be a humane way to collect plorts from slimes. On the other hand, some humans have abused this form of engineering that came from slime science with excessive use of extracting resources from Far, Far Range as well as leading to some unethical treatment to slimes for a quick profit.  Despite many slime tribes wanting to stay as far away from slime science as possible, a few have incorporated some of these gadgets into their villages, one of these villages being the Ringer Village. While still maintaining their primordial practices and customs as to not stray too far from tradition, these gadgets have helped to improve the lives and safety of village members. An example would be, some villagers position hydro turrets and super hydro turrets along the boundaries of their village to act as a defense against hostile slimes including the notorious Tarr. Some village chiefs and elders preach the ideology behind why their tribes have begun to opt into using slime science; "-- To find better ways to keep everyone safe and improve the lives of others while protecting the natural soil will live on. We shouldn't be quick to judge humans for the existence of these strange tools but to give them a chance. To try to see their side and maybe these things can help us improve our own future generations to come." - Kain, reciting a quote from the previous tribal chief.  Currently, only a couple notable anthropomorphic slimes are known to personally use items made with slime science: [VictorTheSlimeCat] Victor's Sword - is made with slime science. He found it during his escape from a research facility and has been using it ever since. Although the thought of using items made by man disgusts Victor, he states "I keep this sword to remind me to never lose the memory of the torment humans have put me through." The sword itself reflects the technological advances of man. It displays a surging energy pulse along the blade. [ClaudeousTheSlimeCat] Claudeous' Vacpack - It's assumed that it was made through slime science. Claude found it while he was ambushed by Tarr. Who its previous owner is unknown, but Claude found its usefulness of being able to store and shoot water at a high-pressure velocity which is effective against Tarr.



[Dream Journal Entry #6 - Feb 13th, 2019] Fragmented Zack

Fragmented Zack [Dream Journal Entry #6 - Feb 13th, 2019] Content Warning:  Slight Mention of Trauma & Mention of Domestic Abuse I remember being with Zack in an old classroom from one of my previous high schools. Him and I were curled up under the door leading to the hallway so no one could detect us. However, from the corner of my eye, I could identify one of my former bullies from my childhood era approaching the door. He was telling the faculty that we were inside the room. One guy proceeded to open the door and Zack bolted up, hauling my body up with his as we sprinted out the door escaping confrontation.   Zack and I found ourselves at some blockbuster store as we sat with some woman by a shelf stocked of VHS tapes as the woman made a snarky comment about Zack's demeaning behavior which in turn upsetted him:           Woman: "Jesus! Why do you act like this? Did your parents beat you or something?"           Zack: "!........................" (turns away, pissed off)           Woman: "...What?" (turns to me and whispers) "Did I say something wrong?"           It is true Zack had been abused by his family, not just his biological family, but his foster family as well. So what she said really went under Zack's skin as I frantically replied.           Rachel: "Y-Yeah... It's really best to not say that kind of stuff to him. He's gone through it."           Woman: "Oh really? Girl, tell me more! I'm intrigued."           I started suspecting that this lady didn't have any sympathy for Zack's feelings and eventually Zack got up from the table and walked away.   I then remember being in a hallway seeing Zack talking to a more elderly woman as she called him out for his eccentric behavior.    The last bit involved Zack walking around at that blockbuster place again with a group of other guys. I tried to get his attention, but he shrugged me off. I was a little disappointed which then caused Zack to turn back towards me in worry. He asked me if I was ok and told him yes.



