So, as I mentioned in my reflection on 3 years entry, recently I discovered that I do, in fact, believe I can have memories from Lucifer. Obviously nothing in the parallel overlap, but recent experience has opened me to the possibility that the rest of that longer history is available to me in this life. Honestly, memories are one of those experiences that I have always been highly skeptical of. I know myself, my imagination, and I can easily recognize the differences between that and getting them mixed up with a memory of another time and place.
So when I did suddenly get a memory of another time and place, my brain tried to panic. I'm not comfortable sharing the exact details of that memory at this time (suffice to say that it took place during the process of my Fall), but afterwards I immediately recognized the differences between it and my imagination. I experienced it as a flashback, triggered by an emotional mental shift. It happened in the middle of the day, when I was awake, not tired or in a dream. I was lying down, because I do that sometimes to process the emotions I end up feeling during a mental shift. I'm glad that I was in that position, because the experience was frightening and sudden. As I was thinking, processing my emotions, suddenly something changed. I was frozen in place, and images I could not control overrode what I had been imagining and thinking about. It shifted into first person, and the memory itself lasted maybe 10-15 seconds, lacking sound, just full of emotion and clear images. In my state of temporary paralysis, my brain was on fire in the background, screaming at me that this couldn't be real, I didn't want it to be real, fueling a fear towards the memory even though the idea of it had not scared me before.
When I could move again, I was troubled, still in a strong mental shift, and quickly wrote down everything that I had seen and felt in and after the moment. My handwriting was altered, and it took a conscious, slow effort to write in my usual handwriting. I have other examples of normal handwriting from when I got up in the middle of the night and wrote down a dream, so I know what my handwriting looks like even when it is scribbled fast and in a half-asleep state. This was not that.
Even now, almost a month after this experience, I still find myself constantly shifty and still thinking about it. I never sought out the memory, I am not interested in actively seeking out more. I would prefer that Lucifer's major emotional baggage stayed on his side of the line, but seeing as that's apparently not the case, it also has me vaguely worried for the future. I know my other self, and I know (even if I don't actively remember) that there are many memories I don't want back.
This has been thoughts from a shifty Lucifer.