Long way up - Finding peace in darkness - Kinmunity Jump to content
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Long way up

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Ah, it's nice to have a blog again. I really missed this place. Felt kind of lost without it, to be honest! So. I guess. It's been a while, and I kind of wanted to just... write about what's going on for me. A lot's changed over the past few months, in the absolute best way.

People who knew me on the old site... well, you probably noticed I wasn't exactly healthy for most of the time I was on here. I've been struggling with mental health issues for a long time. And for a very long time, it was hard convincing myself that anything would ever change - that I could ever truly get "better". It's so hard to see hope when you're depressed, or when your anxiety keeps you isolated from the world. I lived like that for way too long. Wasn't my fault, of course... as ever, I was just a victim of shitty circumstance. And I don't know if there's any other way it could've gone. Sometimes the only way to get out of something is to go through it. And I did. And I kept myself alive, kept myself safe. And now it's paying off.

I moved out of my parents' place. It was stressful at first but I adapted quickly (that's something I'm kind of good at)! And yeah, they were right - this is what I needed. Freedom! Independence! I got really lucky, I have to be honest. Was searching for a place for ages, kept getting turned away because I'm young, or 'cause I'm unemployed, or 'cause of the dog. But then I found this place. It's perfect. Small, but not tiny. Big shared garden. Quiet neighbours. And only a five minute walk from my parents' place. Plus it's affordable, and the landlord's a really good guy. Mhya lives here with me so I don't get too lonely. It's better than I could've hoped.

Meanwhile the psychiatrist decided to try me on some new antidepressants, which actually work! It's amazing what a difference it makes, being on the right medication. I feel alive for the first time in years. No more stupid intrusive thoughts, no more self-hatred, and I can actually feel happy now instead of just swinging between kinda depressed and very depressed. I still have bad days, but they're not as bad as they used to be. I have so much more energy and motivation. And because of that, I've started to work though my anxiety issues as well! And I've made so much progress, alone, just pushing myself to do better. I can do this. I don't need anyone to hold my hand.

So now I've applied for a provisional driving license, and saved up enough to get driving lessons once that comes through. Once I get a car (and can drive it) I can go to the college I want to! It's about an hour's drive from here - way too far to do on public transport, but a reasonable distance to drive and definitely worth it! I'm going to do a course in animal care, then move onto veterinary nursing. I think being a vet tech is definitely the thing for me. I love animals and want to work with them, but I'm not squeamish and can deal with the more unpleasant parts of the job. Plus, there's a chance from there I could move onto something even more interesting, like working with the captive breeding programs at Edinburgh Zoo! But we'll see what happens.

What else? Oh, I'm a vegetarian now. For ethical reasons. But I'm a weird vegetarians because I will eat meat, just not farmed meat. Once I've got the transport thing sorted I'm going to learn to fish and hunt small game for myself. A lot of animals here in the UK are invasive and overpopulating, so I can kill two birds with one stone - live a lifestyle that works with my wolfish nature, and help the environment at the same time.

And me and my daemon, Khar (blue text dude!!) accidentally formed a median system but we're completely okay with it. He can front, and holds down the fort if I dissociate from anxiety - he's actually kinda better at dealing with people than I am, ahah. Most of the time we co-front and work together that way. He's... been an absolute lifesaver for me. Sometimes literally. I would be lost without this weirdo. hh flattery no stap . Lately we've been getting back into the daemonism scene and it's fun as ever! Khar's got a new personal form now, which is a ludicrously vibrant dromaeosaur (chosen and designed by himself, of course!). We figured out my Pullman form, which is an American black bear and almost certainly settled. Best form. We're still tripping over the analytical side of things but striped hyenas remain promising, and if not, possibly reptiles? I should quit talking about this now though or I will ramble off into oblivion. (If you're curious about it, PLEASE talk to me about daemonism. I will always talk about daemonism. It is wholesome).

Aaaand writing this was a good way to pass half an hour! Heading off into the city today to run errands with my mum. I think it's gonna be nice. Also I'm going to buy us expensive pizza and it will be awesome. 

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I would like to switch to a local/personally-hunted meat diet myself. I wouldn't mind farmed meat if it was from a local (ie, not factory) farm/butcher or like, if I raised my own chickens and used some for meat myself kind of thing. However, my family never grew up hunting or farming (beyond a veggie garden in the summer) and we've lived around pretty annoying/not-good-people who hunted so it would be a big learning curve for me (on the upside, I know plenty of people in the area who hunt). Personally though I would like to bow hunt rather than use a gun.

How does hunting work in the UK? I know here in the US everyone just goes to DMV or the local game department for their fish/game licenses but then they can just go buy a gun at the outdoor sports store and get on with it during hunting season. How does it work for you?

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Yeah, my family doesn't hunt either so it's gonna be interesting learning! It's not a big part of our culture here at all. I don't think I've ever met someone in the UK who actually hunts? Which is surprising because there are a lot of invasive species here and they're all good game! Rabbits, hare, squirrels, pheasants... all sorts really. One thing I was surprised to learn is that you don't even need a permit to hunt some animals here, just the land-owner's permission. Most native species have specific hunting seasons, but the main game species are all non-native or wildly overpopulating, so a lot of them don't actually have hunting seasons. Since they're considered pests, you can take them year-round.

Beyond that... I'm not sure how it works with large game since you'd need a real gun for that and those are... very much not something that's easy to get hold of here! But for small game you can use an air rifle, which you don't need a licence for. Also another thing is it's illegal to hunt using alternative weapons like bows/crossbows here (I think for ethical reasons?). But yeah, it's literally just buy a decent air rifle then find some farmer who's willing to let you hunt on their land. The main problem I'm facing is that I'm not sure where I can go to practice... eh, I'll cross that bridge when it comes to it though!

Fishing is similar in that you just kind of buy a rod then find someone who'll let you fish on their land. There's a few species that are restricted and you need a license to catch (salmon, for one) but with most common freshwater fish it's just a matter of knowing when the open season is, and knowing how to identify the different types so you don't take something protected, restricted or out of season. Fishing the ocean is pretty much the same (I'm not sure I'd do that personally though! Plus like, I don't have a boat and I'm not planning on getting a boat lol).

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Ah, interesting! I haven't done too much research into our specific hunting details; not sure what we qualify as pests besides coyotes or if we have similar laws. I do know that bow hunting season starts and ends at a different time than gun hunting season for different game (like, bow hunting turkeys versus bow hunting deer). They might overlap, I'm not sure. The only alternative weapons I know are banned are like. Blowguns. But that's in general, you couldn't use those to hunt I don't think. In my opinion and based on what I've read, bow hunting ethics-wise is about the same as gun hunting (any unnecessary suffering is caused the same way in both cases - a misplaced shot, other than that hunting bows are powerful enough to match a gun). I know I personally don't like guns because they're loud and I guess I...idk trust them less than a bow? That preference might be a kintype thing, I think. Newfangled loud aggressive technology *shakes fist at sky* and I know they've been around a good few hundred years but meh.

Definitely no shortage of places to learn how to do archery or shoot a gun here, lol. I actually got certified to teach archery to kids earlier in the year.

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