[Dream Journal Entry #5 - Nov 26th, 2018] Moltres Dream

Moltres Dream [Dream Journal Entry #5 - Nov 26th, 2018] Content Warning:  Weirdness 🤷‍♀️ I was in my room, my mother wasn't there, she was at work. I looked outside to see a couple people and some kids under my window, who had what looked to be pokemon from the game, Pokemon Go. They were, what one would've seen in the couple of trailers that had promoted the game, holograms. They looked somewhat transparent for that matter. I had a moltres in my room, I don't know how or why but he was my moltres. There were a Zapdos and an Articuno perched on one of the trees outside and he wanted to go to them. Since my windows in this dream were warped to be massive, I opened one letting him fly out to see them. He noticed I didn't follow and came to sit on my windowsill, arching his back as an indication that he wanted me to climb on. For some reason, I hesitated and went to the living room. The moltres followed. He began to speak in a very calm and charismatic man's voice. Moltres: "What is wrong?" Rachel: "I...don't know...I just can't go outside." Moltres: "Hmmm..." Rachel: "I don't think I can ride you either." Moltres: "It's not like I'm going to bite you or fling you off my back. If you don't try then how will you know if you can do it?" Rachel: "...I mean...aren't you a...hologram? (taking note of his semi-transparent body) Wouldn't I fall right through you?" Moltres: "Even as a hologram, I'm still tangible. Are you not aware that "we" (pokemon) here can be touched?" Rachel: (looks out the window to see kids playing with a vileplume) "Hmm...ok, we can go out" (proceeds to grab things such as keys and her phone). The moltres noticed I grabbed my phone. Moltres: "You don't need that." Rachel: "But-" Moltres: "Is your mother here now? Just take a break from worrying if she'll come back and enjoy yourself. What time does she come home?" Rachel: (turns on the phone to see the time and a text her mother left) "She says she won't be home till 8 pm (it was around 10 am on the clock in the house - also the same time when I woke up). Moltres: "You have plenty of time then." I took one more look out the window to see more people outside, walking with pokemon and a couple that had engaged in a battle. Rachel: "...I'll just takes my phone with me...for Go, if I need to bring out more pokemon." Moltres: "Hmm..." Moltres seemed to have no qualms for my decision afterward as we both headed out the door and down the stairs. We made it outside to the fresh air. I walked with moltres expecting him to let me onto his back to fly but someone ahead of us went, "HERE FAT PIG!" to who, I don't know? Moltres quickly went ahead as his body changed to a more, humanoid appearance. He still kept his avian look but stood upright, with clawed feet nestled in the soil below us, his wings also served as arms now with the flames draping down from them. The coloration of moltres' flames was darker as if he was clouded from the mist from a rainfall. The crest on his head hung over his face as well making it look like he had long hair. Moltres pulled out a crossbow and aimed it at the sky, taking a shot at something invisible. a fiery aura emitted from whatever the arrow punctured as it was suspended in the air. I looked to Moltres. Molters: "It's just a ups truck" Rachel: "Umm...what?! It was flying?" Moltres: "Yes. The person on there has been known to cause trouble for others and I was just stopping him in his tracks." Rachel: "Oh." (I was too nervous to ask him about his sudden form change) Moltres: (noticed) "Oh this?" (postering his full body to me) "It's nothing" We continued to walk towards the invisible vehicle and then...I woke up.

