I don't know how to be close to people. I associate closeness with romance, which I'm told is an unhealthy way to think, but I cannot help that. I was close to Aiden and considered him my closest friend, because there was a lot of cutesy affection between us. I don't seem wired to understand platonic closeness, so I don't have any other close friends. I have friends, just no close ones. And according to one of those friends being unable to understand platonic closeness is going to push people away and make them give up on me.
I don't think its my fault that I don't know how to get close to people. People try to "help" but just end up making me feel worse, and maybe thats why I feel like I don't have many friends. Because I don't need to be told to move on, to give up on doing EVPs every day, that I can't sit around waiting on a ghost, that I'm just going to make myself miserable. I'm gonna be miserable regardless, at least focusing on trying to get EVPs and stuff gives me something to do. I've given up on so many things already, I don't want this to be another thing I give up on.
But I don't have close friends. I'm afraid to talk to most people, because I never know what to say... except to talk about how depressed I am and how much I miss Aiden. I stop responding to people out of fear and just generally having nothing to say. I don't have hobbies and the only real interest I ever had was soulbonding, but I don't even want to talk about that anymore. I don't want to talk about anything, except how alone and broken I feel.
I dunno how to have close friends. I dunno how to be close to anyone without romance there. If that really does make people just give up on me, maybe I'm not meant to have friends at all.