Picking up with another reflection after three years of being part of the otherkin community and fully embracing my identity as Lucifer. My first forum account was on Kinmunity, created September 6, 2015. Throughout my time there and elsewhere in the community, I have grown tremendously in my understanding of self, and I continue to make new discoveries to this day.
Many of my new thoughts have all happened recently. Last week, I took a risk and told a real-life friend over Facebook messenger about my nonhuman identity, including all of the specifics up to being Lucifer. Not only was he incredibly accepting, he was unsurprised. He saw in my behavior and personality as a human the traits that marked me as other, as old. It is eye-opening to be able to have someone you know comment on how your true self comes across when you least expect it to be there.
I have also discovered and had to adapt into my beliefs that I think I do and can experience memories of my Lucifer self. Although I have nothing from the parallel, and I suspect remembering what he is doing now would be asking far too much, I understand a key moment at the point of my Fall. Although it was incredibly intense and frightening (what was more frightening was how calm I was after, I kept expecting to find my hands shaking when they were dead still), it was a welcome new experience.
Overall, over the years, more than homesickness I find myself being…person-sick. There are people I miss from that life, that I want to talk to and interact with but cannot. My friends, my advisors, those that I trust the most. In my human friends I have companionship and trust, but the complete, absolute undying loyalty and bond between me and my demon lords represents a kind of tie that is immortal and full of emotion. Shared experience, shared pain, that I do not have with anyone I know now. And while people may have a general understanding of the emotions I talk about, empathize to an extent, they cannot speak to it like someone like Malphas could (for reference, I believe Malphas is to Lucifer as Gandalf is to Frodo).
As I enter my fourth year of fully coming to terms with this identity, I can only hope for greater peace, greater introspection, and potentially more memory as I grow in my spirituality and beliefs.