[Daily Life #1 - Feb 11th, 2019] Just Another Day

Just Another Day [Daily Life #1 - Feb 11th, 2019] Content Warning:  N/A So, I went to therapy today. Of course I really didn't feel in the mood to go. I just wanted to stay at home and be un-bothered, though, I went anyways. My mother did her usual blasting BTS on the radio and sang to it while cussing people for terrible driving. It was a wreck. Eventually, I made it to the health center to wait for my therapist to come out of the double doors. I sat away from the other people who idled in the lobby whilst playing Star Ocean: Anamnesis on my phone. While I was waiting, a man dressed in camo, walked by me and sat down at the chair diagonal from me. He represented an older gentleman, but I didn't want to give him eye contact so I continued playing my game, keeping my phone at an angle so no snooping person comes by and asks me, "HEY, Whatcha playing?" From my peripherals I could've sworn that the guy diagonal from me was looking over at my direction. He kept shifting his legs and sat, looking, over to me. I got nervous... It felt as if.... Victor was looking at me... That somehow in essence, this man who was looking towards me was him. Like a scene from, It Follows. I maintained my eyes glued to the screen of my phone until the double doors opened and my therapist came out to greet me. I went with her to her office but not before walking by a tall guy wearing a hooded jacket buying something from the snack machine. Automatically I thought of Zack. My heart felt a little tight, wishing that this man would just turn around, snatch my arm and sprint out the door. I wish I could just wrap my arms around the guy and bury my face in his back, but that would definitely make me look weird and maybe even punched in the face (lol). Anyways, I made it to the office, sat down and began to talk. I went on asking about my blood work papers, explained how the medication was effecting me and so forth. We really didn't get talking much this session. Most of it were just saying how the meds were making me restless and more alert than usual. I also was meeting my care manager today right out in the lobby. Therefore, once my therapist and I were done planning out our next visit, I went back to the lobby (that guy, who I thought, was Victor was gone) and I sat waiting for my care manager to show up. About 10 minutes later, she appeared, sat by me as we went over the food stamp (SNAP) documentations. She helped me fill those out, then we talked about my goals in life and then she had me do another quick form. This time...It was more personal. Now remember, were in the lobby. Some people could hear us. When she started off asking me who I communicate with when I'm upset, I instantly froze. Like, I didn't want to say Zack because then she would ask how I would communicate with him and so forth, and I didn't want to go on to explain the whole headmate ordeal when everyone around us could hear. So, I didn't respond. There was an uncomfortable silence until we settled on just putting friends; my online friends. I had no problem talking about the things I perform when I get upset or when I'm delighted, so that was fine. After we were completed, her and I said our goodbyes and I went out to get back into my mother's car. Her and I went to get groceries and took them home. I carried up the bags to our apartment, made dinner which was fish, rice and salad, and just had some cheesecake as well. I spent most of my remainder of my day listening to music and thinking about things. I'll problably play a game later.

[Dream Journal Entry #4 - Jan 28th, 2016] The Xenomorph

The Xenomorph [Dream Journal Entry #4 - Jan 28th, 2016] Content Warning:  N/A This took place in some style of a corridor. There were windows around me and sunlight that reflected off the transparent metallic flooring. Somewhat like a video game environment. I was with a small group of people. We all headed into the elongated hallway as from behind us there was a xenomorph. It was slick and black, very contrasting to the light filled room. I remember it coming at us on two feet as it proceeded on attack the party with missiles of some sort. I could remember me and the others spreading out. A few of us ended up in a slightly larger room leading into another hallway. This room had a few grey colored lockers that were reflecting the sunlight that shinned from the window to the right of us. That's when we saw the xenomorph. I remember looking to see him on all fours sitting in front. I was scared, then I informed him that I bore relation to their species but even after that I couldn't tell what he would do. I also stated all I wanted to do was travel to different dimensions and to see ZackTheSerialKiller. The creature got on two feet and began to walk towards me, being around over 6 feet in height was intimidating. I continually began backing up telling him I didn't want to get hurt. I was backing up to the window as the light reflected off his shiny black exterior. Assume my fear was beginning to irritate him; I could have sworn for a minute I heard a sigh emit from him telepathically. The xenomorph then gripped me as I tried pushing away. I then believed that was when I heard him say, "Stop." (again telepathically).  He hauled me under a ceiling vent as we both looked up. Enveloped himself around me as he jumped up through it, bolting to the surface. This is when he forced me onto his back, and I clutched on. We then arrived on top of the building as he went skidding down the slopped roof. A sense of rush cycled through me, similar to riding on a roller-coaster and I thought it was fun.  We then arrived down to the surface of some sort of floating platform over viewing a city. We landed by a small, black car shaped like a spacecraft (assuming that it was the xenomorph's). Dropping down from his back, I could hear him faintly tell me, "I will take you to where you desire to be. I just need to take care of something first. Do not worry about me. I will be back." That's when he fled. I was then left alone in this floating city area overlooking another identical one ahead. So I began walking around. I soon encountered green faced, amphibian-like humanoids in space suits. I was afraid, but they didn't attack me. One stated they were looking for a xenomorph and told me to stay away from the area I was at because the creature was dangerous. I began worrying for the creature, as for some reason I felt very passionate and connected with him. The green faced beings then disappeared as they went scouting the perimeter and I sneaked back to the black pod. I wanted to contact him to know if he was all right. I found what looked to be a smart phone on the top. I figured it was the xenomorph's. It made me giggle to think such a creature would have something like that. But nevertheless I wanted to use it to my advantage and use it to communicate with him. I looked at the phone, and I remember seeing a screen full of apps, one of which was Google Chrome. Before I could do anything more, I woke up.

