Hello everyone! (*・ω・)ﾉ I've had a lot on my mind as of late. As you may have seen me mention in a few places, I'm questioning a kithtype. Now, I've already been considering the possibility of me being kith with dogs for quite a while. It's been in the back of my mind though, and it can be expected that it will continue to be for a while. This is because of a sudden new development: I'm now giving great amounts of thought to a possible fictional kithtype.
I feel like I've mentioned this a ton already as of late but what can I say, I've found it hard to even stop thinking about it so it's sure to leak out sometimes. The purpose of this post, though, is largely to go more in-depth as to my thoughts about this and maybe organize them all a bit more as well. They've been quite the tangled up mess in my mind as of late and I find it hard to focus, or even sleep for that matter. And since I'm sure you're all wondering,
to be quite honest I'm just not sure I feel too comfortable revealing who my new kithtype is yet. (Though I think someone could figure it out of they dug deep enough and put enough pieces together but I doubt anyone cares that much.) This is for a few reasons.
First of all, I can't help but feel like people might not even believe me. As there are to many, there are different sides to me, though I show one more then the other. You've seen my blog, my profile, my signature... You probably know what I'm talking about. It's all very "soft". This character though, connects deeply with the parts of me that are...Very much less so. I also can't help but wonder what people's reaction would be to the character themself. Many in my kithtype's source (would that be the proper term?) operate in a sort of grey area, and can't be described as "good" or "bad" in there entirety. However, I've seen some say that he's the closest thing to a "bad guy" as any of the characters get. And admittedly, his actions are more then a bit questionable at times. I never saw him this way though. Once one learns about the context of his situation and what exactly it is he strives for, they would realize that if he had succeeded he not only would have achieved greatness, but perhaps even brought all of humanity up with him. I think in his eyes the ends justified the means, and his intentions were far from evil despite having committed some atrocities along the way.
[addendum 6/27/19: screw it im kith with Micolash from Bloodborne HERE I AM WORLD FIGHT ME ABOUT IT]
Despite all of this though, there's a lot of aspects of myself that I see in him. (I'll be being a bit more vague here as to not give out too much.) For example there are a few certain things I find myself quite fixated on, one of which appears very often in my artwork, and another that I actually will likely make a career out of someday. It just so happens that he shares that same fascination. There are also things I have many, many questions about, though sadly in this world I have no way of finding the answers. Not only did he often muse over the same concepts, but actually had a way to seek closure on them. These are just a few of the many things that we share and deeply connect on. Though...there are also many things that we don't share. Things I've enjoyed and ways I've acted that he doesn't seem to reflect, things he's done that I likely wouldn't, etc. While I feel we share parts of ourselves, I don't feel that we share all of ourselves with each other, so I wouldn't go so far as to call it a kintype. But nonetheless there are many things I feel that we're connected on, and I've felt this way even before I considered that it could actually be a kithtype.
I hadn't even considered it until one sleepless night about a week ago. Or perhaps sleepless morning would be more accurate. I hadn't slept a wink, it was already sunrise and birds were beginning to chirp. I'm not really sure what compelled me, but my sleep-deprived brain decided it was a good idea to go to YouTube and fall down a wild rabbit hole of videos related to my (potential) kithtype and his source. There's this one particular video that consists of every known sample of his dialogue in every language that it was dubbed in, including even some unused dialogue. So there I was, sleep-deprived, curled up in bed, the pale blue light of morning streaming in through the window as I listened to them, when suddenly...
He said it.
One of those pieces of unused dialogue hit me like a train. Because of the wording of it, out of context it could almost be taken as kin-related. Not only that but somehow in that moment it felt as though he was speaking directly too me. Everything suddenly clicked into place. Is that what these feelings have been? Is there something too all of this? It was an... eye opening experience, to say the least.
And thus this whole journey began. Since then more and more things regarding it have popped into my mind. One thing I find myself pondering a fair bit is "how exactly did this happen?" Is this all in my head and purely psychological? Is something cosmic afoot, as I've speculated in this post? (Maybe read that, it will make everything I'm about to say here make a lot more sense.) But if that were the case, things would still have to be different then how I view the universe in relation to my identity as a cat, simply because I don't identify as this character at all, merely with. My previous speculation regarding my feline self was that there may be another version of myself in a parallel universe in which I exist as a cat, but assuming the universe of this fictional work exists as well, I don't feel as though I exist as him. Could it be that we simply have or some form of cosmic connection I have yet to understand? (Or maybe had, he's... actually dead in cannon.) Or perhaps I do in fact exist as someone in that world, perhaps even someone that knew and was close to him, but i'm not a known character? (Wait, if that's the case, am I dead too? ...I don't know how I feel about that thought.) Who can say. Even if the latter is the case, though, because I don't really feel like one of them now, I'm hesitant to call something like that a kintype. Perhaps there is another self of mine that belongs there, but I don't think the version of me sitting here writing this also belongs there.
So.... yeah. I think that's about it for the moment but I'm not really sure how to end this one. My brain is fried from lack of sleep and from thinking about this for so long. Am I over-complicating this or thinking about it too much? When it came to my therian identity I knew I was a cat before I even knew I was a therian, so the whole questioning thing is pretty new to me and I'm not really sure how much is normal. Either way, I'm feeling increasingly sure about this, so I think I'm close to kinfirming (Or would it be kithfirming?) this, so maybe soon I'll finally shut up about it and stop bugging you with it so much. ... Yeah. I guess that's about it. Sorry if this was rambly and incoherent at times. If you have any thoughts on this you feel might be useful to me, feel free to let me know in the comments.