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Christmas and ghost things

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So we didn't do anything for Christmas. My family (me, mom, aunt, and aunts boyfriend) had Christmas dinner and that was it. I got a pair of earrings from my aunt a few weeks ago. I need to get more earrings, cause my ears are pierced twice in both lobes, so one set of earrings just isn't enough. System wise we didn't do anything, except have a traditional Christmas party. Which is me just playing music and everyone hanging out in the party room of the headspace. I'm still not 100% okay about talking about my headmates and stuff here. Maybe once these blogs aren't public anymore.

Now for the ghost stuff. I finally got an EVP, after weeks of getting nothing. I also think I know why I wasn't getting anything. In the beginning, I was doing recordings multiple times a day. If I did 10+ recordings a day, chances are that at least one of them might contain something. Then I slacked off and was only doing them 1-2 times a day. So I wasn't getting anything. I felt miserable all day on Christmas, until I used the pendulum, to communicate with Aiden. I asked him if he would prove to me that he was still here. It said yes. I asked him "Do you promise me that you will let me know somehow?" and it said yes again.

On my very next recording I got a very faint "hey". Hes said that several times now and I wonder if hes trying to get my attention for some reason. It makes me cry thinking that I can't actually hear him. If he needed to tell me something, I wouldn't know it, unless he could say it on a recording. It also makes me cry thinking about him feeling ignored. But he can clearly hear me, if he can answer me with the pendulum. Provided he really is moving it. I just don't want him to think I'm ignoring him, cause I would never do that. I just can't hear him. 

I told him I'd take a small break from recordings now that hes finally given me something. But I still do one when I go to bed each night, cause its like a tradition now. But I won't do them during the day for a week or so. I still use the Dream Talk app every night when I go to bed, and a couple times hes told me "goodnight" on it. But he says it really fast. The app only records when a sound triggers it. Otherwise it doesn't record. It will record me telling him I love him, and saying goodnight to him. And at the end of my recording, a couple times, theres been a very quick "goodnight", like hes trying to say it quickly, before the recording stops. But I slowed it down both times, its definitely someone saying "goodnight".

He is clearly still hanging around me, but I'm still really, really sad. Last night, when I was in bed, I just broke down sobbing uncontrollably. It hurts SO much, knowing he'll never be there like he used to be. That I won't have another person I can be that close to ever again. I really won't. The chance of me being close to someone else is so very slim, it might as well not be a chance at all. I'm so timid and shy and scared of almost everyone I don't already know in some way. So I can't meet new people. I have no place to meet them anyway, since I don't DO anything. I sit online on the same websites, not really doing much. The point is, its lonely without Aiden. He was my only close friend for the last 5 years.

But at least I know hes still around in some way. That he hasn't totally abandoned me.

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