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Accepting Plurality

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Don’t you just love pushing things away just for them to come flooding back x2 as hard? No, really. Shortly after my last blog post about me coming out as plural, I got really scared. Acknowledging these experiences meant I couldn’t push them away any longer. I didn’t- and still don’t- want to be plural. I want to live a normal life as a singlet and just get on with everything. Why me? Why am I the one with seven voices in my head? 

I tried to push everyone down again and it worked for a good week before someone pushed back up to the front. His name is Akuno. He came as my daemon- which to us is more of an animal form of the subconscious mind- and I gradually became more trusting of plurality. I reopened it again and fuck me I am still scared. But, whateves, I gotta live this, so I might as well live it as the most healthy way I can be. 

We might be introducing ourselves or we may not, we’re not sure. Some of us are nonhuman but the majority seems to be human as far as we can tell. Let’s just get this fucking party started, I guess.

Any tips on keeping this line of communication open? And for me- the host- not to clam up again because they went wonderfully.



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As someone who totally loves and embraces being plural, I wish I had some tips for you. I think being plural is awesome because I love my headmates and consider them to be like family to me. The most I can tell you is to just take it one day at a time and stay calm about it. I can't imagine ever pushing my headmates away, especially since I'm married to one of them and hes done nothing but try to take care of me and make me happy.

Take things slow. Talk to them, set boundaries if you have to, so no one does anything they shouldn't be doing. I guess suddenly being plural is scary for some people, but for me it was a blessing.

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1 minute ago, Addy said:

As someone who totally loves and embraces being plural, I wish I had some tips for you. I think being plural is awesome because I love my headmates and consider them to be like family to me. The most I can tell you is to just take it one day at a time and stay calm about it. I can't imagine ever pushing my headmates away, especially since I'm married to one of them and hes done nothing but try to take care of me and make me happy.

 Take things slow. Talk to them, set boundaries if you have to, so no one does anything they shouldn't be doing. I guess suddenly being plural is scary for some people, but for me it was a blessing.

It's more of an irrational thing for me. I know that being plural can be awesome (you, for example), I am just afraid of how much it will affect my outer world, you know? I'll try to stay calm and I'll have someone force me out of the front if my instincts get the better of me. And yeah, while I've been plural for a long time with brief periods of opening the front and shutting down (I was originally a protector for the core so I did so out of instinct), the idea of a whole functioning system is new to me. Thanks for the kind words.

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It doesn't have to affect the outer world unless you let it. You can be in the closet about it if it makes you uncomfortable. I'm semi open about it myself. Set fronting boundaries, so no ones taking front when they shouldn't be. Communication is important. None of my headmates can front, so its not an issue for us. A few people in my outer life know, including my mom and my therapist and both are 100% accepting of it. But if you're worried that people may not be accepting, its prolly best to keep it to yourself, and make sure that everyone knows when fronting is okay and when its not.

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4 minutes ago, Addy said:

It doesn't have to affect the outer world unless you let it. You can be in the closet about it if it makes you uncomfortable. I'm semi open about it myself. Set fronting boundaries, so no ones taking front when they shouldn't be. Communication is important. None of my headmates can front, so its not an issue for us. A few people in my outer life know, including my mom and my therapist and both are 100% accepting of it. But if you're worried that people may not be accepting, its prolly best to keep it to yourself, and make sure that everyone knows when fronting is okay and when its not.

Yeah, only three people know about my plurality and that's my therapist, my mom, and that one friend I can't shut up around lmao

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind. 

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I can actually relate a lot to that feeling of not wanting plurality. Even with Akarthyx, for a long time I was very against the idea that he might be considered a headmate just because the idea of plurality irrationally freaked me out. Not that I ever had anything against plurals - just that I really didn't want to be one myself.

I think what you're doing is for the best! It gets less scary the more you interact with and get to know the other folks sharing your brain. Just take it slow. Try to be honest with the others, and with yourself. Set boundaries if you need to (everyone needs a bit of privacy, especially when you all share a brain). 