[Dream Journal Entry #3 - Nov 24th, 2018] On Cruise Ship with Zack

On Cruise Ship with Zack [Dream Journal Entry #3 - Nov 24th, 2018] Content Warning:  N/A So, I took a nap and had a dream that I was getting on a cruise ship with a bunch of other people. I remember talking to some about Zack and they didn't know who he was and didn't care. I mentioned he was from Angels of Death though they were clueless and went about their business. I wanted to show them a picture as some sort of proof of his existence, but I was having a hard time finding a picture of him on google images on my phone.  I and a couple others got on the ship, but we had to walk passed dangerous bridges across voids until we got to the part of the ship where everyone was at. I walked behind with someone as they ended up causing the rickety bridge to collapse before me. I tried to run back as the others on the other side stood in shock. I lost my footing and dropped holding onto the edge with dear life. Looking down below I could see nothing but an abyss of white as the remnants of the bridge pieces disappeared below me. I yelled out Zack's name loud enough to the point I made my own ears ring. He came flying bridging the path between me and the void as he yelled out, "Let go! I'll catch you!" Without hesitation, I let go of the ledge with my body curled as gravity dragged me down below. Zack caught me in his arms and flew me up. Zack: "RACHEL! You got to be more careful... What would you have done if I wasn't here?" Rachel: ".... fall and die." Zack: "That's right!" He let me climb onto his back as he clings to the wall, crawling his way back to the surface. We entered the lobby with the rest as the food was spread out everywhere. A large buffet of Thanksgiving-related items. The next thing I knew, we were sitting at a table with plates of food Everyone from talking animals, monsters, humans etc. populated the lobby, chatting, eating all that stuff as Zack used his hands to shovel in green beans into his mouth. I eventually woke up, cried a little because I wanted to continue to dream and be with him.

[Dream Journal Entry #2 - Jan 29th, 2019] It's Only You and Me (Zack's POV)

