Found this tidbit in Conceptions of God in Ancient Egypt:
The title "king of the gods" (njswt-ntrw) is first attested, just once, in the ritual spells in the pyramid of Phiops I (c. 2292-2260 B.C.), where it is given to the god Horus, who in the Pyramid Texts has long ceased to occupy the leading position that he may perhaps have held in the period of origin of the Egyptian pantheon. The title then becomes typical of Amun, who was the chief god throughout the Middle and New kingdoms, until he was displaced by Osiris at the beginning of the late period.
The Kemetic Orthodoxy still views Heru as being The King, rather than just a king. This disputes that assumption to some extent. Honestly, I feel a sense of relief reading this. It takes some of the pressure off. Amun is a good choice. He's a bit more impartial and above-it-all. Though I suppose an attribute like that is both a pro and a con. You get more of a temperate attitude in place of a more close up and personal approach. And in the Late Period, getting closer to Jesus's time here, people were very interested in the promise of life after death for everyone. Everyone becomes Osiris when they die.
Earlier today I mentioned that a king is someone who has connections throughout the land. If I turn my focus inward, I can feel those connections spreading all around me, some stronger than others, as if they are part of me. Over time those connections can die out, or break, or stretch, or any number of things. Heru's depression over the fall of the kingdom was not just psychological, it literally injured him. The kingdom didn't just fall that one time. There were multiple periods of chaos and unrest within that time frame. Injury and healing is a constant theme. (So much for gods being immune to such concerns.)
Amun's approach, more observer and less participant, probably spared him from a lot of that.
All of this comes around to this inner conflict that has plagued me for years. I feel like I should be out there forming new connections and nurturing them. I feel restless, like I'm not doing what I need to do by sitting here. On the other hand, I'm tired, and being a hermit sounds really good too. I think instinct and injury are at odds here. I'm not a king right now. Someone else is doing that. I don't have to do it anymore. I'm retired. It's ok to rest. I feel one reason for incarnating was to put me in a cast of sorts, to immobilize me, so I can take the time to heal. Of course, I didn't get the memo, and tried to run around doing all the same things again until I did hurt myself. I need the peace and quiet. I need to limit who I talk to and how much. I need to be kind to myself, give myself permission to heal, to let go of the guilt that says that I deserved this. Maybe I did, I don't remember, but it's in the past now.
But dang, it still hurts, and I'm still bored AF.