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The last grain


Ya know, I do still have it... this last grain of scepticism about my identity. Do I make it all up? It might not even make too much of a difference, but still it would be good to know. To have this final proof or disproof. I've met a couple of other dragons meanwhile. We all have some similar experiences and mindsets (strikingly similar in some cases), but also some very different ones. However I found that - as far as I can see - that doesn't make me more or less valid than everybody else. We're as much dragons as anyone can be in this world. I didn't know that - I didn't realize that when I first joined the community.

Yes, this last grain of doubt.. Would it be different if I was a system? I don't know how it feels to be a system. Many dragons I know are systems or have spiritual contact to other dragons or entities.
What I also know is that I usually tend to push away any other presence. When I'm awake, a spirit presence who would want to enter my mind would need to be really, really strong, and push its way through. Probably scream at me until I at all realize it's there, fight its way up even at the risk of hurting me. I wouldn't mind that. I'd be glad if there were such a spirit. So strong, so well distinguished from mine that I would know for sure I didn't imagine it. Friendly, but strong enough to knock me away from the front. Yeah, I guess it would feel good to have someone like this. But still there's only one voice in my mind.

So, this last grain of skepticism... should I keep it, consider it healthy? Or should I drop it, being a dragon without the slightest doubt? I think I'm not yet able to do the latter. I wonder if I will be as long as I'm in this body, on this earth. Would I like to? Yes... I guess so.

I'm a thoughtful derg tonight. Feel free to comment, as always! :squintderg:

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Heyo Amber. I haven't been on for a while but since you posted this to our mutual discord server I figured I'd drop by...

I know that feel of having that tiny grain of doubt. It's not always there in such a way that I can feel it, but it definitely proves challenging. I both do and don't want to get rid of it as a finality in either direction seems scary to me.

In regards to the spiritual contact with other dragons, or spirits in general, I can't really say if it's a help. After all, the grain of doubt whispers, they could all be elaborate creations of my imagination.

To me it's sort of like dreaming, you don't know for sure if you are or not until you wake up. I feel I won't find in myself the cure for my doubt, it will come from another source...

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