It's Only You and Me (Zack's POV) [Dream Journal Entry #2 - Jan 29th, 2019] Content Warning:  Some Weird Stuff & Meltdowns I remember walking into a gymnasium. There were kids sitting on the bleachers towards the far side of the wall in front of me. I spotted someone familiar among the crowd. A middle-aged man. He wore a purple trench coat with golden lining with a cross around his neck. His hair was short, black and slicked back. The guy walked down the bleachers with some of the children. As the kids happily went past me, I approached the guy with the trench coat eager to talk to him. Zack: "GRAY! MY MAN! How's it hangn'?! God... It's been so long since we last spoke to one another. H-Hey! I'm looking for Rachel, do you want to help me find her?" Gray looked to me with a displeased expression on his face. Gray: "...You do realize you're in Rachel's dream correct? ...Hmm...maybe your subconscious isn't aware of that yet...But I don't think you'll have trouble finding her. Rachel's 'dream body' should be around here somewhere. I'm actually very busy myself so I cannot stay. I hope your journey goes well, goodbye." (vanishes) Zack: "NO GRAY! WAIT!...Shiiiiiiiii-" I continued my search for Rachel. I trailed behind the ecstatic children who appeared to eventually disappear within the darkness from the hallway exiting the gym. Everything soon got quiet around me. There was a staircase within the darkness that I took. I went up some flights to eventually find myself in a small lobby with a few people standing by the walls and windows chatting. There were candles lit giving out a luminous yellow glow to the surroundings. I spotted Rachel and flew towards her. I couldn't control my happiness, and paced around her, avoiding eye contact. I didn't know what to say or do. I was just too happy. I wanted to give her a hug, but I felt my strength would give way to actually cause damage the girl's body so I kept my distance and continued to circle her. Rachel: "Zack!" She seemed very happy to see me as so was I. I glanced down to see her holding up a green replica of my hoodie. It was wrinkled and soaked with something. She shook it out and tried to pat out the wrinkles with her hand as she tossed it over my bandaged upper half. I didn't know what she did or what the actual fuck this wet stuff was on it. But I adjusted the hoodie on my body anyways. I stopped to look down into Ray's eyes awaiting for her response. She smiled happily and told me she wanted to get out of this place. Whatever this stuff was that dampened my hoodie, it was potent. Very sweet like fruit and it did some weird shit to my mind. I felt a surge of strength and agility ripple up my veins as I shook, getting down on all fours panting like a dog. A black, rubber-like cord extended from my neck as Rachel grabbed onto it. I started sprinting out the lobby and headed up more flight of stairs with Rachel running behind me. I bypassed some people who looked shocked at us, but it wasn't my concern. We eventually made it to ground floor as we were close to exit door leading to the outside as we were stopped. A man beside us told us it was dangerous to go out. Because I was very cautious about Rachel's safety, I went down and sat on a plastic chair next to the door. She looked at me confused. Rachel: "Why can't we leave?!" There was a lady a few chairs away from us. She, who was talking with her friends, turned to us when she heard Ray's question. She said it was too dangerous to go out when we cannot see without being possessed by evil entities causing the death for us (basically more of that Bird Box crap). Rachel looked back at me. Rachel: "You're a demon! You're just like one of those things outside. Can't you just possess me? Make my eyes do crazy stuff and just not kill me?" I pulled down Rachel's head, trying to cover her mouth as people eyed the two of us with superstition. Zack: (whispers) "Hey! Be quiet! Do you really want these people to know WHAT. I. AM?" Rachel: "...I'm sorry." I had Rachel sit on my lap as I shielded us from view with the side of my hoodie. Zack: "I'm worried that if we did venture out into the night, that the humans will find out what I am and kill you..." Rachel gave me a smile and rubbed my chest. Rachel: "...Zack, remember what you told me last night...about how no one mattered but you and I? We can get through anything together." Zack: "...I do remember." (smiles) Yeah, I did remember telling her that. That night before she went to bed, Rachel had been flipping the shit out. It was like, 1 or 2 am and she had a serious meltdown. Shuffling in her bed in tears, yelling and beating on my non-physical body, yelling that she hated people and hated living in society. All of this had something to do with what her and her therapist spoke about which made Ray accumulated a sense of dread and despair. I spent about an hour or so attempting to calm her down. What seemed to work was reminding her of all the fun we had when it was just her and I. I talked about the times we spent together on the Space Colony ARK and how no one mattered but us. I even mentioned about that one scene from the anime, Angels of Death (Satsuriku no Tenshi), where I told her that she was her own woman. That she didn't need to listen or do something because someone else tells her to. She could do whatever she wanted. I then told her that one day her and I would physically be together again. Back with the dream, I looked down at Ray rubbing on her shoulders with confidence bubbling inside me. Zack: "I'm glad you remember what I told you last night. Alright then, let's do it!" I cannot remember what happened after that, but Rachel had awoken.

