Meditation log [22/01/19] - Finding peace in darkness - Kinmunity Jump to content
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Meditation log [22/01/19]

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Last night, as I settled down to sleep, I did a little meditation session. No particular goal besides just connecting with my spirit kintype in some way, since I've felt cut off from it lately. It was... interesting.

It wasn't as vivid as a dream - more like a kind of immersive narrative in my "mind's eye". I could still feel my human body, lying in my bed, but I could feel my spirit form separate from it, like I was existing in two places at once. I didn't go into this with any particular intentions or idea in mind, so... I guess everything came from my subconscious or something. It was weird, but in the sort of familiar way I'm used to when it comes to this kintype. It is a weird kintype, after all.

I was walking slowly. My body was somewhat draconic, especially the face area, which had a mid-length scaly snout full of exposed, reptilian teeth. My scales, as usual, were black and almost appeared like shards of obsidian, closely locked together or overlapping slightly. I had three pairs of front legs, powerfully built and sturdy like a big cat's, but more splayed apart; something like the legs of those old terrestrial crocodiles, maybe? One pair of legs were held off the ground, tucked against my chest, while the other two moved together in a strange kind of synchronicity that felt natural at the time. I only had one set of back legs, but didn't pay close attention to them. I had... one or maybe two sets of leathery wings, broad and massive, and two long whip-like tails which swept up dust behind me in agitation.

I don't know why I was agitated. My breath felt laboured and raspy, and I was walking almost in a limp. I looked around, trying to get my bearings, and realised I was in the charred remains of some forest after a huge wildfire. There were still some flames flickering on the burned corpses of coniferous trees, but most of it had died down to smoke and embers. The ground was covered in ash, and the sky was choked with it. In the distance I could see some traces of forest that still had some green to them. I didn't think that forest was any better or worse than this one. I didn't mind the ash or smoke or embers. 

I was looking for someone who I knew wouldn't come. I planted my many feet and let out a huge roar, then a few deep but otherwise very avian-sounding chirps, which then transitioned to a long, drawn-out howl. Nothing changed. I slumped, feeling defeated, and lay on my belly. Shoving my snout under my tails and folding my wings, I curled up into a ball like a dog, and felt my body merge together into one solid whole - a boulder. Just a boulder. After a few moments I pushed some part of myself into the ground, which became a snout again, and I wormed my way into the dirt in some form like a massive legless skink. I kept digging downwards, faster than would have been physically possible, as it got hotter and hotter. Down through the layers of dirt, then straight through solid rock, then increasingly less solid as the heat became more and more intense. All the while, my tail grew longer and longer, still connected to that boulder up on the surface. Then I was swimming through magma, and still going, on and on and on. I don't even know how to describe how hot it was. But it didn't hurt, of course. Actually, it felt kind of nice. Like something bad was being burned away.

I couldn't see anything once I started digging, but I could feel everything around me. Then I just stopped, deciding I'd reached my destination, and it felt familiar and comforting and incomprehensibly hot. I remember thinking, in the kind of vague, ambiguous way my spirit-self thinks, that it was "my own little Sun". I basked in the heat of it for just a few seconds, then I started moving back up through the tail I'd left behind me - like, I guess my mind was moving up through it in some strange way. Then my head was at the top, where the boulder had been before, and my tail was still left coiling and twisting through the ground. A moment later I was in a draconic form again, the same as I had been in before, and my tails were both on the surface, but the connection to the heat below was still there just as strongly as before.

I just kind of... lay there for a bit. I didn't feel agitated any more, and my breathing was smooth rather than the sickly rasping it had been before. I felt content. 

I guess I fell asleep after that? I don't remember anything else.

So. I don't know what I did, but I feel like I patched whatever connection issues I was having, because. It feels like it used to now. I wasn't expecting anything like this to happen so quickly or naturally, but hey. Spirit-me knows what it's doing even if human-me doesn't. And that connection with that point deep under the Earth is like... still there. Just, right there, like I could reach out and touch it. But at the same time it's so far away I can't even wrap my head around it. I don't know what the deal with that is, but eh. I don't understand much these days, so whatever.

Nope, I will never be able to write anything about this kintype that is not weird.

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This is so awesome, thanks so much for sharing! I should be more open to such "weird" things happening in meditation. It's incredible what the mind can do, isn't it? I mean, most people wouldn't even be able to imagine this, let alone experience it.

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