Doubts - Collected thoughts - Kinmunity Jump to content
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Doubts

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So, monday last week, rationality struck me. A type of rationality which wants to deny it all. Which considers it crazy to think I'm a dragon. Which doesn't even want to take the time to think about it. Which calls it all an imagination, a dream.

This rationality is what I need in my daily life. But as soon as work is done for the day, and I get a bit relaxed and start thinking about it, that rationality fades just a tiny bit. And at once, another part of my rationality fires away questions. Many questions. Why do I feel non-human in the first place? How did I even get the idea? Why do I feel so insanely attracted to nature when nobody ever told me? Why do I feel so attracted to dragons? Why did I hide that when I was a child, why did I fear so much to explain it to others? Why do I get sad to the point of bursting in tears when I watch Dragonheart while everybody else in the cinema is cheerful? Why do I feel shifts? Why can I control dragon phantom shifts so easily? Why do I feel how it's like to fly? Why do I feel this insane energy? Why can my mind even do this? Why does it feel so great, why so right to accept it all? Heck, I'm no child anymore. Why didn't I just forget about all this when I grew older?

If it was only me, all of that would still be easy to answer. The denying part of my rationality just says "yeah.. all coincidence. Your mind's playing tricks on you. It's all your imagination".

But I'm not the only one. Why are there so many others who report so similar things? They're not ill, they're not mad, they're not making thinks up, they are serious. What is the reason of it all?? 

The denying part says "Ummm ... because they're all ...  imaginating things ??!"

And then the question-asking part says "Yeah.. you name it. Maybe this is the case". And then, it asks one final question: "But what if not?"

And then... it starts all over again.

That is why denying won't do. This identity is what brought me through my whole life, it gives me strength to carry on, it gives me reason. This is... who I am.

The Western Guardian Dragon.



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