[Dream Journal Entry #1 - Feb 1st, 2019] I Want To Come Home

I Want To Come Home [Dream Journal Entry #1 - Feb 1st, 2019] Content Warning: Some Swearing, Mild Violence I remember siting at one of the desks at my old high school. I was in English class, and the teacher had a movie playing. Everyone was quite content with the film, but I wanted to leave being semi-aware that I was in a dream. Soon enough, two girls in the class got into an argument and began to throw their bodies upon one another, tugging on each other's hair and fighting. The rest of the class bum-rushed around them, chanting and glorifying the violent tussle. Rachel: "Great!" I said to myself as I snuck out the door while everyone was distracted. Making my way out onto the school yard was a sight to behold. It was like I just entered into some sort of futuristic, steampunk hub intermingled with a mall. There were people everywhere on all the different levels of the mall, chatting, walking and eating at tables. Some can be seen walking out of stores as well as construction workers continually building up the place as it was still incomplete.  What I can remember next was going up an escalator to a floor and seeing Daniel Dickens walking through a group of people. Since I knew who he was and him being one of the only recognizable people in this mess of a sea of folk, I went over to him. Once I got to him, I called out his name. Rachel: "D-Danny?" He turned around sporting the most ecstatic smile. I don't think I ever saw what Danny looked like "physically" outside from the various cosplayers dressing as him. Danny wore his usual glasses, had short brownish hair, a brown shirt and slacks. The only thing missing was his traditional white doctor's coat. But I guess that wasn't a big deal. He also had some sort of cologne on him. A very distinct aroma that clearly signified his gender but somehow was a scent I never smelled before in the world of the wakened. Danny: "Ah, Rachel! It's good to see you~" From the back of my mind, I remembered Zack. And before a second later my instinct brewed with the intent on finding Zack. So I asked Danny; Rachel: "Do you know where Zack is?" Danny smiled and gestured his arms in a way that allowed me to believe that he knew where Zack was. His hand soon reached to grab mine as he took me back up the escalator to a dining area where he pointed towards a table with a group of young people. A bunch of annoying, chatty girls and among them sat a guy. A tall male with black messy hair wearing a black t-shirt with some white writing on the front. It must've been Zack. I was a little shy, more so afraid to go anywhere near the table with all those girls but by the time I went to look back at Danny, he was gone. I didn't know what else to do but go straight to that table. The girls didn't notice me at first, so I sat on the opposite side of Zack. I looked at his face. He seemed depressed, even braindead. It was...odd...He didn't move or even speak. He just looked down at the table with the saddest expression on his face...Was it maybe because he was feeling down in the waking world? I remember him trying so hard to make me feel better about myself and my life but at the same time, not believing he can do much for me had been deteriorating his mood drastically. Nothing is worse than seeing a once, bubbly and chatty fellow become severely depressed with all lost of hope. I tried getting his attention. Rachel: "Zack?" He didn't answer. Rachel: "Zack, it's me, Rachel." Still no answer. Some of the girls around me started rubbing up on Zack, giving him kisses on his all over his face which pissed me off. I knew Zack sure as hell would not EVER let some random ass girls put their lips on him, but he was completely unresponsive that I didn't think he could've noticed them. They knew I was in a relationship with Zack. They wanted to be bitches about it. Then all of a sudden, from a distance I hear screaming. The girls at my table for some strange reason started beating each other up. My eyes lit up in shock. Looking around me, I could see everyone in fist fights and even going as far as to start killing one another. Zack stood up. What was he going to do?! Though he did nothing, just stood. Was he... somehow allowing me to command him to do something? I got up as well, went towards Zack, avoiding any pushes or body flings to grab his hand. I tugged it towards the direction of the escalators as he worked his legs to follow behind me. We rushed down the elevating steps trying to get to ground level to escape. There were guys with guns trying to shoot us, but we dodged their attacks as we managed to get all the way to the bottom. I could spot a man with a purple trench coat. Dark hair with black slacks making his way to the bathroom right next to the exit. Rachel: "GRAY HELP!" Zack and I quickly ran into the men's bathroom right as the man, who was obviously Abraham Gray, was washing his hands at the sink. I stopped in front of him trying to catch my breath. Rachel: "G...Gray..." Gray looked down at my figure with his pupilless eyes as he smiled. Rachel: "It's crazy out there! I'm scared and Zack is-" Gray: "Oh Rachel, it's quite alright." Gray looked over at the zombified-looking Zack getting a general idea of his condition as he looked back at me. Rachel: "I want to come "home"...." Gray: "I know. But let's get out of this place before the people encompassed in this monument engulf it with our souls in tow." Gray headed out of the bathroom as I followed behind. Rachel: "Wait...what about Danny?" Gray: "Danny is a smart and nimble man. I'm certain he would've escaped by now." By this time, I awoke from the dream. Zack was still asleep. Hopefully, he'll wake up soon. I laid on my bed turning on the laptop that sat next to me so I could type up this event. Once I was done, I laid in bed with ASMR playing through my headphones as I reflected on the dream I just had. Seeing and interacting with Danny, Gray and Zack felt reassuring in a way. Fictionkin related memories and feelings began to cycle through my mind as I thought about "home". Home, meaning, being back with Zack in the worlds I once had been a part of. Being with those like Gray and Danny who have equally,  in the past, been people who I've interacted with. There was a soothing realization that I recognized. The ability to one day be able to see them again, along with my other soulbonds.