Just Another Day
[Daily Life #1 - Feb 11th, 2019]
Content Warning: N/A
So, I went to therapy today. Of course I really didn't feel in the mood to go. I just wanted to stay at home and be un-bothered, though, I went anyways. My mother did her usual blasting BTS on the radio and sang to it while cussing people for terrible driving. It was a wreck. Eventually, I made it to the health center to wait for my therapist to come out of the double doors. I sat away from the other people who idled in the lobby whilst playing Star Ocean: Anamnesis on my phone.
While I was waiting, a man dressed in camo, walked by me and sat down at the chair diagonal from me. He represented an older gentleman, but I didn't want to give him eye contact so I continued playing my game, keeping my phone at an angle so no snooping person comes by and asks me, "HEY, Whatcha playing?" From my peripherals I could've sworn that the guy diagonal from me was looking over at my direction. He kept shifting his legs and sat, looking, over to me. I got nervous... It felt as if.... Victor was looking at me... That somehow in essence, this man who was looking towards me was him. Like a scene from, It Follows. I maintained my eyes glued to the screen of my phone until the double doors opened and my therapist came out to greet me. I went with her to her office but not before walking by a tall guy wearing a hooded jacket buying something from the snack machine. Automatically I thought of Zack. My heart felt a little tight, wishing that this man would just turn around, snatch my arm and sprint out the door. I wish I could just wrap my arms around the guy and bury my face in his back, but that would definitely make me look weird and maybe even punched in the face (lol).
Anyways, I made it to the office, sat down and began to talk. I went on asking about my blood work papers, explained how the medication was effecting me and so forth. We really didn't get talking much this session. Most of it were just saying how the meds were making me restless and more alert than usual. I also was meeting my care manager today right out in the lobby. Therefore, once my therapist and I were done planning out our next visit, I went back to the lobby (that guy, who I thought, was Victor was gone) and I sat waiting for my care manager to show up. About 10 minutes later, she appeared, sat by me as we went over the food stamp (SNAP) documentations. She helped me fill those out, then we talked about my goals in life and then she had me do another quick form. This time...It was more personal. Now remember, were in the lobby. Some people could hear us. When she started off asking me who I communicate with when I'm upset, I instantly froze. Like, I didn't want to say Zack because then she would ask how I would communicate with him and so forth, and I didn't want to go on to explain the whole headmate ordeal when everyone around us could hear. So, I didn't respond. There was an uncomfortable silence until we settled on just putting friends; my online friends. I had no problem talking about the things I perform when I get upset or when I'm delighted, so that was fine. After we were completed, her and I said our goodbyes and I went out to get back into my mother's car. Her and I went to get groceries and took them home. I carried up the bags to our apartment, made dinner which was fish, rice and salad, and just had some cheesecake as well. I spent most of my remainder of my day listening to music and thinking about things. I'll problably play a game later.