- NOTE: If you don't know who Shu is, or myself in regards to our source, you may be required to know at least the basics to understand fully the entire context of this blog entry. -
- NOTE 2: This is directly copy pasted from my Tumblr blog. Any confusing phrasing may be the result of missing context. -
The more I think back at my life here, the more I find myself frustrated with it’s similarities to that of Shu’s.
This has been a long time in admission, and something I’m still unwilling to be taken beyond my methodical combing for fear of it being ran via imaginations of others. Thus, I’ve kept it to myself till today, though this is something I’ve realised and been keeping track of for about four months now, slowly accumulating more thoughts on it.
There’s a painful irony in this, but with it it helps to solidify my identity in another area; I now fully accept and see myself as an ‘AU Reiji’. Before, I was still muddled and confused with the stance that I took, but with time I’ve been continuously thinking about my situation, and myself, and so reached a conclusion.
There are three different ways the core self of a concept can be altered. Alternate Timelines (different routes), Alternate Universes (different elements) and Alternate Realities (Mental, Spiritual, Physical, etc.)
AUs, as within the context of fiction, are alternate ‘universes’ where the same characters/world persists, yet altered in some way. This has always allowed fanwriters to truly enact their creativity, and it has even become integrated into some story telling themselves. A current popular example of this is Undertale, a story which utilised it both to work within the plot, yet also cleverly encourage fan participation, creating the juggernaut of popularity it is to this day.
Diabolik Lovers, as a series, has also dabbled into AUs as of late, with their ZERO drama CD releases. Though this, we get an official nod that this is at least an approved way to think within the world, regardless if it is non-canon or not. However, till more are translated and released, we’re still lacking rather a lot of information about these, so I’ll hold off on any assumptions.
It wasn’t a necessary occurrence from Rejet for me to solidify this theory, but I do however see it as important, and something I appreciate being created.
The other is that of Alternate Realities, which is in essence the difference between fictional media and that of our physical reality here; an aspect that can’t be depicted in fiction, due to it’s bounds to that of fiction it’s self. Any attempt at emulating it would be merely an emulation within that of human minds, and is incapable of breaking into this world.
That is, of course, until you consider fictionkin.
My newly solidified stance is that alongside being an AR version of the core concept of ‘Reiji Sakamaki’, I am also in effect an AU. This, in hindsight feels obvious, but originally it was not, maybe due to my lacking of clear cut classifications for me to organise my thoughts and experiences efficiently.
Originally, I thought an AU could only persist within the reality of fiction, however, on further introspection I feel this to be a fallacy. Due to human perception, one could repackage this reality’s observations into that of fictional mental perception, for the line between them can be thin at best.
I’d go into this topic more, but it would make this post far too long, and I would digress rather.
How one might class my AU really loops back round to my original topic starter; my very young life feels more akin to that of Shu’s, than of my own from the canon depicted within DL.
To list a few points:
- I was born into a family that held high expectations of me.
- My family would keep me away from anything that might courropt or tarnish me, yet their own actions towards me could be argued as being just as bad if not more so.
- Despite putting little effort into my studies, I would usually get very high marks.
- There came a point where I had no friends, and the only friend(s) I had remaining were killed.
However, come around age 12, my past flipped round to mimicking that of my own canon past:
- Rather than withdrawing in response to the loss, I tried even harder.
- Regardless of my own furious attempts to get better in life I was continuously knocked down. Repeatedly.
- Despite this I continued to try and ended up developing BPD.
- My parents started ignoring me, disregarding me, treating me as a failure.
- My technique for trying to get attention was by being well behaved. It didn’t work.
Looking at both of these side by side, it’s easy to see that despite the first part of my life being more similar to that of Shu’s, they are all external, and my responses to the changes therein after were more akin to that of ‘Reiji Sakamaki’. So, despite this rather cruel irony, I do not feel it brings up any questioning as to myself.
However, it is still a rather disturbing prospect to consider. As if it is true my life was essentially playing out that of Shu’s, one might see it as punishment, or maybe a lessen to see through his perspective.
Though another take, without assuming such divine awareness in regards to my existence, there’s still the fact that if this is able to occur, then that also means there is a Shukin with a life more closely resembling that of my own past in canon somewhere out there.
I’m not sure which concept is less appealing.. Yet, regardless of my personal feelings, it leaves a mental clarity that there was not previously.
There are so many other aspects that have helped to re-establish myself, some I won’t list, yet there was one most notable.
A second playthrough of MB brought on the re-realisation that regardless of my actions, I will always be me, and there is nothing anyone can do to refute that. I suppose I should be thanking Yui from that timeline however for that, rather than the game in it’s entirety.
In short, revaluation is important for otherkin and fictionkin alike, specially in a world where the name is often tarnished by that of tend setters and naive younger persons. I feel stronger in myself, and it’s why I have attempted to ‘loosen up’ a bit on this blog recently, with the addition of memes and joke images. I want to learn to enjoy being here, regardless of my social anxieties, so I do hope my followers, both old and new are not bothered by my attempts to bring my blog back to being what it should be; an expression of myself.