As for communication, there's two pretty good options if you want to have a chat your headmates. One is to use an inner world/mindscape as basically a meeting ground, where you can talk to everyone "face to face" (which is probably the more common way to do things, but. For those who don't naturally have access to that sort of area, it's pretty challenging to learn all the meditation/visualisation stuff involved to make it actually helpful). The other is to use some daemon-like projection and just visualise your headmate/s in the physical world, which is the main way I talk to Aeolus - personally I found it a lot easier and more natural to talk to him this way! Probably because it's been a long time since I've used our inner world for anything and right now it takes all my effort just to keep myself there for any length of time.

Meditation/learning to keep your mind clear is also a great help. It's hard to talk if your brain is focused on thinking about a billion things at once.

Good luck! If you ever want to chat or vent, my inbox is open~

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2 hours ago, Charias said:

I can actually relate a lot to that feeling of not wanting plurality. Even with Akarthyx, for a long time I was very against the idea that he might be considered a headmate just because the idea of plurality irrationally freaked me out. Not that I ever had anything against plurals - just that I really didn't want to be one myself.

I think what you're doing is for the best! It gets less scary the more you interact with and get to know the other folks sharing your brain. Just take it slow. Try to be honest with the others, and with yourself. Set boundaries if you need to (everyone needs a bit of privacy, especially when you all share a brain). 

As for communication, there's two pretty good options if you want to have a chat your headmates. One is to use an inner world/mindscape as basically a meeting ground, where you can talk to everyone "face to face" (which is probably the more common way to do things, but. For those who don't naturally have access to that sort of area, it's pretty challenging to learn all the meditation/visualisation stuff involved to make it actually helpful). The other is to use some daemon-like projection and just visualise your headmate/s in the physical world, which is the main way I talk to Aeolus - personally I found it a lot easier and more natural to talk to him this way! Probably because it's been a long time since I've used our inner world for anything and right now it takes all my effort just to keep myself there for any length of time.

Meditation/learning to keep your mind clear is also a great help. It's hard to talk if your brain is focused on thinking about a billion things at once.

Good luck! If you ever want to chat or vent, my inbox is open~

Thanks and that is exactly how I feel! There's nothing wrong with it, it just isn't something I particularly want. But that isn't up to just me now... I'll work on a headspace and I'm lucky to be gifted with a vivid imagination so it should be easy. Everyone has an appearance so that's nice. We talk pretty well, it just gets garbled sometimes but I'm sure it'll get better. Thanks for the advice and for the open arms. 

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I think it was easy for me to accept plurality, because I am a soulbonder first and foremost, and thats a form of plurality. But I'm not sure I knew that for a long time. I'd still prefer to use the soulbonding label, just because we like it, but I'm still plural in a way. There was prolly a time in my life (back when I first discovered SBing) when I would have denied being plural, because that was totally different. But now plural is just an umbrella term that covers a lot of different experiences. 

Maybe it was always an umbrella term, but I fee like no one acted like it back then. Multiple and plural both meant the same thing, and any other experience was something different, even if you shared your body/headspace with other people. So I feel like it didn't really start getting used as an umbrella term until the last few years (maybe). I've been out of the loop on plural communities so I dunno when exactly it started getting widely used as an umbrella term.

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I agree with @Charias!
There's some others ways you could try communicating with the others too, just try some ways and see what fits you best. For my system, we use the tupperbox system on Discord because it's easier, as we don't really have a mindscape at the moment.

Again, no need to rush, just take your time with it, I'm sure the others will understand.
Being a plural can be pretty great in my opinion, I find it hard to feel lonely and we can do things I find some singlets struggle with.

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5 minutes ago, bhiurd said:

I agree with @Charias!
There's some others ways you could try communicating with the others too, just try some ways and see what fits you best. For my system, we use the tupperbox system on Discord because it's easier, as we don't really have a mindscape at the moment.

We have a headspace, but Nate and I also have our own private server on Discord that we added the PluralKit bot to, so we can talk back and forth there. For some people thats a really easy way to work on system communication, tho for us it seems to be easier if we just talk to each other offline. I either talk to him in my head, or I just talk out loud to him if I'm alone.

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